Saturday, 9 August 2008

Logistical Nightmare in Hoxton

So we decide to try Hoxton on a Friday to see what it’s like, and to make a change from visiting Jewel every single Friday. So we start off in Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen.

For some reason I’m in a nervous mood tonight. I often feel that way when I put too much pressure on myself. I have a pint of beer to get myself into the swing of things, and a quick chat with Peter and Jonathan gets me into state again. I do a brief opener on a girl next to me at the bar while I’m ordering a drink. Then there are two girls standing near us that I should open, but I don’t. Hmm.

Bar and Kitchen is OK but not that busy yet, so we decide to see what other bars are like, and check out the interestingly decorated and surreally named Zigfrid von Underbelly. It’s a nice place but there are very few approachable groups of women. Peter opens one set. We decide to try somewhere else.

We go to Bluu but it’s kind of the same as the last place. In fact there’s only one group of two attractive girls in the place. We’re standing near them and are amazed as about three guys, all in a row, open them with “So where are you from?” Now, I have no problem with standard conversation topic in the right circumstances, but these guys were coming off as needy and try-hard.

After a while there’s a gap and Peter pushes me into set. I open with Pirates versus Ninjas as it’s bound to be about ten times as much fun as they’ve had so far tonight. It hooks well and we have a chat about that. I stick in set and run a few other things on them. I’m stuck for something to talk about at some point and I get called out on it – I agree and make a joke about it. I then start talking about great holiday experiences and the main talker of the two goes into a great story about a baby tiger that she held in South Africa.

It’s all fairly good but there’s no real attraction, it’s just me spitting game. Also one girl is talking 95% of the time, so the other one is getting bored. Peter was trying to wing but the bar was crowded and he couldn’t get in. Also the girls – heavily made up bottle blondes – weren’t really my type. I stick in for well over five minutes and then eject. I could have tried to number close perhaps but I wasn’t sensing any attraction.

Incidentally while I was talking to them the guys who had just approached were being loud and boisterous and kept on “accidentally” bumping into our group, but mainly succeeded in spilling the quiet girl’s drink. After a minute of this and me sticking in set they stopped...

They’re the only two girls in there and so we decide to move on. We go to a place called Vice Versa that we were given a flyer for earlier but again hardly any girls were there. I entered without paying, which was quite funny. There were a couple of guys from The Foals walking around the venue. Nothing particularly cool was happening though. And there were no girls really. Next.

We ended up at Tea and for the fourth venue in a row, there were no girls (i.e. no easily approachable girls). We try to get back into Zigfrid but the bouncers won’t let us in without girls, and there’s a large queue for Bar and Kitchen. We try a couple of other places but it all looks like it’s kinda over.

I did open a bunch of other girls just briefly either asking for directions or trying out the “Do I look gay?” opener for Jonathan (who’s good looking enough to get away with it). But the lack of women is the biggest factor for us. It looks like Bar and Kitchen is the best place to be, as it’s fairly large and has a dancefloor. I’d like to try staying in there for a whole night next time and see what damage we can cause. Jonathan realises that he’s not opening at all really, and needs to sort that out. Also Industry, that we passed on the way back to Liverpool Street, and Favela Chic (now that I know where it is) look like they might be good.

Total for the night: over five sets, only one set over five minutes.

What did I do well?

  • I opened over five sets, and opened a high pressure set that had been hit on all night.
What could I do better next time?

  • Force myself to open other mixed sets when there are very few girls in the venue.
What did I do well that I haven't done before?

  • Opened a “high-pressure” set that was getting all the attention and stuck in for over five minutes.

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