Thursday, 31 December 2009

2009 in Review

Yes it's the end of the year so what better than to review what has happened over the last twelve months. I've just read through all my posts this year and have noticed more improvement than I realised.

Let's start off by taking a look at last year's resolutions to see how the year matched up to them.

Last year's resolutions

Read these resolutions before going out

Well I did this for a bit and then I stopped, mainly because it wasn't a help. If anything it made me more anxious as I felt I had to live up to these expectations, and that put me in a bad state. However instead of reading these I've noticed that most of the time I was able to get myself into a good state before going out, and that seemed to be a big predictor of how good my night was going to be.

Get out of my comfort zone
Investment in loss
(a) learn to not let failure affect you adversely
(b) to learn how to do the thing you currently can't
Rise above being rejected
Get rejected from every girl in the club
Open every set no matter how hard
Stay in set forever

These are all statements to get me to push myself out of my comfort zone and learn from the experience. I think in retrospect the trouble with these statements is that they are too far out of my comfort zone. You need to stretch yourself, not break yourself. So it's small steps outside the comfort zone that really helped. Perhaps the most noticeable of these this year was getting sexual with a woman. I'd have lots of general chat conversations with women and then leave as there was nowhere else for it to go. Now I know that in most interactions at some point I can get sexual with a girl, mainly by talking about sexual subjects or using sexual innuendo with kino and eye contact (as well as being more interesting, emotional and humorous). I've also been more confident, fun, alpha (in a good way) so I've definitely developed that further.

Open lots of sets and try stuff out

I've been opening a few sets, about three on average every night out which seems to be enough, and I have been trying stuff as mentioned above.

Have a few routines to hand

Apart from Pirates versus Ninjas I haven't really used any. I find I can talk about lots of stuff just randomly, even talking stupid rubbish as long as it makes people laugh. Staying in set longer has been a major breakthrough this year.

Practice visualisations: I deserve hot women

I didn't do this so much as I use affirmations more effectively. More on this below.

Notice and act on IOIs

This was my big learning from India last year - that I actually get quite a lot of IOIs and hadn't noticed - and this year improved and solidified this. I now realise that I actually get a ton of IOIs, women think I'm hot and I'm now also more likely to act on them as well. A great improvement. I have also improved my skill at eye contact as a result of this.

Open one set before talking to anyone you know

The importance of warm up sets has been made real for me this year. It's another predictor of a good night out from the field reports. I didn't often open a set before talking to my wings but I did make a habit of opening warm up sets by the end of the year and it had a great effect.

The full lowdown on 2009

As mentioned above affirmations have really worked for me this year. It started last year when I practiced with the affirmation "I am good looking." This year I started off with "I'm good at talking to girls." This really started to happen as experience built up. At the start of the year staying in set for a long time and having a conversation that was more than just standard chit chat wasn't a regular thing for me. Now at the end of the year staying in set, cracking them up and getting sexual all happen regularly.

Towards the end of the year my affirmation was "I know what girls want. Girls like me." (like that bad rap song). Turns out to be true.

A new affirmation that I picked up yesterday which is more of a general life one than just for pick up (though it encompasses it) is "I am very motivated."

I'm looking forward to finding out what new affirmations I will come up with in 2010. That sounds cheesy as fuck but it's true.

Part of the reason why I improved at talking to girls was that I started to hang out more with my social circle. I noticed in one post near the start of the year I mentioned that I was going out sarging at every opportunity and had neglected my friends to the point where I hadn't been out with them for ages. Then in April I posted that sarging was becoming a chore which made me more or less stop sarging (except for one night out every few weeks or so) and simply have a bunch of fun with my friends.

This meant that I ended up sarging less, so the opportunity to pull was reduced. But counter-intuitively this meant that as my social skills improved, I had better nights out when I did go out. As I was more used to holding conversations, cracking jokes, getting people emotionally involved with what I was saying, and also getting sexual (yes, I practiced getting sexual on my friends - see below), when I needed to do this with strangers it happened much more easily. It was all becoming much more natural.

I also noticed that I was generating more fun myself, becoming more the life and soul of the party. I noticed that I could replicate the kind of improvisational comedy that I liked so much and watched on TV in my day to day conversations with everyone.

Getting sexual with girls was something that I first practiced with a friend's girlfriend. There was a lot of body contact and sexual subjects talked about. There was definitely a spark and significant attraction there. I didn't take it anywhere obviously as this was my friend's girl. Also the singer in the band was a petite goth chick and, being a goth, was very sexually open. Getting sexual and flirting mercilessly with her was a great experience for me. It even got a bit intense at one point and I basically knew she was about to say "I want to fuck you," right in front of all the band and I had to stop her. She even split up with her boyfriend for a few weeks at which point I toned it down. She got back together with him.

And then my friends. Two of my neighbours, both hot chicks and good friends, were two people I also practiced on. When the girls got dressed up to go out I would do things like singing "Ooh, sexy lady!" and shit. One memorable moment came when a group of us were talking about romance, and one of the girls asked me what was the most romantic thing I'd ever done. I knew the question was coming so I'd thought of my answer in advance. Anal. It brought the house down. Thing is, it was partly for effect for my mate who I knew would find it funny. But to be direct and that matter of fact about it had a good effect and people saw me as being more sexual.

There was also a good night when we were in Malta for the weekend and we were in a bar drinking cocktails. I directed the conversation to sex and soon I was hearing all about the female perspective on the issue. They described the different lovers they had, what worked, what didn't, who had the biggest and smallest dick (thankfully I was doing OK). The fact that they guy with the biggest dick wasn't the best lover as it actually hurt (might have helped if she was a goth and into that kind of thing - the goth singer said that the best kind of orgasm was a painful orgasm...). I also learnt valuable information and techniques on cunnilingus which I'd never heard before and put into very good use at the next opportunity. Worth the cost of the flights alone.

In May I noted that the "big changes – in self-confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude – are slowly coming to me." They were and they did. I can safely say that I am more confident now than I ever have been, and others have noticed it as well. My flatmate has told me that I used to be more closed and would take time to warm up and open up to people. Now I just jump in and start talking to whoever is around. My parents have noticed it as well, they have noticed that I am more confident than I used to be. And they've spent a long time looking at me not being confident.

All the good vibes I have felt this year have been seeping into my bones, replacing that empty, hollow, dirty feeling of anxiety that has been with me for so long. It's a warm and comfortable feeling and it makes me happy and life feels good. It's also been one of the contributory factors for me not going out so much - I don't need to fill that hole inside with attempts to get sex. It like a bit of an inner game breakthrough. Frankly my life is awesome right now and I love pretty much all of it.

Another change that has had a great, positive effect has been working out in the gym. Last year in India I met a rugby playing northerner who mentioned that when he started training seriously for rugby he put on a shitload of muscle in a really short time. I asked him how he did this and he said, "I did exactly what they told me to do." Such a simple phrase had a big effect on me. I realised I had been faffing around with putting on muscle and not really doing it properly, thinking to myself that I was doing something different that was more suitable for me. I knew enough to know what I should be doing and how to do it right but through some peverse bloody mindedness I had always not done it. There's a very important lesson to be learnt there.

So I cut the crap and started exercising properly. It worked. I've put on just under half a stone of muscle and look much more ripped. Most of my t-shirts are almost too small for me now, but they make me look tight. I also realised that this is what I always wanted and I had been peversely holding myself back. The increase in confidence and attractiveness that it has given me, as well as the knowledge that I can and have significantly changed an aspect of myself for the better, has been a massive improvement for me this year.

Inconsistent practice of meditation, as well as improved social skills, has increased my awareness of what is actually happening in many social situations. This has meant that I can pick up on people's intentions better, I can project my intention on the world more effectively, I know what women want and what they mean, what their body language is saying. One of the highlights of the year was when I walked into a pub and noticed a girl on her own that I could see was looking for some cock action. After a few minutes I went up to her, and in less than 30 seconds we were "kissing like porn stars" as my friend described it. It was partly under the auspices of a bet but she went for it like a trooper. It was all down to awareness, confidence and intelligence. A big result.

A few other things to note from the year:

The realisation that women are used to guys opening them - obvious but saw it with my own eyes for the first time. Warm up sets are important. Very important. I have a dancefloor moves sort-of-routine (there's no structure, just the subject matter) that is great fun and gets results, including at least one lay. Learning to play Guitar Hero is a lot like pick up - there's lots of small things you need to get right and you have to learn some new skills to do it. Drinking - after a dry January I now know that my ideal state is after a couple of bottles of beer, and I don't need much more than that. Lowering standards is a good thing sometimes. The invention of the word "swissed."

So what are the final scores? Three lays, more than any previous year and a quarter of my total (that's 12, maths fans). No idea how many I kissed or numbers but a fair few. This has been, without doubt, my best year ever in terms of sarging.

I am very excitedly looking forward to next year.