Monday, 13 October 2008

LR: One Night in Bangkok Makes a Hard Man Humble

Hey guys, how's it going? Did you miss me? I know you did!

Anyway so I'm on this tour round South East Asia. What could possibly go wrong, you ask. Well it's not as straight forward as you think.

You see I went on this trip with an old friend of mine. You see, the thing is, he's a HARDCORE AFC. He has, I think, been laid, but I'm pretty sure he was a virgin until well into his 20s. Plus, as I've come to notice more and more as I've known him, he's pretty fucking negative. An example: we are lost in a tube station in Bangkok that a local has taken us through before and we get out at a wrong exit that is a total of about 25 meters away from where we want to be. His response? Not "OK, so NOW we know what the correct exit is," it's "We're fucking cretins."

A little bit harsh, I think you'll agree.

Anyway in addition to hanging out with this bundle of fun he also has a few other proclivities, such as he hates clubbing, is paranoid about getting his camera stolen (which does cost a lot but he's ultra anal about it), hates anything to do with bartering, hates stuff that isn't up to his 'creature comforts' (often happens in these parts), if something goes bad then he gets paranoid about it constantly afterwards (e.g. getting ripped off by Thai taxis) ... it kind of makes you wonder why he went on holiday. Needless to say, he thinks I'm crazy and will probably die in a ditch with a needle in my arm, or something.

Anyway, he was with me for three weeks. Then he left. So I decide to go clubbing.

I'm staying in Bangkok with one of my mate's friends - I've met him briefly before but don't know him that well. This friend-of-my-friend is Thai and knows Bangkok well, but also doesn't go clubbing. This isn't that surprising, he was always a bit of a ladies' man and pulled without needing to go to clubs, so fair play to him. Plus he's now married to an English girl (another friend of my friend). Anyway that means I'm clubbing on my own, which I actually find easier to do in foreign cities compared to London - I guess there's more of a reason for the excuse (i.e. "I'm travelling"). But when I mention that I'm about to do this, he says "Hmm, a single western man in a club in Bangkok - that's going to attract a lot of attention."

"How do you mean?" I ask.

"Well all the girls will be like that," and he gestures with his hands a crowd of people all congregating on one point. I like, though I've heard people say this before and it's not happened, but it's not a bad thing.

"But not hookers?" I check, as there are a lot of places around here like that.

"Not in the club you're going to."

And that's the thing, I'm going to a place called Bed Supperclub, which is both a restaurant and a night club that as the name suggests, has beds all around the outside. It's also the coolest place in Bangkok right now, and my main target.

So I head out. But the omens aren't good. But that also isn't a problem. There are many times before when I've been out on a night of sarging when things haven't been right for me - maybe I'm tired or early sets go badly etc. - but the real skill in this game is turning things around. And I've noticed my fellow beaver patrollers and I have been getting better and better at doing this.

So, the omens: I was tired from walking round one particular section of Bangkok, I was sweaty (though luckily I was wearing a t-shirt that hid it), I hadn't spoken to anyone in ages, I was going to a place I hadn't been before and I wasn't feeling up for it. I arrived in the club and ignoring the three second rule I bought a drink and settled in to get a feel for the place. Immediately my stomach took a turn for the worst and I had to spend a few minutes in the loo! Things weren't looking good.

So I sorted my self out and sipped my drink and let the evening run its course. I started to relax into the evening and felt better. The alcohol started working its way into my bloodstream. I bought a second drink and spoke to a girl at the bar, just general warm up chit-chat. Then I could feel the lure of the dancefloor.

I like to dance and from the reactions that I get it seems that I'm quite a good dancer. Not in the Jordan mould (star of the dancefloor) but in the "I dance like I fuck" mould - sexy. Even if I do say so myself! So hit the dancefloor and warm up. I never dance hardcore straight off, it always takes a bit of time - at my age (!) it's just a fact of life. So I dance, and often when I start dancing I notice that those around me either copy me, or up their game to match my skill, and I could see this happening. I spot a crowd of three people dancing like loons but in a good way, and tell them that they look like they're having the most fun in this club - which they are. We have a brief chat and another warm up is completed.

It's at that point that another room in the club opens so I go through and find another spot to dance. I immediately get some attention off two Thai girls dancing nearby (one of them is hot), and using my super-secret dance moves and body language (!), I reel them in. Then I notice two more, again one of which is hot, and I work my magic on them too. So now I have four girls dancing with me, and at various levels of interest, most of them vying for my attention, and I feel like a god! In fact, I get hard! Indeed, I'm so excited that I decide to text Fargo, only realising two seconds into texting that I've just ejected myself from the set - Doh! Anyway, rewind, start again.

I do some more dancing, drinking and talking, and eventually find one of the hot girls I was dancing with. I punch her lightly on the shoulder and start talking to her. I take my picture with her and have a medium-length chat. She has to go to the loo so it ends. I don't wait for her to come back but I don't see her again. Seconds later one of the less hot girls that I was dancing with repoens me and it's knd of game over. She wants me and all I have to do is escalate for her, which I duly do. My confidence was high so there was no problem really. I dance with her, touch her in a sensitive but sexual way, be dominant but gentle with her, kiss her, briefly at first then more and more. We lie down on the beds.

She's a 6 incidentally, a 7 with the drinks inside me but he has a pretty face, just a little bit plump but nothing too bad (girls that are actually fat I have a problem with, this girl just wasn't thin, if you get what I mean).

Then the club ends, she wants to come back to mine but I can't take her to mine for various reasons (not least that it's not my place, or my friend's, but a friend of a friend's). So after a bit of convincing we go back to hers.

It's just as well I've already been travelling for three weeks as I'm now used to the poverty you see here on a daily basis. This part of the world is very poor and most people live with their extended family, 6-8 people to a dwelling, 2-3 to a room, usually the kitchen/living room combined. We get back to hers and in the two rooms on the ground floor, there's five people sleeping, including both her parents! Her half sister has to let us in but there's no problem, luckily everyone else is fast asleep.

The good news is that this girl has her own room. The bad news is that she doesn't have a mattress, or indeed any "mood" lighting. Well, the floor and fluorescent strips it is, then. Nice!

In the taxi back she was jerking me off - literally, it hurt so I had to tell her to stop! I don't know the Thai word for "gentle," or any Thai words at all for that matter - and my fingers found my way to her pussy. I spoke some hardore David Shade shit into her ear and she was desperate by the time we were back.

I fucked her on the floor. It wasn't very comfortable and as I do when I haven't had sex for a long time, I came pretty quickly. I pulled out and needed to pee, but was desperate for cock and tried to push my limp dick back in, saying it didn't matter! I calmed her down and went to the loo. She had a shower and it was round two. I fucked her pretty hard and she came quick, hard and loud. I had my arms wrapped round her back pulling her in, at one point pushing her head down from the top so I could ram her harder (I disovered this move with my last girlfriend). She loved it. I came hard and she was still coming for a while afterwards. I had bruises on my knees.

She told me she loved me, which was understandable but a little premature I think, and then, exhausted from the fucking and drink, she fell fast asleep. I tried to wake her up as she had to let me out and lock the door behind me, but she wouldn't move. I let myself out and hoped that no one would rob the place (she texted me later and didn't mention anything about this, so i guess it was all OK in the end!), and took a taxi home.

Another flag to add to Columbia, South Africa, Lithuania and of course the UK: Thailand.