Thursday, 31 December 2009

2009 in Review

Yes it's the end of the year so what better than to review what has happened over the last twelve months. I've just read through all my posts this year and have noticed more improvement than I realised.

Let's start off by taking a look at last year's resolutions to see how the year matched up to them.

Last year's resolutions

Read these resolutions before going out

Well I did this for a bit and then I stopped, mainly because it wasn't a help. If anything it made me more anxious as I felt I had to live up to these expectations, and that put me in a bad state. However instead of reading these I've noticed that most of the time I was able to get myself into a good state before going out, and that seemed to be a big predictor of how good my night was going to be.

Get out of my comfort zone
Investment in loss
(a) learn to not let failure affect you adversely
(b) to learn how to do the thing you currently can't
Rise above being rejected
Get rejected from every girl in the club
Open every set no matter how hard
Stay in set forever

These are all statements to get me to push myself out of my comfort zone and learn from the experience. I think in retrospect the trouble with these statements is that they are too far out of my comfort zone. You need to stretch yourself, not break yourself. So it's small steps outside the comfort zone that really helped. Perhaps the most noticeable of these this year was getting sexual with a woman. I'd have lots of general chat conversations with women and then leave as there was nowhere else for it to go. Now I know that in most interactions at some point I can get sexual with a girl, mainly by talking about sexual subjects or using sexual innuendo with kino and eye contact (as well as being more interesting, emotional and humorous). I've also been more confident, fun, alpha (in a good way) so I've definitely developed that further.

Open lots of sets and try stuff out

I've been opening a few sets, about three on average every night out which seems to be enough, and I have been trying stuff as mentioned above.

Have a few routines to hand

Apart from Pirates versus Ninjas I haven't really used any. I find I can talk about lots of stuff just randomly, even talking stupid rubbish as long as it makes people laugh. Staying in set longer has been a major breakthrough this year.

Practice visualisations: I deserve hot women

I didn't do this so much as I use affirmations more effectively. More on this below.

Notice and act on IOIs

This was my big learning from India last year - that I actually get quite a lot of IOIs and hadn't noticed - and this year improved and solidified this. I now realise that I actually get a ton of IOIs, women think I'm hot and I'm now also more likely to act on them as well. A great improvement. I have also improved my skill at eye contact as a result of this.

Open one set before talking to anyone you know

The importance of warm up sets has been made real for me this year. It's another predictor of a good night out from the field reports. I didn't often open a set before talking to my wings but I did make a habit of opening warm up sets by the end of the year and it had a great effect.

The full lowdown on 2009

As mentioned above affirmations have really worked for me this year. It started last year when I practiced with the affirmation "I am good looking." This year I started off with "I'm good at talking to girls." This really started to happen as experience built up. At the start of the year staying in set for a long time and having a conversation that was more than just standard chit chat wasn't a regular thing for me. Now at the end of the year staying in set, cracking them up and getting sexual all happen regularly.

Towards the end of the year my affirmation was "I know what girls want. Girls like me." (like that bad rap song). Turns out to be true.

A new affirmation that I picked up yesterday which is more of a general life one than just for pick up (though it encompasses it) is "I am very motivated."

I'm looking forward to finding out what new affirmations I will come up with in 2010. That sounds cheesy as fuck but it's true.

Part of the reason why I improved at talking to girls was that I started to hang out more with my social circle. I noticed in one post near the start of the year I mentioned that I was going out sarging at every opportunity and had neglected my friends to the point where I hadn't been out with them for ages. Then in April I posted that sarging was becoming a chore which made me more or less stop sarging (except for one night out every few weeks or so) and simply have a bunch of fun with my friends.

This meant that I ended up sarging less, so the opportunity to pull was reduced. But counter-intuitively this meant that as my social skills improved, I had better nights out when I did go out. As I was more used to holding conversations, cracking jokes, getting people emotionally involved with what I was saying, and also getting sexual (yes, I practiced getting sexual on my friends - see below), when I needed to do this with strangers it happened much more easily. It was all becoming much more natural.

I also noticed that I was generating more fun myself, becoming more the life and soul of the party. I noticed that I could replicate the kind of improvisational comedy that I liked so much and watched on TV in my day to day conversations with everyone.

Getting sexual with girls was something that I first practiced with a friend's girlfriend. There was a lot of body contact and sexual subjects talked about. There was definitely a spark and significant attraction there. I didn't take it anywhere obviously as this was my friend's girl. Also the singer in the band was a petite goth chick and, being a goth, was very sexually open. Getting sexual and flirting mercilessly with her was a great experience for me. It even got a bit intense at one point and I basically knew she was about to say "I want to fuck you," right in front of all the band and I had to stop her. She even split up with her boyfriend for a few weeks at which point I toned it down. She got back together with him.

And then my friends. Two of my neighbours, both hot chicks and good friends, were two people I also practiced on. When the girls got dressed up to go out I would do things like singing "Ooh, sexy lady!" and shit. One memorable moment came when a group of us were talking about romance, and one of the girls asked me what was the most romantic thing I'd ever done. I knew the question was coming so I'd thought of my answer in advance. Anal. It brought the house down. Thing is, it was partly for effect for my mate who I knew would find it funny. But to be direct and that matter of fact about it had a good effect and people saw me as being more sexual.

There was also a good night when we were in Malta for the weekend and we were in a bar drinking cocktails. I directed the conversation to sex and soon I was hearing all about the female perspective on the issue. They described the different lovers they had, what worked, what didn't, who had the biggest and smallest dick (thankfully I was doing OK). The fact that they guy with the biggest dick wasn't the best lover as it actually hurt (might have helped if she was a goth and into that kind of thing - the goth singer said that the best kind of orgasm was a painful orgasm...). I also learnt valuable information and techniques on cunnilingus which I'd never heard before and put into very good use at the next opportunity. Worth the cost of the flights alone.

In May I noted that the "big changes – in self-confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude – are slowly coming to me." They were and they did. I can safely say that I am more confident now than I ever have been, and others have noticed it as well. My flatmate has told me that I used to be more closed and would take time to warm up and open up to people. Now I just jump in and start talking to whoever is around. My parents have noticed it as well, they have noticed that I am more confident than I used to be. And they've spent a long time looking at me not being confident.

All the good vibes I have felt this year have been seeping into my bones, replacing that empty, hollow, dirty feeling of anxiety that has been with me for so long. It's a warm and comfortable feeling and it makes me happy and life feels good. It's also been one of the contributory factors for me not going out so much - I don't need to fill that hole inside with attempts to get sex. It like a bit of an inner game breakthrough. Frankly my life is awesome right now and I love pretty much all of it.

Another change that has had a great, positive effect has been working out in the gym. Last year in India I met a rugby playing northerner who mentioned that when he started training seriously for rugby he put on a shitload of muscle in a really short time. I asked him how he did this and he said, "I did exactly what they told me to do." Such a simple phrase had a big effect on me. I realised I had been faffing around with putting on muscle and not really doing it properly, thinking to myself that I was doing something different that was more suitable for me. I knew enough to know what I should be doing and how to do it right but through some peverse bloody mindedness I had always not done it. There's a very important lesson to be learnt there.

So I cut the crap and started exercising properly. It worked. I've put on just under half a stone of muscle and look much more ripped. Most of my t-shirts are almost too small for me now, but they make me look tight. I also realised that this is what I always wanted and I had been peversely holding myself back. The increase in confidence and attractiveness that it has given me, as well as the knowledge that I can and have significantly changed an aspect of myself for the better, has been a massive improvement for me this year.

Inconsistent practice of meditation, as well as improved social skills, has increased my awareness of what is actually happening in many social situations. This has meant that I can pick up on people's intentions better, I can project my intention on the world more effectively, I know what women want and what they mean, what their body language is saying. One of the highlights of the year was when I walked into a pub and noticed a girl on her own that I could see was looking for some cock action. After a few minutes I went up to her, and in less than 30 seconds we were "kissing like porn stars" as my friend described it. It was partly under the auspices of a bet but she went for it like a trooper. It was all down to awareness, confidence and intelligence. A big result.

A few other things to note from the year:

The realisation that women are used to guys opening them - obvious but saw it with my own eyes for the first time. Warm up sets are important. Very important. I have a dancefloor moves sort-of-routine (there's no structure, just the subject matter) that is great fun and gets results, including at least one lay. Learning to play Guitar Hero is a lot like pick up - there's lots of small things you need to get right and you have to learn some new skills to do it. Drinking - after a dry January I now know that my ideal state is after a couple of bottles of beer, and I don't need much more than that. Lowering standards is a good thing sometimes. The invention of the word "swissed."

So what are the final scores? Three lays, more than any previous year and a quarter of my total (that's 12, maths fans). No idea how many I kissed or numbers but a fair few. This has been, without doubt, my best year ever in terms of sarging.

I am very excitedly looking forward to next year.

Friday, 27 November 2009

We’re going deep, baby

So last night I had a minor revelation along the lines of this previous post. I was stoned once again, I had been to the chiropractors earlier in the evening (I mention this as it’s sorting out my posture problems, and if you believe that tensions in the body can reflect tensions in the mind, and that affecting one will affect the other, this has relevance), and late in the evening I started getting introspective.

The thing is, I’m a little bit gay. It’s not easy to admit though I have discussed it with a few close friends in the past, but I find men attractive. This is a bit of a problem for me, as I don’t want to be gay. But is that true, am I really gay? It’s a question that I have kind of avoided answering, probably because I was scared of what the answer might be. But last night I decided to see if I could answer that question once and for all.

I sat on my bed and thought, am I gay? Well like I said I find men attractive. What that means is that when I see a good looking man, it’s like a mild shock. But then I thought about it more, did I want to have sex with these people? Well, frankly, no. I certainly don’t want anyone fucking me up the ass, and I have no desire to fuck another guy up the ass. It does make me feel ill. I needn’t have been worried.

But there is an additional concern, one which I’ve written about before, which is that sometimes I have a problem with getting it up when having sexy times with women. I’ve often thought that that might be a reflection of my sexuality. And it is a concern for me. So I decided to analyse the thought “I have trouble getting aroused when sexually escalating with women,” by using The Work of Byron Katie (much recommended for inner game BTW). Is it true? Well fuck no!

Side FR

A few weeks ago my email account got hacked. Stupidly my password was a common word followed by one number and no special characters. Anyway the hacker / bot sent out an email to my entire address book with some spam. Obviously it looked like it came from me so I had to send out an email to everyone again letting them know the email hadn’t come from me and to say sorry.

Anyway the upshot of all of this is a handful of people I hadn’t been in contact with for a while got back in contact with me. Which is nice. Every cloud, eh? Now one of these people was a girl I picked up about five years ago. I met her in Mother bar in Shoreditch, she was Colombian, hot sexy body, light brown skin, unusual face – kind of Aztecy in a way, not classically beautiful though.

Anyway we went on a few dates and snogged but she had hang ups about sex due to an aggressive father. Despite that I managed to get her down to her bra and knickers in bed, frantically rubbing herself against my hard cock while she came from clitoral stimulation. I had to clean myself up with tissues. Not quite proper sex but still. It was pretty hot.

Anyway I didn’t want to fuck her then because of her issues and frankly I wanted her to deal with them on her own terms, it wasn’t my responsibility after all. So we stopped seeing each other. Fast forward five years or so and she gets back in contact after the hack, and after I finish being busy at work we decide to meet up.

That was the day before last night. We just had a couple of drinks and talked and caught up about what had happened in our lives since we last met. We talked about Colombia and where I should visit when I go there next year. She still had the same hot body, despite being 38 now(!). I was still attracted to her. We talked about relationships, which of course I led into talking about sex. We were lightly touching each other, she fiddled subconsciously with my wrist bands. After one drink I hinted at calling it a night, she went to buy a second. To cut a short story shorter, at the end of the night we kissed, and she didn’t want to stop. It made me hard and afterwards I went home and had a legendary wank.

One thing to notice about this is how common this sort of experience is for me now. Met with girl, kissed her. It happens, and I know how to make it happen. This is good.

So the point of all this is how short our memories can be – only the next night I was wondering if I really found women attractive. Well the evidence of the previous night was that of course I do! I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve had a bunch of lays, I’ve got hard and fucked them all. It’s just that sometimes I don’t, but that’s not every time and it’s not what defines my sexuality.

So let’s get back to The Work.

“I have trouble getting aroused when sexually escalating with women,”
Is it true? No
How do I feel when I think that thought? Anxious, annoyed, concerned about my sexuality. Insecure.
What would life be like if I didn’t think that thought? I’d have a roaring sex drive and go after every woman I liked, I wouldn’t be afraid of escalating, I’d be like a dog on heat, I’d be a stud, I’d be getting tons of pussy. I’d be a man, a player, a pimp. I’d be raw sexuality personified.
And the turn around. “I easily get aroused when sexually escalating with women.” Is that true? Yes, look at the example above. That’s all I needed to know.

But there is another reason why I have performance issues. I think it comes from when I was growing up, I was very anti the mainstream of social behaviour – I had rejected standard male behaviour as I wasn’t into football, girls, being alpha in the school context. I had rejected all of that. And as a result I had rejected the (as I saw it) crass, aggressive pursuit of women that everyone seemed to espouse (indeed that line of thought is reinforced regularly in some places, for example various articles in the Grauniad). Instead I focussed on how bad this was: it led to rape, violence, I only focussed on all the negative aspects of uncontrolled male (straight) sexuality.

I had created this belief that “male-led sexuality” (for want of a better term) was a bad thing. But it’s not! It simply isn’t! Of course there is a line of behaviour which no one should cross (and we can argue the dynamics of where that should be and how to measure it for ever) but at the end of the day, what the female sexuality requires is a man to lead and excite them, and everybody wins (frankly, with the clitoris and multiple orgasm, I think they get more out of the deal, but that’s another story).

So the conclusions I drew are to focus on these two thoughts, and reaffirm to myself how true they are, and the evidence from the world that supports them:

Girls make me horny.
Sex is a great thing for humanity.

As a foot note, the increased awareness that I experienced from having this clarity of thought meant that I didn’t want to smoke more weed – it’s as if I knew it was bad for me and I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. This is a good sign, however you’ll be pleased to know that I did eventually. Still, it was an interesting moment.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

I got Lust for Life... Woo!

OK so I haven’t posted anything for ages, mainly because I haven’t been out much recently. And any interactions I’ve had with girls has been written here anyway. The mathematical inference of all this is that my skills must have been getting better as otherwise the hit rate wouldn’t have gone up so much.

I have had the offer of going out sarging, my wings still text me from time to time, despite my lack of response. Which I’d like to thank them for! I’ve been making excuses. Frankly, I’ve been out enjoying myself with my friends.

It’s good for the soul. Having fun with people, enjoying their energy, them enjoying yours, can’t help but put you in a fantastic place emotionally. So often now people say I loved coming out with you guys, I had so much fun, I must get out more. Obviously it’s not just me that they’re talking about, but I know I’m part of it. It makes the ego feel great.

So I’m happier as a person, the happiest I’ve ever been in my life I can say categorically. Also I’ve been meditating properly. I was inspired by the back story of Aaron Sleazy, who mentioned that one of the things that was the basis of his rapid success was the fact that he practiced mediation to the point where he could sit for an hour without a thought coming into his head.

Now I’ve practiced meditative arts and know and put into practice the concepts behind meditation, and it has served me well. And I recommend it to everyone. But to be honest I never really seriously practiced actual proper meditation on a regular basis. I have a CD that aims to generate meditative brain waves through audio stimuli which I’ve used and had some effect from. But actual, proper meditation – sitting relaxed in a room with no disturbances trying to become aware as possible of your own consciousness, everything you feel, experience and think – I’ve kinda skipped on.

Until now. I bought a couple of books by Barry Long, specifically the one where he teaches you to meditate. I’ve been doing it. It has made me more aware, more able to control my mood and my state, more comfortable, less stressed (though I still get stressed and that’s OK), more sociable, and simply happier.

I noticed when I went on my holiday to Malaysia how much more developed I was in these areas than my friend was. I’ve mentioned before that he’s an AFC and pretty negative and all that, thing is, I used to be like that too. Now I notice how big the gap is between us. And also I think subconsciously he realised that he could change too. Anyway he said it was the best holiday he had been on, he enjoyed his time with me. And of course, this could all be bullshit, I don’t know what’s going on inside his head.

This awareness also extends to comedy. I’ve always been a fan of the more intellectual brand of TV comedy, but also I am a big fan of bad taste comedy, mainly because it forces your outside of your own comfort zone. Anyway, these years of study and the increased awareness I’ve experienced recently has meant that I can now apply that comedy in an improvisational way, although I always could in the past, it just comes easier and more consistent now.

The TV shows I’m talking about are Have I Got Even More News for You, Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Friday Night with Jonathan Ross (the way he deals with guests is awesome, though not everyone’s cup of tea). Those are the main ones that are showing right now. And also I should mention my friends and people I meet in general that have a great and amusing sense of humour. It’s all good.

So down to specifics. I went out. It had been a busy week at work, in fact we had a campaign launch on Friday and the fact that I got to leave the office with enough time to get home, eat and come out again says how smoothly that went. One notable thing is that I slept a lot. I changed my morning routine so that I ate breakfast at work and woke up at 8, so I had a lot more time in bed. Energy levels were good. And I wasn’t stressed from the work. I remember when we had the last thing signed off, I was like, was that it? That wasn’t stressful. This shit is easy! I put it down to the meditation.

So I got changed into my standard sarging uniform. Cool shoes (Converse) a nice shirt that fits me well, necklaces, everything matching. I reckoned I looked hot, and who’s to say I’m wrong? Oh, and I’m still going to the gym so I look pretty buff, if I do say so myself. I was feeling good, my ego was firing on all cylinders.

Took the tube to meet up with Liam. While I’m travelling I completely go into meditation, relaxing myself, thinking about nothing, chilling out, feeling good. I get to the bar just before Liam arrives, his trains have been a nightmare. We go get some drinks and do the standard catching up on our lives before sarging proper.

Warm up sets are important and while Liam goes to the loo I chat briefly to the barmaid and to the girl standing next to me. It’s just a warm up, but it’s so effective.

We get seats and catch up about stuff and talk about the usual pick up related subjects. We talking about a couple of interesting things. Liam had been reading Anthony Robbins and was talking about how much pressure to act NOW he puts in his advice. I remember reading that in the past and I find that it made me more stressful than motivated. Having said that, I don’t think it’s bad, it’s just that you need to act now from a place of calm and relaxation. You can push yourself too hard sometimes.

Another thing was how beneficial it was to read old field reports. You see that you’re often better at things than you remember or think you are. Which is so true. Reading the edited highlights of the last six fields reports always makes me think that I’m a pimp, haha. But it’s true, focussing on the successes makes it feel much easier to achieve. And you also notice patterns. Liam mentioned that he noticed that he kept on failing to do warm up sets. Yes, they are important.

I’m two drinks down and in a party mood. We go to Big Chill. Liam notices two Asian girls and is thinking about opening them. I think it’s a warm up set (every set is a warm up set). Rather than thinking about how to open them I know that I just need to speak to them to make them realise how awesome I am. I like to break PUA doctrine as often as I can because it makes you more flexible. I thought I’d open by tapping them on the shoulder from behind. Totally weird.

So I tapped the girl on the shoulder and she turned round. The first thing that popped into my head was, “My friend wants to talk to you.”
“What does he want to say?” she asked. I waved Liam over and explained the situation.
“Is my friend harassing you?” was his response, which was absolutely hilarious. However Liam later told me that he was really pissed off that I did this as he thought it made him look bad. Luckily the girls didn’t think so and we got talking to them.

I was immediately coming out with the funnies and having a laugh but I noticed that Liam was still a bit low energy so I backed off a bit as he had noticed the set and he’s got rice fever bad so it felt right to do that. We kinda chatted and swapped around a bit. There was one cute one and one unattractive one, but a nice girl all the same.

We were having fun and the girls were enjoying themselves. The cute one at one point tells me that I must be very confident to just start talking to someone like that. I hadn’t thought about it and I realised and explained that it was my belief that everyone is the same really and that everyone is cool, it’s just that you haven’t met them yet. As I said it I realised that that was honestly how I felt, and yeah I will admit that there are that 1% or less of people who aren’t worth spending time with, but they’re much rarer that you might think. But it’s true, the evidence is there to support it in my life. I’ve made loads of friends over the years and I don’t keep in regular contact with most of them. But when I do meet up with them it’s like we only last met yesterday. And then new people arrive in my life and I get to know them too.

I notice a hot short girl in a hat walks past and gives me the eye big time. Hmm.

I can’t remember how it ends but I think either they or we go to the bar to get a drink. Liam harangues me about my opener and I apologise. Liam spots another set of two girls, again one hot and one ugly. Liam thinks about opening. There’s a shady looking guy standing right next to them thinking about talking to them too. It was a race between him and Liam. I encourage him to open and eventually he does. The other guy instantly walks away, it was funny to watch.

I give Liam a bit of time to settle into the set before coming to join him. Turns out the girls are Dutch and unfortunately only over here for the weekend. But we have a good chat anyway. The hot one is a very hot, young looking, tall, blonde, blue eyed, slim, nice breasts, pretty piece of Dutch glory. Thinking about it now I can’t remember why I didn’t try to close her in some form. The Netherlands aren’t that far away. This is actually my lesson for the night. More on that later.

The same routine as with the Chinese girls happens. We talk, have fun, swap, then Liam ejects by going to the bar. It’s my round.

As I’m finding my place some girl starts talking to Liam. I can’t hear what they’re talking about but he points her in my direction and there seems to be some plan to get to the bar quickly. Now I have good bar skills and can get served in no time usually. In fact if my pick up skills were as good as my bar skills I would get laid every night. But anyway before I had the chance to show her a thing or two, she was off on her mission and we were squeezing in a place at the bar.

We then talked absolute rubbish for about five minutes. She was very drunk and we were both having a good time. Eventually she orders and she even buys us a couple of shots. It’s a large Sambuka. I like to party. I then order my drinks and the barman gets confused and puts it on her bill. I offer to pay but she’s having none of it. “It’s only ‘cus I’m drunk,” she explains, which makes perfect sense. As we pick up our drinks to leave we say our goodbyes and as we get close I notice her looking at my lips. She wants a tonguedown. She’s OK looking but not that hot. I give her a polite kiss on the lips and send her on her way. I had to give her something, all that pent up sexual energy has to go somewhere. We kiss, she smiles, she turns round.

And she drops her drink.
She doesn’t bother going back to the bar.

I’m a bit tipsy now. We talk to the Dutch girls again. They eventually have to get the last tube to their hotel. We say goodbye. Liam’s with the Chinese girls again. I chat to them briefly too. Then I decide to leave to catch the last tube. I shouldn’t have bothered as I’d missed it. I get a taxi.

There are four lessons I learned tonight:

I am totally awesome
I could have closed four girls last night if I’d been more forceful about it: the cute Chinese girl, the hot Dutch girl, the short girl in the hat and the drunk girl at the bar. I need to focus on the close more.
I kind of subconsciously or purposefully leave space for my wings to hit on the hot girl, preventing me from trying. This is silly. And probably an excuse not to get out of my comfort zone.
Picking up chicks is easy.

Sunday, 11 October 2009

Uno, dos, tres, quattro: I know you want me

Beliefs, affirmations, social knowledge

OK something fun happened yesterday and to me it demonstrates a few interesting points.


So I’ve been on holiday in South East Asia, I flew back yesterday, my plane landed at about 7.30 pm and I was home by 9.00.

Saturday night

I was hoping that there would be some people at home as I’d made no plans for the night and didn’t want to call people up and make arrangements, I just wanted to hang out with my friends. Luckily my two best friends were at home (or rather, next door): German chefs 1 and 2.

Two naturals, the german chefs

Both these guys are good with women and know nothing about “game”. German chef 1 is good looking and has a great personality though doesn’t really open much. He was recently jumped on in a bar by a hot Turkish girl who started kissing him … in front of her boyfriend. Probably just a jealousy ploy but the point is he gets attention. German chef 2 isn’t good looking but dresses well, and his game centres around being totally arrogant, cocky, taking the piss out of the girl and being very direct and sexual from the start. He gets a lot of women, mainly from social circle and rarely from bar pick up.

We meet up, have some cans and a spliff and start to have a party at the house. But we need to go out so we hop on the bus to Fulham to try to get into the Slut and Legless (The Slug and Lettuce). Needless to say by the time we get to the bus stop we’re pretty wasted.

Eye contact in street

As we’re walking down the street I lock eyes with a girl and she keeps it until we pass. She wants me.

Every girl wants me

Every girl wants me. It’s funny, on my trip round SE Asia I was travelling with my AFC mate and I would often point out girls and say “she fancies me” or something similar. Of course my AFC mate thought I was an idiot because it’s so far out of his (negative) reality. I take that as a compliment. It’s what I believe. I’ve no idea if it’s true, but the idea is that if you think it is, it either will be or you’ll find out a way to make it so. Any sign you get that she’s interested means it’s on, and anything can be a sign. You could says it’s “having the frame” or something, I just know it works.


This comes from affirmations. I’ve tried using affirmations in the past and I found they didn’t work. That’s mainly because (a) I had too many of them, so my mind couldn’t focus, and (b) they were too extreme, too outside my reality for me to take myself seriously, and therefore they didn’t get through to the subconscious.

So last year I started with one simple affirmation, that I was good looking. I kept on repeating this to myself, not religiously but every time I remembered. Slowly I started to dress better (or believe that I dressed better), I went to the gym and got in better shape, I noticed when girls were looking at me or when someone paid me a compliment. I found the affirmation worked.

So having solved that I started with a new affirmation – girls like me. I’m good with girls. “Every girl wants me” is a bit too strong actually and too unbelievable though I’ll say it from time to time, and sometimes as a joke, but “girls like me” or “I’m good talking to girls” really seems to work for me.

I have girls in my social circle and I found myself getting on with them even better. Twice this year I went on weekends away with two girl friends. I got to know how they worked even better, got more experience of their typical behaviours.

Eye contact in bar

So back to the story. As we walked into the bar (not the S&L, that was closing) I locked eyes with another girl. I didn’t do anything about it straight away as we were sorting out drinks and I needed the loo. Anyway when we came back I observed the girl from afar. She was on her own. In a bar (fairly quiet actually) late on a Saturday night. She’d already locked eyes with me. When German Chef 1 went to the bar to get the next round I motioned for him to chat her up. I think he may have said a few words though I can’t remember. What is important is that she definitely knew he was there. Like I said he’s good looking and so to grab his attention, she leant with her back against the bar, elbows on the bar, basically showing off her tits. But German Chef 1 not having much game didn’t do anything about it.

Body language

The girl wanted cock. It was easy to see. I told my friends and we all joked about it in a guy kinda way, oh yeah, she wants is bad. But although we were joking I knew it was true. Like I said, already locked eyes with me, flirted with my mate, and she was on her own in a bar

Dare to open

Given that I told my mates, being the cheeky chappies that they are they then placed a bet. Five pound to go up to her and say “I wanna be on you” a la Ron Burgundy, the greatest of all PUA gurus. The other guy bet ten pounds. “You’re on” I said and went up to the bar to do it.

Body positioning

As I approached she had her back to me, facing the bar. I knew she knew we were looking at her so I knew she was aware of me. As I approached the bar I made sure to slow right down almost so she would catch sight of me or sense me before I got there. Sounds a bit “woo-woo” but it’s an instinctive thing and hard to put into words.

I didn’t have the guts to open straight away and I ordered the round. I thought about the line and tried to think of a way to make it work when I burst out laughing at the actual thought of doing it. I turned round to my friends who were watching me and we all laughed. It was silly, fun.

Anyway I opened her instead with my killer line: “Hello” said with a sense of obviousness (as we both know why we’re talking to each other) and a cheeky smile (ditto, it’s going to be fun). We said a couple of lines and then she says “Did your mates put you up to this?” In retrospect this could be seen as a shit test but it was obvious to her what was going on, as indeed it was to me.

“There was a bet, yes” I replied. This got her in on the fun. I also go for honesty every time. No point in lying. Unless… (see below…)
“What was the bet?” she asked.
In a split second, my evil mind thought of the perfect answer. I go for lying every time.
“To kiss” I replied.


And with that, she jumped me and, in the words of one of my mates who were still watching, we were “kissing like porn stars.” She even hooked her leg up on the side.

We did that for a bit and then stopped. I looked at my mates and their jaws were on the floor. I’ll be here, sitting in the corner, stroking my ego. Thanks.


Then I turned my attention back to the girl. I asked her about herself. She was from Sweden. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, she had an awesome body, looong legs, average face. Definitely doable. But she had an Australian accent from either living with Australians or in Australia, I can’t remember exactly. Which explains her obvious (to me) open sexual behaviour. There are few countries where the women are more comfortable with being openly sexual than Sweden and Australia. And when you put those both together, then… wow.

Anyway I asked her if she knew Anchorman, she did and she loved it (always a good sign). I quoted the line and won the bet.

Number close fail

So we had chatted for a bit but I was tired from the trip – I’d been up for close to 24 hours by now. She asked me for a drink which I bought her – after all I was now £15 up so it wasn’t a problem. Some people might call supplication but I wasn’t worried about that. Like I said she wanted cock and she was ready to be pulled then and there. But as I was tired I didn’t want to deal with that – which was a mistake but you make your own decisions. I tried for the number close. “what is the best way to keep in contact with you?” I asked her.

“You don’t,” she replied.

There are many great responses to that which I could have said to keep things going. “It’ll just have to be tonight then,” would be great, “stalking it is then,” would make me laugh at least, ignoring the response and keeping on flirting would have done just fine. The line a said at the time was “Well, a man’s gotta try.” Shortly after that I returned to the table. But it wasn’t over yet.

Return to mates, Other guy tries

So I rejoin my mates and we all have a good laugh and they high five me. While we’re chatting I see another guy goes up to her and chats to her. I can’t see their faces so I can’t see how it’s going, not that I’m bothered. But it can’t have been going well as after a few minutes she looks over to me and I signal for her to come and join our table.

Joins our table

She does so and says that she had to get away from the other guy by saying she was going to come and “join her friends” i.e. us. That other guy must have no game. Still, I hope it was a valuable lesson for him.

Wing fail

So when she joined us there was only me and German Chef 2. Like I said before his game is total arrogance and when she turned up she was all touchy feely on his tattoos, he on the other hand just acted like she was the most irritating thing in the world ever.

The trouble for me is that I haven’t yet worked out how to deal with this kind of situation. Girl is up for it with either of us, we’re maintaining some kind of social relationship, my mate’s attitude is total arrogance, I’m more normal conversation and having fun. The two don’t mix naturally. In retrospect I think I just don’t need to worry about it, be totally OK with everything, and keep teasing and having fun with the girl. Total arrogance does have a habit of really changing the energy of the interaction which is something I need to work with.

Anyway all that is an explanation of why I was thrown. I can’t remember how it ended exactly, but we all went home shortly after. I hope that girl found the guy she was looking for to give her the good hard fucking she wanted. I was using tiredness and social context as an excuse but it was an interesting lesson all the same.


Beliefs: girls like me
Affirmations work if used properly
Eye contact is goodI can read body language well
Honest works every time, except when lying works better…
Social knowledge: a girl alone in a bar late on a Saturday evening wants cock, wants it now and wants it hard and fast.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

This Means Nothing to Me... Oh, Vienna!

So I'm on holiday with my ultra-AFC mate, who I previously did a brief bit of travelling with last year through Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. [link] On that trip we made a drunken promise while watching the inaugural Formula One Singapore Grand Prix, and that was to attend the event next year in person. And so it came to pass that just a little over a year later, we were in Singapore watching Lewis Hamilton claim a dominating victory through the streets of the city state.

I had also made a promise to myself never to go travelling with my AFC mate ever again, as he hates being out of his comfort zone and thus complains a lot about irrelevant shit, doesn't know how to have fun and generally has a habit of ruining the mood.

Well something had to give, I really wanted to go to the grand prix and didn't have anyone else to go with so the decision was made. One and a half weeks in and it's been fine. To be honest I've learnt to accept his foibles more and not react to them so badly. This had also meant that I'm more at ease when talking to other people as I know I can contextualise his behaviour and be OK with it and thus not come across as uncomfortable myself because of his presence. Also he's loosened up a bit – though not much – and is happy with me taking the lead on most things.

So anyway as we'd flown all the way out to south east Asia we thought we might as well do a bit of travelling and make it a full holiday and to cut a long story short we ended up in the tropical paradise of the Perhentian Islands off the north east coast of peninsular Malaysia.

We moved into our cabin in the hills overlooking the beach and a while later the girl in the hut next door was sitting on the balcony. I made sure to say Hi – after all this is travelling and everyone's out to meet new people, most of the time. We were in the middle of doing something so didn't have time to stop and talk but I made sure I'd registered with her as a sociable person.

The next time we met her I asked her the standard questions – her name, where she was from (Vienna), how long she had been travelling for etc. – and got to know her a bit. Basic stuff, just shooting the breeze. As she was on her own I invited her to join us for dinner as any opportunity to have someone else to talk to is a good thing (even though me and my friend were getting on fine).

The important thing to mention here is that when I have a conversation with a new person, my focus is to have fun and make it exciting for both of us. That doesn't necessarily mean that it will be a riotous laugh or appear anything more than general chit chat, but the attitude is there and people pick up on it.

So we went to find a restaurant, we didn't know where we were going, there was one place we hadn't tried out yet which was down a path back from the beach. My friend in hilariously negative fashion said, half way down the path, “there probably isn't anything there, it doesn't look good, let's go back.” Basically he was giving up without even trying, one of the many qualities that makes him the AFC that he is.

Anyway I essentially ignored him (I'd learnt not to react either internally or externally to his more negative comments) and kept going. Sure enough we found a great restaurant with good food and good value too. We found a table and had our meal. The conversation was fine but the energy was a bit low as we were tired from the day's activities. After the meal we went to a bar and sat on the sand and drank in the light of candles and the nearly full moon that made everything pale silver and indigo. I was struck by indigestion so found it hard to keep the conversation going, my AFC friend really didn't make that much of an effort (amusingly afterwards he said “that girl was a bit quiet, wasn't she?” not realising his responsibility in this regard) and she did what she could but as we all know, it's not her responsibility to take the lead. We called it a night, not before she gave me some schnapps for my indigestion, which surprisingly worked. I was thinking of asking her to rub aftersun into my sunburn but the moment wasn't right.

Incidentally this girl was fat but not in an obese way – voluptuous is the cliché but it's true. There were no rolls of fat thankfully, and she had a pretty face which is important for me.

The next day the script basically repeated itself with me inviting her out and us going to a bar afterwards, except this time there was more talking, more fun and less indigestion. If we were going to be old school we could say I was dropping loads of DHVs by talking about various events that had happened on previous times I had been travelling, but we were just having a conversation, having fun. I did shamelessly mention the time I rescued a trapped puppy on a beach in Goa – I mean, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. But anyway. We also watched two kittens comically stalk and attack each other while bats flew overhead and the moon inched its way even closer to being full.

We all had to get up early the next day so we called it a night at a sensible hour.

The next day my friend and I went snorkelling and I made friends with a hot Swiss chick, and we made arrangements to meet up in the same restaurant as before for dinner. So me and my friend, the Swiss girl and the Viennese neighbour all met up at the restaurant. The girl next door also bought along a friend of hers that she had met, a hot Australian girl with an English accent from travelling for two years. And then another female friend turned up. So there were us two guys on a table with four girls, two hot, one OK and one not so hot. Either way, I felt like a pimp.

I unconsciously made sure to make friends with everybody, just doing general chit chat. Halfway through the meal a massive thunderstorm erupted over the island and as the rain fell on the tin roof of the restaurant it made so much noise that we couldn't hear each other. Luckily there was a film showing on a projector with subtitles, so that occupied us for a while. It was Management with Jennifer Anniston, unsurprisingly it was a romcom. It was enjoyable enough though and at the end all the girls were loving it. My mate totally added to the mood by saying “Well that was shit.” His life really is full of fun.

Needless to say we all ignored him and carried on talking about something else. I can't remember much about what we talked about to be honest, but we kept it light and cracked jokes as and when we could. He Viennese girl every now and then touched me under the table with her foot. It was on. I just had not to fuck it up. I didn't return her touch incidentally, it somehow felt wrong.

There was more inadvertent DHVing when it became clear to both the Swiss and Austrian girls that I could speak both German and French, even though the only French I said was a de rien to a preceding merci. My French isn't as good as my German, but it was enough for the Swiss girl to mention how unusual it was for an English person to speak both French and German. Most can't speak either.

I don't know how but for some reason we got to talking about dance moves and so I ran through my repertoire of comedy dance moves – the infamous big fish, little fish, cardboard box which surprisingly they didn't know about. Then there were a couple of other ones that I use – stacking the shelves and feeding the chickens. One of the girls told me one move I didn't know – dealing the cards. I'm nicking that. We all had a good laugh and a good time.

Once the rain had eased off and we had worked our way through a small bottle of vodka we made our way to the next bar back down the path to the beach. It was playing pumping dance music and rap songs and it wasn't long before I persuaded the Viennese girl to dance. Having been snorkelling for most of the day I was nice and loose and the moves were coming very easily. We started off things with some hardcore grinding. We were having fun and we basically got the whole party started in there, soon the dancefloor was full and everyone was joining in though naturally I was the star of the dancefloor, even if I do say so myself. My friend even joined us, even though he doesn't like dancing. He was caught up in the mood and enjoying himself. He saw through his own limitations and realised it was more important to enjoy himself than be self-conscious about whether he could dance or not. A random Swedish guy made friends with us.

Anyway the Swiss girl went to bed just after we reached the dancefloor, and my friend did the same about half an hour later. After he left I got us a couple more drinks and then in a minute she jumped me and we tore into each other. Five minutes of that and she suggested we go swimming. I said yes but had no intention, simply because I had my camera in my pocket and it was still raining, chances are it would get wrecked if I left my shorts on the beach. On the beach I convinced her to go back to the huts.

We returned to the huts, went inside, ripped our clothes off and got to it. Once again my little chap, only too excited early in the evening, when it came to the bed wasn't interested. A bit of oral from the girl helped but waiting for the condom ruined that. Eventually we had to calm down and leave it. We had a quick shower and laid down to sleep. She said I could go home if I wanted. I declined – most nights I wake up with a raging boner anyway so I thought I could use that to my advantage.

After a while of lying there we started touching again and I got to work on her with my mouth. The relaxation that we had must have helped both of us. She came just from nipple stimulation, which was a first for me. By the time I worked down to her pussy she was bucking and moaning like a trooper. I was hard again but once again in the wait for the condom it lost interest. However this time was different, with a bit of dirty talk the interest was back and minutes later we were fucking like rabbits.

Spent, we both lay to go to sleep again. Unsurprisingly a short while later she wanted to go again and this time there was no losing interest in the wait for the condom. A good, hard fucking later, we finally went to sleep.

The important lesson here was learning how to deal with the problems in the bedroom. As she said afterwards, “I'm glad you didn't give up”

Don't give up. Very true.

A couple of other things to note:

While in bed she said to me: “I like the way you move,” quoting the cheesy techno song that was playing in the bar. I got the moves.

Also, it was her last night in the Perhentian Islands, so she was looking to get laid before she left.

Another important thing that I've mentioned before is that I took my chances. Last year in Goa I had three different girls showing interest in me, and I didn't fuck any of them, I just let it pass me by. I didn't make that mistake this time.

Got the Austrian flag.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

Another textbook situation

So I met this girl in a bar and I kissed her and got her number. FR is here: So after that texted back and forth a bit as we tried to meet up.

My big failing in this area in the past has been not responding quickly enough. I would often leave it days which would make the interaction go cold, so I made sure I didn’t do that this time.

The other mistake I used to make was trying to get sexual over text and probably too quickly – that didn’t work either, it would scare them off.

So I just kept it to basic, normal, fun interaction which seemed to work and kept the conversation flowing. It wasn’t constant, it wasn’t every day, but enough to keep things warm.

We were trying to meet up but we were both busy – she works shifts as a nurse so isn’t often free in the evenings and weekends, I was busy with my social life, friends and various trips abroad which I had planned. Finally though we arranged to meet up last Tuesday evening.

We met in Covent Garden just before 9. It was raining like a bitch so we had our first drink in the pub nearest to the tube station which was a nice, traditional, warm pub, excellent for comfort, which is how the conversation went for the first drink. I just talked about my life point of view, what I enjoyed, things good or bad that had happened to me in the past (including a few stories from my travels). After one drink the rain had stopped so we made our way to another bar I had lined up as a day 2 venue. Small, quiet, intimate, classy. We get there and have another drink and continue the conversation. I should point out that she is hot, a little inexperienced in London life perhaps, but intelligent and down to earth and has a streak of kookiness in her.

We just chill and vibe for the next drink. We both know that she can’t stay late so there’s a low chance of sex tonight. After we finish our drinks we move on to cocktails. We have one each, continue to talk. I know we need to kiss and although we haven’t been having a sexual conversation I’ve been communicating sex with my eyes and I can sense that she likes me anyway – or rather I know that she likes me, it was clear from her texts and the fact that we kissed when we first met. So when I felt it was right I just leaned in, turned her face towards me gently and kissed.

We finished our drinks, kissed a bit more and left. We were taking the same tube to start with on our way home so we sat next to each other and talked and kissed a bit more. Because of this she missed her stop! She got off at the next one and went home. Maybe I could have turned it into a pull back to mine, but I only realised this afterwards and we had already arranged to meet on Saturday so that was a banker.

So we met up on Saturday. At the nearest tube to where I live. See what I did there? The logistics were in my favour. We kissed and hugged when we met, I needed lunch so we went to a café and had a bite to eat. She had a coffee. We chatted as normal again. After we had finished we walked to a pub by the river.

We sat down on the grass by the river with our drinks and continued talking. Now we had time, and I could escalate. We talked about stuff and I started to get the conversation sexual. At first she was a bit defensive. She said she was a pure girl, she was wearing a white dress with flowers on that she said meant that she was pure. This was only semi-serious and I thought of a good way to respond to it. I told her flowers were very sexual (as anyone who’s seen the animated version of Pink Floyd’s The Wall will be able to tell you) and they are literally the sexual organs of plants – allowing bees to do their fertilising for them. We started kissing and getting more and more tactile. We wrapped our legs together, stroked each other gently. I slowly took things further, finally running my hand up her legs and stroking her panties. In public. She said she was wearing stockings so she was “protected”. Her words were saying one thing but her actions – allowing me to do this – were saying another. It reminded me of that R Kelly song – “My mind’s telling me No, but my body, my body’s telling me Yes.” It was going well.

It was starting to get dark and it was time for dinner. I wanted to cook some pasta (which I do very well) so we went back past the supermarket and back to mine. Easy.

There was no one else at home which was handy, so I put on some music in the kitchen and did the cooking while we chatted. Once I’d sorted out the sauce it just had to simmer, so I stood her up, pushed her against the work surface and ravished her, kissing her with hands everywhere. I lifted up her dress and there was no resistance. So I took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom.

Once there I laid her on the bed, kissed and dry humped her, getting her hot and bothered, and piece by piece removed her clothing. No resistance at all although she didn't want to remove her bra. That was fine, I can fuck her with her bra on. I started fingering her and she said that she wanted me inside her. Only then of course the little chap wasn’t playing ball. Shucks.

We lay down together and caressed. Slowly things became hot again. I rubbed her clit and she had a small orgasm. I got hard again and got things going, but then the little chap got shy again. I’m out of practice and I guess I’m more used to my right hand than the real thing. Hmm. Not great.

Anyway after a bit more cuddling we went back down and finished off the cooking and ate the food. We made plans to meet on Wednesday evening and Thursday morning before I leave for the Singapore grand prix so I’m sure we’ll have a fuckfest then.

So any ideas on how to avoid the problems in the bedroom? I think having regular sex is the key. I know that this relationship is going to become fuck-buddy based (she pretty much said that’s what she wanted as well, which is great) so that will solve the problem I think. After all I've had similar situations in the past and through regular sex I've become the best fuck the girls have ever had. Also probably wanking less! Any other ideas would be helpful too. Zinc? Viagra?

After the meal I walked her back to the tube and kissed her goodbye. Looking forward to Wednesday.

The funny thing about this LR / pick up is that is was so easy. It helps that she’s into me I guess, but I knew exactly how it was going to go. Part of that comes from experience, but it also came from being relaxed, not worrying about anything, going with the flow. And that, in my opinion, comes from meditation. Read Barry Long’s Meditation, A Foundation Course if you're interested.

Lessons: texting problems solved, taking it easy but escalating. She told me that the reason she liked me is that she liked talking to me - I guess I have the comfort thing down. Plus she said that when I said she was naughty at our first meet, that made her curious. Big hint there.

To improve: my sexual performance lol. I know that will come in time.


Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Another Night, and I Thought, “Well, Well…”

So this weekend has been unusual as for the first time in ages I haven’t had things to do with my flatmates and friends, so I have a second night out in a row to so gaming.

Before I head out I texted the girl from last night: “Hi naughty girl, hope you got back ok last night. I ended up talking to the crazy dancing guys, who turned out to be from Brazil. Who would’ve thought?! OK important question: would you rather be a pirate or a ninja?”

About an hour or two later she texts back with “Right at this moment and pirate because then I could wear stripy clothes and an eyepatch and drink lots of rum and sleep! I’m so tired! I’m at work at the mo. Are you out again this eve? xxx” So that sounds pretty good.

So I was in a positive state though tired as ever. I often wonder if I can ever solve this tiredness problem. But anyway, back to the details. I meet up with the guys in Pony and we all congratulate ourselves for last night. Soon Liam has opened a couple of girls and we gradually join them and have a chat. I’m not that attracted to them so I don’t get too involved. There’s a party going on behind us and I chat briefly to those girls. I could have made more of it but I don’t.

I go out to get some cash and come back. Then randomly Jon and I head upstairs. Jon is thinking about opening a couple of girls so I try and encourage him to do it. He stalls (again!) and so as I’m in a good state I go and do it instead. At first glimpse earlier I didn’t think they were too hot. But when I actually go and open them it turns out they are just my type, fun, pretty, intelligent, cool PR girls (although I have a problem with PR girls based on working experiences with them – they’re usually really inconsistent and flighty and cause lots of problems. But hey, I wasn’t launching a website with them on this occasion…)

One interesting thing about this set is for once I didn’t have an opener in mind as I walked up to them. I literally said the first thing that came into my mind as I approached them. One of them was looking at a text message and the first thing I said was “Hey, did you get the same text message as I did?” NO IDEA where that came from and I can’t remember her response but I didn’t have a follow up so I just paused for a second and laughed (but made it look like I was laughing for a particular reason and nothing to do with me having nothing to say).

I can’t remember what I said after that but somehow I managed to keep the conversation going and just chat to them a bit and throw the odd joke in here and there. The cool thing about it was that they were totally open to talking to me. I think they were reacting to my positive body language and balls for having opened them. And possibly the fact that I look damn hot (I like to tell myself!).

Anyway they were about to leave and I wasn’t sticking massively so I bid them adieu. After that I go to find Jon but he’s not where he was. Instead I catch the eye of a girl whose dancing and go up to her and say “Hello dancing girl!” It turns out she’s the girl with the clipboard so we have a quick chat but she’s got work to do so I let her do it. She leaves saying “See you on the dancefloor later!” Which is nice.

I meet up with the rest of the guys and while there’s now a good dancefloor going, Everyone’s standing around looking bored. I do a couple of circuits and briefly open one group of girls. Eventually I start dancing by myself as the music’s too good and I love dancing. Peter eventually joins me but Liam and Jon aren’t feeling it and eventually decide to leave to go to Bar Music Hall.

Peter and I remain and there’s three girls dancing near to us which I automatically take to mean that they’re interested in some way. They’re not really my type – wannabe Cheryl Cole / Victoria Beckham types that frankly deserve to be shot. By this I mean they’re all dressed up half posh half slutty, and are barely moving on the dancefloor looking pretty bored with bitch-faces on as though they’re wags. But one of them is hot enough for me to forgive her attitude. But I’m stuck on an opener. I discuss it with Pete and he suggests “Are you part of Ricky’s party?” It’s as good as anything that I can think of so I use it, they say no and that’s it.

However I notice that after that they suddenly start dancing and moving more, probably as the DJ puts Over and Over on and I start dancing like a fool, and that draws them into actually ENJOYING themselves more. I probably should have opened them again but by now I don’t care.

After a while we decide to meet with Jon and Liam to see what Bar Music Hall is like. Liam’s in set with some Asians which is fair play. The first set of the night are there and say Hi. But apart from that it’s completely dead, with most people either seated or male, and the girls aren’t that hot either.

Peter and I stand around for a bit but there’s nothing happening so we go home.

Back at home I have the misfortune to hear some stories about one of my flatmates who has been fucking a bunch of women at a hobby activity of his that makes me jealous, and the 16 year old brother of another flatmate who has been fucking all the hot girls in his group, as well as those he met on a recent trip to Barcelona. This horrible jealousy makes me feel bad and I certainly need to learn to deal with it.

On a parallel note, I have been practicing meditation with some more seriousness, partly inspired by this:

Even though I’ve only been doing a little bit of it I’ve already noticed changes, mainly to do with helping to solve a posture problem I’ve had at the bottom of my back. But also some clarity of thought, perhaps best expressed in the first set that I opened this night. More to come on that in the future I’m sure.

Saturday, 15 August 2009

Step up, the sky is open-armed

Last Friday

So last Friday I meet up with Liam and Peter and we go to Cargo. I’m feeling a bit shitty for various reasons so I’m not in a good mood. Right from the start there’s a group of 2-3 girls who are all pretty hot and one is totally my type. But it’s the first set of the night, I haven’t really warmed up and I hesitate on opening.

To cut a long story short I never open them, they walk off and don’t really open anyone for ages. My state is still pretty bad. But I get an urge, a desperation that I try to turn into motivation. I end up opening about five different sets but none of them stick. Even the ones that I’ve caught checking me out before hand. I guess my body language (and indeed my frame) is off kilter so nothing happens.

A crappy night. The lesson? Open early, open often. Gain social momentum. Lesson learned.

This Friday

So I was feeling a bit tired but I got off work early and had a rest. Although I didn’t sleep it was better than nothing and I had the chance to make some good food and have a shower so I felt good. My hot French flatmate (easily a 9.5 – think Carla Bruni or French newsreaders) told me I looked hot, which is good for my ego!

Meet up with Liam, Peter and Jon who is back from holiday with a bit of a tan and looking even better than normal. We go to Big Chill. Right after we walk in we see group of three girls, one of whom is particularly hot and is looking to get opened. I think about it for a bit trying to build up the initiative when I notice her checking Jon out. It’s a massive signal so I tell him to open, but he doesn’t. Instead Liam opens and later Jon joins in. I’m on the far side of the group so it’s hard for me to join. But it doesn’t matter because…

Behind me there was a girl and a guy. I didn’t know what their situation was but when the guy was at the bar I open the girl with a simple “Hello, how are you doing?”

She’s very receptive to the opener and we continue talking. We talk about fairly normal stuff and in the process I find out that the guy is her work colleague, and later on that he’s actually gay. Right from the start she’s asking me questions like where I live, so that’s a good sign. From time to time the other guys jump in and out of set. At one point Peter asks if I’ve been working out and I tell him that I have (as it’s true), and he says that he can notice it. Not sure if this is a help or not with the set but at least I know my effort is making a difference!

At no point am I really consciously gaming, I’m just having a chat with both the girl and the guy. But everyone’s having a good time so it’s all gravy. At one point she goes to the bar and while there gets chatted up by some guy next to her. Me and the guy joke about it and eventually, as the guy is waiting for his drink he goes and pulls her back. Good work my son!

We talk about a bunch of stuff and we have things in common like both having Indian and Irish heritage, and things we don’t have in common like drugs. We both work out that we’re both single which is obvious but good to have clarified.

We continue to shoot the shit and it’s only now that I do a few things consciously. These days I tend to touch everyone I’m talking to anyway but I notice that I haven’t done much of that today, so I start brushing against her a bit and other things. I haven’t really turned the conversation sexual yet either. At one break in the conversation I ask her if she likes to dance and she says that she does, and she likes Fabric. Well looky here, so do I, so that’s a good enough reason to meet up again, no? So we make vague plans for that. Learning my lesson from a few weeks ago I ask her “What’s the best way to get in contact with you?” She responds with “Is that your way of asking for a number?” which some people may take as a shit test, but I just reply honestly, “That’s one of them, yes.” So we exchange numbers.

In fact there were a number of times that there were things that could have been interpreted as shit tests, but unless someone’s actually being a bit bitchy or stand offish, they’re not really tests in my book. Mostly there’s a straightforward honest answer to most of them.

So I already know that she has to leave early and we’ve already exchanged numbers so that’s cool. Then not really thinking about sexual tension but more just to make things a bit more fun I whisper into her ear “You’re naughty!” I don’t know why, there wasn’t any real reason for me to say it but I it felt right.

This gets her excited and she starts asking me some more serious shit-testing questions: “Why do you think I’m naughty? What are you trying to say?” etc. The trick here is not to answer directly, either give an opaque answer or don’t answer at all. Things like “maybe” and “I’ll tell you later” work well.

This gets her even more wound up and she’s looking me direct in the eye. This is when I start consciously using triangular gazing for the first time, looking direct in her eyes and switching between them and her lips. This goes on for a minute or two before suddenly she jumps on me and it’s tongue down time! We have a good go at it and she’s into it in a big way. The gay guy takes a swig of my drink while we’re at it, which is pretty funny! Luckily he didn’t cock block in any way, but then he was a pretty cool guy.

Eventually we break off and it’s time for her to leave, so with a peck and squeeze of her hand, she and her friend leave.

After that I meet up with the guys again and shoot the shit. I start talking to a German girl who lived in Brazil for a year and she tells me how great it is. I’m going there in the new year so that sounds good. I can’t game her though as there are two hyper Brazilian guys nearby who are getting all the attention. I end up talking to one of them who is pretty cool and tells me about Brazil as well. He tells me that in the nightclubs there you can fuck five or six girls in a night! I’m not sure if he’s right but I’ve heard similar things, particularly at carnival when you can get off with tens of girls in one day. So I’m sure something like that is possible.

Peter seems to have disappeared with some girl that he was talking to and Jon and Liam head off to another club with some girls that Jon has found, while I catch the last tube and head home for a well deserved sleep.

The main thing about this night is that the close was pretty much all normal conversation, no game, no high energy tactics, no conscious manipulation, no insecurity on my part. It just happened, it was just normal, it felt great. Jon said afterwards that she was DTF, it didn’t seem that way at the start to me, but then who knows? It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day, the results are the same. As I’ve said before, you’ve got to take your chances.

So it’s worth mentioning at this point that this is my first in-bar kiss close for a long time, and indeed if I look back at the last couple of months I’ve had three kiss closes (though one of them was a dare) and one social group lay, which is probably my best results in game ever. I’ve been saying for a while that I can feel it all coming together and starting to happen and it now seems that the results are starting to bear that out. Onwards and upwards!

“Step up, step up, step up
The sky is open-armed
And the light is mine
I feel gravity
Pull onto my eyelids (onto my eyes)
And holding my head straight (looking down)
This is the easiest task I’ve ever had to do”

- Feeling Gravitys Pull
R.E.M. Fables of the Reconstruction

Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Truth or Dare

So in general in my life I’ve been concentrating less on game and more on hanging out with my friends as they’re fun and cool, I enjoy it and it’s good for the soul. So sue me! But also there’s a bit of so-called “social circle” game going on there, as my last post shows.

So two weeks ago it was Lovebox and me and my flatmates and neighbours are all over there, hanging out, having fun, getting wasted and being disappointed by Gary Numan’s lame set. In the group that I’m with most of the time is my flatmates IT guy and hot French girl and neighbour Aussie oriental chick. The Aussie chick is the local bike and has been with IT guy, German chef and my other male flatmate already. I’m slow on the uptake!

Anyway the festival is a lot of easygoing fun and I keep up a lot of kino and create fun times with everyone. A while ago I read a free PDF on the web of someone’s autobiography of how he became a sexual expert, having had his wife leave him because he was crap in bed (no it wasn’t David Shade, it was some English guy from the ‘70s). In that among many experiences he spends some time in Bali with a guru who gets him to see everything as sex or a sexual act – from the hills as breasts to having a pee as coming. Apparently that made pissing quite enjoyable for him!

Anyway I can’t say that I’ve done exactly the same but I have taken on the principles. We have these big concrete columns in our office and when I pass them I remember to stroke them with my hand and imagine some kind of caress. The upshot of this principle and from conscious practice in the field is that my kino is naturally increasing and I’m getting better at it, and enjoying doing it.

So at Lovebox I was making sure to kino Aussie chick as much as possible, as well as leading the group (not in an alpha “we’re doing this because I want to” kind of way, but more of a “I think this is a good idea, wanna come along?” kind of approach. Which, given that in these situations most people don’t know what to do, immediately gives you man-points) and generally being cool, easy going and fun. Needless to say as the night goes on, people get more wasted and Duran Duran start playing Ordinary World, we eventually make out for a good period of a time.

That was fun and unfortunately it didn’t go any further as by the time we got home and the whole group did a load more partying I was too wasted from the drugs and eventually had to retire to bed. But there’s more to come from that I’m sure.

The next weekend I went to Mallorca to visit German chef, German chef 2 and, indeed, German chef 3 (who was working out there and was our host). There wasn’t much sarging going on for various reasons. All that’s worth mentioning was the waitress in German chef 3’s restaurant at the start of the meal said that she was looking crap. I said she looked wonderful and then chefs 1 and 2 and me kept up the flirting for the rest of the night. She enjoyed herself and was very flirty with all of us in return (particularly as German chef 2 is a cocky natural and German chef is pretty good looking though can be a bit shy) even though she has a boyfriend. And I had a great time partying with the guys and driving around the island, taking in the beauty. One of the reasons why I like German chef 1 so much and why he’s my best friend is his unadulterated joy at all things, and this trip was no exception. Alter, das ist so krass, so schön!

So last weekend on the Friday I was out with my flatmates and neighbours in the local pub as the weather was good. Had some fun though nothing sarge-related.

On Saturday I went to Jewel in Piccadilly with Liam and Peter. I opened a quick set as I ordered the first round of drinks – I always like to get a warm up set out of the way quickly. Turns out the vibe was pretty good that night. There were a lot of women about, a lot of hen nights though not the crazy slapper kind you often get – most of these girls were pretty cool and some were hot. The music was pretty good too – they’ve started hiring vaguely good DJs and tonight it was Joey Negro – I had heard of him but didn’t know his genre, but he did a good job.

I can’t remember what happened exactly after that but Pete did his usual thing of calling people gay if they hadn’t opened. Although it is a bit lame as long as it’s not serious it can be a good incentive to just go and open people, which as Jon and Greig know only too well, can have good results.

Again I noticed getting good eye contact with random girls in the bar, which in my head meant they were totally into me in a big way. I was generally in a happy mood and enjoying myself too. I can’t remember who or what I opened but I was talking to people.

Soon there was a group of girls near where we were standing and one of them was looking at the unusual table near us. I started talking to her and her friends and everyone was joking and having fun. They were putting pegs on people as part of their hen party challenge, so I have a bit of fun with this keeping with the fun vibe.

A Chinese chick gets my attention and I have a chat with her. She’s cool and we have a laugh together.

A while later we join the whole group at their table where the hen is and about eight other girls. Just at that moment someone pulls out a bunch of cards with dares written on them. The first girl to take one has to tell someone they love them for 60 seconds. She picks me and I get her to sit on my lap and she tells me how much she loves me. I play along and am laid back and cool, laughing at it all.

A second card comes out and this girl has to kiss someone. She picks me of course and so being a gentleman I help her out. She’s about a 6/7 so she looks OK thankfully and it’s not a problem. I go for the lips and discover she’s eager and we tongue down. The table cheers and flashes go off as everyone gets into it. Afterwards she looks into my eyes, gives me a smile and stokes the back of my neck. She’s a nice girl but not quite hot enough so I don’t take it further.

I chat to Liam and we work out we’re both after the same girl. It’s only afterwards that I find out that he was gaming her properly beforehand and he thinks I’m swissing* on him but at the time I have no idea. I go back to her chat a bit and ask for her number. She says she doesn’t give out her number which throws me and I eject.

Liam goes in afterwards and gets her email. Apparently she also refuses the phone number but smartly he asks for an email and gets it. I should have done the same, fair play to him. After Liam gets the email I feel a bit crap so I decide to head home.

A good night over all, one sort-of kiss and some good practice. Just need to keep up the good work.

*It's a long story but in our group the term "swissing" means hitting on a girl that is already someone else's target.

Monday, 6 July 2009

LR: Big bottoms … how can I leave this behind?

OK this is the LR that I posted on the LSS, contains some info that you might know about already but here it is in its entirety for your enjoyment...

OK this lay report is going to require a bit of background info which might not seem relevant at first, but it will all fall into place so bear with it. It’s also long but I like the details.

First background fact: I used to be a cocaine addict. At the height of my addiction I had chronic insomnia which properly fucked up my life. I kicked it quite easily in the end, but never took more than a dab of spangle dust after that. When one of my flatmates recently moved in, we bonded over a few beers which then became a shared gram of coke. I thought I’d give it a try as the evening was going so well. It was all fine until the next night – I couldn’t sleep at all. In fact I was so bored from not being able to sleep that I decided to do something mildly productive, so I learnt the state capitals of all the US states. I still remember them to this day. (After that night my sleep was fine again.)

Second background fact: I’ve been working out since the start of the year and building muscle so that I look pretty ripped now with my shirt off. People around me have noticed the difference, and I’ve noticed that I get a lot more attention from women than I ever used to (which is also partly due to me realising when chicks are giving me IOIs, whereas previously I’d be unaware of them). I always used to be a skinny runt, and now people think I’m a rugby player or something. Frankly, I love it. (If anyone wants some advice on this give me a shout.)

Anyway fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. It’s sunny, I’m out in the garden with some of my flatmates, shirt off obviously to catch some rays. We’re friends with our next door neighbours who are a houseshare like us, and some of them were out in the garden too. One of my neighbours is an Aussie guy who has an American girlfriend (Yank 1). One of her girl friends was over – Yank 2. I have a rep in both houses of being a pretty intelligent guy and knowing lots of random stuff (which is true dare I say it) and in particular Yank 1 knows that I know all the state capitals. So Yank 1 gets Yank 2 to test me on the state capitals.

Funnily enough she gets them all wrong. “What’s the capital of California ?” “ Sacramento ” “No it’s not, it’s Los Angeles .” “No, it’s Sacramento .” “Oh yeah, so it is. What’s the capital of Louisiana ?” “ Baton Rouge ” “No it’s not, it’s New Orleans .” “No, it’s Baton Rouge .” “Oh yeah, so it is. What’s the capital of Washington state?” “ Olympia ” “No it’s not, it’s Seattle .” “No, it’s Olympia .” “Oh yeah, so it is.”

Anyway, you get the idea.

So we joke and I tease her about being a dumb American and all that. Later on we’ve all been out doing different things and as is customary for our two houses we come back and hang out in one of the houses. We sit in my mate’s room (German chef) and smoke weed, I think we were playing guitar hero. If you look at it in that way I’m obviously massively socially proofed as I’m around all my mates both male and female. It probably helps that Yank 1 and I have a lot of flirty banter (though I have no desire to go there as it’s my mate, it’s just fun and practice). Later on in the night Yank 1 starts giving people massages. She gives one to Yank 2 but she’s all uptight and it’s not working.

From looking at her and I guess my knowledge of physiology from working out and also by comparing her to German chef who has one of the most relaxed postures of anyone I know, I can see where she’s tense. I give her a few suggestions and guide her so that the tension dissipates and the massage starts working. After this she’s clearly into me and I reckon I could go there if I want to. But I don’t bother that night for some reason I can’t remember, probably was too tired or something.

Incidentally this girl wasn’t particularly my type. She had a fairly pretty face and great tits, but she was a bit voluptuous. I normally go for normal size girls, like size 10s, not too skinny. But she was bigger than I usually go for. Big bottoms, big bottom, talk about mud flaps my girls got ‘em. Big bottoms drive me out of my mind. How can I leave this behind?

However one of my sticking points with game is that I don’t captialise on the chances that come my way. For example another of my neighbours is a hot oriental Aussie girl who fucks anything with a spine. She’s fucked both of my male flatmates and German chef but not me – only because I didn’t take advantage of the chances when they were offered. I notice that I make up some excuse not to, and then regret it later. So I need to take my chances more often.

Anyway fast forward to last night. I was out in town with my wings and we hit up a few sets. Halfway through the night I get a call from Aussie guy – turns out Yank 2 wants to speak to me. He hands over the phone and Yank 2 tells me that she’s leaving to go back to Yankland tomorrow and “wants to see me” before she leaves. If that’s not a massive booty call then I don’t know what is.

Funnily enough after that I don’t open any sets for the rest of the night. I think subconsciously I knew I was going to get laid so I didn’t try. I only realised this afterwards. Anyway I get back home and meet up with Aussie guy, Yank 1, Yank 2 and German chef joins a bit later. When I first meet her Yank 2 comes up and kisses me on the cheek and gives me a big hug. I make sure I hold her comfortably and firmly to set the right tone.

We then go and sit, chat and drink a beer for a bit. I think German chef was marginally annoyed as he was hoping for some action from Yank 2 – I’d heard Yank 1 saying something to that effect. But hopefully it’s all cool as basically she wanted me and all I really had to do was walk her to my room. German chef is probably my best friend in the world right now so I felt a bit bad for him. Incidentally he was also picked up by a modelling agency, which I guess says something.

So yeah I’m sitting next to Yank 2, arm around her stroking her and teasing her. At one point she says “I kept thinking about you lying next to me and telling me lots of facts.” which sounds pretty surreal. But it was a good opportunity to make one of my favourite jokes: “Yeah I’ll tell you facts all night. Fact after fact after fact. There’s no end of facts that I can tell you. I’ll tell you more facts than you can possibly take. I’ll tell you facts until your mind explodes. I’ll fact you ‘til it hurts.” Do you see what I did there?

At one point Yank 1 and Yank 2 go off and do the girl talk thing, even though it’s so on it’s untrue. A bit later it’s starting to get a bit cold outside so I finish my beer and say “Do you wanna come back to mine?” To be honest I could have just stood up and walked off without saying anything but as the answer wasn’t ever going to be No I thought I’d be polite. Walk out the house and kiss her passionately in the street. Walk next door and up to my room and it’s game over. Two very powerful orgasms later she’s asleep with exhaustion. At 5.30 she wakes up to catch her flight back to America .

I got my American flag. I fucked her on Independence Day. :D

I guess you could call this social circle game. Also you could call it peacocking my mind with facts and my body with my physique. Or DHVing. Or simply not fucking it up. But the main thing was that I took my chance when it was offered to me.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Dual Jewel

Well work has calmed down a bit recently and I managed to leave at a reasonable hour on Friday, went home and ate with time to spare. I headed off and meet up with Peter and Jon at Jewel in Covent Garden.

It’s sunny and warm and the after work crowd is drinking outside. As a result there isn’t much going on in the bar and the crowd outside doesn’t really seem to offer much for us either.

We wonder round a bit looking for something to open in Covent Garden, but it’s not quite hitting the spot. We eventually head for the other Jewel in Piccadilly.

To be honest I can’t remember all the sets that I opened. I think early on there was an obvious group of three girls standing in the main area but they weren’t my type. Liam opens them instead and gets into a good conversation with them.

While Peter is at the bar there’s a group of three girls looking at the cocktails menu. I read an opener on Sasha’s blog only recently – based on making a joke that half the drinks are poisonous so choose carefully. So I used that and it seemed to work well. They asked for a recommendation so I suggested Mohito. It’s the only way to go really.

The girl I’m speaking to starts to gain rapport with me, asking me where I’m from and those sorts of questions. All of these girls are from Eastern Europe, albeit all from different countries. I talk for a bit but the one I’m talking to isn’t that great so I let it go. I could have stuck in a bit and spoken to the others.

A bit later we’re standing in the white part of the bar and there is a table of about four or five hot looking chicks. But they’re the type that look hot but dumb. I realise this is a quandary for me – some chicks look hot from the outside, but are a bore to speak to. Or are too chavvy or so on. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

It’s bad because I’m not speaking to them to find out if my assumptions are correct. Plus there are a lot of people like that out there, so maybe I should get used to it. Though the more arty, cool, fun loving chicks you get in Brick Lane are more my type. It’s good in a way because I know what I like. But I think that in the end I should have spoken to them as at the end of the day it’s practice and I’ll need all sorts of practice to get good.

Something else that I noticed that night is that there were loads of guys trying it on with all the girls in the place. I’d literally open someone, eject, and then five minutes later some other guy would be talking to them. Though retrospectively obvious this was a bit of a revelation to me as it made it clear how used women are to guys opening them, and how very few of them were rejected – most guys ejected themselves, just like me. It also goes to show how girls can have a cheap night out as I’d guess at least half of them would offer to buy them drinks. And it shows that they’re out to meet guys, it’s just that we have to make the effort.

At one point it’s me and Pete and there are a couple of girls standing nearby who look quite hot. Pete suggests I open them so I give it a go with Pirates versus Ninjas. It doesn’t work too well as they’re Lithuanian and they mishear the opener a bit. I do some explanation and some chatting about Lithuania (my last but one girlfriend was Lithuanian) but the set isn’t sticking much. I eject a little worse for wear.

Later on and I see a table of girls drinking some crazy blue drink. Just from the pure curiosity of wanting to know what it is I go and ask them about it. Turns out they rope me into taking a picture of them – though it’s on an iPhone and there’s no flash so it doesn’t work. But I chat with them a bit and talk to a South African girl, but none of them are particularly attractive so I leave them to it.

Pete’s in set and Liam’s sitting with one of the girls from the first set so I sit on my own waiting for an opportunity. Liam sees me on my own and calls me over to join him. I meet his girl and have a brief chat with them, but more importantly there’s a lone wolf on my left and now I’m sitting next to her it would be rude not to speak to her.

So I ask her what she’s up to and it turns out she’s waiting for a friend who’ll arrive in about half an hour. I have a random chat with her, using Pirates versus Ninjas when the conversation lulls. But ultimately her friend calls and she disappears.
So lots of sets opened but not many targets that I was interested in. I think I should open more sets that I’m not interested in or have negative thoughts towards, and also to plough a bit more and ask for numbers more often. And work on the teasing and joking and all that. I’m still feeling really positive about it all.

Friday, 29 May 2009

The Lark Ascending

Once again Friday was a write off so I stayed in for that. But I was well up for it on Saturday despite properly caning it in the gym. I was a bit tired but I could hold myself together so I didn’t have a problem with going out.

Once again I felt myself going through the same standard thought processes. Basically as I’m on my way from the car I get little twinges of negative emotion and thoughts; “What if I don’t know what to say?” “What if I don’t have enough energy?” and comparing myself to others and so on.

All of this stuff is of no use at all, and I’m getting better at sweeping it out of my mind. The first thing I remember to do is have fun. The second thing to remember is that if you are having negative thoughts, it is totally possible to get out of them. Being able to relax and be happy is something that can come with practice over time. The third is an affirmation: “I am good with girls.” It’s simple but it seems to work. I did the same with “I am good looking” as I used to think I wasn’t that great in the looks department. But now I know I’m pretty hot. Lol.

So I mentally sort myself out. I meet Jon and Liam in Bar Music Hall, but it’s really loud and the guys are sitting on chairs away from the action. I have a beer to warm myself up, but we decide to move on to Queen of Hoxton. It would have been easy to get into negative thought patterns here as well, but I was patient and knew I would be opening shortly.

At the next venue we have to pay £6 to get in and from the door it looks like there are lots of girls. When we get in it isn’t as busy as I’d hoped but there were still a fair few girls there. We get a drink and I position us by a group of five girls. I’m trying to think of an opener but nothing jumps out.

I’ve noticed recently that I have to believe in my opener to make it work. It can be any opener – situational, a joke, the perennial Pirates versus Ninjas – but I’ve got to feel it in some way. It’s hard to describe exactly what I mean but I know when it’s right and I know when it’s working.

Anyway I verbalise my problem by mentioning it to Liam: “I’m trying to think of an opener but can’t think of one that would work.” Well a problem shared is a problem halved. Talking about it and thinking about it gets my subconscious working and then it pops into my head – “You guys look like you’re celebrating something, what’s the occasion?”

Well they weren’t celebrating anything, they were just a group of friends drinking cocktails. That was OK, we just fluffed a bit and continued talking, moving the conversation on. The girl nearest to me and the one I was talking to was Irish from Dublin and very friendly, as are most Irish girls I find.

I had a bit of a chat with her, and she even brought Liam and Jon into set, though they didn’t stick. This looked a bit incongruous to her actually, as she was like, “Who are your friends?” “Where have the wondered off too?” (when they left the set). I guess the social calibration of someone like that is mainly based around sticking with your friends etc.

Anyway the one I was talking to wasn’t that hot, quite pretty but a little chubby. There was one Cheryl Cole lookalike in the group but I never engineered the situation so I was talking to her.

The one I was talking to was only in town for the weekend so I didn’t bother to get her number. I found the others again downstairs where not much was happening. There were two girls seated nearby who were just asking to be opened. They were blonde, slim, relatively average looking but not ugly. Once again it took me a short while to think of an opener, but I quickly came up with “What time does it get busy in here?” as the downstairs bar was a bit empty.

They didn’t know but we started talking about the bar and the music. I wasn’t feeling this one too much as they weren’t that hot, plus the seating situation logistics weren’t that favourable. I ejected after a few minutes.

Back upstairs again we were hanging out, and I went to the bar. While I was there I bumped into the Irish girl again and we started chatting. She actually bought my drink for me which was kind, even if it was only a coke. I didn’t think about it until later but this was clearly a big signal – it’s not every day that a girl buys you a drink. At the time I put it down to Irish hospitality.

Back with the guys Liam opened a couple of girls that were standing nearby. He was doing pretty well and they were interested in us but Liam didn’t seem to be reading the situation too well and wasn’t matching the energy. We all had a bit of a chat and I teased them a bit. Liam gave them a sort of inadvertent back turn and after a bit they went off to the bar. They tapped him on the shoulder to say bye but he just ignored them!

After that Liam and Jon wanted to leave. It was nearly midnight and my tiredness was catching up with me. We all made a break for it.

The rest of the weekend was spent sleeping and at home with various relatives including my first cousin once removed.

A good frame that I’m using at the moment which I found on RSD Foundations is to see it as “learning to talk to girls.” This is a skill after all and the best way to develop a skill is through practice and experience. Seeing every interaction as a chance to successfully bank in more experience is great for keeping me in a positive frame of mind and not putting pressure on myself. After all, if you talk to one hundred, two hundred girls, you will have no choice but to pick up what works and what doesn’t, get better at flirting and pick up in general. That’s definitely where I’m at right now.

I used just to stick to “normal” conversations about day-to-day stuff. Now I’m getting in more teasing, more flirting, more sexual suggestions and more kino. Still loads more to do but I’m getting there. Plus I’m beginning to see patterns as to how girls react, what to do next and so on. It’s slowly unravelling.

The biggest thing about this for me is that it does involve wholesale personality changes. But these changes are possible and they will come over time. It’s often the case that while I’m in set I’ll have a negative belief or not know what to say, or feel like I’m stuck at some point in the interaction. At these times I often feel like there is a wall preventing me from moving forward.

More recently I’ve become aware of this imaginary wall and can consciously break through it. After all it’s totally within my control (though sometimes unconscious) and a self-imposed limitation at the end of the day. It works like this:

Learning to talk to girls > gaining experience and skills > breaking through self-imposed limitations > wholesale personality change.

The big changes – in self-confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude – are slowly coming to me.