LR: Zeroes and Ones will take you there

So I’ve been experimenting with internet dating as I have trouble in clubs as I have bad hearing, so talking to people – even in pubs – is a problem for me. Plus by Friday I’m usually too tired to go out, so this is something I can do instead. So I found this girl on okcupid. She looked fairly OK, sounded fun, so I sent her a message. She’s 25, I’m 34. Meanwhile I made sure to pimp out my profile.

On OKC you can use a service where people will rate your photos, similar to hotornot, except all your photos are compared against each other so you know which ones are the hottest. Turns out the pic of me playing guitar and looking intense on a beach in Goa is my best pic. Which matches their research – pics of guys not smiling and looking away from the camera while doing something interesting get the highest rating. So I sent her a message. Here’s a copy of our messages, me in bold, her in italics.

I've included all this detail for people who think they have problems with text game as for me it's pretty straight forward (having fucked it up many times in the past) and I wanted to show how easy it is and how you don't have to use any special tricks really, just keep things warm and progressing in the right direction.

Also, there is more than one occasion in this interaction where it could be said that she flaked on me. But I think a lot of the time people need to realise that most people in London are busy and things can crop up at the last minute, and that if you're calm and keep things moving in the right direction you will still get there eventually.

I also deal with some of the sex issues that I've been having recently and end up having a great sex session with her having a massive orgasm.

So, back to the start:

Hi, I saw your profile and you look quite interesting. I like the bit about remembering random useless information. That's something that I do too! Hence being good at pub quizzes. Perhaps we should form a team and rinse every pub quiz in town and then run away with the winnings?

Anyway let me know what you're up to and how things are going.

Take it easy.

I do have a weakness for pub quizzes and tea. We could be an unbeatable force.
Things with me are going very nicely thank you for asking. Although I have a terrible cold I now have the beginnings of an incredible home made scarf and have court up on some terrible films.
How are things with you? I like the six things you can't do without [everyone puts "friends, family, music" etc., I put "carpets, unicorns, oxygen" etc.], though surely carpets can be replaced with socks? think about it.x

Sorry to hear about your cold - are you any better now? And I like your idea about socks. Perhaps with your awesome knitting skills you can knit me a pair? ;o)

So how about meeting up to go to a pub quiz one night? Sounds like a plan?

I'm back to full health thanks, though I'm still going to attempt to knit some socks.
I'm always up for a pub quiz. For me it sounds like a perfect plan.x

Cool, I know a good pub quiz that runs on Tuesday evenings - are you free?

I am indeed. Where is this good pub quiz?

It's in a pub in XXXX called The XXXX. It's a cozy little pub by the river with a nice vibe. How about we meet at XXXX tube at around 7.45?

That sounds great. I looked up the pub, it seems really nice. 7.45 at XXXX. My number is XXXX, just incase.x

Cool, my number is XXXX. By the way, what's your name? ;o) XXXX? Mine's XXXX. See you soon.

I'm looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.x

[She leaves a message on my phone saying she can't make it as she has to work late. Now, some people might see this as flaking, I see it as her having to work late]

Hey, got your message but left my phone at home today. Your work sucks! ;o)

Let's do it next week instead then, same deal as before, Tue 2 Nov, 7.45 at XXXX tube.

Thanks for understanding. Same plan but next week. Can't wait.x

Cool. Are you on facebook by the way?

[I wanted to see more pics of her]

I am. I'm XXXX. Only one of me. Feel free to add me.x

Ah snap, [personal info]! I'm XXXX. I'll add you.

All the cool kids have [personal info].x

Very true. Had a good weekend. We had a halloween house party ... cleaning up on Sunday was an effort!

Sounds fun, I love Halloween. See you tomorrow.x

[so we set a date and the convo moved to text]

2/11/10
Hey, hope you’ve been learning your facts!

2/11/10
I already know them. OK which station are we meeting at?

2/11/10
XXXX – give me a call when you get there

2/11/10
Great, see you later

So we meet, and go to the pub quiz. We actually arrive too late to join in, so we just grab some drinks and have a chat. While the quiz is going on I keep getting distracted by the questions so I'll suddenly stop in the middle of the convo and say "Ultravox, Vienna" (one of the answers). I guess this makes for a less than ideal vibe but I could tell that she needed some "getting to know you" time and that not much was going to happen tonight. There was only very minimal kino but we vibed pretty well and had lots in common. Plus she was impressed with my knowledge so things were going in the right direction. Here are the texts after that meeting.

4/11/10
Hey how’s it going? Had fun the other night. By the way, do you have Stranger than Fiction on DVD?

[We had talked about this film as she really liked it and I hadn't seen it, so I thought that would be a good excuse to meet up again]

5/11/10
Hey. Things with me are good thanks. I had a great time on Tuesday. How are you? Oh and of course I have stranger than fiction.x

6/11/10
Hey yeah having a good time went out in Clapham last night, now having a nice relaxing Sat in front of the TV! I reckon we should have an evening watching Stranger than Fiction – what evening do you have free next week?

6/11/10
I had the same type of Saturday after a hectic bonfire night. I agree about stranger than fiction, I think I need to educate you a little :) I think I have Thursday free but have to double check.x

8/11/10
After double checking I only have tomorrow free. I seem to have a very hectic week ahead.x

8/11/10
OK shall we go for tomorrow then? Do you want to go to your place or mine? X

8/11/10
Your place. What time should I come over?x

8/11/10
Shit, better tidy up my room then! Come round for 8.30 I reckon. The address is XXXX but call me when you get to XXXX tube then I can walk you there

9/11/10
Hi, would you mind terribly if we postpone tonight? I just discovered one of my best friends is off to newyork for 6 weeks on Friday. You can choose any day from Sunday. I’ll bring popcorn to make up for it :)

[Would some people see this as flaking again? Perhaps, but I took it at face value. Plus as I've arranged to meet at my place it means I haven't lost any time. And she's keen to make up for it, so she's obviously not playing hard to get]

9/11/10
Hey no worries, just don’t do it again! And you lose 10 points! So I can do Tue or Thu next week, let me know.x

9/11/10
I’m not normally this busy :(

10/11/10
I promise I won’t do it again and will earn those 10 points back. Shall we do next Thursday week?x

16/11/10
Hey how was your weekend? I was in Copenhagen, it was damn expensive!

16/11/10
My weekend was good thankyou. Nothing as exciting as yours though. Are we still on for Thursday. I’m looking forward to it.x

17/11/10
Yep still on for Thurs!x

17/11/10
Great! What type of popcorn do you prefer?x

17/11/10
I like sweet popcorn x

18/11/10
Hey what time are you heading over tonight?

Lost message, confirms time

18/11/10
Yeah sure no probs

18/11/10
Gimme a call when you get to XXXX

So we watch the DVD. While watching it I do very light kino but nothing special. I'm kinda wondering whether it's on or not. After it finishes I simply turn to her and say "C'mere" and start kissing her, which progresses to a heavy make out session (we are in my room watching the DVD on my bed after all). I start escalating things further by trying to take her clothes off. She says that things are going too fast, it's only the second date after all and I can tell this is out of her reality. I play it cool as I know she's mine, just need to pace it right. We continue heavy make out for some time and I can feel she's hot and wet. All the time I'm talking complete filth into her ear, telling her that I want to fuck her hard with my big hard cock, that she's so hot and wet for me, that I'm going to make her come harder than she's ever come before. She's saving herself due to social conditioning, she'll give herself to me next time. As we leave we arrange to meet on Sunday.

21/11/10
Hola chica! Hope you’re having a weekend of total awesomeness. What time are you coming round tonight & do you wanna eat?

21/11/10
I didn’t think you wanted to meet tonight. You last only said maybe.

[That's not what I remember, but clearly for whatever reason there's been some miscommunication. Flaking again? No, just a mistake. Just have to deal with the situation as it is.]

21/11/10
Oh I thought I did. Do you wanna come?

21/11/10
I did but made other plans when I though it wasn’t happening :(

21/11/10
Doh! Ok how about Thurs?

21/11/10
Thursday could be good :)

21/11/10
OK make a note in your diary, Thursday: it’s on like donkey kong!

24/11/10
How cold is it today?! Just spoke to a friend in Dubai, he’s in a swimming pool the bastard!

24/11/10
I’m liking the freshness :)

24/11/10
Just got myself a new job. Yay!

[These last few texts are all true by the way, and good excuses to keep things warm.]

24/11/10
Well done!x

25/11/10
Do you want to come over for food? If so get here for 7.30 / 8

25/11/10
Will do

25/11/10
Cool. Bring some wine!

So she comes over to mine again, and we're on the bed again watching DVDs. She's into sci-fi and she's never seen Doctor Who which I'm a big fan of, so I show her the first two episodes from when the series restarted in 2005.

Again there's not loads of kino during the DVD, and I doubt myself occasionally while we're watching. But after the second episode I pause it and we go back to making out.

SEX BIT

So the clothes slowly come off and she's getting excited. I'm hard so I get a condom out but by the time I'm ready to put it on I've gone soft again. She tries to suck me off but that doesn't help either, so I tell her to stop and we go back to normal heavy make out. I've read up on this problem as I've had it before and I know that I just need to relax and take things slowly. I help myself by focussing on my breathing and taking long, deep breaths through my nose.

My hands start to wonder and after a while I'm slowly fingering her and rubbing her clit with her pussy juices. She's moaning and breathing heavy and I get hard again. I strap on a condom and slide my cock into her hot, wet pussy. We start fucking nice and slow and slowly build up the tempo. All the time I'm talking absolute filth into her ear, telling her how hot and wet she is for me, how she loves having my big hard cock inside her (incidentally my cock is average size, but I tell chicks this anyway and they love it) and a few things I've never said to a girl before, like her pussy is mine and she only wants my cock in her. Cheeky stuff I know! So we're getting harder and faster and I'm grabbing her and pushing her around and she's loving it. She's saying "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me hard" when she can get a word out as she's finding it hard to speak.

As well as getting hard I've had problems lasting long, and thankfully I last longer than my normal few minutes, but not much longer. As I climax I get quite vocal and she reciprocates and she has a massive orgasm shortly after I come. I'm still inside her and moving slowly, she says something but I can't hear it as she can't speak for coming! Then she finally gets the words out: "Stop moving" lol. I do, and she continues her orgasm, unable to move or speak.

END SEX BIT

After a few minutes she calms down. The first thing she says afterwards is "I'm speechless" which, as she's normally quite a sparky, sarcastic girl says a lot. She takes her time to recover and we hug and cuddle. I feel good inside.

Looks like a good future with this one.

The two main points from this:

- Flaking sometimes isn't flaking, just keep things moving in the right direction
- I've managed to pretty much solve my sex problems which is a great relief for me

Stephen Fry and female sexuality

OK so I haven’t posted in a long time. Mainly because I haven’t been laid in a while. More about that later. But in the meantime I wanted to post some commentary.

Stephen Fry has been in hot, or perhaps luke-warm, water recently because he joked that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men.

Naturally he was criticised as since he is a gay man, how could he know what sexual experience is like for women? Although he has had sex with one woman according to his autobiography, that still isn’t much to go on.

They have a point. But I can totally understand why he said what he did. For two reasons. Firstly, for a wide variety of reasons both social and biological, it is against a woman’s best interests to go around publically expressing her sexual desires without inhibition. We can talk a long time about why this is so, but a quick way to explain this is: would a high-status, attractive man who does well with women want to have sex with a woman that was known to be a slut? If she was very hot then probably yes, but 99% of the time the answer would be no.

Secondly, we have to understand the perspective that Stephen Fry is coming from. He’s a gay man, obviously, and the male gay community is, generally, very promiscuous. Thinking about male-female sexual behaviours, the general consensus is that guys want to fuck as many people as possible, and girls want to be seen to be classy, hard to get, looking for the special man etc. This is a cliché and not 100% true all of the time but we are all aware of the social norms.

Now imagine that you took women out of this equation and men just had sex with other men. As gay people do. What you have is promiscuous people chasing other promiscuous people. It’s like promiscuity squared. That’s a lot of promiscuity and a lot of sex. Just go to the toilets of any gay club. Actually don’t. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. In which case, fill your boots.

Another factor of Stephen Fry’s context is that he lives in the world of comedy, and if you look at the narratives that run through the majority of comedic routines about male-female relations, they often talk about how horny men are, how hard it is to get laid, and how their wives / girlfriends don’t enjoy sex, for a kind of sympathy oh-it-happens-to-me-too kind of laugh. If you were a gay man with little knowledge of female sexuality you might get the wrong impression – although I’m sure this impression is true for a large section of society, unfortunately.

So from Stephen Fry’s perspective you have gay male society, which is full of a truck load of sex, and then straight society, which is full of some sex but less in comparison. What’s the differing factor between the two? Women. So it appears to a gay man – and appearance is the important word here – that women don’t like sex as much as gay men.

But as I mentioned this is an appearance. There are various social factors that mean that women don’t appear to enjoy sex as much as men, or don’t feel they can express themselves that way. And no doubt some women are like that in reality. Ann Widdicombe springs to mind, and I wish she wouldn’t.

But it’s not true. Frankly there is one phrase that easily counteracts the “women don’t like sex” argument in a stroke: Multiple orgasms. That alone should end the argument.

The times in the past when I’ve been fucking my girlfriends and after the session, she’s practically passed out on the bed, unable to move, legs twitching, because I’ve fucked her so hard and she’s came so hard and so many times, how could you ever think that women don’t enjoy sex?

Now I’ve seen statistics that say that only a small percentage of women experience multiple orgasms, and that’s a depressing thought. Hopefully we are doing all we can to rectify that! But it is possible and I will always hate god for not letting us men have them too.

But I have luckily known a number of women who privately, as friends, have been open about their sexuality and what they think and feel, and there is no doubt that they enjoy sex as much, if not more, than men. They want the good looking guys. They want the confident, social guys. They want the guys with the big cocks (but not too big as that can hurt, so I've been told). When they have sex, they want to have it again, they want it more. They get horny. They go out and have one night stands, though perhaps they don’t talk about it as much as guys do.

And yes they want to settle down and they like romance and all that, but just because they want all the extra stuff it doesn’t mean they don’t want the sex too.

So unfortunately you’d have to say that Stephen Fry is wrong and that you can understand why he is wrong. It is what it is. But he’s gone off in a huff and perhaps he shouldn’t be such a big gay.

Lol.