Friday, 19 September 2008

The Great Asian Ladyboy Hunt Begins!

So in the few weeks since coming back from Europe I haven't really been doing much sarging for a variety of reasons, mainly as I've had my normal social life rearing it's rather cute and attractive head at me.

So not many posts here. And not many more to come either, as tomorrow morning at 6 I have to wake up and leave to go travelling through Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia for five weeks. Such is life.

So there probably won't be many posts here, unless there are some particularly awesome nights of pick up, and I happen to be near a computer shortly afterwards. Which seems unlikely. I may try and post some comments on here using free wifi and my phone, but it might be more hassle than it's worth.

However I will also be creating a separate blog for my trip (and my subsequent one through India shortly afterwards) so I'll add a link to that one from here, once I've created it.

Keep up the good work while I'm away!

EDIT: OK here it is:

Saturday, 13 September 2008

The Return of SuperKiril

So SuperKiril has made it over to London and it’s the least that Fargo and I can do to return the favour of showing us the cool spots in Amsterdam, by doing the same thing for him in London.

Before I head out a bunch of bad things happen and I’m in a pretty bad mood. I’m annoyed as I’m out of state and worry that the night’s going to be a let down.

But then I think about all the times that I’ve felt similar before (be it tiredness or negative state) and I realise that on all those occasions, how I felt at the start of the night bears no relation on actually how good the night is. So this sole realisation allows me to significantly get over myself and split the odd infinitive.

I talk to Fargo about this later and he says that most nights of going out he feels negative, doubting himself and so on. I think it must happen to all of us, certainly the junior members of the community. The important learning is that it doesn’t matter.

I fuel myself with Lucozade and meet up with Fargo up east. Kiril and one of his colleagues who is also over are already installed in Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen, so we go and meet them there. We ease into the venue and start to get into the mood. But it’s a bit difficult.

The dancefloor is way too loud and full of blokes. We go back to the main bar but sit ourselves in a place where we can’t talk to anyone else. We all have a chat together though and catch up with what’s been happening since the three weeks that we last met. But there’s no action and the guests are bored so we need to mix things up a bit.

Because Kiril is Kiril (i.e. an alternative Bulgarian impish rock star) I know he’ll suit Dream Bags and Jaguar Shoes very well, so we decide to head over there. It’s a bit packed but we find ourselves a little space and join in the fun. Where we’re standing is actually quite good as we’re not getting pushed around in the main thoroughfare but there is still a bit of passing traffic and thus girls to talk to.

Of course the catch is that I’m with guests, and guests that don’t know anything about game, its processes or theories. Despite the fact that Kiril gets laid, literally, like a rock star, and the other guy, Jan-Martin, is keen to try to pick up girls (even though we later find out he has a girlfriend!).

So it’s a slightly unusual situation but we work with it as best we can. Fargo is off somewhere talking to some random people, working on his networking game that he instigated at a Stevie Wonder gig the night before. I open up a couple of girls – literally the girls that walk past – with my natural / direct opener “Hey, how’s it going?” It works two times out of three I think. We also set up a little game where we pretend Kiril is a famous Bulgarian rock star, although he doesn’t really buy into it himself! I was role-playing with one girl about how we were going to go to Mars, with EasyRocket, which provides a regular budget service. There were jokes about the atmosphere being a bit thin, the weather not that great, and the Martians always planning to invade and so on. Lots of fun was had.

It came to closing time so we went hunting for other bars. We completely failed to get into Tea by pretending to be smokers and ended up going to 54 on Commercial Street. I did some more direct / natural game on one girl there. I can’t remember what I opened with but I had a bit of a chat with her and spun and salsa’d with her. She was friends with the DJ I think but wasn’t with anyone else. Fargo then came in and completely shat all over the set by telling me to lock in and physically moving me about – which in my mind was completely irrelevant and totally unnecessary – and I lost her. I hope he never, ever does that again. However she came back again later and we continued from where we left off.

I think there was another natural break in the conversation and Fargo then told me that she wasn’t that hot. I then started to doubt whether she was and I couldn’t actually remember what she looked like (in fact after the first break I couldn’t even remember what dress she was wearing) – which to be honest probably didn’t bode well. Although I was a bit drunk by this stage.

Anyway after a while I kind of lost the momentum and didn’t take it any further. The guests were tired and wanted to go home so we quit. It was about 3.30 after all.

What went well

  • Opened with ease, and felt in control of the early parts of the interaction. The little chunks of what to do are slowly falling into place.
What could have gone better

  • Escalation, maybe opened more sets
What did I do well that I haven’t done before

  • Did pick up in an unusual situation, i.e. with guys who don’t know about the “community”

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Flexing the old muscles again

So I’ve been away on holiday and then came back and was promptly ill for about a week and a half. So basically I hadn’t done any proper sarging for about two and a half weeks. Plus with my illness I had basically been confined to my flat and hadn’t spoken to anyone except my flatmates. So I was feeling a little rusty and in terms of sarging I felt as though I was back to square one.

I was also feeling a little anxious and wary of going out; that I might suck and that it would be too much like hard work (a self-fulfilling prophesy if I ever heard one). But I chose to ignore these thoughts for now and give it a go anyway. I remembered the lessons, my latest theories and where I was at before the holiday: Basically to use the two standard openers as warm ups (hair and pirates versus ninjas), to use social proof game early on in the night, to keep talking to sets for as long as possible rather than going for five a night, and to know that I usually have more interest from girls than I realise, and thus to escalate sooner.

Well that was all well and good but logistics threw a spanner in the works. We were going to go to Cheapskates, but by the time we arrived there was already a queue and they were only letting in people with NUS cards. We were never going to get in. So we went to a series of other venues to try to find somewhere with the sweet, sweet ladies. We go to Roadhouse but arrive after 10 and we have to pay, so we chose not to go in. We go to Porterhouse and it’s full of guys. We fear that the England game is going to be like Euro 2008 all over again. Jewel in Covent Garden is empty. O’Neill’s is slightly less empty but still mainly blokes. Jewel in Piccadilly is slightly better but Matt (a new guy who is an approach machine) opens the only good set and a bit of creepy touching gets him blown out, so the venue is spent for us.

I’m this close to calling it a night but the guys convince me to give Tiger Tiger one last try. We go in and at least it’s busy. It’s too late to use our standard social proof game, so we improvise and do what we can. Matt approaches a few people and his looks and his height get him somewhere, but for whatever reason nothing sticks. I can see him doing well quite quickly though. However I fear that they way that he touches people may be hindering him – I saw that in Jewel and when he said goodbye to me he was stroking my arm like I was a cat or something – it was a bit strange! I’m sure he’ll learn soon though.

So there are a group of people on the dancefloor and there’s one black girl that is causing a scene by grinding on loads of guys and being the centre of attention. Matt and Jordan join in the general mêlée. There’s a girl standing next to me watching the show as well. I ask her if they’re friends of hers and she tells me they’re over from South Africa for a trip. I have a bit of a chat with her about it all, and have a brief dance, giving her a spin and so on. She’s friendly and into me but not hot at all so I don’t take it anywhere. By now we pretty much have control of the dancefloor and are having a bit of fun. I can feel the old skills coming back to me.

I like to dance and while on holiday my dancefloor game reached a peak, where I could have kiss closed the Dutch girl with a boyfriend, but chickened out (dammit!). But after the time off I was feeling a bit stiff again. I stood and watched for a bit, tried to dance but knew I was looking lame, but then slowly I could feel myself relax and get back into the swing of things a bit more.

There was an Asian girl with a cute petite body that was doing some impressive breakdancing (inspired by Jordan no doubt!). I danced with her for a bit, she was giving me some mixed signals. She was dancing with me one minute then looking away the next. I asked her if the group where she was looking was friends of hers but she said they weren’t. As I went to leave she told me she works there and would be there at the weekend if I came back. I should have stuck in there and escalated.

I called it a night but for a first night back when I thought I’d be rusty (and was confounded by logistics) it went particularly well.

What went well

  • Turned around bad state and thoughts into a good night.
What could have gone better

  • Forced myself to stay out and escalate further
What did I do well that I haven’t done before

  • Instigated dancefloor game and social proof in a different manner than usual.

Monday, 8 September 2008

Thoughts from the Sick Bed

OK so I’m slowly getting better but not quick enough to be able to go out on the weekend (including my birthday!) which sucked. At least now I’m on to eating solids like chips, donuts, garlic bread and chocolate biscuits. Yum! But I thought I write a post about a few things that have been running around my head.

The worst thing about being ill is that it puts your life on hold. When you hear of other guys going out and having fun it frustrates you and makes you jealous. Which is like a bad thing and stuff. There are two things to take from that.

One is that it provides motivation to go out once everything is back to normal, and get to work on playing catch up. The other thing is the old concept of internal versus external validation.

When I was on holiday with Fargo it was funny because he is strongly focussed on external validation (or rather, competition), and I’m more internally validated (though not 100% of course). So we joked about that and teased each other about it. But there is an important point there. The external validation and competition is largely determined by factors that are out of your control. After all we all know that the difference between a good and bad night can depend a lot on external factors, such as how many girls are around, whether they’ve had a bad day or not, logistics and so on. There are also factors that you are responsible for but for whatever reason you can’t get them working for you on the day, like your state or your body language.

And then when you really think about it, there are always people that you can compare yourself to that are better than you in some way or another. Like X may be better at opening, Y is better at kiss closing and Z is better at day 2s or whatever. At the end of the day, if all this comparison is only making you frustrated, exasperated or insecure, it serves no purpose. And there are hundreds of reasons why other people may be better than you at something, learning from it is good but focussing on it won’t necessarily help with your own progress.

Also if you’re competing for the sake of your own ego, i.e. to prove to yourself that you’re justified in thinking that you’re better than everyone else, then you’re going to deliberately want to ignore any lessons you can learn from other people who are better than you, because you don’t believe that they actually are. If you get over your ego and see things as they are rather than as you think they should be, you find more information that can help you.

So the key here is balance. If you’re only focussed on external validation and competition you’re constantly fighting with events outside of yourself, though it can provide some motivation. But the key is to focus on yourself and your progress, irrespective of whether other people are developing or not.

The second point that has had me thinking is that “shit happens.” By this I mean that you have good days and you have bad days, and the key thing to remember is that bad days still happen to even the very best guys. If you go out on a bootcamp and see your instructor approach girls, they won’t have a 100% hit rate from every girl they talk to. No one does, it’s almost impossible, no matter how good their game.

The mistake I think some people make is to think that progress in this field is linear. Over a long period of time and from a good few feet back, it may look that way, but in reality it is not a gradual, smooth line upwards.

George Leonard’s book Mastery talks about the process of learning a new skill and how periods of progress are interspersed with plateaus. In terms of pick up and bottom line results each session that you go out, you’re going to see a graph like a stock market – ups and downs all over the place but with a gradual trend upwards.

What does this tell us? Don’t freak out over bad days. They happen. Such is life. Get over it, and get over your emotional reactions to it. Tomorrow is another day.

The last thing I wanted to mention is something that reinforces a point I made in my previous post from watching the Pick Up Artist. I’ve been watching some clips from Keys to the VIP on Youtube, in particular this clip, which I think is awesome. Look at the eye contact, and the body language, the touching and the frame that he has. Now to be fair the guy’s clearly good looking (and she’s clearly looking to get laid) but even so, a lot to learn here. I especially love the speech he does at about 1:38 “Somebody for once can make something happen and make something happen big!”

Anyway once again what this shows, is that pick up can happen very quickly. Five minute kiss closes are the norm amongst good players. This is my long term aim and goal.

Happy hunting.

Friday, 5 September 2008

Down with the Sickness

So a couple of days after coming back from holiday and I get struck down with food poisoning. A couple of days in bed, eating nothing but bread and chicken stock and constantly having “poo-wee” has kind of taken it’s toll.

But it has allowed me to watch the whole of The Flight of the Conchords which is awesome (my favourites are the West End Girls spoof “Inner City Pressure” and the French song) and also the whole of The Pick Up Artist.

What did I learn from the latter? That I can go into a kiss close much earlier than I had previously thought. Having said that, the show is of course edited so timings are necessarily contracted but even allowing for that I need to push myself to escalate more. Also ramping up the tease / push-pull material and piling it on to create attraction.

The show itself is standard US reality TV and Mystery doesn’t come across as such a self-obsessed arsehole as I kind of heard he did. Although the stuff with the medallion signs and meanings was a little bit over the top.

Also the other thing was that it was clear from the start who would win, unfortunately that was the guy with the best looks and personality. God knows why that guy thought he was bad with women. He also looked a lot like a Colombian guy I used to work with, who was also a hit with the chicks. Respect for the guy who came third though as he was a fat bastard but made it work for him!

Monday, 1 September 2008

August in Review

So here’s an assessment of how I’ve done over August, and my goals for September.

August Goals

Number close 15 times

I number closed once, and gave my number to three girls, one of whom called me back. Now although this is less than July, in July two of those numbers were ugly chicks that I number closed for the practice, so shouldn’t really count. But however you cut the cake I haven’t improved on this so it still needs attention. However I also probably need to look to number close the cute-but-not-hot girls that I have some connection with, as I need to ease out of my comfort zone a bit more.

Kiss close five times

I haven’t kiss closed once, so I need to work on this as well.

Go on three “Day Twos”

I haven’t been on any Day Twos. Given the success rate of the previous goals I think I need to focus a bit more on the number and kiss closing before focussing on this.

Get laid once

Nope – see above!

Go out six times a week at least (day or night game)

Well at this rate I should have gone out about 27 times in August, and by my calculations I went out 24 times, which is just under 10% away from the total, so not too bad.

Research and implement how to turn my conversation seductive, and use it five times.

Still not really done this, but have picked up pointers from Fargo – use routines to tease them and amp up attraction, a bit of cocky funny too, and sexually escalate whenever you can. I can do a bit of this through dancefloor game too. Kino is pretty much the key here.

Go sarging solo five times

I think I made four, which isn’t too bad. Though worryingly I went from opening five sets with difficulty, to opening no sets at all. There are some logistical considerations to take into account, but I need to keep trying at this.

Open at least five people each session and stay in set for at least five minutes once successfully opened.

I hit that a couple of times, but in the last week or two I’m starting to see the lack of value in this goal as it goes against my goal of staying in set and escalating. I think the latter goal is more important to me now, so I’m going to focus on that. I think opening a couple of good sets each session and getting number closes from them will be of a lot more help for me.

Get some routines down to keep in conversation in set

I still need to do this. I did start writing a cheat sheet but I’ve now got to use it and implement it regularly in set.

Continue to use the Psychocybernetics visualisation techniques

I used this once to great effect, and a couple of other times not so well. I need to keep using this as it can be very effective with helping to change my beliefs.

Continue to attend LSS talks and bootcamps as costs allow (i.e. mainly the cheapest ones!)

Went on one bootcamp which wasn’t so great but at least confirmed my thoughts about what I need to do. I’d still like to go on others, but will pick and choose a bit more.

Other stuff (qualitative learning)

  • Went to a bunch of new venues for the first time: Sports Café, Punk (even though I felt intimidated), a bunch of venues in Hoxton, Fulham.
  • Instructor frame gives me confidence
  • Still don’t care about getting blown out.
  • Solid alpha body language
  • Staying in set is the new goal
  • Can sometimes force myself to approach through crippling solo day game AA
  • I read an “Approach anxiety is bullshit” post which helped my thinking – my thoughts are that yes it does exist but you can overcome it through systematic desensitisation. The attitude is to really don’t care about the outcome; I still care about this a bit, but excuse it with social calibration. It is all in your head, but you need to change your head and this happens over time.
  • Opened a high pressure set
  • Need to open more mixed sets
  • Generally more teasing and better conversations.
  • Realised that I am pretty good at social calibration. Feeling a lot more comfortable and confident in sets.
  • I forget a lot of stuff (despite knowing all the state capitals in the US…!) Need to work on how to organise my life better.
  • I’m always low energy (sometimes from exercise) and Lucozade really helps with this
  • I have developed a new approach to help me learn natural game. I have found it hard to go in with direct sexual openers or direct game. But I now have a sequence to help get me in state: use the hair opener on the first set, then ninjas vs pirates on the second, then go natural / direct after that.
  • I have natural curiosity comfort game down.
  • I have dancefloor game and escalation down pretty good! (though not in Punk)
  • As a group we have social proof game down pretty well!
  • I am starting to get self-motivated to open, and forcing myself to open when I don’t want to. Now when anyone asks if I should open a set, I always say yes. I have not regretted this once which is the important thing and a massive learning.
  • I don’t notice IOIs, so should learn to, and I should escalate earlier than I think as I probably have interest but don’t know it.
  • Received my first call back!
  • Did some international sarging and one night of textbook routine game in Amsterdam.
  • I don’t seem to be biting my nails as much.
New Goals for September

So these are the goals for September which I’ve adapted from the goals for August. Some of them are revised down a bit as I’m clearly expecting too much from myself too soon. Plus I’ll be going travelling before the end of the month, so that might throw a logistical spanner into the works, but we’ll see what happens.

  • Number close 10 times
  • Kiss close three times
  • Day 2 or get laid once
  • Continue to go out six times a week at least (day or night game)
  • Keep on trying to turn my conversation seductive.
  • Go sarging solo seven times
  • Open at least three people each session, and stay in set for at least ten minutes once successfully opened with two of them.
  • Get some routines down to keep in conversation in set
  • Continue to use the Psychocybernetics visualisation techniques
  • Continue to attend LSS talks and bootcamps as costs allow (i.e. mainly the cheapest ones!)
Probably one of my problems here (and something that Paul reminded me of) is that there's too much to think about here. I need to focus. So here is my focus for September:

  1. Open at least three people each session, and stay in set for at least ten minutes once successfully opened with two of them.
  2. Number close everyone