Wednesday, 9 July 2008

So the seven day sarging challenge… how is it going?

Well I often set myself these goals and all too frequently they turn out to be too challenging. But that’s OK, coming across these obstacles are beneficial in knowing how to effectively push myself, and how to keep to plans.

Anyway what happened on Monday? Well truth be told, I was feeling shit after a weekend of excess – a friend’s 30th birthday party on Saturday and an all-day lunch / drinking session with the family on Sunday made me the worse for wear by Monday. The only consolations were that Rafa beat Roger and that Lewis won the Grand Prix and took the lead of the championship again. But I digress. I was feeling like crap and there were a lot of admin type things to do, including booking my trip to Vietnam (O for awesome!) so I decided to push it back a day. Plus the weather was shit.

Tuesday my battle with motivation nearly got the better of me again, as my neighbour invited me for a smoke and it would have been too easy to have spent the day at home. In fact I had kind of made up my mind when I received a text from Python who invited me out and I knew I couldn’t turn it down, for my own sake.

So I head out but the smoking combined with a pretty hard swim I’d had earlier meant that I was almost falling asleep on the tube on the way there. I was definitely in a low energy state. I met up with Python and for the first time I met with a very experienced PUA, one that looked the part in shades and gelled hair, and we went straight into game rather than talking and getting to know one another, which is what usually happens. Interesting learning point there.

However the fact that I hadn’t got to know Python was distracting me, and that was another learning point. Surely my game didn’t depend on whether I had “got to know” the person next to me? I’ve always had it in the past and it made me feel good, but that was also to counteract the bad feeling I might have from not approaching or not having anyone to talk to and feeling social pressure in a bar. I just realised that I was depending upon my environment too much.

I saw Python approach and number close and what surprised me wasn’t that it was possible (as I’ve done it, just inconsistently) but what Python said and how he said it. He was essentially just talking random shit the whole time. Sometimes it didn’t even make sense to me! That was a real surprise, it was unlike any pick up style that I had seen before. All the naturals I know use conventional conversation, teasing, high energy stuff. Python had a high-ish energy about him but it was less about what he said, more the fact that he was actually saying something. Interesting stuff. I don’t know what I can learn from that other than there’s no “right” style, you’ve just got to find something within you that works, and there’s more than one way to do that.

I also notice that Python only approaches girls on their own (i.e. no groups) as this makes it easier to stop and chat to them. Then I notice that my perception when walking through crowds is completely focussed away from spotting hot single girls coming towards me. I’ve noticed that I’ve almost always opened groups of two girls or so, I need to vary this a bit.

Anyway we walk around and Python opens up the odd girl here and there, and then I find myself becoming intimidated. This is a problem I’ve always had, namely around jealousy, where others doing things that I want to do better than me gives me negative emotions and thoughts. This is a core issue in my inner game, and something that I haven’t yet properly found a solution to. At least I’m aware of it, and I’ll try and become more and more objective to it over time. Any tips or suggestions please let me know! The mature voice for this is motivation I guess.

We go into the National Gallery which is a bit surreal for me as it’s connected with insecurities from my childhood. I’m identifying a bit with that, aren’t I? God, this post is bringing up a lot of shit. Interesting stuff. Python opens up a couple of chicks but now my AA is massive and I can’t seem to open at all. Python disappears and I suspect that he’s venue changed with a girl, later turns out he has. In a way it’s a relief as there is less self-generated intimidation. I decide to get outside again and do more street game.

I decided on this challenge that I would open MINIMUM five sets each session, and I’ve only opened two by this stage. As this is a goal that I know I can achieve I determine to open another three. My AA is so bad though I can only contemplate opening with “What’s the time?” type questions. I also decide to use this time to focus on opening hot single girls. This is actually really hard, as I have to change my whole perception and focus on the people in the crowds, rather than where I am going etc. This is a big outer game / technical change, and it takes some good time to adapt to.

After spending ages on this I eventually get used to spotting the single girls, assessing quickly if they’re hot, and then opening them before it’s too late. There aren’t that many around that I can see, so I have to lower my standards a bit, but I get my three in the end. It was actually really hard work! I felt tired afterwards but I’m happy I did it.

Tuesday evening was band practice so there was no sarging anyway. Wednesday day game was in the Village Hall due to rain* but I have something set up for this evening…

What I learnt:
  • Experiment with going straight into approaches when meeting up with guys as an alternative to chatting.
  • Whether you know your wing or not shouldn’t affect your game
  • Don’t smoke or do hardcore exercise before going out on a sarge
  • There’s no right style to game, find one that works for yourself
  • Approach single girls in day game. Learn to focus on them
  • Transmute jealousy into motivation. Become objective towards the jealousy identity
  • Become separate from childhood insecurities. It’s a protective voice that’s helping you avoid fear, but it restraining you in your experience of reality, making excuses for me, and producing fear where none exists.
  • Everything – motivation, learnings, change – comes from inside me
*i.e. called off. Is rain a lame excuse to avoid doing day game? I should find a shopping centre somewhere…

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