Monday, 6 July 2009

LR: Big bottoms … how can I leave this behind?

OK this is the LR that I posted on the LSS, contains some info that you might know about already but here it is in its entirety for your enjoyment...

OK this lay report is going to require a bit of background info which might not seem relevant at first, but it will all fall into place so bear with it. It’s also long but I like the details.

First background fact: I used to be a cocaine addict. At the height of my addiction I had chronic insomnia which properly fucked up my life. I kicked it quite easily in the end, but never took more than a dab of spangle dust after that. When one of my flatmates recently moved in, we bonded over a few beers which then became a shared gram of coke. I thought I’d give it a try as the evening was going so well. It was all fine until the next night – I couldn’t sleep at all. In fact I was so bored from not being able to sleep that I decided to do something mildly productive, so I learnt the state capitals of all the US states. I still remember them to this day. (After that night my sleep was fine again.)

Second background fact: I’ve been working out since the start of the year and building muscle so that I look pretty ripped now with my shirt off. People around me have noticed the difference, and I’ve noticed that I get a lot more attention from women than I ever used to (which is also partly due to me realising when chicks are giving me IOIs, whereas previously I’d be unaware of them). I always used to be a skinny runt, and now people think I’m a rugby player or something. Frankly, I love it. (If anyone wants some advice on this give me a shout.)

Anyway fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. It’s sunny, I’m out in the garden with some of my flatmates, shirt off obviously to catch some rays. We’re friends with our next door neighbours who are a houseshare like us, and some of them were out in the garden too. One of my neighbours is an Aussie guy who has an American girlfriend (Yank 1). One of her girl friends was over – Yank 2. I have a rep in both houses of being a pretty intelligent guy and knowing lots of random stuff (which is true dare I say it) and in particular Yank 1 knows that I know all the state capitals. So Yank 1 gets Yank 2 to test me on the state capitals.

Funnily enough she gets them all wrong. “What’s the capital of California ?” “ Sacramento ” “No it’s not, it’s Los Angeles .” “No, it’s Sacramento .” “Oh yeah, so it is. What’s the capital of Louisiana ?” “ Baton Rouge ” “No it’s not, it’s New Orleans .” “No, it’s Baton Rouge .” “Oh yeah, so it is. What’s the capital of Washington state?” “ Olympia ” “No it’s not, it’s Seattle .” “No, it’s Olympia .” “Oh yeah, so it is.”

Anyway, you get the idea.

So we joke and I tease her about being a dumb American and all that. Later on we’ve all been out doing different things and as is customary for our two houses we come back and hang out in one of the houses. We sit in my mate’s room (German chef) and smoke weed, I think we were playing guitar hero. If you look at it in that way I’m obviously massively socially proofed as I’m around all my mates both male and female. It probably helps that Yank 1 and I have a lot of flirty banter (though I have no desire to go there as it’s my mate, it’s just fun and practice). Later on in the night Yank 1 starts giving people massages. She gives one to Yank 2 but she’s all uptight and it’s not working.

From looking at her and I guess my knowledge of physiology from working out and also by comparing her to German chef who has one of the most relaxed postures of anyone I know, I can see where she’s tense. I give her a few suggestions and guide her so that the tension dissipates and the massage starts working. After this she’s clearly into me and I reckon I could go there if I want to. But I don’t bother that night for some reason I can’t remember, probably was too tired or something.

Incidentally this girl wasn’t particularly my type. She had a fairly pretty face and great tits, but she was a bit voluptuous. I normally go for normal size girls, like size 10s, not too skinny. But she was bigger than I usually go for. Big bottoms, big bottom, talk about mud flaps my girls got ‘em. Big bottoms drive me out of my mind. How can I leave this behind?

However one of my sticking points with game is that I don’t captialise on the chances that come my way. For example another of my neighbours is a hot oriental Aussie girl who fucks anything with a spine. She’s fucked both of my male flatmates and German chef but not me – only because I didn’t take advantage of the chances when they were offered. I notice that I make up some excuse not to, and then regret it later. So I need to take my chances more often.

Anyway fast forward to last night. I was out in town with my wings and we hit up a few sets. Halfway through the night I get a call from Aussie guy – turns out Yank 2 wants to speak to me. He hands over the phone and Yank 2 tells me that she’s leaving to go back to Yankland tomorrow and “wants to see me” before she leaves. If that’s not a massive booty call then I don’t know what is.

Funnily enough after that I don’t open any sets for the rest of the night. I think subconsciously I knew I was going to get laid so I didn’t try. I only realised this afterwards. Anyway I get back home and meet up with Aussie guy, Yank 1, Yank 2 and German chef joins a bit later. When I first meet her Yank 2 comes up and kisses me on the cheek and gives me a big hug. I make sure I hold her comfortably and firmly to set the right tone.

We then go and sit, chat and drink a beer for a bit. I think German chef was marginally annoyed as he was hoping for some action from Yank 2 – I’d heard Yank 1 saying something to that effect. But hopefully it’s all cool as basically she wanted me and all I really had to do was walk her to my room. German chef is probably my best friend in the world right now so I felt a bit bad for him. Incidentally he was also picked up by a modelling agency, which I guess says something.

So yeah I’m sitting next to Yank 2, arm around her stroking her and teasing her. At one point she says “I kept thinking about you lying next to me and telling me lots of facts.” which sounds pretty surreal. But it was a good opportunity to make one of my favourite jokes: “Yeah I’ll tell you facts all night. Fact after fact after fact. There’s no end of facts that I can tell you. I’ll tell you more facts than you can possibly take. I’ll tell you facts until your mind explodes. I’ll fact you ‘til it hurts.” Do you see what I did there?

At one point Yank 1 and Yank 2 go off and do the girl talk thing, even though it’s so on it’s untrue. A bit later it’s starting to get a bit cold outside so I finish my beer and say “Do you wanna come back to mine?” To be honest I could have just stood up and walked off without saying anything but as the answer wasn’t ever going to be No I thought I’d be polite. Walk out the house and kiss her passionately in the street. Walk next door and up to my room and it’s game over. Two very powerful orgasms later she’s asleep with exhaustion. At 5.30 she wakes up to catch her flight back to America .

I got my American flag. I fucked her on Independence Day. :D

I guess you could call this social circle game. Also you could call it peacocking my mind with facts and my body with my physique. Or DHVing. Or simply not fucking it up. But the main thing was that I took my chance when it was offered to me.

No comments: