I was looking to get laid but instead I found my inner child

"You spend four nights a week now looking for your inner child.
What you gonna say when you find him? Suppose you don't like him or he doesn't like you?
Suppose once you wake him up he won't go back to bed and wants to stay up late watching TV?
But you say there must be some reason why you feel this way.
Big deal, that's the way we all feel."

- "Big Deal", Everything but the Girl

So something happened last night that felt really important. I say felt, as this is something that purely happened internally, in my mind. It didn’t happen outside in the environment, and as a result, it’s a bit weird, a bit out there. It deals with deep-level psychological ideas, and borders on the metaphysical at times, and as such could be seen as very pretentious. But it happened to me, it was real, and although talking about something this personal could be seen as a risk, I believe in honesty and if a few people think I’m strange, I can live with that. I’ll try to describe it as best I can.

Those of you familiar with meditation and the mind-body connection know that feelings in the body can relate to certain psychological states. Tension in your thoughts more often than not is reflected with tension in your body, and vice versa. Hence why a balanced, relaxed posture and strong core can make you feel so good.

A while before last night I was listening to my meditation CD and I became aware of a tension in my torso, just under the breast plate at the top of the abdomen. It was like a tightness or pressure pushing inwards like you might get if you exhale too quickly. In my relaxed state I became aware that this somehow equated to feelings of jealousy (it happened shortly after this day). I focussed on the tension and changed it – I softly pushed the pressure back out, so that there was a beam of energy coming out of my chest and forwards into the world. I felt much more relaxed and was no longer spending energy keeping the tension in. Did it reduce my feelings of jealousy? To be honest I’m not sure, but it did give me better posture and I feel better and more relaxed, and that’s something. In fact the effect that that has had on my posture has been great and beneficial in lots of subtle ways.

But last night something else happened. Again I was relaxing with my meditation CD just before falling asleep at night. I became aware of a tension in the core of my torso, up and down the front and back, quite deep in the body, below the muscles on the outside (i.e. the ones you can see), close to the spine and the internal organs. I think these are posture / support muscles or tendons. I sensed that they were very tense, constantly contracted. I focussed on the tensions and tried to see what they were. It seemed to want to move out to the right, so I did that.

Then suddenly it moved in front of me and I saw a small child, looking very upset. I see that it is an imaginary version of me from the past, as a small child, who is upset because he wants love, from other people. And this is love in all its forms - friendship, respect, acceptance, kindness, love, sex, favours, parental love, admiration, adulation, on and on in so many forms. And he wants it all, and so much of it. In fact he’s constantly looking for it, all the time, and can never get enough. He a vampire, a succubus, and he’s part of me. Quite a dominant part of me in fact, but one that I haven’t been too consciously aware of. But it’s this constant want, need, hunger that is causing the tension. And I realise that this has been going on for a very long time, I think the boy is about 5 or 6 years old.

I recently went to a conference on a metaphysical process called Big Mind, Big Heart(BMBH) by a guy called Genpo Roshi, which uses a technique call Voice Dialogue to talk to aspects of yourself and resolve conflicts while easily and quickly experiencing high level Zen states. In that process you talk with the voice of various aspects of yourself to understand them, become clearly aware of them and integrate them into your greater whole, so that you might operate more effectively and be more at peace, amongst other things.

So I decided to use that practice here, although slightly differently as the boy who talked with this voice was separate from me and I was talking with him, and yet he was still part of me (i.e. created by my imagination). I told you this got strange. So I became clear on what he wants, and understood his needs, which are massive, and it’s quite scary. I mean, here he is with this voracious, insatiable appetite which is creating all this tension, and what am I supposed to do? How do you solve a problem like this?

Well it’s my imagination so I feel for a right answer. He just wants to be loved. He wants someone to love him. Well, he’s part of me, and I can love him. So I tell him that I love him, and can provide him with all the love he needs. I’m not sure if this is right or true but it seems to calm him down and there is a massive sigh of relief.

And then thinking back to the BMBH process one question you ask of repressed, dysfunctional voices like this is, “What is the mature version of this voice?” At the time I couldn’t think of one as it just seemed too powerfully stuck in its extreme need to become mature. The obvious answer is motivation, or perhaps focus and awareness on the surroundings. Someone that can help point out opportunities to me, which I can then choose to act on. Something along those lines seems to be the answer.

Another thing to consider is that for the voice or part of me that constantly wants love, there is also another part of me that wants to give love, and one that probably hasn’t had as much (subconscious) attention. As such this part of me can meet up with the part of me that wants love, and they can exist in harmony and balance. This is more of a thought than a feeling though.

And that brings me to a final point from the BMBH process, which is that at the end of the day, we speak with the voice of one who consciously chooses to be a human being. That’s a mildly pretentious but actually quite important idea, the idea that you choose to accept yourself as who you are, which doesn’t mean that you don’t necessarily want to change something, but that in the here are now you accept that this is what it is.

And so we come back to the Power of Now, the Buddhist concepts of presence, awareness and acceptance.

This could lead on to another essay on how all self-help, self-development, self-improvement, psychological advancement, enlightenment, call it what you will but all those types of processes are rooted in and come back to the concepts of awareness and acceptance (presence is part of both).

Walking around I now realise that most of the time when I feel tension or insecurity, the "child" who constantly wants love is seeking something from the environment. When I remind it that I can supply it with all the love it needs, the tension disappears.

And it’s improved my posture.

The goals post will come next…

Please leave a comment!

A Week of Light Sarging

OK so I haven’t posted on here for a while, have actually been busy for the last few days. It’s amazing how easily you can fill up your time even when you have essentially no work to do…

Anyway, I haven’t been proper hardcore sarging for a while but have half-sarged over a number of days. Here’s a quick recap of what happened and my thoughts.

Wednesday, Germany v. Turkey, Euro 2008 semi-final

I went to watch the match with my German neighbour. We can’t get into the German pub in Fulham as it’s tickets only, so we watch at a pub near by. After Germany win we go back to the pub and join in the fun. My mate is going crazy on the dancefloor to all the cheesy German europop that they play on these occasions. Turns out there are a few non-Germans in the place. I end up dancing with a random English girl. When I talk to her it turns out she works with one of my ex-flatmates. Small world. I ask for her number and she tells me to contact her through Facebook. I do a few days later and hear no reply. She’s a 6. One of her friends takes my number to arrange to meet for the final. No one calls. No worries, it was a fun night.

Friday, Dust Bar, Clerkenwell

This is a cool bar that I’ve been to in the past. The quality of women is usually quite good. I intended not to invite too many people out so there wasn’t a big crowd of sausages, but that all kinda went out the window when I received about four text messages at the last minute, and who am I to turn anyone away! I need to think about how I handle that in the future.

Not that it mattered too much on this occasion. Anyway, that night the bar was good but not that full, which was a shame. I opened a couple of sets. Fargo kiss closed a girl with his natural charm and excitability. A few days later he told me he was inspired by our talk to the other guys (which I only vaguely remember) about how it’s important to have fun anyway, and then add on the approaches as an extra, rather than the other way round. This is absolutely essential I have to say, as everyone wants to be part of the party. I also recommended Trev to get a haircut, which is something I’ve been wanting to say for ages. Hopefully he will as I think it will help him a lot.

Saturday, Flatmate's birthday

Not much to report here other than on the way home we stopped at the local. It was me, my male flatmate (in a relationship), hot ex-neighbour (single) and another neighbour (single, not hot). Two Aussie guys joined in our conversation and we had a laugh taking the piss out of them as they were pretty drunk. The girls were cracking up at what I was saying. However I wasn’t sure how to take it further with the hot girl, as I’ve known her for a while now and I’m pretty sure I’m in the friend zone, boo!

Sunday, Spain v. Germany, Euro 2008 final

This time we had tickets to the German pub, and of course Germany lost. It didn’t matter as although there wasn’t a massive piss-up super-party (if only I was in a Spanish bar…!) everyone was still in a good mood (after all the right team won, and not because of any cheating or bad reffing). Just generally chatting and vibing with everyone. Needless to say, such prolonged exposure to German people has meant that my German language ability has increased massively, and I have found myself thinking in German quite a few times over the last week or two!

Monday, day game in central London

Met up with Andre and new guy Alex in town for some day game. Turns out Alex had been sarging for two weeks only, and had already got good results including a blow job in a pub toilet, which was awesome work! He had used Mystery’s methods combined with mind-mapping to help remember them. So I think I will have to take a stab at doing that, so I can increase the chances of knowing what to do next in any given situation. Anyway we ended up talking about game for a long while without actually approaching much, but did manage to get ourselves out and about after a bit.

At one point we ended up sitting in this odd wooden box thing in Covent Garden piazza and I opened a couple of Canadian chicks who joined us, one of whom was a 6.5 / 7. I opened with “Do you like my wooden box? I made it using scissors and plywood.” They liked my surreal sense of humour and we started chatting, doing the usual interview questions. I had no motivation to close as they weren’t hot-hot, so we left. As we were leaving they actually came up to us to say goodbye formally, which was a good sign and we could have closed them if we wanted to.

Tuesday, day game in London

This time just with Alex, and it kind of showed up a hole in his game. For me I see day and night game as pretty much the same thing, opening, making a connection, closing. Just in day game it’s more likely to be a number close than anything more (at least at my stage of development). However Alex was having a hard time opening and staying in set, and he perceived it as being a big difference from night game. That’s the thing about learning game that I’ve noticed, is that is can expose challenges that you didn’t know existed, particularly if you have something sorted and find out it’s only sorted in certain situations.

I opened a couple of hot French Canadian chicks with the hair opener and chatted to them a bit. Apparently they don’t celebrate Canada Day (which it was on Tuesday) as they have their own Quebec day. Typical French attitude!

So, what have I learnt?

• Need to open, open, open, open.
  
• Need to come up with a plan of how to remain in set and not run out of things to say. I think I am going to have to work on transitions and routines to have as a back up at least when more natural game runs out
  
• Need to come up with some other openers than the hair opener, as I find myself getting bored of it! Plus everyone else is using it as well! The male plunging v-neck opener can only be used in Shoreditch. I did open a shop girl with a question Alex had – is it OK for a guy to buy the same make of shoes twice (clearly most girls will answer no, but I wanted Alex to get it from the source).
  
• Try mind-mapping the Mystery Method to help out with running out of things to say as well
  
• Need to stay in set until I get blown out or blown (badum-tish! Ithangyew!)
  
• I constantly surprise myself with my social ability and it is stronger than I think it is. I really want to keep testing and expanding this to make it more and more powerful, and for that to feed into my game.
  
• I read somewhere that “the first 1000 sets don’t count.” I think this is important to know as it definitely seems that at the moment the progress is fairly slow or non-existent. It’s like I’m bumping along a plateau and tapping away at the next level. I know that I’ll only have to keep on doing this for as long as it takes, and then I will break through to the next stage, which, of course, will be massively exciting and fun. And I can’t wait.
  
• Finally, hello to my reader in Slovenia (Dravograd to be precise) who is clearly a big fan as they have spent the most time by far on my blog!

My next post will be to revisit my goals, as they haven’t quite been met yet!

Please leave a comment!

The Motivation to Maintain Effort at Pick-up

OK so I’ve been away for a while, partly as I was on holiday in Cyprus for a few days and got a bit of a tan. Man, I LOVE the Mediterranean! One of my major goals in live is to own a house on a beach somewhere on the Mediterranean. Hopefully Spain but I’ll look more into that once I’m closer to being able to afford it!

Anyway in my readings I came across this quote from Tyler that I found useful and have since found that others have too, so I thought I would post it here as a reminder to myself.

"Now the big thing when you start something new is that progress is going to be non-existent at first and will go up in a j-curve if you can make it through the initial pain. Most people quit because starting something is REALLY hard and usually feels directionless for a long time. The guys who make it through that initial part will eventually get to a level where progress is really fast and noticeable, and for them it will become a hobby and fun. But at first it is purely banging your head against the wall to make the most minuscule advancements. Not fun."

The full text that this comes from can be found here. I'm sarging again for the first time in a while tonight, so I will write up a report soon afterwards.

The Bumpy Road of Sarging

So after going out a bunch of times this week nothing much spectacular has happened. And though there have been no great successes there is always a chance of this happening as you can’t expect development of a skill with this number of variables to happen in a straight line. And this was a dip, a quiet week.

And there are some reasons for that, as touched on in my Euro 2008 post. And there are other reasons, like finding the motivation to open when there aren’t that many girls and they’re not that hot, or the situation is awkward or whatever. I think I do need to force myself to open more frequently. And then remember the high energy factor, and to have fun.

But despite that here are a few notes from events that happened on Friday and Saturday.

Friday: Winging in Central London

Although you can never precisely judge these things I find it’s best when you’re sarging with around three people. Larger groups just tend to be too large, and there’s a risk that you’ll end up all standing in the same area, looking around wistfully, looking like a sausage farm. This happened a couple of times on Friday, and we solved it by just splitting into smaller groups. Maybe I need to think about how many people I invite on a night out!

Przemec pointed out two hot girls dancing and kinda forced me into opening with him! As we were in a noisy club, I didn’t think the hair opener would work, so I used the “natural” approach of just going up there and saying the first thing that came into my head. I walked directly up to them and… nothing came to mind! I semi-bailed at the last minute and stood next to them dancing but looking away. One of the girls then started taking photos of the other, and I instantly thought of an opener, “Hey! No paparazzi!” and soon I was into an interview-type conversation with one of the girls.

Turns out they were from Hungary, so we talked a bit about that. While this was going on, two guys came and started dancing with the girls trying to impress them with sexy man-dancing. But I stuck in there with my conversation for as long as I could. After a few minutes I ran out of things to say and bailed. But at least I opened and ignored the distracting guys for a short while at least.

Later I was on the dancefloor and this small but pretty girl gave me some very direct eye contact which I held. And after she broke she looked back at me for a bit more! I left it for a bit and then Jake challenged me to approach, so I did. As I came towards her she held out her hands and placed them on my face. Strangely, looking back on it now, I completely ignored this! God knows why! I must have compartmentalised it in my head, thinking that a natural wouldn’t let something like this affect him, so I didn’t. So I started chatting to her but after a short while she told me she was married. “Don’t tell me about your problems!” I joked, as I’d read that was a so-called boyfriend destroyer somewhere. She laughed at least, but I left it at that.

Later I observed and worked out who her husband was. After checking I was right I mentioned that his wife was very friendly. From where he was standing he would have seen her place her hands on my face, which seems a very friendly thing to do to a stranger when you’re husband’s five feet away. I asked him if he was OK with her behaviour. “I guess I am,” he said. Pussy whipped, anyone?

Saturday: Barbeque at the Kiwi house on our road (and a quick recap of my drug history)

Not much to mention here apart from general socialising. Two events to report. I was chatting with a few average girls and getting them interested and enjoying themselves. There was one 7.5 girl that I chatted with a bit, but saw that she was already on the coke, and I don’t mean the drink.

Now back in the day I used to take coke every weekend and sometime more often, for about a year. It originally made me high energy and allowed me to stay out late. But after a while I became dependent on it. I was going out loads, consuming large amounts of alcohol, other drugs. I would snort a line and a few seconds later I would vomit. It started to simply make me anxious. I was becoming more and more depressed. I became an insomniac. Imagine how you would feel with only one hour’s sleep a night, for about three or four weeks. I was messing up at work.

So I went to the doctor, started taking anti-depressants, and quit the drugs. I also started using Holosync, which helped even more than the anti-depressants. I turned my life back around.

So this party was the first time I had been around a lot of people taking coke and noticing the effects. I immediately felt two pangs. One is the fucked-up drug addict paranoia of “Why haven’t they offered me any drugs? I want some drugs. I want to ask those people for some drugs. But they’re not being friendly towards me. Am I not popular or sociable enough?” A lot of shitty old thinking basically. I got over that after about a second and a half. The other thought was that these people are fucked on coke and aren’t going to be easy to connect with. As when you’re on different drugs, you’re in different head spaces, and when you’re straight it’s questionable as to whether you want to join them. So I didn’t waste my time with this girl, maybe another time I would have experimented with see what it was like, but not tonight.

So I was talking to an average girl when the 7.5 girl walked past and spilled her drink on my arm. She wiped it off and apologised, I thought nothing of it. However when she left the girl I was talking to said that she did that because she fancied me. And I guess that spilling the drink meant that she touched me etc. I have no idea if that was true though, as I couldn’t see her when she spilled the drink. Maybe the average girl was jealous. Whatever, I’m definitely analysing this too much!

Finally towards the end of the party there were a few people sitting around talking, most of them fucked on coke and semi-comatose or wired. There was one hot 8.5 girl who was enjoying the sound of her own voice, and becoming a bit tiresome. I had just agreed to get some rizlas for a mate from my house when this girl said “Anyone want to hear me sing?” Not giving too much of a shit about her attention seeking, I sarcastically said “Yes” as I walked out the door. As I got to the front door of the house, she suddenly appeared behind me, saying “Why did you say Yes if you were leaving?” so I replied “I was only playing with you!” and I playfully touched her chin.

This completely blew her mind and about three seconds later she replied “Yeah I was playing too!” SO I said “Cool” and walked out. Thinking back on this now I should have pinned her to the wall and kissed her, then lead her home and blown her brains with a god-like multi-orgasmic marathon sex session. Funny how you learn things after the event isn’t it?

Anyway after I came back she was still being a nuisance and shortly afterwards I called it a night. As my mate and I were leaving she was still trying to convince to stay and listen to her singing. And it’s only now that I’m bashing my head against my keyboard and realising that she was into me. She was being needy and wanting me to give her attention (which of course turned me off) when I now know that I could have had her riding me until I was sore and spent. All because I don’t like coke. There’s a lesson there.

Please leave a comment!

Was Rudyard Kipling a Pick-Up Artist?

Everyone knows Kipling's famous poem "If..." and while there are perhaps a couple of lines that I disagree with, there are others that are core for both pick-up and life in general. In fact some of them speak along Zen / metaphysical lines.

Lines I like:

“If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,”
So important with regards to self belief and self esteem

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;”
A core metaphysical idea, though to deny the truth of a reaction is somehow disingenuous, but shouldn’t also be all-consuming. There’s a point in between…

“If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,”
This is what I call “working through the crap period”…

“If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,”
This speaks to me as an ideal of being the guy who gets on with everyone I guess, a social master in a way.

Lines I don’t like:

“And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:”
This sounds a bit like “don’t get ideas above your station” which I don’t agree with, otherwise there’d be no development or progression.

Anyway, the poem’s inspired loads of people, and I’m sure it will continue to. You'll be a man, my son!