Tuesday, 2 November 2010

Stephen Fry and female sexuality

OK so I haven’t posted in a long time. Mainly because I haven’t been laid in a while. More about that later. But in the meantime I wanted to post some commentary.

Stephen Fry has been in hot, or perhaps luke-warm, water recently because he joked that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men.

Naturally he was criticised as since he is a gay man, how could he know what sexual experience is like for women? Although he has had sex with one woman according to his autobiography, that still isn’t much to go on.

They have a point. But I can totally understand why he said what he did. For two reasons. Firstly, for a wide variety of reasons both social and biological, it is against a woman’s best interests to go around publically expressing her sexual desires without inhibition. We can talk a long time about why this is so, but a quick way to explain this is: would a high-status, attractive man who does well with women want to have sex with a woman that was known to be a slut? If she was very hot then probably yes, but 99% of the time the answer would be no.

Secondly, we have to understand the perspective that Stephen Fry is coming from. He’s a gay man, obviously, and the male gay community is, generally, very promiscuous. Thinking about male-female sexual behaviours, the general consensus is that guys want to fuck as many people as possible, and girls want to be seen to be classy, hard to get, looking for the special man etc. This is a cliché and not 100% true all of the time but we are all aware of the social norms.

Now imagine that you took women out of this equation and men just had sex with other men. As gay people do. What you have is promiscuous people chasing other promiscuous people. It’s like promiscuity squared. That’s a lot of promiscuity and a lot of sex. Just go to the toilets of any gay club. Actually don’t. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. In which case, fill your boots.

Another factor of Stephen Fry’s context is that he lives in the world of comedy, and if you look at the narratives that run through the majority of comedic routines about male-female relations, they often talk about how horny men are, how hard it is to get laid, and how their wives / girlfriends don’t enjoy sex, for a kind of sympathy oh-it-happens-to-me-too kind of laugh. If you were a gay man with little knowledge of female sexuality you might get the wrong impression – although I’m sure this impression is true for a large section of society, unfortunately.

So from Stephen Fry’s perspective you have gay male society, which is full of a truck load of sex, and then straight society, which is full of some sex but less in comparison. What’s the differing factor between the two? Women. So it appears to a gay man – and appearance is the important word here – that women don’t like sex as much as gay men.

But as I mentioned this is an appearance. There are various social factors that mean that women don’t appear to enjoy sex as much as men, or don’t feel they can express themselves that way. And no doubt some women are like that in reality. Ann Widdicombe springs to mind, and I wish she wouldn’t.

But it’s not true. Frankly there is one phrase that easily counteracts the “women don’t like sex” argument in a stroke: Multiple orgasms. That alone should end the argument.

The times in the past when I’ve been fucking my girlfriends and after the session, she’s practically passed out on the bed, unable to move, legs twitching, because I’ve fucked her so hard and she’s came so hard and so many times, how could you ever think that women don’t enjoy sex?

Now I’ve seen statistics that say that only a small percentage of women experience multiple orgasms, and that’s a depressing thought. Hopefully we are doing all we can to rectify that! But it is possible and I will always hate god for not letting us men have them too.

But I have luckily known a number of women who privately, as friends, have been open about their sexuality and what they think and feel, and there is no doubt that they enjoy sex as much, if not more, than men. They want the good looking guys. They want the confident, social guys. They want the guys with the big cocks (but not too big as that can hurt, so I've been told). When they have sex, they want to have it again, they want it more. They get horny. They go out and have one night stands, though perhaps they don’t talk about it as much as guys do.

And yes they want to settle down and they like romance and all that, but just because they want all the extra stuff it doesn’t mean they don’t want the sex too.

So unfortunately you’d have to say that Stephen Fry is wrong and that you can understand why he is wrong. It is what it is. But he’s gone off in a huff and perhaps he shouldn’t be such a big gay.


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