So the seven day sarging challenge… how is it going?

Well I often set myself these goals and all too frequently they turn out to be too challenging. But that’s OK, coming across these obstacles are beneficial in knowing how to effectively push myself, and how to keep to plans.

Anyway what happened on Monday? Well truth be told, I was feeling shit after a weekend of excess – a friend’s 30th birthday party on Saturday and an all-day lunch / drinking session with the family on Sunday made me the worse for wear by Monday. The only consolations were that Rafa beat Roger and that Lewis won the Grand Prix and took the lead of the championship again. But I digress. I was feeling like crap and there were a lot of admin type things to do, including booking my trip to Vietnam (O for awesome!) so I decided to push it back a day. Plus the weather was shit.

Tuesday my battle with motivation nearly got the better of me again, as my neighbour invited me for a smoke and it would have been too easy to have spent the day at home. In fact I had kind of made up my mind when I received a text from Python who invited me out and I knew I couldn’t turn it down, for my own sake.

So I head out but the smoking combined with a pretty hard swim I’d had earlier meant that I was almost falling asleep on the tube on the way there. I was definitely in a low energy state. I met up with Python and for the first time I met with a very experienced PUA, one that looked the part in shades and gelled hair, and we went straight into game rather than talking and getting to know one another, which is what usually happens. Interesting learning point there.

However the fact that I hadn’t got to know Python was distracting me, and that was another learning point. Surely my game didn’t depend on whether I had “got to know” the person next to me? I’ve always had it in the past and it made me feel good, but that was also to counteract the bad feeling I might have from not approaching or not having anyone to talk to and feeling social pressure in a bar. I just realised that I was depending upon my environment too much.

I saw Python approach and number close and what surprised me wasn’t that it was possible (as I’ve done it, just inconsistently) but what Python said and how he said it. He was essentially just talking random shit the whole time. Sometimes it didn’t even make sense to me! That was a real surprise, it was unlike any pick up style that I had seen before. All the naturals I know use conventional conversation, teasing, high energy stuff. Python had a high-ish energy about him but it was less about what he said, more the fact that he was actually saying something. Interesting stuff. I don’t know what I can learn from that other than there’s no “right” style, you’ve just got to find something within you that works, and there’s more than one way to do that.

I also notice that Python only approaches girls on their own (i.e. no groups) as this makes it easier to stop and chat to them. Then I notice that my perception when walking through crowds is completely focussed away from spotting hot single girls coming towards me. I’ve noticed that I’ve almost always opened groups of two girls or so, I need to vary this a bit.

Anyway we walk around and Python opens up the odd girl here and there, and then I find myself becoming intimidated. This is a problem I’ve always had, namely around jealousy, where others doing things that I want to do better than me gives me negative emotions and thoughts. This is a core issue in my inner game, and something that I haven’t yet properly found a solution to. At least I’m aware of it, and I’ll try and become more and more objective to it over time. Any tips or suggestions please let me know! The mature voice for this is motivation I guess.

We go into the National Gallery which is a bit surreal for me as it’s connected with insecurities from my childhood. I’m identifying a bit with that, aren’t I? God, this post is bringing up a lot of shit. Interesting stuff. Python opens up a couple of chicks but now my AA is massive and I can’t seem to open at all. Python disappears and I suspect that he’s venue changed with a girl, later turns out he has. In a way it’s a relief as there is less self-generated intimidation. I decide to get outside again and do more street game.

I decided on this challenge that I would open MINIMUM five sets each session, and I’ve only opened two by this stage. As this is a goal that I know I can achieve I determine to open another three. My AA is so bad though I can only contemplate opening with “What’s the time?” type questions. I also decide to use this time to focus on opening hot single girls. This is actually really hard, as I have to change my whole perception and focus on the people in the crowds, rather than where I am going etc. This is a big outer game / technical change, and it takes some good time to adapt to.

After spending ages on this I eventually get used to spotting the single girls, assessing quickly if they’re hot, and then opening them before it’s too late. There aren’t that many around that I can see, so I have to lower my standards a bit, but I get my three in the end. It was actually really hard work! I felt tired afterwards but I’m happy I did it.

Tuesday evening was band practice so there was no sarging anyway. Wednesday day game was in the Village Hall due to rain* but I have something set up for this evening…

What I learnt:

• Experiment with going straight into approaches when meeting up with guys as an alternative to chatting.
  
• Whether you know your wing or not shouldn’t affect your game
  
• Don’t smoke or do hardcore exercise before going out on a sarge
  
• There’s no right style to game, find one that works for yourself
  
• Approach single girls in day game. Learn to focus on them
  
• Transmute jealousy into motivation. Become objective towards the jealousy identity
  
• Become separate from childhood insecurities. It’s a protective voice that’s helping you avoid fear, but it restraining you in your experience of reality, making excuses for me, and producing fear where none exists.
  
• Everything – motivation, learnings, change – comes from inside me

*i.e. called off. Is rain a lame excuse to avoid doing day game? I should find a shopping centre somewhere…

Do you know the way to San Jose, HB?

So having made up my mind to rehearse and practice routines, I then stumble across a couple of posts on the LSS that make me change my mind (you may need to register to access the posts). The first was the age-old debate between natural v. routine game.

Now I find it especially frustrating when those who propose one way of thinking say that those who think the other way are idiots or some other playground insult. It’s sloppy, juvenile thinking. But outside of that, the various points raised in the thread, and equally importantly the links to other posts started my cogs moving. Particularly the link to this post quoting Toecutter that blurs the distinction between routines and natural game. Indeed, most natural friends of mine who are unaware of the game have their own “routines” that they use with girls over and over again.

What it then transpires is that what you’re learning is not the routines or specific things to do in certain situations, it’s the mindset, and the acceptance of the experience of learning the mindset. The mindset is things like, have fun, be the party, not give a shit about anything, get out of your comfort zone, amuse yourself, ploughing, rejecting your assumptions, staying in set as long as possible, experimentation, being comfortable with rejection and plenty of others.

Learning natural game in a way is like a baptism of fire. For all the so-called pain and threats to your ego that you have to experience, it is only really a washing or burning off the extraneous uselessness of your personality so that next time you’ll be better, or at least different. Then consciously and subconsciously you’ll become the person (rather than the line-learning robotic actor) who has this sorted. I.e. the guy who fucks loads of chicks.

Finally, I read all seven pages of a thread where a poster called Tiger puts himself through a 30 day go-out-every-day challenge to learn natural game. It’s great as you get to objectively feel the highs and plumb the depths with him, and you can actually see the development over time, which is really important and very inspirational for me.

So it was this in mind that I headed out last night for some field practice. Despite being stoned when I arrived, holding a conversation with Fargo was enough to snap me into a more sociable state, and I started to feel the excitement of sarging and I could feel my surreal sense of humour coming to the fore.

For some reason over the last two days I have had the phrase “Do you know the way to San Jose?” in my head – just that line and that part of the tune, as I had never heard the whole tune before. (I checked it out on YouTube yesterday and it’s a sweet song.) So being in a surreal mood I decided to use that as an opener. Mainly as it amused me, for no logical reason. At one point Swiss Jonathan challenged me to open a set, so I did and tried it out. Can’t say it worked fantastically well, but at least I opened. Now I have a response prepared:

“Do you know the way to San Jose?”
“Er, no!”
“Yeah it’s funny, isn’t it, no one seems to know. I don’t think it actually exists, that’s the catch…”
(continue with inane, deranged ramblings ad termino)

Anyway, outside of this I wanted to use tonight as a dry run for my seven day challenge next week. The idea of the challenge is to go out for both day and night game every day for seven days (except Tuesday evening when I have band practice). The aim when going out is as follows:

• Have fun
  
• Feel good (independent of environment)
  
• Always open
  
• Stay in set until blown out or close
  
• Escalate
  
• Open at least five sets in each session, unless there is a kiss close or more.
  
• Experiment with routines but focus on natural game
  
• Be comfortable with rejection

So with these ideas vaguely in mind I went out. I was very keen to open at the start but kept on stalling for a bit. Fargo mentioned that I was an inspiration to him at one point, I think because of my optimism mainly, and that I was like a self-help coach. Which I know is true, and it’s true because it works (see my future post on How to Get Good at Anything). So the good vibes were with us.

We started in Lab on Old Compton Street and I did the San Jose opener as mentioned above, and then when I was getting drinks I had a fairly straightforward convo with a girl at the bar which I was about to number close but then logistics (mainly holding drinks in both hands) got in the way. I don’t think it was too solid anyway, it was more of a warm up.

After that we went to Bar Soho which was a bit rough and ready but at least busy with some hot girls in it. I think I opened two or three sets. I went for a walk at one point and saw this one girl who was standing on her own. I opened her with “You look lonely” and started chatting about random stuff. On more than one occasion I felt like ejecting but forced myself to stay in there. As I did I could feel both the connection between us growing and baptism of fire of my own limiting beliefs about myself burning away, which was a bit surreal. But it was a great feeling. I stayed with her for about five minutes and then ejected. Still, it was longer than I would have stayed in set on another day. Looking back now I could have stayed with her and isolated her. She was a bit drunk so I don’t know if she would have been coherent for long, or whether I would have felt like I was taking advantage of her, but I guess there was only one way to have found that out.

I also got rejected and didn’t feel bad. There was a girl dancing near us that I think Jonathan wanted to talk to, he wanted to ask her a question (can’t remember what) so I went to ask her. She immediately cut me off with “We’re here to dance tonight, thanks,” so I left her to it. But I didn’t feel bad at all, my mood was unaffected. I later saw her dancing with a big east European looking guy, so I guess she was taken.

I caught the last tube home though I could have stayed out and opened more sets. But despite no substantial results it was a good night and bodes well for my challenge next week.

Update on My Sarging Goals and Objectives

So a while back I listed my SMART objectives for the next few weeks. They were all timed to end in June or July and as we are now at the end of June I should review them and revise them for the next two months. And, well, it’s not pretty.

So here are the original goals, divided into June and July:

• By the end of June I will have number closed 5 times
  
• By the end of June I will have researched and implemented how to turn my conversation seductive, and used it five times.
  
• By the end of June I will have gone sarging solo twice.
  
  
• By the end of July I will have number closed 15 times, 5 times with girls who are 7 or above
  
• By the end of July I will have been to ten new venues for sarging, and have put together a list of venues for each day of the week that has the hottest girls
  
• By the end of July I will have opened ten girls hotter than a 7.
  
• By the end of July I will have kiss closed ten girls.
  
• By the end of July I will have gone sarging solo five times.

So let’s assess the June objectives:

By the end of June I will have number closed 5 times
I have number closed once. Poor showing.

By the end of June I will have researched and implemented how to turn my conversation seductive, and used it five times.
I haven’t done this.

By the end of June I will have gone sarging solo twice.
I haven’t done this.

So a pretty poor display overall. I think this is partly because the goals were set too high, but also partly because I haven’t had enough focus on or put enough effort into this game / sarging thing at all.

So far I have been going out with the intention of opening, and for the most part using natural game, as I have been reading some information about natural game and it looks quite interesting and powerful. However to really implement natural game you need to have the fundamentals down, cast-iron inner game, and usually tons of experience.

My results so far have been mixed to “ordinary” (as the Aussies put it). I’m basically bumping along a very low altitude plateau, and not really improving. I have an idea for a post that I want to write called “How to Get Good at Anything” which is based on my experiences of other areas of life where I have developed a skill and achieved results, and what I’ve learnt from it.

I’ll probably write that post at some stage, but the most relevant points to my development of sarging are:

• If you’re on a plateau, try doing something different
  
• If you’re on a plateau, try increasing the effort put in
  
• Remember that all results will come in time

So, to that end I have decided to do the following:

• Rather than relying on (my non-existent) natural game, I will go back to the fundamentals, read “Magic Bullets”, mind-map it so I actually specifically remember it all rather than just letting it pass in one eye and out the other (as it were), create or find some routines and practice them at home before going out.
  
• Go out a lot more, on my own if necessary. I’m going to set aside next week as a dry run for some pretty intense gaming. The whole week I’m going to go out every day, for both day and night game, and in each session I will do AT LEAST 5 approaches. I have written out a timetable covering the four main areas of my life: pick-up, health, money and music, and have specific times and tasks for all of these, with the emphasis on pick-up.

After next week I will assess how effective that week was, and draw up another timetable for the week after, adapted based on the things that I have learnt.

One thing on routines v. natural game. Natural game theorists say you don’t need routines if your inner game is tight, you can say anything and it will work. I have no doubt it’s true, as I’ve pulled with some random comments in the past, but I’m not consistent. This is because I still have a lot to learn, calibration and acuity to develop, which will come with time. The way I see routines are like cheat modes on computer games. When I used to play computer games, I had this one game (Retrograde) and I found really hard and couldn’t play for more than a couple of minutes without losing all my lives. So I found the infinite lives cheat and began playing away. I soon got through a few levels and was enjoying the game. Then one day later I was playing away, when I suddenly realised that I’d gone through most of the levels and I hadn’t put the cheat mode on. I was now actually good at the game, and I wasn’t cheating.

That’s how I see routines and natural game. Routines are like the cheat mode, which can get you some success and learning experience so that at some point in the future you can discard them and just play normally. In fact I now remember Style has said that routines are like the training wheels for riding a bike – once you’ve got the hang of it you can take them off and you’ll be OK.

So that’s the approach that I need to take now. Back to square one and get some structure to my game. Then after next week I’ll draw up some new objectives for the future.

I was looking to get laid but instead I found my inner child

"You spend four nights a week now looking for your inner child.
What you gonna say when you find him? Suppose you don't like him or he doesn't like you?
Suppose once you wake him up he won't go back to bed and wants to stay up late watching TV?
But you say there must be some reason why you feel this way.
Big deal, that's the way we all feel."

- "Big Deal", Everything but the Girl

So something happened last night that felt really important. I say felt, as this is something that purely happened internally, in my mind. It didn’t happen outside in the environment, and as a result, it’s a bit weird, a bit out there. It deals with deep-level psychological ideas, and borders on the metaphysical at times, and as such could be seen as very pretentious. But it happened to me, it was real, and although talking about something this personal could be seen as a risk, I believe in honesty and if a few people think I’m strange, I can live with that. I’ll try to describe it as best I can.

Those of you familiar with meditation and the mind-body connection know that feelings in the body can relate to certain psychological states. Tension in your thoughts more often than not is reflected with tension in your body, and vice versa. Hence why a balanced, relaxed posture and strong core can make you feel so good.

A while before last night I was listening to my meditation CD and I became aware of a tension in my torso, just under the breast plate at the top of the abdomen. It was like a tightness or pressure pushing inwards like you might get if you exhale too quickly. In my relaxed state I became aware that this somehow equated to feelings of jealousy (it happened shortly after this day). I focussed on the tension and changed it – I softly pushed the pressure back out, so that there was a beam of energy coming out of my chest and forwards into the world. I felt much more relaxed and was no longer spending energy keeping the tension in. Did it reduce my feelings of jealousy? To be honest I’m not sure, but it did give me better posture and I feel better and more relaxed, and that’s something. In fact the effect that that has had on my posture has been great and beneficial in lots of subtle ways.

But last night something else happened. Again I was relaxing with my meditation CD just before falling asleep at night. I became aware of a tension in the core of my torso, up and down the front and back, quite deep in the body, below the muscles on the outside (i.e. the ones you can see), close to the spine and the internal organs. I think these are posture / support muscles or tendons. I sensed that they were very tense, constantly contracted. I focussed on the tensions and tried to see what they were. It seemed to want to move out to the right, so I did that.

Then suddenly it moved in front of me and I saw a small child, looking very upset. I see that it is an imaginary version of me from the past, as a small child, who is upset because he wants love, from other people. And this is love in all its forms - friendship, respect, acceptance, kindness, love, sex, favours, parental love, admiration, adulation, on and on in so many forms. And he wants it all, and so much of it. In fact he’s constantly looking for it, all the time, and can never get enough. He a vampire, a succubus, and he’s part of me. Quite a dominant part of me in fact, but one that I haven’t been too consciously aware of. But it’s this constant want, need, hunger that is causing the tension. And I realise that this has been going on for a very long time, I think the boy is about 5 or 6 years old.

I recently went to a conference on a metaphysical process called Big Mind, Big Heart(BMBH) by a guy called Genpo Roshi, which uses a technique call Voice Dialogue to talk to aspects of yourself and resolve conflicts while easily and quickly experiencing high level Zen states. In that process you talk with the voice of various aspects of yourself to understand them, become clearly aware of them and integrate them into your greater whole, so that you might operate more effectively and be more at peace, amongst other things.

So I decided to use that practice here, although slightly differently as the boy who talked with this voice was separate from me and I was talking with him, and yet he was still part of me (i.e. created by my imagination). I told you this got strange. So I became clear on what he wants, and understood his needs, which are massive, and it’s quite scary. I mean, here he is with this voracious, insatiable appetite which is creating all this tension, and what am I supposed to do? How do you solve a problem like this?

Well it’s my imagination so I feel for a right answer. He just wants to be loved. He wants someone to love him. Well, he’s part of me, and I can love him. So I tell him that I love him, and can provide him with all the love he needs. I’m not sure if this is right or true but it seems to calm him down and there is a massive sigh of relief.

And then thinking back to the BMBH process one question you ask of repressed, dysfunctional voices like this is, “What is the mature version of this voice?” At the time I couldn’t think of one as it just seemed too powerfully stuck in its extreme need to become mature. The obvious answer is motivation, or perhaps focus and awareness on the surroundings. Someone that can help point out opportunities to me, which I can then choose to act on. Something along those lines seems to be the answer.

Another thing to consider is that for the voice or part of me that constantly wants love, there is also another part of me that wants to give love, and one that probably hasn’t had as much (subconscious) attention. As such this part of me can meet up with the part of me that wants love, and they can exist in harmony and balance. This is more of a thought than a feeling though.

And that brings me to a final point from the BMBH process, which is that at the end of the day, we speak with the voice of one who consciously chooses to be a human being. That’s a mildly pretentious but actually quite important idea, the idea that you choose to accept yourself as who you are, which doesn’t mean that you don’t necessarily want to change something, but that in the here are now you accept that this is what it is.

And so we come back to the Power of Now, the Buddhist concepts of presence, awareness and acceptance.

This could lead on to another essay on how all self-help, self-development, self-improvement, psychological advancement, enlightenment, call it what you will but all those types of processes are rooted in and come back to the concepts of awareness and acceptance (presence is part of both).

Walking around I now realise that most of the time when I feel tension or insecurity, the "child" who constantly wants love is seeking something from the environment. When I remind it that I can supply it with all the love it needs, the tension disappears.

And it’s improved my posture.

The goals post will come next…

Please leave a comment!

A Week of Light Sarging

OK so I haven’t posted on here for a while, have actually been busy for the last few days. It’s amazing how easily you can fill up your time even when you have essentially no work to do…

Anyway, I haven’t been proper hardcore sarging for a while but have half-sarged over a number of days. Here’s a quick recap of what happened and my thoughts.

Wednesday, Germany v. Turkey, Euro 2008 semi-final

I went to watch the match with my German neighbour. We can’t get into the German pub in Fulham as it’s tickets only, so we watch at a pub near by. After Germany win we go back to the pub and join in the fun. My mate is going crazy on the dancefloor to all the cheesy German europop that they play on these occasions. Turns out there are a few non-Germans in the place. I end up dancing with a random English girl. When I talk to her it turns out she works with one of my ex-flatmates. Small world. I ask for her number and she tells me to contact her through Facebook. I do a few days later and hear no reply. She’s a 6. One of her friends takes my number to arrange to meet for the final. No one calls. No worries, it was a fun night.

Friday, Dust Bar, Clerkenwell

This is a cool bar that I’ve been to in the past. The quality of women is usually quite good. I intended not to invite too many people out so there wasn’t a big crowd of sausages, but that all kinda went out the window when I received about four text messages at the last minute, and who am I to turn anyone away! I need to think about how I handle that in the future.

Not that it mattered too much on this occasion. Anyway, that night the bar was good but not that full, which was a shame. I opened a couple of sets. Fargo kiss closed a girl with his natural charm and excitability. A few days later he told me he was inspired by our talk to the other guys (which I only vaguely remember) about how it’s important to have fun anyway, and then add on the approaches as an extra, rather than the other way round. This is absolutely essential I have to say, as everyone wants to be part of the party. I also recommended Trev to get a haircut, which is something I’ve been wanting to say for ages. Hopefully he will as I think it will help him a lot.

Saturday, Flatmate's birthday

Not much to report here other than on the way home we stopped at the local. It was me, my male flatmate (in a relationship), hot ex-neighbour (single) and another neighbour (single, not hot). Two Aussie guys joined in our conversation and we had a laugh taking the piss out of them as they were pretty drunk. The girls were cracking up at what I was saying. However I wasn’t sure how to take it further with the hot girl, as I’ve known her for a while now and I’m pretty sure I’m in the friend zone, boo!

Sunday, Spain v. Germany, Euro 2008 final

This time we had tickets to the German pub, and of course Germany lost. It didn’t matter as although there wasn’t a massive piss-up super-party (if only I was in a Spanish bar…!) everyone was still in a good mood (after all the right team won, and not because of any cheating or bad reffing). Just generally chatting and vibing with everyone. Needless to say, such prolonged exposure to German people has meant that my German language ability has increased massively, and I have found myself thinking in German quite a few times over the last week or two!

Monday, day game in central London

Met up with Andre and new guy Alex in town for some day game. Turns out Alex had been sarging for two weeks only, and had already got good results including a blow job in a pub toilet, which was awesome work! He had used Mystery’s methods combined with mind-mapping to help remember them. So I think I will have to take a stab at doing that, so I can increase the chances of knowing what to do next in any given situation. Anyway we ended up talking about game for a long while without actually approaching much, but did manage to get ourselves out and about after a bit.

At one point we ended up sitting in this odd wooden box thing in Covent Garden piazza and I opened a couple of Canadian chicks who joined us, one of whom was a 6.5 / 7. I opened with “Do you like my wooden box? I made it using scissors and plywood.” They liked my surreal sense of humour and we started chatting, doing the usual interview questions. I had no motivation to close as they weren’t hot-hot, so we left. As we were leaving they actually came up to us to say goodbye formally, which was a good sign and we could have closed them if we wanted to.

Tuesday, day game in London

This time just with Alex, and it kind of showed up a hole in his game. For me I see day and night game as pretty much the same thing, opening, making a connection, closing. Just in day game it’s more likely to be a number close than anything more (at least at my stage of development). However Alex was having a hard time opening and staying in set, and he perceived it as being a big difference from night game. That’s the thing about learning game that I’ve noticed, is that is can expose challenges that you didn’t know existed, particularly if you have something sorted and find out it’s only sorted in certain situations.

I opened a couple of hot French Canadian chicks with the hair opener and chatted to them a bit. Apparently they don’t celebrate Canada Day (which it was on Tuesday) as they have their own Quebec day. Typical French attitude!

So, what have I learnt?

• Need to open, open, open, open.
  
• Need to come up with a plan of how to remain in set and not run out of things to say. I think I am going to have to work on transitions and routines to have as a back up at least when more natural game runs out
  
• Need to come up with some other openers than the hair opener, as I find myself getting bored of it! Plus everyone else is using it as well! The male plunging v-neck opener can only be used in Shoreditch. I did open a shop girl with a question Alex had – is it OK for a guy to buy the same make of shoes twice (clearly most girls will answer no, but I wanted Alex to get it from the source).
  
• Try mind-mapping the Mystery Method to help out with running out of things to say as well
  
• Need to stay in set until I get blown out or blown (badum-tish! Ithangyew!)
  
• I constantly surprise myself with my social ability and it is stronger than I think it is. I really want to keep testing and expanding this to make it more and more powerful, and for that to feed into my game.
  
• I read somewhere that “the first 1000 sets don’t count.” I think this is important to know as it definitely seems that at the moment the progress is fairly slow or non-existent. It’s like I’m bumping along a plateau and tapping away at the next level. I know that I’ll only have to keep on doing this for as long as it takes, and then I will break through to the next stage, which, of course, will be massively exciting and fun. And I can’t wait.
  
• Finally, hello to my reader in Slovenia (Dravograd to be precise) who is clearly a big fan as they have spent the most time by far on my blog!

My next post will be to revisit my goals, as they haven’t quite been met yet!

Please leave a comment!