So Jake, Pete and I decide to go to Buttoned Down Disco as it’s on tonight. However I get my timings completely wrong and when I arrive, there is a massive queue that would take ages. So we decide on Plan B: go to Hoxton.
Pretty much the only place we can get in to is Mother bar, and though it’s not too full at 10.20 I know that it’s gonna fill up later. There are a couple of bands playing there which is new, but once they’re finished it’s standard fare.
For whatever reason we’re all feeling apprehensive and spend a good while not approaching. Eventually I see two girls that look alright and are by themselves and I eventually summon up the will to approach. I go in and have a brief chat with them. I run out of things to say and leave.
And basically that is the story of the night. I approach a bunch of girls but almost always run out of things to say. So it goes.
All in all a distinctly average night. It was a shame that we didn’t get into BDD. What was really the problem was my internal state, and perhaps not lucking on some more friendly girls who were open to chatting a bit more easily. I could have played the dancefloor a bit as well but I didn’t.
Again, I wasn’t in the sweet spot that I hit a week or two ago, and that’s to be expected. It’s ups and downs. The main thing is that I was out and opening, and getting out of my comfort zone. The main thing I needed to change was my state – being in a more talkative state of mind.
So despite the relatively poor results, at least I was out and about and gaining the experience. Next…
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Saturday, 21 February 2009
The Thirty-Nine Steps
So we go to Brick Lane, and the first venue as always is Big Chill. Conscious of what happened on Wednesday, I’m eager to open as soon as I can. There’s a group of three girls standing nearby, none of whom are too hot, but would make a good warm up set. I toy with opening them for a while but due to the mingling crowd there logistics aren’t good. Eventually I end up walking round to the back and open them from there.
One of them is drinking what looks like a Bucks Fizz, which has cultural relevance for me (think Eurovision…) so I ask her if it is. Turns out it’s a Bellini, which is close enough. I end up talking to one other girl in the group, who turns out to be Russian. I have a bit of a chat with her and then eject as she’s not all that.
It felt good, and was exactly what I needed to do – have a warm up set. We hang around for a bit and then I spot a couple of girls who look quite cute. I think about going direct with them. But chicken out again. I think about running standard game, but I’ve ruined my own momentum. I don’t open them in the end. Mode One paralysis again.
We move on – going to Commercial Tavern. Despite it being relatively empty for once, i.e. not completely rammed, there weren’t any obvious sets to open. We go to Hoxton. I’m feeling tired. Now that I’m working, I’m finding it hard to keep the energy levels up by the time it gets to a Friday evening. I decide to work through it anyway.
We end up at Ziegfried’s. Straight after we arrive I start talking to two girls who are dancing nearby with my “You look like you’re having fun,” opener. I get a brush off initially but I ignore it and keep going, and they start to come round. I then go to the bar thinking I’ll reopen them when I get back, but by the time I do the hot one has disappeared.
Over the next few minutes we hang around but there aren’t any obvious sets. I just say “Hi” to girls who catch my eye, just to have fun and be sociable. We go downstairs. Jon gets raped by a ladyboy* (*may not be true). There’s nothing happening there either.
We think about going to Mother but by the time we get there there’s a massive queue. But there isn’t outside Electricity Showrooms so we go there instead. We look at the dancefloor downstairs which seems fun although part of it has the worst sticky carpet you’ve ever experienced. Everyone seems drunk.
Back upstairs we hang by the bar. There’s a fair few hot chicks here. No one feels like opening. I reset my thought processes – how do I open? The first thing that comes to mind is the golf opener. I use it on the nearest girl I find, who isn’t that hot but at least it’s practice. Turns out she’s a pretty hardcore golfer, known throughout the links of Kent. She’s got a nice personality but she’s not hot. She’s like an acceptable Jade Goody. She ejects herself, which is fair enough.
After a bit we leave and Liam goes home. Jon and I go to Big Chill again on the way home. It’s noisy, packed, and there’s lots of drunk people. There aren’t any obvious sets at first. We make a move to leave and on my way out I see two cute girls on their own, perfect. They're wearing matching hairbands, so I open them mentioning that. Turns out they’re cute Swedish girls and look pretty young. Not a problem for me, haha! I chat with them a bit but though we chat it’s not sticking particularly well. They’re looking for a late club, but apart from Fabric I don’t know of anywhere. My tiredness isn’t helping me. We do a synchronised eject as they go into the main bar and we leave.
On my way out a flyer girl is giving out details of a place open until seven… fate, why do you tempt me so?!?
Thoughts
Well it was an improvement on Wednesday. Opening anything and everything, that’s the way forward. Opening girls who I’m not attracted to, that helps with the social warm up. I feel this is a step back in the direction of where I was a couple of weeks ago, I can feel it in my bones again.
One of them is drinking what looks like a Bucks Fizz, which has cultural relevance for me (think Eurovision…) so I ask her if it is. Turns out it’s a Bellini, which is close enough. I end up talking to one other girl in the group, who turns out to be Russian. I have a bit of a chat with her and then eject as she’s not all that.
It felt good, and was exactly what I needed to do – have a warm up set. We hang around for a bit and then I spot a couple of girls who look quite cute. I think about going direct with them. But chicken out again. I think about running standard game, but I’ve ruined my own momentum. I don’t open them in the end. Mode One paralysis again.
We move on – going to Commercial Tavern. Despite it being relatively empty for once, i.e. not completely rammed, there weren’t any obvious sets to open. We go to Hoxton. I’m feeling tired. Now that I’m working, I’m finding it hard to keep the energy levels up by the time it gets to a Friday evening. I decide to work through it anyway.
We end up at Ziegfried’s. Straight after we arrive I start talking to two girls who are dancing nearby with my “You look like you’re having fun,” opener. I get a brush off initially but I ignore it and keep going, and they start to come round. I then go to the bar thinking I’ll reopen them when I get back, but by the time I do the hot one has disappeared.
Over the next few minutes we hang around but there aren’t any obvious sets. I just say “Hi” to girls who catch my eye, just to have fun and be sociable. We go downstairs. Jon gets raped by a ladyboy* (*may not be true). There’s nothing happening there either.
We think about going to Mother but by the time we get there there’s a massive queue. But there isn’t outside Electricity Showrooms so we go there instead. We look at the dancefloor downstairs which seems fun although part of it has the worst sticky carpet you’ve ever experienced. Everyone seems drunk.
Back upstairs we hang by the bar. There’s a fair few hot chicks here. No one feels like opening. I reset my thought processes – how do I open? The first thing that comes to mind is the golf opener. I use it on the nearest girl I find, who isn’t that hot but at least it’s practice. Turns out she’s a pretty hardcore golfer, known throughout the links of Kent. She’s got a nice personality but she’s not hot. She’s like an acceptable Jade Goody. She ejects herself, which is fair enough.
After a bit we leave and Liam goes home. Jon and I go to Big Chill again on the way home. It’s noisy, packed, and there’s lots of drunk people. There aren’t any obvious sets at first. We make a move to leave and on my way out I see two cute girls on their own, perfect. They're wearing matching hairbands, so I open them mentioning that. Turns out they’re cute Swedish girls and look pretty young. Not a problem for me, haha! I chat with them a bit but though we chat it’s not sticking particularly well. They’re looking for a late club, but apart from Fabric I don’t know of anywhere. My tiredness isn’t helping me. We do a synchronised eject as they go into the main bar and we leave.
On my way out a flyer girl is giving out details of a place open until seven… fate, why do you tempt me so?!?
Thoughts
Well it was an improvement on Wednesday. Opening anything and everything, that’s the way forward. Opening girls who I’m not attracted to, that helps with the social warm up. I feel this is a step back in the direction of where I was a couple of weeks ago, I can feel it in my bones again.
Opening the Rift
So I’d read Mode One, the definitive book about going direct, or, to be more precise, being honest with your intentions with women. It helped reinforce a number of things about going direct, mainly that it takes balls, that in itself is attractive to women, you’ll get rejected more but you shouldn’t let that stop you or affect you, and it build attraction much more quickly. Great stuff.
So I was thinking about using it, but there was a bit of a catch. You have to be honest. So you have to find women that you find attractive. Also, your inner game has to be 100%* and your calibration has to be good.
(*Even if it’s not, you’ll have to break through your own confidence level to attain that 100%, you can only grow by doing. It’s Catch 22.)
Anyway so I met Liam and Jon at Porterhouse for a bit of midweek game. There was nothing going on there so we went straight to Jewel, and there wasn’t much there either. So we go to Roadhouse.
There were a fair few people there, but as it was still relatively early in the evening there wasn’t much mingling and people were seated or in their own groups. But that wasn’t the real problem for me. The real problem was that they were showing the Brits on every screen in the place, and on a special giant projector screen as well.
Now for most people I guess this wouldn’t be of much relevance, but I love awards ceremonies and I love the Brits. It’s about music after all and that’s totally my bag. I simply couldn’t concentrate on game and I immediately regretted coming out in the first place – I’d’ve much rather been at home watching it on TV. And the Pet Shop Boys were going to receive the Lifetime Achievement award. It was clear the evening was a write off.
But we hung around a bit and Liam and Jon opened a set each. I winged Liam for a bit so at least I talked to someone. But apart from that I wasn’t adding much really as I was more interested in watching Kings of Leon, and the Ting Tings doing a good mash up with Estelle. Décor update: the new toilets are like a spaceship, which is great. We decide to leave.
We go to Tiger Tiger. It seems strange that in the whole of London there’s hardly a bar that has anything going for it mid-week. Where are these places? Anyway we arrive in TT. Immediately there are two pairs of girls that are checking us out. Only problem is, they’re not that hot.
And this is where the rift between the ideal of Mode One and the reality of how hot girls are in real life starts to separate. I’ve known for a while that my standards are probably too high for my own good, and that it results in me not opening enough. Mode One has only reinforced that situation. Not opening means not talking and not talking means not practicing, and not practicing means that I wouldn’t have approached a hot girl even if she had been there.
So for all Mode One’s good points, in terms of application for me I need to apply it only in certain situations. And when those situations aren’t present – i.e. when there are only average girls around – I need to open with “standard” game, or small talk, to get the social juices working. Well I guess I learnt something at least.
We have a chat and talk about game and I encourage Liam and Job just to focus on one thing. From my experience since the start of the year it’s helped my game a lot and I’d like them to experience the same thing. I give them tasks to do to work on this, and they give me a task too.
I then have to split as I need to go to bed. In retrospect we should have opened the two pairs of average girls, and there was a table of four girls by the front door that we could have opened as well. We could have brought the party something rotten, and had an awesome night of flirting, but Mode One was holding me back. Next time.
So I was thinking about using it, but there was a bit of a catch. You have to be honest. So you have to find women that you find attractive. Also, your inner game has to be 100%* and your calibration has to be good.
(*Even if it’s not, you’ll have to break through your own confidence level to attain that 100%, you can only grow by doing. It’s Catch 22.)
Anyway so I met Liam and Jon at Porterhouse for a bit of midweek game. There was nothing going on there so we went straight to Jewel, and there wasn’t much there either. So we go to Roadhouse.
There were a fair few people there, but as it was still relatively early in the evening there wasn’t much mingling and people were seated or in their own groups. But that wasn’t the real problem for me. The real problem was that they were showing the Brits on every screen in the place, and on a special giant projector screen as well.
Now for most people I guess this wouldn’t be of much relevance, but I love awards ceremonies and I love the Brits. It’s about music after all and that’s totally my bag. I simply couldn’t concentrate on game and I immediately regretted coming out in the first place – I’d’ve much rather been at home watching it on TV. And the Pet Shop Boys were going to receive the Lifetime Achievement award. It was clear the evening was a write off.
But we hung around a bit and Liam and Jon opened a set each. I winged Liam for a bit so at least I talked to someone. But apart from that I wasn’t adding much really as I was more interested in watching Kings of Leon, and the Ting Tings doing a good mash up with Estelle. Décor update: the new toilets are like a spaceship, which is great. We decide to leave.
We go to Tiger Tiger. It seems strange that in the whole of London there’s hardly a bar that has anything going for it mid-week. Where are these places? Anyway we arrive in TT. Immediately there are two pairs of girls that are checking us out. Only problem is, they’re not that hot.
And this is where the rift between the ideal of Mode One and the reality of how hot girls are in real life starts to separate. I’ve known for a while that my standards are probably too high for my own good, and that it results in me not opening enough. Mode One has only reinforced that situation. Not opening means not talking and not talking means not practicing, and not practicing means that I wouldn’t have approached a hot girl even if she had been there.
So for all Mode One’s good points, in terms of application for me I need to apply it only in certain situations. And when those situations aren’t present – i.e. when there are only average girls around – I need to open with “standard” game, or small talk, to get the social juices working. Well I guess I learnt something at least.
We have a chat and talk about game and I encourage Liam and Job just to focus on one thing. From my experience since the start of the year it’s helped my game a lot and I’d like them to experience the same thing. I give them tasks to do to work on this, and they give me a task too.
I then have to split as I need to go to bed. In retrospect we should have opened the two pairs of average girls, and there was a table of four girls by the front door that we could have opened as well. We could have brought the party something rotten, and had an awesome night of flirting, but Mode One was holding me back. Next time.
Sunday, 15 February 2009
My Bloody Valentine
So I had been texting the girl I met in Jewel the previous weekend. We arranged to meet up on Saturday – Valentine’s Day! But that meant nothing, it was just a date and it happened to be on that day.
So we met up at Hammersmith and we walked to the Dove – but the whole place was packed out. So we go to the Old Ship. But it’s closed. WTF? That better reopen in time for the Boat Race, that’s all I’m saying. So we go to the Black Lion and grab some armchairs by the fire.
As is so often the case, she’s not as hot as I remember her, though she isn’t bad by any means. But she is noticeably older than I remember. Turns out she’s 36, which is a bit much for me. Plus, she’s a Christian. Not a too dogmatic one thankfully, though still, it’s not something I want to deal with.
We talk about everything under the sun. I try to explain my view of metaphysics, but I don’t do a particularly good job of it. I describe my newly-formed view why India is so over-adorned, pluralist and chaotic based on the fertility of the land, though I don’t do a good job of that either. There is lots of comfort building. I try to move the conversation sexual a few times, but it doesn’t go anywhere. I need to work on that.
We go through a couple of drinks and a couple of hours. I’m talking a lot and my sore throat is suffering. At one point I go to the loo and hang there for a short while just to give my throat a rest.
I give her my drugs history and a few other bits and pieces, though not the ladyboy story! I talk about my depression and lack of confidence in the past. She tells me that I come across as very confident. Which is nice, and I guess I do.
After ages she has to go to meet friends, so we walk back to the station. On the way back she tells me she wants to ask me a question… where is this going I wonder… does she want a quickie? She tells me that she’d like to invite me to church tomorrow. Humph. I let her down gently. That’s not my thing. I’m not going to turn into a bible basher, and though I believe in something that some people might call god, it’s not god as she knows it, and it’s about as far away from dogma as it can possibly be.
We hug goodbye and kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately I don’t think this one’s worth pursuing.
So we met up at Hammersmith and we walked to the Dove – but the whole place was packed out. So we go to the Old Ship. But it’s closed. WTF? That better reopen in time for the Boat Race, that’s all I’m saying. So we go to the Black Lion and grab some armchairs by the fire.
As is so often the case, she’s not as hot as I remember her, though she isn’t bad by any means. But she is noticeably older than I remember. Turns out she’s 36, which is a bit much for me. Plus, she’s a Christian. Not a too dogmatic one thankfully, though still, it’s not something I want to deal with.
We talk about everything under the sun. I try to explain my view of metaphysics, but I don’t do a particularly good job of it. I describe my newly-formed view why India is so over-adorned, pluralist and chaotic based on the fertility of the land, though I don’t do a good job of that either. There is lots of comfort building. I try to move the conversation sexual a few times, but it doesn’t go anywhere. I need to work on that.
We go through a couple of drinks and a couple of hours. I’m talking a lot and my sore throat is suffering. At one point I go to the loo and hang there for a short while just to give my throat a rest.
I give her my drugs history and a few other bits and pieces, though not the ladyboy story! I talk about my depression and lack of confidence in the past. She tells me that I come across as very confident. Which is nice, and I guess I do.
After ages she has to go to meet friends, so we walk back to the station. On the way back she tells me she wants to ask me a question… where is this going I wonder… does she want a quickie? She tells me that she’d like to invite me to church tomorrow. Humph. I let her down gently. That’s not my thing. I’m not going to turn into a bible basher, and though I believe in something that some people might call god, it’s not god as she knows it, and it’s about as far away from dogma as it can possibly be.
We hug goodbye and kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately I don’t think this one’s worth pursuing.
I’ll come flying like a spark to inflame you
So I’ve been a bit ill for most of the week. It started on Tuesday with aches in my bones and a sore throat, which slowly developed into a cough, a sort throat and occasional sneezing.
I’d also had a pretty hectic week, working until 10 one day, though Friday afternoon was enjoyably relaxed. I’d been debating with myself the whole day whether I would go out as the previous night’s sleep was constantly interrupted by random bouts of energetic coughing, but I had been more or less OK during the day.
As ever my rule is “If in doubt, always go out,” so I did. We were off to Hoxton and although the traffic was pretty bad (it took me the best part of an hour to get there) by the time I arrived I had got myself into a good state and I felt pretty energetic.
We met at light bar briefly then headed to Cargo. It was the full gang: me, Jon, Liam, Pete, Greig (who had resurfaced after a few weeks of doing his own thang) and Jake. I’m really glad Jake’s joined us as he approaches very naturally and easily, and it’s good to have that vibe around to encourage us all. Plus he looks more French than he used to, which is pretty cool.
However my initial energy isn’t sustained and soon I’m feeling a bit blocked in my approaching. I manage to talk to a few girls but only a line or two each. My heart’s not in it.
One really awkward thing I’ve noticed is that when I’m sarging with Grieg is that my game suffers. It’s for two reasons: it’s more fun to chat shit with him than to talk to girls, and if we’re both considering opening girls, he’s more likely to do it before I get the chance, therefore preventing me. I need to sarge away from him. Or perhaps open before he does!
Anyway once again I get distracted by the music. There’s a band playing who are OK, but the drummer is excellent (and the sound engineering is first class too). They’re called Principles of Geometry and are, or course, by law as this is Cargo, electro. Doing my research on the interwebs thingy I find out that (a) they are French and despite that, (b) they are really good recorded as well.
I think the difference tonight from when I’ve been approaching well recently, is that there’s not that underlying energy and fun, carelessness (not giving a shit) and happy go lucky spirit that’s served me so well. The illness has brought this on a bit. But it’s good that I can now see this. I need to have this feeling, or know how to get to that feeling, when I’m out of state.
The best interaction of the night comes when Greig goes to the bar to get a drink for both of us. I’m on my own, so what else is there to do but open? I turn around a see a girl sitting on her own. I haven’t thought of an opener so I go with “Hey, how’s it going?” She’s nice and friendly and we have a good chat. Halfway through Greig comes up and gives me my drink and leaves me to it. After a while I find out that she has a boyfriend, so there’s not much point in pursuing it much further. I thank her and tell her I’m off to find my friends.
I meet up with the others and we have a chat. Greig’s feeling incongruous as he really likes his girl in New York, so he has less incentive to actually sarge other girls. Well, frankly he needs to man up! It’s fairly late and I need my rest so I decide to head back.
The next day it turns out Greig ended up snogging a girl, which just goes to show, er, something or other. Apparently he opened with the Sarkozy opener, which is gold. Sounds like a chess move. Although he snogged her when no one else was around, so it’s probably all LIES!!!
Thoughts
It probably wasn’t worth going out when I was feeling ill.
I’d also had a pretty hectic week, working until 10 one day, though Friday afternoon was enjoyably relaxed. I’d been debating with myself the whole day whether I would go out as the previous night’s sleep was constantly interrupted by random bouts of energetic coughing, but I had been more or less OK during the day.
As ever my rule is “If in doubt, always go out,” so I did. We were off to Hoxton and although the traffic was pretty bad (it took me the best part of an hour to get there) by the time I arrived I had got myself into a good state and I felt pretty energetic.
We met at light bar briefly then headed to Cargo. It was the full gang: me, Jon, Liam, Pete, Greig (who had resurfaced after a few weeks of doing his own thang) and Jake. I’m really glad Jake’s joined us as he approaches very naturally and easily, and it’s good to have that vibe around to encourage us all. Plus he looks more French than he used to, which is pretty cool.
However my initial energy isn’t sustained and soon I’m feeling a bit blocked in my approaching. I manage to talk to a few girls but only a line or two each. My heart’s not in it.
One really awkward thing I’ve noticed is that when I’m sarging with Grieg is that my game suffers. It’s for two reasons: it’s more fun to chat shit with him than to talk to girls, and if we’re both considering opening girls, he’s more likely to do it before I get the chance, therefore preventing me. I need to sarge away from him. Or perhaps open before he does!
Anyway once again I get distracted by the music. There’s a band playing who are OK, but the drummer is excellent (and the sound engineering is first class too). They’re called Principles of Geometry and are, or course, by law as this is Cargo, electro. Doing my research on the interwebs thingy I find out that (a) they are French and despite that, (b) they are really good recorded as well.
I think the difference tonight from when I’ve been approaching well recently, is that there’s not that underlying energy and fun, carelessness (not giving a shit) and happy go lucky spirit that’s served me so well. The illness has brought this on a bit. But it’s good that I can now see this. I need to have this feeling, or know how to get to that feeling, when I’m out of state.
The best interaction of the night comes when Greig goes to the bar to get a drink for both of us. I’m on my own, so what else is there to do but open? I turn around a see a girl sitting on her own. I haven’t thought of an opener so I go with “Hey, how’s it going?” She’s nice and friendly and we have a good chat. Halfway through Greig comes up and gives me my drink and leaves me to it. After a while I find out that she has a boyfriend, so there’s not much point in pursuing it much further. I thank her and tell her I’m off to find my friends.
I meet up with the others and we have a chat. Greig’s feeling incongruous as he really likes his girl in New York, so he has less incentive to actually sarge other girls. Well, frankly he needs to man up! It’s fairly late and I need my rest so I decide to head back.
The next day it turns out Greig ended up snogging a girl, which just goes to show, er, something or other. Apparently he opened with the Sarkozy opener, which is gold. Sounds like a chess move. Although he snogged her when no one else was around, so it’s probably all LIES!!!
Thoughts
It probably wasn’t worth going out when I was feeling ill.
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