I’ve Been Driving in My Car

Something interesting has come from combining two things that have happened since I’ve returned from travelling. The two things are receiving a sat nav for my car, deciding not to drink for the whole of January. The upshot of this is that I can drive to a night out, and not have to worry about getting the last tube or an expensive cab home.

So the plan was to go out to Hoxton. I entered my car and set up my sat nav. Of course I do actually know the way to Hoxton very well, but as it’s so new it’s still a thrill to be told where to go by a tidy English girl’s voice.

So I meet with Pete, Liam and Gre---, sorry, Fargo, and have a quick chat with them before heading out to Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen. There seems to be a lot of guys around but the place is filling up. I need to open some sets. I think someone points one out to me and I go and open it. I use the hair opener and it hooks but I don’t take it further as I’m not feeling anything from the girls. They tell me to keep my hair short. I think I need a haircut anyway.

We wonder around a bit more and I can tell the intentions that I had when I wrote my resolutions are now somehow lost in a vague cloud of memory, as a familiar feeling of approach anxiety and general inaction seems to hover over me like a bad smell.

Luckily however I’m not drinking so my thoughts in the moment at least remain clear and I deal with the situation as best I can. There doesn’t seem to be much happening in HSB&K so we decide to try Ziegfried von Underbelly. It’s closed for a private party.

I show Mother to the guys as they’ve never been there before. The place is empty but still looks cool, and there are a few hot women in there, it’s just that the place is pretty dead. I walk them past Hoxton Pony, which is surprisingly closed. Has it folded? The public needs to know!

Grargo takes us to the Blue Last which I’ve never been to before despite walking past it many a time. As we arrive there a random girl starts talking to me with a pretend hand-microphone. We fluff for a bit but as the place is pretty static and Pete and Feig don’t have anyone to talk to they decide to head for Light.

For some reason I eject from the group that I’m talking to, another sticking point. I was opened, I should have stayed in there. Practice… We meet the other guys near Light as that place is closed as well. We decide to cut our losses and head for Big Chill.

It’s as crowded and as noisy as ever. A few people are in sets, a few of us wonder around. Eventually I persuade Liam to force me into set. He picks two cute girls, one is wearing a furry jacket. I open her about that and though she’s playing on being annoyed that everyone is talking to her about it, I jump in on the joke and it breaks the ice well. I end up chatting to them for a while until they blow me out to go for a fag. I was about to number close one of them before they left but the moment passed too quick. Funnily Pete pointed them out earlier and I didn't rate them then. Having seen them close and spoken to them they were actually pretty cute.

I thought about opening two hot chicks sitting on a table near us but one of them was on the phone for ages so I didn’t. Should have waited until they had finished and then done it anyway. Need to break through that comfort zone…

So here are the learning points I picked up from tonight:

• Re-read my resolutions just before going out. This will help me remember clearly why I am doing what I’m doing, and what I want to get out of it.
  
• Force myself to open. Luckily the guys are pretty cool when it comes to forcing me to open when I ask them to. But really, ultimately, I need to generate this for myself. But it doesn’t hurt to ask for help for the time being.
  
• Stay in set for as long as possible. The old “blow me or blow out” gambit. The ego loss from having girls become bored of me or whatever should be insignificant by now.
  
• Close! A simple “What’s your number?” should suffice.

All in all, tonight was a good night for me to get back into the “traditional game” in bars and so on. It was good to have one set at least go fairly well, and of course the mysterious case of being opened in the night-time (instead of actively opening) occurred once again. Man, I must look hot. But it was also good to go out with a clear head and be able to catch myself if I veered into negative thinking. This non-drinking thing may have something going for it...

Epilogue

So here’s the follow up on the numbers I took on NYE. I texted them both today (Sat) for the first time. The girl I met on the tube I texted with a straightforward text reminding her who I was, making a comment about NYE and then suggesting we meet for a drink. The girl I met in the club I did the same but in a more sexual way. I mentioned that she danced sexy and ended it with an “x”. Reasoning that as she opened me on NYE she was pretty up for it already.

I haven’t received a reply from the last one yet, so that looks like it’s not happening. The tube girl did reply and after some texting back and forth about when to meet, we’ve kind of left it open as nothing was matching. I’ll come back to her next week. Only thing is that she has stated that she wants to meet “as neighbours” (she lives on the next street to me) which kind of says LJBF to me. I’ll still meet her anyway and see what happens. It won’t hurt to have a hot female friend that lives nearby if it comes to that.

Nothing Changes on New Year’s Day

…except my results…

So as an amend to the previous post, one of the other resolutions that I’ve made this year is to open girls when I am going about my daily business. E.g. going to the shops, to work or whatever. This will be a big one for me as usually when I walk down the street I’m totally focussed on where I’m going and mostly concerned about people getting out of my way. I need to change this by adjusting my awareness to the whole scene and picking out the hot girls.

I’ve been practicing this for a few days now and although I haven’t opened any girls I am getting a good idea of how to do it and rehearsing things in my head.

Anyway, on to last night. So I’m out with my old friend Jimbo and his missus. I hadn’t arranged anything for New Year’s so there was a few texts sent in desperation on the day before, and luckily Jimbo was generous enough to invite me along, and there were still tickets left for the venue.

We were going to Club NME at Koko in Camden. I’d been there once before about two or three years ago and found the girls really easy to open and pretty hot, and the music wasn’t horrendously loud. So I was happy to be going back, though I hoped it could maintain its reputation.

So we arrived there and slowly worked ourselves into the night. We were on the dancefloor early which no doubt made people notice if nothing else. There were some hot girls around and I noticed a few people looking at me.

I don’t know if something significant had changed – maybe it’s the tan, maybe my new exercise regime is paying off, or maybe it’s the new patterned shirt that I was wearing – but these days I seem to be getting a lot more looks from women without having to do anything. This makes life a lot easier when it comes to sarging.

Anyway we watch Pete and the Pirates and then Reverend and the Makers (they played Heavyweight Champion of the World just after midnight, it was class). I’d been drinking a bit and dropped two halves of a slightly speedy pill. I wasn’t fucked but happy and enjoying myself, and doing something that I love – dancing to indie music with good mates.

So we were at the side of the venue, dancing, and there were a few people sitting nearby, round the edge. Completely at random this girl who I had noticed look at me once before (though I wasn’t paying much attention) suddenly comes up to me and asks if she can dance with me. Result! She’s young, probably 20-22, pretty face and dresses like an indie chick. This is New Year. It’s the most DTF time of the year for single girls (and guys hey) and this girl wanted it, and had chosen me.

I was running my pretty standard dancefloor game, with a bit of extra touching thrown in thanks to Jordan’s advice. Pretty sexy. She wanted it.

But there was a catch. Her friend. Grumpy cockblock supreme. In retrospect I could have tried to farm her off to some random AFC standing nearby but I didn’t think of that at the time (and it might not have been possible). At one point I thought my girl was trying to set up a threesome with her, but as she was communicating only through the medium of finger pointing I can’t be sure. But this other girl wasn’t happy and I pretty much knew the score.

I said to my girl, “Look, I don’t think you’re friend’s going to let anything happen. Let me take your number and we can meet up another time.” And I number closed her. After that I was getting lots of looks from all the girls sitting nearby – social proof rides again - though none of them were that hot. But they wanted it too.

So that was pretty cool. Anyway at some point we leave and head back to the tube. I leave my friends when I change at Leicester Square to the Piccadilly Line. On the next train, after a couple of stops, I notice a hot Desi (Indian) girl sitting diagonally opposite and looking at me. She’s looking hot, with a very classy dress sense (and not bling thankfully) and seems friendly. There’s a drunk camp dude who’s causing a commotion a few feet away and we exchange looks and laugh about it.

After that dies down she’s still looking at me so I know I have to do something. So I wish her a Happy New Year (it’s my patented “New Year Opener” © Karlos the Marmoset MMIX) and she responds in kind. I strike up a conversation and we chat about India and work and stuff. She’s a freelance management consultant, and so well placed to be my sugar mummy…! There’s a pause in the conversation and she asks me if I have a pen.

“Why?” I enquire.
“Because I might want to get your email,” she replies. Coy to the last.
“Ah, I don’t have one, but I have a phone.”
“Cool, you can call me and I’ll save the number.”
“OK, but there’s no reception down here…!”

Anyway it turns out that we’re getting off at the same stop, so once we’re out we exchange numbers. We then walk down the road and it turns out she lives slap bang on the next road down from me. It’s mildly embarrassing as we’re following each other down the road but it’s cool. I say goodbye and kiss her on both cheeks.

I then spend the next four hours trying to come down off the pill at home, which is a lot of fun.

Anyway two number closes in one night is the best result that I’ve had for a long time. Well, since Bangkok in October in fact, and before then I don’t know when. And it’s actually my first night out and first proper night on the pull since returning from travelling. 2009 has got off to a good start. As Chris Martin says, start as you mean to go on.

E-Bow the Letter

I've been doing some thinking. I received an email from a friend, and...

OK I knew when I saw the message title I was gonna type a long response... you have been warned! But this is my breakdown of where I'm at with game and what I need to do to take the next step.

It's funny, having had a lot of time away and really taking myself somewhere else mentally I've come back with a lot of realisations and resolutions that were washing around in my brain and that I ended up typing into my laptop first thing Christmas morning. A bit weird? Maybe, but whatever...!

Anyway so the first thing that I realised is that I need to spend less time on the computer. I've made surfing the web looking at interesting but pointless stuff an art form. I realised this as I came back from SE Asia and it's something I need to improve. Despite knowing this, since coming back from India I've been hitting the keyboard with a vengance. I need to rationalise what I do online and use my time doing other more productive things.

The other thing that is clear from the trip and also what everyone can see from Jordan's progress is to get out of my comfort zone. I know I'm guilty of not doing this enough and I think we can all gain from this (maybe it's the only way?). There's a couple of important sub-points to this.

In the book The Art of Learning Josh Waitzkin describes the idea of "investment in loss" as pushing yourself to do things that you fail at to (a) learn to not let failure affect you adversely, and (b) to learn how to do the thing you currently can't.

The situation he describes is when he practised fighting a guy who was bigger and stronger than him, who also fought dirty. At first whenever he fought this guy he would get slammed against the floor. After a while he became used to the pain so he wasn't affected by that. Then after a while he began to see the patterns in how this guy fought. Once he'd seen the patterns, he could come up with strategies to counteract them. Eventually he implemented them and could beat the guy.

In game, knowing how to react well in different situations is key. The only way to learn how to do this is by opening lots of sets and trying stuff out, perceiving the reactions and adjusting as necessary. (We all know this but it's worth reminding myself)

The other point is is the rule of thumb from the above theory: open every set no matter how hard. If nothing else the ego will rise above being rejected and more comfortable in itself. Once that happens new patterns can be perceived and game can start to roll full tilt.

I met this guy called Evan while travelling, who though a distinctly average looking guy, was a massive player thanks to his character. Interestinly one thing that he said he used to do was aim to get rejected from every girl in the club (not a new idea but one he came up with himself). It worked very well for him.

Another problem I have is ejecting from set too early. Dammit, I'm going to learn a few routines. Yeah we all know the routines v. natural arguements, and that the truth is somewhere in between. Jordan uses learnt and home made routines. Most of my natural friends do too. I gotta get my head into Magic Bullets or something. Soul wrote a good article on going direct in day game (http://www.tsbmag.com/2008/12/16/how-to-make-a-direct-opener-work/), and at Jordan's talk he broke down kino escalation pretty well. I might type up those notes at some point.

I also want to practice visualisations more to help with my inner game, and I am aware that I have deservedness issues with women (yes I know, poor me!) which hopefully this will help with.

A third point is noticing and acting on IOIs. When this happens currently I freeze and have no idea what to do. Well investment in loss and all of that. I need to just do something and find out what works. This is the lamest part of my game currently. I had three missed opportunities with hot girls while I was in Goa. What the fuck was I thinking? Lessons learned, lessons learned...

I also need to lower my standards, partly to give me more action, but also because frankly I'm using that as an excuse not to act.

And I need to smoke less weed.

I've already given up wanking and I'm going to give up alcohol for January, partly as a self control test, but also as a health experiment.

I've also made some discoveries in my fitness regime but as it's not proper game I won't describe it here. Ask me if you're interested.

So there you go, make of it what you will. Feel free to share your feedback or resolutions if you want, and also to push me into set when I'm making lame excuses...! I hope I can motivate you and do the same in reverse.

The Bitch is Back

OK so I'm back, BACK! BACK!!! From travelling.

Benn getting used to life back in London, i.e. I've been a lazy bastard and done fuck all about game. But what are New Years if they're not times to reflect and plan changes...?

The Benefits of Travel

So when we last spoke I told you about the night I got laid in Bangkok, which was the first night I had on that trip that I wasn't with my lame (when it comes to da laydeez) friend.

If only that could always be the case...! In fact, had I stayed in Bangkok it probably would have been. But there's travel and overnight trains to Surat Thani, beach resorts with only a handful of people and lots of effort to find places where you can just meet people in the less populous locales that means that it won't happen. Which is cool, cus it's not all just about getting laid now, is it?

Anyway, first things first. A couple of field reports.

It was the night of the Half Moon Party on Ko Pha Ngan, which is basically a club in the middle of the jungle. It's quite cool and I enjoyed it more than the Full Moon Party, which is just cheezy music and drinking.

I went there with a bunch of people from the resort, most of whom I'd met before, two girls I'd just briefly met that day. At the party there wasn't much to write home about. I pretty much got very smashed, more than I perhaps should have, and before I knew it, it was time to go home. A short taxi ride and a large spring roll later and we were back at the resort.

Things don't end there however as everone kind of continues to hang out on the beach. The water isn't deep, and tonight it's actually ankle high. (On this beach once you're in the water it stays the same depth for at least 20 metres out to sea.) There is some fun and some fooling around. Two people have lost their key, and as everyone at the resort has gone home they have to break in to their own room, which causes a bit of a fracas.

Anyway while all this is happening, I suddenly notice a very obvious IOI from a girl - she looks at me sideways and smiles. She's a 6-7 and I'm pretty drunk, so that's all the encouragement I need. I can't remember if I say anything but I just go up to her and pretty soon we're snogging. She's one of the girls that I met for the first time earlier in the day. I made a good impression.

I get hard (as I usually always do when I kiss) and this reminds me that a lot of people get embarrassed about this. I don't, I just "make myself comfortable" and if they feel it then fine. I mean, we're kissing, she's turning me on, it's just the natural way of things. In a way it's a compliment to the girl, though that's less of a reason. Anyway, back to the details. So we kiss on the beach and fool around a bit.

But she's not ready yet, and playing hard to get. In my drunken state this kind of annoys me, so I get less interested. I try to do a move to project a bit of dominance, but all that happens is that I sort of fall on top of her and probably hurt her a bit, which kind of ruins the mood. That's about it really.

I could have perhaps teased her and kept on pursuing her, but I didn't feel like jumping through her hoops really.

Second field report: I'm back in Bangkok and someone on the LSS recommends a bar to go to on Kao San Road. I end up there by mistake and sit and watch the acoustic guitar player as I drink my first beer to get me into the mood.

Shortly afterwards an aircon unit outside sets on fire briefly, and everyone looks over the balcony to see whats going on. Seeing the commotion, from where I was sitting I had no idea, so I went up to the nearest people and asked them what was happening. They told me, and it turned out that they were two hot Swiss girls (both easily 8s).

The funny thing is they were the second pair of Swiss girls that I had met on this trip (the other was in Hoi An) and they were hot too. Are all Swiss girls hot? Swiss Jonathan is pretty hot too, so maybe there's a pattern there.

Anyway, I was talking to them for a while, and it was going pretty well with one of them - the Swiss German one. The Swiss French one was being a bit stand-offish in a typically French kind of way. I probably could have done something here but there were going to change venue and I wanted to stay where I was so it ended at that.

A few minutes later and I started talking to a random Aussie girl who was now the next nearest person to me. She was a 6-7 and we got on very well. We talked about the trips we had been on (we'd done roughly the same route) and she told me about Laos where I hadn't been. Again I could have definitely done something here but by this time I was very tired after a long day, plus I had stuff to do before catching my flight the next day, so I had to go home.

Both of these situations have a pattern where I fail to pull the trigger, which is I think a repetitive theme for me in general.

Anyway these field reports aren't really the main reason for this post. I wanted to metion something else, something that also starts with a field report.

Back in London, I was invited to a flatmate's friend's Halloween party at a house in Battersea. We've all been there, I've been to enough house parties in my time, don't you know. What I noticed was different this time though was that I found it much easier to start talking to ("opening") people. I literally went into a new room, looked at the people nearest to me and said "Hello." That was it. I always like the simplest openers. And everything worked.

Once again there was a weird 6-rated girl, South African in this case, that started chatting me up. Dammit, I want the 10s to do that! It wasn't the coolest of parties though and after a few drinks we headed off back home for an evening of caning.

But the fact that you are forced to talk to people all the time when you're travelling (unless you want to be on your own) makes it much easier back in the "real world."

I'm off to India tomorrow. Should be interesting. Probably less chance of boffing the locals, so a sleazy player friend of mine has told me, but hopefully there should be some open minded travellers around for me to play around with.