So I meet up with Liam and Pete in Richmond as it seems right to try out something new. Padraig and later Arran turn up and join us too.
I have broken one of my Resolutions by getting stoned before going out but then hey, it’s my first week back in work and it seemed a good enough reason to celebrate, seeming as I still haven’t had a drink all year and I then had two weekend nights left before I could drink again, damn fate toying with my emotions.
Anyway despite that I was more or less clearheaded in terms of game at least, thinking and feeling as good as I did sober which never used to be the case.
So we head out to the bars and pretty much everywhere in Richmond was either empty or full of blokes and ugly chicks. After bar hopping the whole place we decide to move to Fulham to see what’s happening there.
Turns out that it’s mainly the same, with the exception of the evergreen Elk (and I guess the Slug, though there’s no point in going there – for me at least). We hang in the Elk a bit and the energy of the group is completely dead. I’m dancing a bit to try and keep my energy up as much as I can but it’s not rubbing off on the others at all.
While everyone’s choding out in the corner, I spot a hot chick sitting on her own at the corner of the table. She was pretty much you’re textbook hot blonde Aussie chick, good body, pretty face, comfortably a 7 if not more. She was the hottest girl in the place from where I was standing. I had to open her.
I went up and started with “You look like you’ve lost your friends.”
She said, “Nah, they’re just at the bar getting served.”
“OK cool. Well you can hire me to be your friend for a few minutes.”
We then talked random stuff for a few minutes. It was so random that I didn’t know what the conversation was about. Mainly because I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Funnily enough despite that she was laughing a bit and seemed to be cool with the situation. However I finally stalled out as I had no idea what was going on and she got a bit distant.
I think she was actually with a guy though I was unsure whether they were friends or sordid lovers. Could have asked.
So it was back to hanging with the guys. Someone sipped their drink. Someone let out a sigh. Another had a thousand yard stare. Yeah baby, we were on fire.
The dancefloor was encroaching towards us and soon enough there was a group of girls gyrating sensually a couple of feet away. There was a group of four with one fat, one average, one hot and another I can’t remember in it. I can’t remember what I opened with but got chatting to the average one.
She was Portuguese and couldn’t speak English so well. At first I was unsure whether she was just putting it on, and she had the kind of comedy foreigner accent that an English speaker would use. But she actually was foreign scum. I chatted to her for a bit and then the hot girl started dancing with her to kinda drag her away (a cockblock shit test perhaps?) and so I ejected.
After that we moved position and took our circle of fun to another part of the bar. There, we all stood around looking at stuff. I tried dancing for my energy levels, but it looked even more incongruous than normal now that we weren’t at the edge of the dancefloor.
We moved on from there though I think that was a mistake. It was the only full place around that had girls in it. Yes most of them were on the dancefloor but we have to make those kind of situations work for us. We can’t keep on making excuses about having the “right situation.” You’ve got to take the situation as it comes and make it work for you as best you can. Plus, I like to dance!
After splitting the group and bouncing around another range of bars, we ended up in Suburban which is kind of a hidden rough diamond. It’s not big and it’s not stylish but you tend to get a group of people in there having fun, and a fair proportion of girls.
We walked to an area where there were some people dancing. I tried my high energy opening-a-set-on-the-dancefloor opener that I first invented and used on the fly in Bangkok when I was slowly getting myself in state. “Hey, you guys look like you’re the ones having the most fun in the club!” I said with an arm round the shoulder of one or two of them and joining in the dance. There was more chat about how awesome everyone was and I high fived one of the girls.
Strangely I felt self-conscious about my dancing so didn’t hang with them on the dancefloor. After that we pretty much happily choded away by the side of the dancefloor. Liam went and did a set, which I think was his third for the night. Pete I hadn’t seen open, nor the other two guys.
Thoughts Part I
I think tonight was abetted by a few factors. (1) there weren’t that many women or hot women in the venues we went to, except maybe one. (2) It was a group of five we should have split to smaller groups. (3) Of the five, almost all of us were low energy. That’s chodesville by default.
For my part, I’d opened three sets. I seem to be opening more high energy at the moment, which I think is good for me and gets me into state too. I’m very conscious that I’m plateauing at the moment, opening and ejecting soon after. I think I stuck in set a bit longer this time than before, but only by a tiny amount. Also, I’m not worried that I’m plateauing. I mean in one way when you think, hey, I’ve had one night stands before and I’ve had girlfriends, so I know how to do this so I should be doing it all the time. But thinking like that only leads you to ask why you aren’t doing that, which focuses too much on your weaknesses.
I prefer to think that yeah I’ve done it before, but the lack of consistency means that the methods aren’t subconsciously written into my system yet. Plus in this game every set has it’s own unique set of circumstances, and once it a while it all aligns successfully with your skills and assets. You need experience to deal with the variety of situations, and consciously codify it in some way so that you know what works.
Secondly, this is often more about delivery not content, i.e. it doesn’t matter about the content of the method, that’s a crutch to hang your belief that this can be solved. But really you don’t need to method, you just need the belief. Easier said than done. But it’s worth bearing in mind, and also means that you don’t have to worry about whether the method is correct. That’s a glib comment and not universally true, but has some truth in it.
Thirdly, most of your learning is done on the plateau. If I look back to my last plateau, I was going out sarging a lot, but I got into a pattern of essentially not really opening at all. Maybe one set a night. Looking back now I can see that I would often rely on my wings to open a set and then I would join in. So I was talking but I wasn’t opening. Also I was fucking up my game in other ways, like getting stoned or too tired from exercise like a hardcore swimming session, which both killed my game.
When I went travelling I subconsciously reflected on this and realised the few changes that I needed to make. I had to change parts of my lifestyle slightly so that I had the best chance I could of being up for sarging. I needed to force myself out of my comfort zone and open, something I’d always known but hadn’t pushed myself to do. And other things but these are the most relevant factors.
Now I’m on a new plateau, opening and starting a conversation, but not staying in set and ejecting too soon afterwards. I need, once again, to go outside my comfort zone and stay in set as long as I can.
I guess with this the belief that’s holding me back is that if I stay in set I’ll end up just standing there looking bored, boring the girl and choding out. So I need to focus on forcing myself to stay in set and forcing myself to talk. And then focus on talking in a way that will achieve my goal: creating attraction, creating comfort and seducing her or closing her. I’m so focussed on how I’m coming across it’s taking up all my mental energy, which I could otherwise direct at seduction.
Back to the Report
So I drove home and dropped Pete off, only to find there was an impromptu mini-house party going on at home. To set the scene: There were three of my flat mates, about four of their various friends, and my German Chef neighbour. They were all drunk and half were doing coke. I was hanging in one room with Chef and a few others.
In the kitchen there was my female flatmate and one of her friends was this cute English chick who had a very pretty face and a sexy petite body as well. She was all cute and giggly and like a little ball of fun.
Anyway she was in the kitchen and then at one point she comes into the living room saying that her mate had told her to come in here (plausible deniability anyone?) . Now there’s me and Chef on one sofa, and my other flatmate on another. Where does she sit? Right in between me and Chef. Automatic touching (kino) from her as she’s right next to me (and Chef).
She then proceeds to talk about random drunk chick stuff and I chime in as best I can. But I don’t currently deal with these situations well. A girl is very subtly coming on to me and I need to escalate, but I’m in a room of people and there’s a lot of self-generated social pressure.
Somehow it gets worse as my flatmate and I start talking about loads of stats to do with space and supersonic travel (I mean, crick crack at it’s finest, huh?). It was never going to help. After a while her friend came and took her away.
Thoughts Part II
I should have cut the threads and gone into comfort and teasing. Or shown her my “sausage collection” in my room.
This has been a long report.
Saturday, 31 January 2009
Monday, 26 January 2009
I Think it Would Be Funny to Take Your Girl…
So I didn’t even go sarging last night. But I had a couple of experiences that are relevant for game. I basically went out for a meal with my neighbours. To set the scene, I was hanging out with my mate Chef, who is my neighbour, and his flatmate Aussie Guy who is also a friend invited me to join them for a meal in Fulham. So it was me, Chef, Aussie Guy, his girlfriend Yank, and three more of his friends – a couple and another guy.
We’re out having the meal and doing usual chat. The last time we were all out we were watching the American Football play-offs (the semi-final for the SuperBowl). Yank’s team were playing and though she’s normally a cool, easy going, fun chick, when she watches her team play football she amusingly turns into foul-mouthed white trash, swearing like a trouper at the screen and getting really wound up. It’s hilarious. “You don’t get paid $20 million a year to drop the fucking ball!” was one memorable quote. Her team lost.
So that was last week and it transpires that Aussie Guy said that he thought that me and another of his flatmates (French Guy) were offended by her behaviour. Well I can’t speak for French Guy but I thought it was funny and certainly no problem. In fact I think it was really Aussie Guy who was offended. So Aussie Guy asked her not to do that again.
So as me and Aussie Guy always have a bit of banter I thought I’d take him to task on this, or rather, let him know that I wasn’t offended (thereby undermining his argument) and said that I hoped we could watch American Football together again one day because it was fun.
Looking back on it, it all looks a bit underhand from my part! But I did honestly want to watch American Football with them again, so that was authentic. Anyway so at one point when I wasn’t speaking to anyone I decided to cut a thread that Aussie Guy was having and let him know the situation. Can’t remember where it went but the basic idea was that he understood my message.
Anyway this is all just a set up for later.
Later on in the meal we were trying to work out where the waitress was from as she had an unusual accent. “I though you were going to ask her,” said Aussie Guy. Sounds a bit like a challenge to open a set, doesn’t it? So when the waitress was next at our table I asked her straight up, “So where are you from?”
Turns out she was from Brazil, but had been in London for eight years. She was about a 6.5-7 by the way. So after I asked her where she was from I then kept her in conversation for a minute or two. But near in mind that the whole table had stopped speaking to listen to the conversation that only me and her were having. So that’s two strangers having a normal conversation, being watched by six other people. And all of them are thinking “Are they flirting with each other?” Well that last bit’s a guess on my part, but it felt like that. But the main point is that there was a lot of social pressure, and I was handling it.
After she walked away someone actually made a comment about me chatting her up (can’t remember the exact words). So I said “Yeah, it’s gotta be done.” There was a lot of secret admiration from the guys (again a guess on my part but you know…)
Anyway fast forward to the end of the meal and we’re in hell. Or should I say The Slug in Fulham. On Australia Day. You can imagine the scene – a bar crammed full of drunk Australians behaving like idiots. It’s not as bad as I feared actually but thankfully we only stay for one drink (though I don’t drink of course as it’s January).
Anyway while we’re there and Aussie Guy’s at the bar, Yank comes up to me and says that girl who just walked past goosed her. “What did she do?” I asked.
“She goosed me,” she said
“What, so she copped a feel?” I wanted to direct the conversation more sexual. One of my current aims.
“Well, she grabbed my ass”
“How?” and Yank reached round and grabbed a handful of my ass.
“Oh, so it was like this,” and I reached round and pretended to grab her ass (I didn’t actually touch her, but we were both thinking about it). “Well at least she didn’t grab your boobs,” I said, and then mimed doing that as well.
I can’t remember what she said after that but she leaned in and said something into my ear. As she did this she put her hand inside my jacket and hoodie, and touched me on the side of my torso. She liked touching me.
I left it there. A few minutes later we were all talking about something else, and again she leaned in to say something to me. This time we were standing right next to each other, she drew me in with a hand on my shoulder, and I just stood there as our chests had the slightest of touches. Then I drew in my hips and we touched there as well. There was a lot of sexual tension. And we were standing right in front of Aussie Guy. It had to stop. I was kind of pushing it to see how far it would go. All of us were thinking “Is this being friendly, or flirting? When’s Aussie Guy going to get pissed off?”
Anyway that was all that happened there. I think they did have words after Chef and I left. I’m not going to go back there as I don’t want to piss my friends and neighbours off, but it was an interesting experience and lesson.
Then when I was back at Chef’s flat (next door to mine) I was hanging out in their living room and their other flatmate Fresh-off-the-Boat Oriental Aussie Chick, or FOB for short, was in the living room. A bit of history:
Shortly after FOB moved in, she basically initiated sex with Chef when they were both drunk and watching a movie in his room. Since then they’ve kinda been fucking on and off, but Chef’s just using it for occasional sex, and she kinda fancies Chef and I think basically wants to bang his brains out all the time as well as being affectionate towards him. She’s always doing favours for him and is currently trying to arrange a weekend away to Hamburg with him, even paying for his (£10) flights. Needy? He doesn’t want to have a relationship with her.
So anyway people come in and out and eventually it’s just me and her in the living room. I’m watching Skins on TV and we’re not talking when she starts a conversation with me. At first it’s just normal stuff, but then I realise I can practice my teasing with her, as that’s something that I’m working on at the moment as well. So I start to tease her.
Again I can’t really remember what it’s about or what I say, but I basically just play around with her. She’s loving it and laughing her head off. I think I do a good job of it.
Later on, Chef and I are in his room getting stoned and playing Guitar Hero. I’m celebrating my new job with weed as I can’t get drunk. And Yank and FOB come and join us. FOB partly because she wants to flirt with Chef, who doesn’t give a shit and it totally unreactive. Which of course makes FOB work harder for it.
Anyway I’m focussing on playing Guitar Hero so don’t make much of the situation. And that’s all there is to relate.
Thoughts
Well there were a lot of unexpected game-related experiences on this evening, and the interesting thing is that I didn’t go out explicitly to try these things out, they all happened in the moment. Which is great, as it means that it’s becoming a more natural part of my behaviour.
And they all went off successfully. There was a bit of alphaness and standing up for what I believe in, and being a fun guy (American Football). There was coping with social pressure (Waitress). There was kino and sexual escalation (in The Slug). And there was teasing (FOB).
A productive night.
We’re out having the meal and doing usual chat. The last time we were all out we were watching the American Football play-offs (the semi-final for the SuperBowl). Yank’s team were playing and though she’s normally a cool, easy going, fun chick, when she watches her team play football she amusingly turns into foul-mouthed white trash, swearing like a trouper at the screen and getting really wound up. It’s hilarious. “You don’t get paid $20 million a year to drop the fucking ball!” was one memorable quote. Her team lost.
So that was last week and it transpires that Aussie Guy said that he thought that me and another of his flatmates (French Guy) were offended by her behaviour. Well I can’t speak for French Guy but I thought it was funny and certainly no problem. In fact I think it was really Aussie Guy who was offended. So Aussie Guy asked her not to do that again.
So as me and Aussie Guy always have a bit of banter I thought I’d take him to task on this, or rather, let him know that I wasn’t offended (thereby undermining his argument) and said that I hoped we could watch American Football together again one day because it was fun.
Looking back on it, it all looks a bit underhand from my part! But I did honestly want to watch American Football with them again, so that was authentic. Anyway so at one point when I wasn’t speaking to anyone I decided to cut a thread that Aussie Guy was having and let him know the situation. Can’t remember where it went but the basic idea was that he understood my message.
Anyway this is all just a set up for later.
Later on in the meal we were trying to work out where the waitress was from as she had an unusual accent. “I though you were going to ask her,” said Aussie Guy. Sounds a bit like a challenge to open a set, doesn’t it? So when the waitress was next at our table I asked her straight up, “So where are you from?”
Turns out she was from Brazil, but had been in London for eight years. She was about a 6.5-7 by the way. So after I asked her where she was from I then kept her in conversation for a minute or two. But near in mind that the whole table had stopped speaking to listen to the conversation that only me and her were having. So that’s two strangers having a normal conversation, being watched by six other people. And all of them are thinking “Are they flirting with each other?” Well that last bit’s a guess on my part, but it felt like that. But the main point is that there was a lot of social pressure, and I was handling it.
After she walked away someone actually made a comment about me chatting her up (can’t remember the exact words). So I said “Yeah, it’s gotta be done.” There was a lot of secret admiration from the guys (again a guess on my part but you know…)
Anyway fast forward to the end of the meal and we’re in hell. Or should I say The Slug in Fulham. On Australia Day. You can imagine the scene – a bar crammed full of drunk Australians behaving like idiots. It’s not as bad as I feared actually but thankfully we only stay for one drink (though I don’t drink of course as it’s January).
Anyway while we’re there and Aussie Guy’s at the bar, Yank comes up to me and says that girl who just walked past goosed her. “What did she do?” I asked.
“She goosed me,” she said
“What, so she copped a feel?” I wanted to direct the conversation more sexual. One of my current aims.
“Well, she grabbed my ass”
“How?” and Yank reached round and grabbed a handful of my ass.
“Oh, so it was like this,” and I reached round and pretended to grab her ass (I didn’t actually touch her, but we were both thinking about it). “Well at least she didn’t grab your boobs,” I said, and then mimed doing that as well.
I can’t remember what she said after that but she leaned in and said something into my ear. As she did this she put her hand inside my jacket and hoodie, and touched me on the side of my torso. She liked touching me.
I left it there. A few minutes later we were all talking about something else, and again she leaned in to say something to me. This time we were standing right next to each other, she drew me in with a hand on my shoulder, and I just stood there as our chests had the slightest of touches. Then I drew in my hips and we touched there as well. There was a lot of sexual tension. And we were standing right in front of Aussie Guy. It had to stop. I was kind of pushing it to see how far it would go. All of us were thinking “Is this being friendly, or flirting? When’s Aussie Guy going to get pissed off?”
Anyway that was all that happened there. I think they did have words after Chef and I left. I’m not going to go back there as I don’t want to piss my friends and neighbours off, but it was an interesting experience and lesson.
Then when I was back at Chef’s flat (next door to mine) I was hanging out in their living room and their other flatmate Fresh-off-the-Boat Oriental Aussie Chick, or FOB for short, was in the living room. A bit of history:
Shortly after FOB moved in, she basically initiated sex with Chef when they were both drunk and watching a movie in his room. Since then they’ve kinda been fucking on and off, but Chef’s just using it for occasional sex, and she kinda fancies Chef and I think basically wants to bang his brains out all the time as well as being affectionate towards him. She’s always doing favours for him and is currently trying to arrange a weekend away to Hamburg with him, even paying for his (£10) flights. Needy? He doesn’t want to have a relationship with her.
So anyway people come in and out and eventually it’s just me and her in the living room. I’m watching Skins on TV and we’re not talking when she starts a conversation with me. At first it’s just normal stuff, but then I realise I can practice my teasing with her, as that’s something that I’m working on at the moment as well. So I start to tease her.
Again I can’t really remember what it’s about or what I say, but I basically just play around with her. She’s loving it and laughing her head off. I think I do a good job of it.
Later on, Chef and I are in his room getting stoned and playing Guitar Hero. I’m celebrating my new job with weed as I can’t get drunk. And Yank and FOB come and join us. FOB partly because she wants to flirt with Chef, who doesn’t give a shit and it totally unreactive. Which of course makes FOB work harder for it.
Anyway I’m focussing on playing Guitar Hero so don’t make much of the situation. And that’s all there is to relate.
Thoughts
Well there were a lot of unexpected game-related experiences on this evening, and the interesting thing is that I didn’t go out explicitly to try these things out, they all happened in the moment. Which is great, as it means that it’s becoming a more natural part of my behaviour.
And they all went off successfully. There was a bit of alphaness and standing up for what I believe in, and being a fun guy (American Football). There was coping with social pressure (Waitress). There was kino and sexual escalation (in The Slug). And there was teasing (FOB).
A productive night.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
I Take Two Steps Forward, You Take Two Steps Back
So arrangements are made to meet Liam and Peter in Hoxton. My flatmate is meeting a friend in a bar nearby so I bring her along with me. We’re a bit late but I eventually meet them in Ziegfried. While my flatmate’s there it’s a bit hard to open as (a) I have to look after her a bit – I can’t cut conversation and open as that will just look weird and (b) my flatmates know nothing about this and I don’t want them too in case they think it’s a bit lame (one of my flatmates is a super-natural).
Funnily at one point my flatmate asks me how I know Peter and Liam. “Oh, I met them on an internet forum about how you learn to pick up chicks. Yes, I’m 32 and still lame at that!” No, I didn’t say that – I used my normal line of how I met them through another friend, which always seems to work.
Anyway after a while her friend turns up and she happens to be a hot Indian chick. Interesting! I’ll have to ask her to invite her around sometime! Shortly afterwards they both leave and we’re left to our own devices. The venue’s pretty crowded but there’s not many chicks, and they generally aren’t that hot. Oh yeah, an old work colleague was there. Liam points to the set that she’s in, but no, probably not a good idea to open them I think!
So upstairs is pretty crap so Liam and I head downstairs while Pete’s in set. I spot a group of four girls looking at me – I’m wearing a mildly interesting shirt so I guess they’re looking at that (well. either that, or how amazingly hot I am…!). It’s enough of a MASSIVE IOI for me to go and approach them. “Hi” I say, as I haven’t really thought of an opener, and don’t really need to since I know they’ve been looking at me.
I approach with a smile on my face and good confidence and that’s all I need to se the tone of the interaction, and they respond positively.
Again I don’t really remember what I say after that but we have a chat, we talk about my shirt (they confirm that they were looking at it) and I get to know them. Liam joins and as I introduce him to them it kind of blows the set apart and I’m left talking to Liam! Oh well.
I then spend the next few minutes trying to get Liam to open. It doesn’t work. Shortly afterwards Pete rejoins us and we decide to move on.
We go to Light and although there’s a fair few people there, there aren’t many obvious sets. Pete opens some drunk girls and seems to have a good interaction with them. But nothing’s taking my fancy. Then Grieg calls and he ends up joining us.
Once he’s here we of course get into our ridiculous banter and that’s good fun but there’s no sarging. Liam decides to go home, and given that there aren’t many options in the venue we go to the Big Chill again.
When we arrive there, Grieg immediately goes into a set of guys (…!) and Pete ends up talking to SuperLanks and his girlfriend (as well as another girl who he games I think) and I’m left on my own.
For some reason my state has completely crashed. Everyone seems to be chatting except me, and I start to feel like shit. I look around for a set to open but I can’t see anything and can’t seem to find the motivation. I’m totally in my head and it’s an unwelcome reminder of how I was before, and how I imagine Liam is at the moment. Damn, it’s annoying.
Anyway I need to do something and Grieg’s flatmates plus some friends are here as well, so I start talking to one of them, who turns out to be a friend of Grieg’s Aussie flatmate.
Grieg’s flatmates are pretty cool and I’ve always sort of felt intimidated by them, which is totally my belief and not reality. I always deal with these situations by trying to make friends with them so as to disprove my belief. So that’s exactly what I do. I have a chat with Sam, Greig’s ex-flatmate who is a fairly hot chick. I have a good convo with her though she’s high energy and I’m not as much. I briefly talk to his Argentian flatmate and then finally to the Aussie guy, who it turns out works in the same industry as me.
I’ve heard Greig talk about him before as he’s pretty “alpha,” and he is: tall, good looking and peacocked with fashionable dress and a crazy Shoreditch haircut. Nevertheless I have a chat with him and it’s all good.
By then it’s time to go home so I say goodbye to the people I’ve just made friends with and make a move. A partial recovery from my unexpected state crash.
Thoughts
I think we were a bit unlucky tonight as there weren’t that many sets to open.
However more importantly I started off the evening fairly well but then (strangely after bantering with Grieg for a while) my state completely evaporated and I couldn’t open. I felt intimidated by the people around me, I felt low value and afraid of getting blown out.
I couldn’t snap straight out of it so I did the next best thing – talked to people to oil the wheels of sociability. It was better than nothing.
Looking back on it I find it hard to understand why I was like that, I haven’t been like that for a while. I guess it’s like investing money, your net worth may increase over time but sometimes you’ll have days where it goes down. The next time it won’t be like that.
Funnily at one point my flatmate asks me how I know Peter and Liam. “Oh, I met them on an internet forum about how you learn to pick up chicks. Yes, I’m 32 and still lame at that!” No, I didn’t say that – I used my normal line of how I met them through another friend, which always seems to work.
Anyway after a while her friend turns up and she happens to be a hot Indian chick. Interesting! I’ll have to ask her to invite her around sometime! Shortly afterwards they both leave and we’re left to our own devices. The venue’s pretty crowded but there’s not many chicks, and they generally aren’t that hot. Oh yeah, an old work colleague was there. Liam points to the set that she’s in, but no, probably not a good idea to open them I think!
So upstairs is pretty crap so Liam and I head downstairs while Pete’s in set. I spot a group of four girls looking at me – I’m wearing a mildly interesting shirt so I guess they’re looking at that (well. either that, or how amazingly hot I am…!). It’s enough of a MASSIVE IOI for me to go and approach them. “Hi” I say, as I haven’t really thought of an opener, and don’t really need to since I know they’ve been looking at me.
I approach with a smile on my face and good confidence and that’s all I need to se the tone of the interaction, and they respond positively.
Again I don’t really remember what I say after that but we have a chat, we talk about my shirt (they confirm that they were looking at it) and I get to know them. Liam joins and as I introduce him to them it kind of blows the set apart and I’m left talking to Liam! Oh well.
I then spend the next few minutes trying to get Liam to open. It doesn’t work. Shortly afterwards Pete rejoins us and we decide to move on.
We go to Light and although there’s a fair few people there, there aren’t many obvious sets. Pete opens some drunk girls and seems to have a good interaction with them. But nothing’s taking my fancy. Then Grieg calls and he ends up joining us.
Once he’s here we of course get into our ridiculous banter and that’s good fun but there’s no sarging. Liam decides to go home, and given that there aren’t many options in the venue we go to the Big Chill again.
When we arrive there, Grieg immediately goes into a set of guys (…!) and Pete ends up talking to SuperLanks and his girlfriend (as well as another girl who he games I think) and I’m left on my own.
For some reason my state has completely crashed. Everyone seems to be chatting except me, and I start to feel like shit. I look around for a set to open but I can’t see anything and can’t seem to find the motivation. I’m totally in my head and it’s an unwelcome reminder of how I was before, and how I imagine Liam is at the moment. Damn, it’s annoying.
Anyway I need to do something and Grieg’s flatmates plus some friends are here as well, so I start talking to one of them, who turns out to be a friend of Grieg’s Aussie flatmate.
Grieg’s flatmates are pretty cool and I’ve always sort of felt intimidated by them, which is totally my belief and not reality. I always deal with these situations by trying to make friends with them so as to disprove my belief. So that’s exactly what I do. I have a chat with Sam, Greig’s ex-flatmate who is a fairly hot chick. I have a good convo with her though she’s high energy and I’m not as much. I briefly talk to his Argentian flatmate and then finally to the Aussie guy, who it turns out works in the same industry as me.
I’ve heard Greig talk about him before as he’s pretty “alpha,” and he is: tall, good looking and peacocked with fashionable dress and a crazy Shoreditch haircut. Nevertheless I have a chat with him and it’s all good.
By then it’s time to go home so I say goodbye to the people I’ve just made friends with and make a move. A partial recovery from my unexpected state crash.
Thoughts
I think we were a bit unlucky tonight as there weren’t that many sets to open.
However more importantly I started off the evening fairly well but then (strangely after bantering with Grieg for a while) my state completely evaporated and I couldn’t open. I felt intimidated by the people around me, I felt low value and afraid of getting blown out.
I couldn’t snap straight out of it so I did the next best thing – talked to people to oil the wheels of sociability. It was better than nothing.
Looking back on it I find it hard to understand why I was like that, I haven’t been like that for a while. I guess it’s like investing money, your net worth may increase over time but sometimes you’ll have days where it goes down. The next time it won’t be like that.
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Many a Hand Has Scaled the Grand Old Face of the Plateau
So I was hired for a new job today which is cool. It obviously put me in a good mood, and I had a huge desire to celebrate by going on the piss big time, but I’d sworn not to drink in January, so the first of Feb’s going to be a big night…
Anyway I meet up with Grieg, Jon and Liam in Brick Lane. Grieg gays out big time as he needs to find a job or something. Priorities, priorities…! Anyway, it’s me, Jon and Liam.
So we go to Big Chill to start with. One thing I’ve noticed about myself recently is that when I go into a venue nowadays, I do it with my head held high, with a smile on my face and with a relaxed air about me. It’s projecting a calm confidence from within. I can remember years ago when I first went out to clubs and the whole experience would be a stimulus overload and not really very enjoyable. I’d just be wallowing around in my own insecurities and limiting beliefs.
It’s like even recently I didn’t like going to bars where the music was really loud. But so what? There’s not much I could do about it so I have to accept it. There’s a phrase I find I’m using a lot which is “I’ve got to make it work for me.” Every time there’s a problem or something I don’t like that I can’t change, I ask myself how can I make this work for me? (i.e. Acceptance)
In loud clubs it’s simple, you’ve got to talk louder and I have to lean in more as I can’t hear what people are saying. Some people see leaning in as a bad thing, but I don’t have a choice so I’m not going to worry about that. I’ll just have to use other areas of game to make up for it (if it is a problem, which I’m not convinced it is anyway).
Another thing is that if you look at people’s faces in clubs, a lot of them (though not all) are looking annoyed, angry, frustrated, aggressive, generally negative. And before, when I saw them, I would for some reason take it personally. Similarly if someone was having fun or a guy was really good looking, I’d feel insecure that I was having as much fun or wasn’t as good looking and take it personally again. It seems ridiculous in retrospect but there you are. Now if I see someone looking angry or hot (or both), I feel the force of their emotion directed towards me, or the response that almost automatically appears, and then feel how it has absolutely no effect on my core inner self. This isn’t a confidence thing (though that is a by-product). In a way, however much you destroy the ego there’s always “you” underneath, and that can never be affected.
So I walk in happy, at peace, excited, feeling good, and with some energy. I’m sure the coke (a-cola) helps too. Just after we walk in Liam suggests pushing me into set. Without really thinking about it I go for a wander to look for someone to open through my own volition. A few paces away there’s a group of girls dancing in an unusual way to the dub music that’s playing – it looks like they’re dancing in slow motion.
“Is this the slow motion dancing area?” I ask. I can’t really remember what they say in response but we start talking. The girl is very warm and friendly, and she’s actually “initiated kino” or rather, is standing so close to me that our arms are touching. I maintain the contact as I find out that she and her friends are from Colombia and that she’s a fashion student. We chat for a bit and then I eject. Oh yeah, she was really hot, a comfortable 8 and would be a 9 if she lost a few pounds. One of her friends was a 9…
I meet up again with Liam and Jon and we chat for a bit. As I leave the set I notice one other hot girl in a different group blatantly check me out – social proof. We move around and where we end up there’s a group of girls standing nearby us and I’m sort of waiting for either of the other guys to open them. This is a bit silly as once again I’m kind of more concerned about other people that myself. Too much of a nice guy I guess.
Anyway they don’t open so I decide to. I see that one of the girls has something written on her hand so I go up to her and say “Hey, I wanted to know what’s written on your hand.” It’s probably one of the lamest openers ever but as anyone who knows anything about this game will tell you, it’s not the content but the delivery that matters.
Anyway it says “I pay for sex” on her hand, which is interesting. I respond with “That’s cool, as I’m quite strapped for cash myself.” She laughs a bit and we start to have a chat. I stay in there for a bit and then eject again (I know…).
I rejoin the others and walk through the bar again. As I walk past the Colombians I high five the one I was talking to. We go outside and Jon opens someone briefly. I chat to Liam and Jon about my current thoughts on approaching and limiting beliefs, hopefully to encourage them. Main point: it doesn’t matter if you get blown out, and in fact that’s a good thing (Investment in Loss etc.).
We head to the Commercial Tavern which is a nice cool venue with great décor and crockery on the wall, as you do. As I walk past two girls one comments on the other’s dress. “Not bad” I say as I walk past. We exchange a few words but I don’t stay there for long. We go up stairs and again I try to encourage the others to open but nothing happens.
We go to Home and Industry but they’re both pretty empty. We go to Light which is quite busy. Liam opens someone with the fancy dress opener. I do the same though the girls are Essex slappers and a bit stupid so it doesn’t go anywhere.
I open someone at the bar while ordering drinks with “Are you drinking Sambuca?” This is the amount of thought that goes into my openers these days. After a while there aren’t really any more sets to open so we decide to return to Big Chill.
We grab some seats and Jon gets me to open a girl next to me about another girl in the bar who is bravely wearing some bright leopard skin print leggings. They have been looking at the same girl and we have a joke about that. Somehow we get into a chat about India and I tell her about where I’ve been, and even show her a video of the Thar Desert that I have on my phone. The girl is from South Africa and has a very pretty face. I could have number closed her but I didn’t. She was with her aunt, though that’s just a detail and has no impact on the game situation.
That was pretty much it for the night.
Thoughts
I felt great and confident and I felt that I had opened more sets than I actually did. I’m opening like a breeze and I’m still quite surprised with how easy I’m finding it. I open with the simplest things, usually the first thing that comes into my head, and the rest is taken care of by the delivery and body language.
The bad points are that I’m still ejecting far too early and usually still sticking to normal conversational topics. I need to get blown out after the opener as it were.
I need to not care about whether the other guys are opening, they are old enough to look after themselves. They did open eventually after all. They also need to be a bit more high energy and enjoying themselves. Hey, everyone’s a critic.
I really wanted to fuck the Colombian girl in white, and probably the one in blue as well. I could have tried.
Anyway I meet up with Grieg, Jon and Liam in Brick Lane. Grieg gays out big time as he needs to find a job or something. Priorities, priorities…! Anyway, it’s me, Jon and Liam.
So we go to Big Chill to start with. One thing I’ve noticed about myself recently is that when I go into a venue nowadays, I do it with my head held high, with a smile on my face and with a relaxed air about me. It’s projecting a calm confidence from within. I can remember years ago when I first went out to clubs and the whole experience would be a stimulus overload and not really very enjoyable. I’d just be wallowing around in my own insecurities and limiting beliefs.
It’s like even recently I didn’t like going to bars where the music was really loud. But so what? There’s not much I could do about it so I have to accept it. There’s a phrase I find I’m using a lot which is “I’ve got to make it work for me.” Every time there’s a problem or something I don’t like that I can’t change, I ask myself how can I make this work for me? (i.e. Acceptance)
In loud clubs it’s simple, you’ve got to talk louder and I have to lean in more as I can’t hear what people are saying. Some people see leaning in as a bad thing, but I don’t have a choice so I’m not going to worry about that. I’ll just have to use other areas of game to make up for it (if it is a problem, which I’m not convinced it is anyway).
Another thing is that if you look at people’s faces in clubs, a lot of them (though not all) are looking annoyed, angry, frustrated, aggressive, generally negative. And before, when I saw them, I would for some reason take it personally. Similarly if someone was having fun or a guy was really good looking, I’d feel insecure that I was having as much fun or wasn’t as good looking and take it personally again. It seems ridiculous in retrospect but there you are. Now if I see someone looking angry or hot (or both), I feel the force of their emotion directed towards me, or the response that almost automatically appears, and then feel how it has absolutely no effect on my core inner self. This isn’t a confidence thing (though that is a by-product). In a way, however much you destroy the ego there’s always “you” underneath, and that can never be affected.
So I walk in happy, at peace, excited, feeling good, and with some energy. I’m sure the coke (a-cola) helps too. Just after we walk in Liam suggests pushing me into set. Without really thinking about it I go for a wander to look for someone to open through my own volition. A few paces away there’s a group of girls dancing in an unusual way to the dub music that’s playing – it looks like they’re dancing in slow motion.
“Is this the slow motion dancing area?” I ask. I can’t really remember what they say in response but we start talking. The girl is very warm and friendly, and she’s actually “initiated kino” or rather, is standing so close to me that our arms are touching. I maintain the contact as I find out that she and her friends are from Colombia and that she’s a fashion student. We chat for a bit and then I eject. Oh yeah, she was really hot, a comfortable 8 and would be a 9 if she lost a few pounds. One of her friends was a 9…
I meet up again with Liam and Jon and we chat for a bit. As I leave the set I notice one other hot girl in a different group blatantly check me out – social proof. We move around and where we end up there’s a group of girls standing nearby us and I’m sort of waiting for either of the other guys to open them. This is a bit silly as once again I’m kind of more concerned about other people that myself. Too much of a nice guy I guess.
Anyway they don’t open so I decide to. I see that one of the girls has something written on her hand so I go up to her and say “Hey, I wanted to know what’s written on your hand.” It’s probably one of the lamest openers ever but as anyone who knows anything about this game will tell you, it’s not the content but the delivery that matters.
Anyway it says “I pay for sex” on her hand, which is interesting. I respond with “That’s cool, as I’m quite strapped for cash myself.” She laughs a bit and we start to have a chat. I stay in there for a bit and then eject again (I know…).
I rejoin the others and walk through the bar again. As I walk past the Colombians I high five the one I was talking to. We go outside and Jon opens someone briefly. I chat to Liam and Jon about my current thoughts on approaching and limiting beliefs, hopefully to encourage them. Main point: it doesn’t matter if you get blown out, and in fact that’s a good thing (Investment in Loss etc.).
We head to the Commercial Tavern which is a nice cool venue with great décor and crockery on the wall, as you do. As I walk past two girls one comments on the other’s dress. “Not bad” I say as I walk past. We exchange a few words but I don’t stay there for long. We go up stairs and again I try to encourage the others to open but nothing happens.
We go to Home and Industry but they’re both pretty empty. We go to Light which is quite busy. Liam opens someone with the fancy dress opener. I do the same though the girls are Essex slappers and a bit stupid so it doesn’t go anywhere.
I open someone at the bar while ordering drinks with “Are you drinking Sambuca?” This is the amount of thought that goes into my openers these days. After a while there aren’t really any more sets to open so we decide to return to Big Chill.
We grab some seats and Jon gets me to open a girl next to me about another girl in the bar who is bravely wearing some bright leopard skin print leggings. They have been looking at the same girl and we have a joke about that. Somehow we get into a chat about India and I tell her about where I’ve been, and even show her a video of the Thar Desert that I have on my phone. The girl is from South Africa and has a very pretty face. I could have number closed her but I didn’t. She was with her aunt, though that’s just a detail and has no impact on the game situation.
That was pretty much it for the night.
Thoughts
I felt great and confident and I felt that I had opened more sets than I actually did. I’m opening like a breeze and I’m still quite surprised with how easy I’m finding it. I open with the simplest things, usually the first thing that comes into my head, and the rest is taken care of by the delivery and body language.
The bad points are that I’m still ejecting far too early and usually still sticking to normal conversational topics. I need to get blown out after the opener as it were.
I need to not care about whether the other guys are opening, they are old enough to look after themselves. They did open eventually after all. They also need to be a bit more high energy and enjoying themselves. Hey, everyone’s a critic.
I really wanted to fuck the Colombian girl in white, and probably the one in blue as well. I could have tried.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
Glass Onion
So I had lunch yesterday with a girl I met in Goa. She’s really fun and hot, but I’m already in the friends zone with her I think. Still, it will be good to have a hot chick as a friend that I can invite out to various functions and use as social proof and a pivot. Cynical, eh? She’s good fun to be around as well. And I guess she likes my company.
So after the lame weekend I know I need to go sarging again. Wednesday is probably my best chance for mid-week game this week. I toyed with the idea of inviting Jake out to Salsa as I haven’t met with him for ages. Then Liam texts me to ask if I’m up for going out tonight, so I take the path of least resistance, suggest Salsa to him and we go for it.
I arrive later than planned due to parking problems, but it’s OK. We’ve missed the start of the 8 o’clock class so we hang by the bar. Nearby there’s a girl standing on her own with her back to us. It’s a prime opening opportunity. I think about it for a bit, have a few twangs of nervousness and then go for it. I ask her why she’s not dancing. She missed the start of the class too.
We start having a pretty normal conversation and I introduce her to Liam. She’s pretty average looking, not ugly at all but not hot either. Conversation, conversation, conversation. Nothing sexual.
At one point an old work colleague called Antonio comes up and speaks to me. I have a good catch up with him, which was cool.
After a while it’s time for our dancing lesson. It all comes back to me pretty easily. I try talking to the girls as we partner up. It’s not easy, as you’re trying to learn the steps, sensing the girl’s movements and reactions, and then holding a conversation too. I exchange a few words with most of them. There are two hot girls. One I find out later has a boyfriend with her, the other is the instructor. Boy, her ass can move.
The instructor compliments me on my dancing. I like. At one point I squeeze her hand and she squeezes back. Hmm. I never see her again after the lesson. Would have been interesting to have tried to game her!
After that we wander about a bit looking for sets. There are a lot of guys here and most of the girls are with partners. There’s one table of about twelve girls in the restaurant. There’s a box with an inflated condom in it. Situational opener, yah? “What’s all this about?” I ask. Turns out it’s a hen party, obvious in retrospect. The girls ask me to bite a sweet off her bracelet, so I oblige and they take photos while I do it.
The set isn’t hooking so much, so I eject. I could have forced myself to stay in though, indeed I could have locked in by just grabbing a chair, sitting down and talking to them. Comfort zones … failure …
We scout about a bit more looking for girls. We think about leaving. As we’re walking up the stairs I spot two girls standing by the side. They’re hot. One of them looks at me and I detect a slight (i.e. MASSIVE) IOI. We walk up the stairs and I think about going back to open them. I look to see where they are and one of them clocks me directly checking them out. A second later and that girl is dancing with some other guy, leaving the second girl on her own. I have to open her. I head down.
I ask her if she doesn’t have anyone to dance with. She mishears it as though I’m asking her to dance. That’ll work too. We start to salsa but I’m more interested in talking to her. Plus we’re not gelling in the dancing area and eventually stop.
Turns out she’s German and, with the brief few phrases I squeeze out, she thinks I’m German too. But it’s normal conversation time once again. I think I’ve found my next sticking point after opening. Anyway eventually the conversations stalls and I leave. She was a good 7.5 incidentally.
Thoughts
I was opening well when the opportunity presented itself. Opening is less of a problem now. Also I was opening when I was in the middle of talking to Liam, which was a problem I had before. I do feel a bit guilty ditching a friend to open girls, but hey, that’s why we’re here. And I’m sure we’re all old enough not to be offended. I hope.
So the next problem is the attraction / comfort / seduction sequence. I kind of presume attraction anyway (perhaps falsely). Comfort is kind of OK, though it’s perhaps not as good as it could be. I need to focus on the connection more. Then seduction is kind of non-existent.
Talk to Liam about this afterwards he mentions that a video we recently saw suggests talking about normal stuff while having a sexual subcommunication. I should try to work on this. I guess I fear coming across as creepy. I need to discard that limiting belief. I also fear getting it wrong and getting blown out. Comfort zones again. Get used to failure. The same thing in a different area.
So after the lame weekend I know I need to go sarging again. Wednesday is probably my best chance for mid-week game this week. I toyed with the idea of inviting Jake out to Salsa as I haven’t met with him for ages. Then Liam texts me to ask if I’m up for going out tonight, so I take the path of least resistance, suggest Salsa to him and we go for it.
I arrive later than planned due to parking problems, but it’s OK. We’ve missed the start of the 8 o’clock class so we hang by the bar. Nearby there’s a girl standing on her own with her back to us. It’s a prime opening opportunity. I think about it for a bit, have a few twangs of nervousness and then go for it. I ask her why she’s not dancing. She missed the start of the class too.
We start having a pretty normal conversation and I introduce her to Liam. She’s pretty average looking, not ugly at all but not hot either. Conversation, conversation, conversation. Nothing sexual.
At one point an old work colleague called Antonio comes up and speaks to me. I have a good catch up with him, which was cool.
After a while it’s time for our dancing lesson. It all comes back to me pretty easily. I try talking to the girls as we partner up. It’s not easy, as you’re trying to learn the steps, sensing the girl’s movements and reactions, and then holding a conversation too. I exchange a few words with most of them. There are two hot girls. One I find out later has a boyfriend with her, the other is the instructor. Boy, her ass can move.
The instructor compliments me on my dancing. I like. At one point I squeeze her hand and she squeezes back. Hmm. I never see her again after the lesson. Would have been interesting to have tried to game her!
After that we wander about a bit looking for sets. There are a lot of guys here and most of the girls are with partners. There’s one table of about twelve girls in the restaurant. There’s a box with an inflated condom in it. Situational opener, yah? “What’s all this about?” I ask. Turns out it’s a hen party, obvious in retrospect. The girls ask me to bite a sweet off her bracelet, so I oblige and they take photos while I do it.
The set isn’t hooking so much, so I eject. I could have forced myself to stay in though, indeed I could have locked in by just grabbing a chair, sitting down and talking to them. Comfort zones … failure …
We scout about a bit more looking for girls. We think about leaving. As we’re walking up the stairs I spot two girls standing by the side. They’re hot. One of them looks at me and I detect a slight (i.e. MASSIVE) IOI. We walk up the stairs and I think about going back to open them. I look to see where they are and one of them clocks me directly checking them out. A second later and that girl is dancing with some other guy, leaving the second girl on her own. I have to open her. I head down.
I ask her if she doesn’t have anyone to dance with. She mishears it as though I’m asking her to dance. That’ll work too. We start to salsa but I’m more interested in talking to her. Plus we’re not gelling in the dancing area and eventually stop.
Turns out she’s German and, with the brief few phrases I squeeze out, she thinks I’m German too. But it’s normal conversation time once again. I think I’ve found my next sticking point after opening. Anyway eventually the conversations stalls and I leave. She was a good 7.5 incidentally.
Thoughts
I was opening well when the opportunity presented itself. Opening is less of a problem now. Also I was opening when I was in the middle of talking to Liam, which was a problem I had before. I do feel a bit guilty ditching a friend to open girls, but hey, that’s why we’re here. And I’m sure we’re all old enough not to be offended. I hope.
So the next problem is the attraction / comfort / seduction sequence. I kind of presume attraction anyway (perhaps falsely). Comfort is kind of OK, though it’s perhaps not as good as it could be. I need to focus on the connection more. Then seduction is kind of non-existent.
Talk to Liam about this afterwards he mentions that a video we recently saw suggests talking about normal stuff while having a sexual subcommunication. I should try to work on this. I guess I fear coming across as creepy. I need to discard that limiting belief. I also fear getting it wrong and getting blown out. Comfort zones again. Get used to failure. The same thing in a different area.
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