Last night, she said...

OK yeah I’m bad at writing reports, I might actually stop doing it as my motivation to write them is really low and it usually takes me ages anyway.

But here it is. We arranged to meet up in Shoreditch and by the time I arrive the guys are in Ziegfrids. There aren’t many sets and it seems to be about 90% guys. But I’m in a good mood, I definitely feel there’s a good wind behind me at the moment for some reason. I’ve been working out still and I’ve noticed that I’m getting a lot more random interest from girls. Who would have thought? Guys with bigger muscles get more attention from girls? My female flatmates now wolf whistle me when I go to for a shower. Though, of course, you don’t need to be ripped to pull chicks. Some of the best naturals I know are as skinny as rakes. Others aren’t.

Of course this could be my beliefs affecting my perception – if I believe having an athletic physique will get me attention then it will probably become a self fulfilling prophesy. Maybe it’s some kind of self-justification for me. Maybe I ignored the attention before. But anyway, I’ve noticed that I’m getting more attention from girls.

I’ve also noticed that I’m getting better at staying in set and getting the kinds of responses I want from chicks – i.e. interest and emotional reactions like giggling and winding them up and so on. That’s a step in the right direction.

So in the bar there weren’t many sets, but there was a set of three average girls nearby. Jon had just opened them and then Pete challenged the rest of us to open the same set as well. As I was feeling in a good mood I thought I’d give it a go. I opened with Pirates versus Ninjas and it went like a dream. It engaged them in a fun and interesting conversation. I tried out a few things like making statements not questions, trying to guess what job they did (and getting it right – they were shoe designers) and that sort of thing. It went very well and I was getting good attention, but as none of them were that hot, I ejected eventually. But only after I’d been in set for a good period of time.

After that we explored downstairs but there wasn’t much happening there. When we went back upstairs I noticed a couple of girls sitting at a table, and they both seemed pretty cute, one in particular was my type.

I went up and opened with “Sorry I’m late…” and once again couldn’t get it to work well – my delivery is all wrong. I need to find a way to make it work for me, but haven’t yet. But I stuck in there, and one of the girls initiated rapport with me, so that was a good sign.

I was just getting into the swing of things when a guy turned up and took his place at the table, completely by random. I realised that I had joined the table of two girls while the guys were away – and I didn’t know the relationships between them. I immediately started talking to the guy to try and get him on my side, and it was easy enough, he was a cool guy, pretty much your standard boring accountant type person.

So I chatted with him for a bit but due to all the uncertainty – was I hitting on a couple of girls with boyfriends who were just about to appear? – and dealing with the new guy, I was stressed so I ejected myself.

But that wasn’t the end. A short while later I’d noticed that three guys had joined the table. Then one of the girls – the one that initiated rapport and was the cuter of the two – stood up and started dancing right next to where we were standing. This was a sign and an opportunity. I gave her a spin and started talking to her. I found out she was a primary school teacher, and that the group were all friends and not going out with each other.

So we were having a chat, she was a bit drunk and I thought it was going well and for some reason my mind started to wonder. And then she said, “Cool, nice to meet you, have a good evening,” and left. That’s my line! But wait – what were we talking about? Because my mind wondered I lost the set. That was strange. Must stop smoking so much weed. Never mind.

So that was a good night, again I can really feel things developing with staying in set and generating the right sort of reactions. I’m liking it.

The next day it turned out that we were having a sort of house party. That was good as I was feeling lazy and it seemed an easier option than going into town.

So there were a few random people over and unusually for our flat, all the housemates at the same party at the same time. There was the odd friend here and there and my hot French flatmate had brought round a hot French friend. Think Natalie Portman, but a bit more French and with blonde hair. Hot to trot.

She was eyeing me. Big time. Initially we were at other ends of the table and so every now and then I caught her staring at me from the corner of my eye. I’d of course match it and I should have given her a cheeky smile but that’s something for next time. But I was definitely getting looks from her. I took me a long time to socially engineer the situation but after a while I ended up sitting next to her and having a chat. I was doing a bit of qualification but I think that was a bit too far as she wasn’t responding to the questions in the right way and it came across as a bit boring. I think I should have run a bit of attraction first off to set the right tone.

She said she was shy – if I was her type then maybe that’s why. We chatted for a bit but there wasn’t a spark. Others who spoke to her said she wasn’t shy – so maybe my approach was wrong as it didn’t open her up in the right way. Anyway, at least I spoke to her, and she may be back one day.

I like to party. Everybody does.

So my neighbour called me up and said he was going to a friend’s birthday drinks in Portobello Road. I had a house party later but I needed to kill time before then. So I went along.

We got there and I was not feeling that sociable. Plus I didn’t know many people – I knew my neighbour and two of his friends that I had met once before. They were chatting and I couldn’t hear them, so I stood around for a bit. I could feel myself feeling uncool and losing state, but I’d been here before. There was no rush.

I just did the usual thing of observing my state, and it quickly evaporated. I sat down and started to chat with everyone around. I was talking to probably the cutest girl there who was about a 7, but didn’t have much personality to go with it. In fact she was a IT support girl with a typically black, cynical attitude that is a prerequisite for that kind of job it seems. But we had a joke about that and had a good chat.

I talked to a few other people and because I was dressed well and have been working out recently some of the girls were checking me out. In fact, one of them kept coming up to me and taking pictures of me, half pretending to be taking pictures of the whole group.

It’s funny when that happens because it’s totally at odds with my self-esteem. Chicks think I’m hot. It’s still an idea that I’m getting used to.

Anyway the chick that was most into me wasn’t that hot, so I kinda left it be. She lives down the road from me so I might think about fucking her at some point as I haven’t had sex in a while. But as she’s not hot there’s no great demand.

Anyway so when the bar closes surprisingly early, I head off to the party, picking up Greig on the way as he lives nearby. We get to the party and it’s massive – there’s a band playing live, the room is the size of a warehouse, there was a man on fire, a guy on a horse and I killed a guy with a trident. It was that kind of party.

Unfortunately it was dark and noisy by the time we arrived and everyone seemed to be in groups more or less. Me and Greig chatted for a while but it wasn’t the best situation to open in, which was a bit disappointing. We should have been there a bit earlier before it got too noisy to make friends and that.

Anyway before we left Grieg forced me into a set. I opened them but stalled out fairly early – still the same problem. Still, it was a good night over all.

Just a case of blow out

So I haven’t written in ages, my life seems so busy now that I’m working again, and, given that each of these takes about an hour to write, it seems like I just don’t have the time! Crazy really, but that’s the way it is.

So what’s been happening in the last month? Well I decided to take a break from sarging for a little while. It seemed to be becoming too much of a chore, which is never a good thing. Plus my social life with other, non-sarging friends was kinda non-existent. So I needed to sort that.

I had a weekend off that included a gig and general going out. Then I had a weekend in Amsterdam on a stag do that consisted of drinking and smoking in various bars, but no sarging (and, before you ask, no prostitutes – not my thing at all).

Then last weekend on the Friday I went to a friend’s friend’s gig, which was pretty cool. On the Saturday I met up with the guys again but I was feeling pretty knackered – I hadn’t had much sleep, so I didn’t bother sarging. Of course when I returned home there was an impromptu house party going on at not just my own house but also a house three doors down, so us, my neighbours and the other house having a party all bounced around joining in and having fun.

It was cool and I tried a few things with various people – memorably singing along to First We Take Manhattan with some random chick which you couldn’t make up if you tried – but nothing stuck. The main reason for that was that I was with my friend and neighbour (the German chef) who is a really cool, genuine guy with a bit but not too much game, but who is pretty good looking and only the previous week had been spotted by a talent scout for a modelling agency and was having his first paid shoot the next week. So as soon as the girls saw him they were kinda more interested in him than me. Though he didn’t close anything either. From now on, he’s known as Zoolander.

I ended up watching the grand prix live and going to bed at 9 – so much for feeling tired. But the context and the drugs helped.

Aside from that I also met up with a couple of commercial guys on the LSS. I did an NLP session with one of them to see if that might help. Unfortunately I think I’ve come to realise that I’m not that hypnotically susceptible, mainly because I researched it at university so I’m aware of what they’re trying to do, which undermines it. So I don’t think it helped much.

I also met up with Kingy for an evening’s one on one bootcamp during the week. For some reason I was really nervous, and I do tend to get nervous around guys with good game, which is strange and irritating as there’s no reason to. Anyway after a while that went away and we did all the usual opening, getting pushed into sets and so on. There were lots of blow outs but I wasn’t too affected by them. I can’t say it taught me much that I didn’t already know, except that natural game is just internalised routine game, which any fool knows. Kind of an argument for routine game in a way. But also that natural game is based on the improvisation skill set, which is an important point.

Anyway back to yesterday. I was fairly keen to get back into it despite a tiring week. At home before going out most of my flatmates were there which is always a good thing to get me in a sociable mood. And I arrived in Brick Lane to meet Liam in a good state, and thankfully so was he.

We went to Big Chill which was pretty packed, but just about manageable. Also, the music was not the usual soul / funky type stuff, but much more uplifting and energetic dance music. People really seemed to be having a good time. I think I must have talked to about three sets, two I can definitely remember. For the most part I was chatting simple rubbish but having fun and a good time. There was one set of about three girls that I got into a conversation about travelling, which is always good. I stayed in there for a while and eventually the group moved on to get a curry. I tried to number close one of them but she didn’t comply – which was fair enough, it was just a stab in the dark. I didn’t feel bad about it at all and was happy that I at least asked.

We moved on to Industry which for the first time in living memory was actually quite busy. Plus there was Ou est le swimming pool playing live, which I had seen once before in Cargo. They were OK, watching them (as with most bands) makes me want to get on stage and play guitar. Live music is great.

Liam and I were talking to some random drunk Irish girls for a bit but they weren’t making sense. Later on we were back upstairs and I tried opening a group of three pretty hot chicks with the “Sorry I’m late” opener. It bombed pretty badly, which was funny.

Shortly after that we were kinda sitting on the side and there were a couple of average girls dancing in their own area. It seemed a waste not to open them, so I joined them in the dance. Liam came in for a bit too. I had a bit of a chat with them but wasn’t that interested really, so left it.

All in all it was a good night as my mood was pretty good and I opened a fair few sets and stayed in set for a while with most of them. A pretty satisfactory restart to sarging.

It's ups and downs, ups and downs...

So I haven’t written in a long time. I was pretty much ill for all of last week as well as having a couple of band practices and all in all, I was feeling pretty lazy. This working life is taking some getting used to. But I’m slowly getting the hang of it.

Also recently I’ve been contemplating the simple life. Stripping everything down to its bare basics. I don’t know why, nor if this is a good idea, but it’s something that sits well with my temperament, probably because I’m a man, but also because it’s my natural state.

Anyway I’m just putting that out there for no reason in particular. Anyway, what’s been happening.

Well last weekend but one, I went out both nights. Friday was Shoreditch. We all met and went to Dream Bags as a change in venue. No one was opening and then Greig said exactly the right thing to me: “I don’t wanna read in your report that you couldn’t open because I was here.” And of course I was thinking of exactly the same thing. There was a group of five girls standing nearby, so I opened the nearest with the first thing to mind: the golf opener. I chatted with the girl for quite a while, she was from Bulgaria. But she wasn’t that hot and I left after a bit.

We moved on to the Hoxton B&G. While we were waiting for others to get in from the queue Jon and I decided to do some sarging. I opened two hot English chicks (just my type, intelligent, posh, friendly, hot) with the bag opener as one of them had a massive bag with her. They were both loving it and were into the conversation. But then I said hi to the guys as the rest of them came in and somehow ejected myself out of set.

The energy in the group was really low again. I couldn’t help myself but I didn’t want to be part of that. I noticed a group of girls nearby and toyed with opening them for a good while. I walked past them once as I chickened out. But a few minutes later I tried again. As I approached one girl was making a rhythmical motion with her hands. “That looks dodgy!” I said. They laughed and looked cheeky. Hmm. “Were you talking about sex?” I asked.

“Yes,” they said and fell about laughing.
“Haha you’re dirty girls!” I said, and gave them all a good dose of eye contact. They were matching it, looking at me and laughing, their eyes all sparkling with fun and interest. “I like that!”

I then got into a pretty normal conversation and kinda killed it off a bit. I chatted for a short while, then ejected. When I came back to the group Jon told me that they were “checking out my ass,” which is understandable, as my ass is pretty fekkin awesome*.

*May be written for effect.

Anyway after that there was some wondering round, a couple of good chats with Jon and Greig, and a general lack of obvious sets. At the end it was only Pete and I, and we hung out on the dancefloor a bit but there wasn’t much to open. There was one hot girl dancing on stage very sexily, that got me excited, but she looked completely off her face. I decided not to open.

There was no specific realisation from this night, I still need to open more, stay in set longer, do more kino. And though there weren’t many sets I took the main opportunities out there. But the main thing was that it felt like a good night, I’d opened two sets of hot girls – any of whom could have been girlfriend material – and they went well, and the girls were checking me out again. A nice ego boost.

Saturday we went to Jewel. There were loads of sets and hot girls. I was feeling more than a little knackered to be honest. The whole working week thing again. Anyway, I opened a bunch of people here and there. Nothing much lasted for some reason.

Something I noticed tonight was Jake playing the role that Greig used to last summer – i.e. he would open and I would wing. Which means that I wouldn’t open. So I ran a few sets like that.

I think the reason why Jake was opening instead of me was that I was low energy, Jake had more motivation, and I am too quick to rule out sets because they’re not hot enough. That was quite interesting to notice.

Anyway the best set of the night came from a set that Pete had already opened, and I went in to wing. I started with some line that I forget, and then when that ran out, I asked her to tell me something interesting about herself. I don’t think she was that interested at that stage as she didn’t put that much into it so I prompted her with “So most people like to travel, have you been anywhere interesting?” and she opened up telling me something about her trip somewhere. I forget. I’ve smoked a lot of weed between then and now. Seriously, a few days ago I couldn’t remember anything about the night other than it was at Jewel.

But I digress. We then chatted about travelling for a while, and I maybe some other topics that I can’t remember, and after a while I noticed that she was mirroring my somewhat unusual wall leaning pose. And she was into me, smiling and with that sparkle in her eyes. I like sparkly eyes. They’re always the most interesting. And as sure as hell a good sign that a chick is into you.

Anyway, it was going well, but she wasn’t that hot, so I quit after a while to get a drink or something. By the time I came back I think the set was over.

So an OK night. Jake was opening well and staying in set for about five minutes at a time. I suggest he should try number closing more. He’s pretty much there I reckon, he just needs to get more closes.

So fast forward a week. A week of illness as I mentioned. Come Friday I went for one drink with work and by the time I’d had that and returned home, I didn’t want to leave. So I chilled out there. It was a bit boring but I needed the rest.

So come Saturday I was kinda bouncing off the walls. Though that was only my inner state. I was actually still really tired. But I needed to go out. Unfortunately no one seemed to be available or up for going out. It ended up with Pete and I, and for want of a better suggestion, we went back to Jewel.

For some reason it wasn’t half as good as the last time. There were loads more people, but not as many sets. Also, I was a week into growing a beard. For me it’s not a particularly pleasurable experience. It’s itchy, greasy, food gets stuck in it, you have a bunch of fluff stuck to the front of your face, and you’re not sure if it suits you.

Sometimes these things work for some people, sometimes they don’t. I grew my hair long once. It made me look like a girl. The lead singer in my band (female, OK-hot, and whom I flirt with mercilessly) said that my beard will make me look hot. Someone else said I looked “rugged” which is pretty much a good thing, though it may have only been the polite term for “sketchy” or “tramp-esque”.

Anyway it struck me that it provided me with an awesome take on my traditional hair opener – the beard opener. And when Pete pointed out a set to me shortly afterwards I had to try it out. So I did, and the answer was a resounding no. It was a bit hard to recover from that, as she was essentially telling me that she didn’t find me attractive!

After that we basically spent a couple of hours not finding any sets. I know it sounds crazy but all the girls were either in large, seated sets with no spaces or in other similarly inaccessible groups. Or not that hot or whatever. There were a couple of girls who looked quite hot and also quite high energy. I was thinking about opening them and looking at them. Then I noticed one rub her nose in a fairly conspicuous way. Then the other did too. Now I knew why they were high energy. Then I saw their eyes – wide and wasted. They were both on coke.

My fatigue and a broken resolution – going sarging stoned – managed to kill the night for me pretty much. Towards the end Pete and I were just standing there like lemons not opening, nothing to open. I sat down. There were two girls next to me, but they weren’t that hot. One sat down next to me. After about an year and a half I decided to open her with “You having a good evening?”

From a pretty inauspicious start we struck up a pleasant conversation, she turned out to be from North Holland and I impressed her with passable pronunciation of Groningen (it’s not how you think), where she lived. We chatted for a fair while, then her friend forced her to dance with her – it was a kind of cockblock. It was hilarious to watch.

Anyway I was easy, and then after a while Pete and I decided to leave. I said goodbye as I walked past the Dutch girl and lo and behold the other girl (a blonde kiwi) was all smiles and waving, as though we were best friends. Hmm. She wasn’t cockblocking me. She was cockblocking her mate. Interesting.

Lessons? Don’t go out stoned, silly. Try not to be knackered.

Hope you enjoyed the latest tales.

Meditation

I wrote this article for my mates a few days ago, thought I'd post it here to share. I'm no expert, just writing what I've learnt from my own experiences. Take what you want from it and enjoy.

Why should I bother with meditation?

Meditation has a number of benefits on a number of levels. First there’s health. It helps with things like lowering blood pressure, reducing muscle tension, reducing stress hormones and increasing positive endorphins and the immune response. It generally relaxes the body.

Then there’s mental. It helps with clarity of thought and peace of mind. It helps with concentration. It reduces mental stress and increases contentment and confidence. It helps distance yourself from negative emotional responses, and allows you to choose how you react in given situations.

Empirically, studies have shown that meditation reduces the frequency of the electromagnetic activity in the brain. Our brain continuously gives off electromagnetic pulses. In day to day life this is usually at about 10-100 Hertz. As we meditate, this reduces to below 10 Hz, and in long term meditators it can reduce as low as 2-4 Hz. There are ways to also reduce it even further, down to 0.5Hz and lower, which I may talk about at some point (do a search for binaural beats on google)…

And finally there’s spiritual, although I don’t like the word “spiritual” – for me, it’s what I call “wider perception.” You become aware of existence at a higher level, that of the universal infinite and your part in it, and you distance yourself from your own consciousness. Some people call this god, “the spark of the divine within every human being.” It’s been described in many ways. It is what it is.

With regards to pick up, it’s the clarity of thought and the ability to choose your response in a given situation that is the most important. For those with AA specifically, if you’re in a mental rut and your state has crashed, being able to distance yourself (or already be distanced from) that state, and then to choose how to act, would be of some benefit.

How do I meditate?

First of all, you need to be in a quiet, relaxing place with no chance of being disturbed. Turn off your phone.

Then prepare yourself by being physically relaxed. This may take a minute or two, don’t worry if it takes time, and don’t worry if you can’t fully relax. Just do what you can and you’ll notice that it will get easier over time.

Sit on a flat surface is a cross legged position. That’s the idea at least. If that’s not easy for you, sit where you can with a straight back. If you become uncomfortable while you meditate, shift slightly as required to improve the situation, trying to make only as much movement as necessary.

When I start meditating and sitting in the position I often find that it takes a few minutes for my posture to settle, usually straightening and relaxing my back a few times, shifting my legs a bit. You may not need to, but don’t worry if you do.

Then start to concentrate on your breathing. You should breathe through the nose, not the mouth. You want to aim to slowly lengthen and deepen your breaths. Use your entire abdomen. Don’t pressure yourself, just relax into it. If you find yourself suddenly taking short breaths at first, despite having just taken long, deep breaths, don’t worry. Just settle back into it. Let the breath settle into a regular rhythm.

Once your breath is under control, become aware of your thoughts. At first they will be jumping around all over the place. That’s OK. Just be aware of them and watch them as they start to calm down. Let them be like clouds that pass in the sky. You can watch them with peace and let them pass, disappearing into space. Become detached from them. You can help reduce your thoughts by focussing on a single thing, sometimes a mantra (“om”) or on the mechanics of your breath. I favour the latter.

After a while you will notice that there are spaces within the thoughts, and that these spaces start to increase. It is these gaps – the absence of thought – that you are aiming for. That is meditation. Pure consciousness without the distraction of thought. Thought comes from the ego and pure consciousness is separate from thought and ego. It is also called presence. Maintain that state.

As you meditate your ego may react against it and try to demand attention. That's OK, that means you are doing it right. If you find yourself running away with your thoughts, just bring yourself back gently to your breath, and start to relax again. You may find this happens many times at first, and that is OK. It takes practice and perseverence, much like pick up, and it will become easier over time.

Good luck, and enjoy.