My PUA Training Journal

LR: Zeroes and Ones will take you there

2010-11-27T12:38:00.002Z

So I’ve been experimenting with internet dating as I have trouble in clubs as I have bad hearing, so talking to people – even in pubs – is a problem for me. Plus by Friday I’m usually too tired to go out, so this is something I can do instead. So I found this girl on okcupid. She looked fairly OK, sounded fun, so I sent her a message. She’s 25, I’m 34. Meanwhile I made sure to pimp out my profile.

On OKC you can use a service where people will rate your photos, similar to hotornot, except all your photos are compared against each other so you know which ones are the hottest. Turns out the pic of me playing guitar and looking intense on a beach in Goa is my best pic. Which matches their research – pics of guys not smiling and looking away from the camera while doing something interesting get the highest rating. So I sent her a message. Here’s a copy of our messages, me in bold, her in italics.

I've included all this detail for people who think they have problems with text game as for me it's pretty straight forward (having fucked it up many times in the past) and I wanted to show how easy it is and how you don't have to use any special tricks really, just keep things warm and progressing in the right direction.

Also, there is more than one occasion in this interaction where it could be said that she flaked on me. But I think a lot of the time people need to realise that most people in London are busy and things can crop up at the last minute, and that if you're calm and keep things moving in the right direction you will still get there eventually.

I also deal with some of the sex issues that I've been having recently and end up having a great sex session with her having a massive orgasm.

So, back to the start:

Hi, I saw your profile and you look quite interesting. I like the bit about remembering random useless information. That's something that I do too! Hence being good at pub quizzes. Perhaps we should form a team and rinse every pub quiz in town and then run away with the winnings?

Anyway let me know what you're up to and how things are going.

Take it easy.

I do have a weakness for pub quizzes and tea. We could be an unbeatable force.
Things with me are going very nicely thank you for asking. Although I have a terrible cold I now have the beginnings of an incredible home made scarf and have court up on some terrible films.
How are things with you? I like the six things you can't do without [everyone puts "friends, family, music" etc., I put "carpets, unicorns, oxygen" etc.], though surely carpets can be replaced with socks? think about it.x

Sorry to hear about your cold - are you any better now? And I like your idea about socks. Perhaps with your awesome knitting skills you can knit me a pair? ;o)

So how about meeting up to go to a pub quiz one night? Sounds like a plan?

I'm back to full health thanks, though I'm still going to attempt to knit some socks.
I'm always up for a pub quiz. For me it sounds like a perfect plan.x

Cool, I know a good pub quiz that runs on Tuesday evenings - are you free?

I am indeed. Where is this good pub quiz?

It's in a pub in XXXX called The XXXX. It's a cozy little pub by the river with a nice vibe. How about we meet at XXXX tube at around 7.45?

That sounds great. I looked up the pub, it seems really nice. 7.45 at XXXX. My number is XXXX, just incase.x

Cool, my number is XXXX. By the way, what's your name? ;o) XXXX? Mine's XXXX. See you soon.

I'm looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.x

[She leaves a message on my phone saying she can't make it as she has to work late. Now, some people might see this as flaking, I see it as her having to work late]

Hey, got your message but left my phone at home today. Your work sucks! ;o)

Let's do it next week instead then, same deal as before, Tue 2 Nov, 7.45 at XXXX tube.

Thanks for understanding. Same plan but next week. Can't wait.x

Cool. Are you on facebook by the way?

[I wanted to see more pics of her]

I am. I'm XXXX. Only one of me. Feel free to add me.x

Ah snap, [personal info]! I'm XXXX. I'll add you.

All the cool kids have [personal info].x

Very true. Had a good weekend. We had a halloween house party ... cleaning up on Sunday was an effort!

Sounds fun, I love Halloween. See you tomorrow.x

[so we set a date and the convo moved to text]

2/11/10
Hey, hope you’ve been learning your facts!

2/11/10
I already know them. OK which station are we meeting at?

2/11/10
XXXX – give me a call when you get there

2/11/10
Great, see you later

So we meet, and go to the pub quiz. We actually arrive too late to join in, so we just grab some drinks and have a chat. While the quiz is going on I keep getting distracted by the questions so I'll suddenly stop in the middle of the convo and say "Ultravox, Vienna" (one of the answers). I guess this makes for a less than ideal vibe but I could tell that she needed some "getting to know you" time and that not much was going to happen tonight. There was only very minimal kino but we vibed pretty well and had lots in common. Plus she was impressed with my knowledge so things were going in the right direction. Here are the texts after that meeting.

4/11/10
Hey how’s it going? Had fun the other night. By the way, do you have Stranger than Fiction on DVD?

[We had talked about this film as she really liked it and I hadn't seen it, so I thought that would be a good excuse to meet up again]

5/11/10
Hey. Things with me are good thanks. I had a great time on Tuesday. How are you? Oh and of course I have stranger than fiction.x

6/11/10
Hey yeah having a good time went out in Clapham last night, now having a nice relaxing Sat in front of the TV! I reckon we should have an evening watching Stranger than Fiction – what evening do you have free next week?

6/11/10
I had the same type of Saturday after a hectic bonfire night. I agree about stranger than fiction, I think I need to educate you a little :) I think I have Thursday free but have to double check.x

8/11/10
After double checking I only have tomorrow free. I seem to have a very hectic week ahead.x

8/11/10
OK shall we go for tomorrow then? Do you want to go to your place or mine? X

8/11/10
Your place. What time should I come over?x

8/11/10
Shit, better tidy up my room then! Come round for 8.30 I reckon. The address is XXXX but call me when you get to XXXX tube then I can walk you there

9/11/10
Hi, would you mind terribly if we postpone tonight? I just discovered one of my best friends is off to newyork for 6 weeks on Friday. You can choose any day from Sunday. I’ll bring popcorn to make up for it :)

[Would some people see this as flaking again? Perhaps, but I took it at face value. Plus as I've arranged to meet at my place it means I haven't lost any time. And she's keen to make up for it, so she's obviously not playing hard to get]

9/11/10
Hey no worries, just don’t do it again! And you lose 10 points! So I can do Tue or Thu next week, let me know.x

9/11/10
I’m not normally this busy :(

10/11/10
I promise I won’t do it again and will earn those 10 points back. Shall we do next Thursday week?x

16/11/10
Hey how was your weekend? I was in Copenhagen, it was damn expensive!

16/11/10
My weekend was good thankyou. Nothing as exciting as yours though. Are we still on for Thursday. I’m looking forward to it.x

17/11/10
Yep still on for Thurs!x

17/11/10
Great! What type of popcorn do you prefer?x

17/11/10
I like sweet popcorn x

18/11/10
Hey what time are you heading over tonight?

Lost message, confirms time

18/11/10
Yeah sure no probs

18/11/10
Gimme a call when you get to XXXX

So we watch the DVD. While watching it I do very light kino but nothing special. I'm kinda wondering whether it's on or not. After it finishes I simply turn to her and say "C'mere" and start kissing her, which progresses to a heavy make out session (we are in my room watching the DVD on my bed after all). I start escalating things further by trying to take her clothes off. She says that things are going too fast, it's only the second date after all and I can tell this is out of her reality. I play it cool as I know she's mine, just need to pace it right. We continue heavy make out for some time and I can feel she's hot and wet. All the time I'm talking complete filth into her ear, telling her that I want to fuck her hard with my big hard cock, that she's so hot and wet for me, that I'm going to make her come harder than she's ever come before. She's saving herself due to social conditioning, she'll give herself to me next time. As we leave we arrange to meet on Sunday.

21/11/10
Hola chica! Hope you’re having a weekend of total awesomeness. What time are you coming round tonight & do you wanna eat?

21/11/10
I didn’t think you wanted to meet tonight. You last only said maybe.

[That's not what I remember, but clearly for whatever reason there's been some miscommunication. Flaking again? No, just a mistake. Just have to deal with the situation as it is.]

21/11/10
Oh I thought I did. Do you wanna come?

21/11/10
I did but made other plans when I though it wasn’t happening :(

21/11/10
Doh! Ok how about Thurs?

21/11/10
Thursday could be good :)

21/11/10
OK make a note in your diary, Thursday: it’s on like donkey kong!

24/11/10
How cold is it today?! Just spoke to a friend in Dubai, he’s in a swimming pool the bastard!

24/11/10
I’m liking the freshness :)

24/11/10
Just got myself a new job. Yay!

[These last few texts are all true by the way, and good excuses to keep things warm.]

24/11/10
Well done!x

25/11/10
Do you want to come over for food? If so get here for 7.30 / 8

25/11/10
Will do

25/11/10
Cool. Bring some wine!

So she comes over to mine again, and we're on the bed again watching DVDs. She's into sci-fi and she's never seen Doctor Who which I'm a big fan of, so I show her the first two episodes from when the series restarted in 2005.

Again there's not loads of kino during the DVD, and I doubt myself occasionally while we're watching. But after the second episode I pause it and we go back to making out.

SEX BIT

So the clothes slowly come off and she's getting excited. I'm hard so I get a condom out but by the time I'm ready to put it on I've gone soft again. She tries to suck me off but that doesn't help either, so I tell her to stop and we go back to normal heavy make out. I've read up on this problem as I've had it before and I know that I just need to relax and take things slowly. I help myself by focussing on my breathing and taking long, deep breaths through my nose.

My hands start to wonder and after a while I'm slowly fingering her and rubbing her clit with her pussy juices. She's moaning and breathing heavy and I get hard again. I strap on a condom and slide my cock into her hot, wet pussy. We start fucking nice and slow and slowly build up the tempo. All the time I'm talking absolute filth into her ear, telling her how hot and wet she is for me, how she loves having my big hard cock inside her (incidentally my cock is average size, but I tell chicks this anyway and they love it) and a few things I've never said to a girl before, like her pussy is mine and she only wants my cock in her. Cheeky stuff I know! So we're getting harder and faster and I'm grabbing her and pushing her around and she's loving it. She's saying "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me hard" when she can get a word out as she's finding it hard to speak.

As well as getting hard I've had problems lasting long, and thankfully I last longer than my normal few minutes, but not much longer. As I climax I get quite vocal and she reciprocates and she has a massive orgasm shortly after I come. I'm still inside her and moving slowly, she says something but I can't hear it as she can't speak for coming! Then she finally gets the words out: "Stop moving" lol. I do, and she continues her orgasm, unable to move or speak.

END SEX BIT

After a few minutes she calms down. The first thing she says afterwards is "I'm speechless" which, as she's normally quite a sparky, sarcastic girl says a lot. She takes her time to recover and we hug and cuddle. I feel good inside.

Looks like a good future with this one.

The two main points from this:

- Flaking sometimes isn't flaking, just keep things moving in the right direction
- I've managed to pretty much solve my sex problems which is a great relief for me

Stephen Fry and female sexuality

2010-11-02T12:17:00.001Z

OK so I haven’t posted in a long time. Mainly because I haven’t been laid in a while. More about that later. But in the meantime I wanted to post some commentary.

Stephen Fry has been in hot, or perhaps luke-warm, water recently because he joked that women don’t enjoy sex as much as men.

Naturally he was criticised as since he is a gay man, how could he know what sexual experience is like for women? Although he has had sex with one woman according to his autobiography, that still isn’t much to go on.

They have a point. But I can totally understand why he said what he did. For two reasons. Firstly, for a wide variety of reasons both social and biological, it is against a woman’s best interests to go around publically expressing her sexual desires without inhibition. We can talk a long time about why this is so, but a quick way to explain this is: would a high-status, attractive man who does well with women want to have sex with a woman that was known to be a slut? If she was very hot then probably yes, but 99% of the time the answer would be no.

Secondly, we have to understand the perspective that Stephen Fry is coming from. He’s a gay man, obviously, and the male gay community is, generally, very promiscuous. Thinking about male-female sexual behaviours, the general consensus is that guys want to fuck as many people as possible, and girls want to be seen to be classy, hard to get, looking for the special man etc. This is a cliché and not 100% true all of the time but we are all aware of the social norms.

Now imagine that you took women out of this equation and men just had sex with other men. As gay people do. What you have is promiscuous people chasing other promiscuous people. It’s like promiscuity squared. That’s a lot of promiscuity and a lot of sex. Just go to the toilets of any gay club. Actually don’t. Unless you’re into that sort of thing. In which case, fill your boots.

Another factor of Stephen Fry’s context is that he lives in the world of comedy, and if you look at the narratives that run through the majority of comedic routines about male-female relations, they often talk about how horny men are, how hard it is to get laid, and how their wives / girlfriends don’t enjoy sex, for a kind of sympathy oh-it-happens-to-me-too kind of laugh. If you were a gay man with little knowledge of female sexuality you might get the wrong impression – although I’m sure this impression is true for a large section of society, unfortunately.

So from Stephen Fry’s perspective you have gay male society, which is full of a truck load of sex, and then straight society, which is full of some sex but less in comparison. What’s the differing factor between the two? Women. So it appears to a gay man – and appearance is the important word here – that women don’t like sex as much as gay men.

But as I mentioned this is an appearance. There are various social factors that mean that women don’t appear to enjoy sex as much as men, or don’t feel they can express themselves that way. And no doubt some women are like that in reality. Ann Widdicombe springs to mind, and I wish she wouldn’t.

But it’s not true. Frankly there is one phrase that easily counteracts the “women don’t like sex” argument in a stroke: Multiple orgasms. That alone should end the argument.

The times in the past when I’ve been fucking my girlfriends and after the session, she’s practically passed out on the bed, unable to move, legs twitching, because I’ve fucked her so hard and she’s came so hard and so many times, how could you ever think that women don’t enjoy sex?

Now I’ve seen statistics that say that only a small percentage of women experience multiple orgasms, and that’s a depressing thought. Hopefully we are doing all we can to rectify that! But it is possible and I will always hate god for not letting us men have them too.

But I have luckily known a number of women who privately, as friends, have been open about their sexuality and what they think and feel, and there is no doubt that they enjoy sex as much, if not more, than men. They want the good looking guys. They want the confident, social guys. They want the guys with the big cocks (but not too big as that can hurt, so I've been told). When they have sex, they want to have it again, they want it more. They get horny. They go out and have one night stands, though perhaps they don’t talk about it as much as guys do.

And yes they want to settle down and they like romance and all that, but just because they want all the extra stuff it doesn’t mean they don’t want the sex too.

So unfortunately you’d have to say that Stephen Fry is wrong and that you can understand why he is wrong. It is what it is. But he’s gone off in a huff and perhaps he shouldn’t be such a big gay.

Lol.

Look Around You

2010-08-01T19:11:00.002+01:00

Well I've had a big kick up the butt recently. At the start of the year I was on a roll, with four lays including two in two days. And then things petered out a bit as I was travelling and for some reason was constantly low energy probably through not getting enough sleep. But it meant that I didn't get any more lays, although there were a few chances that I missed for various reasons.

Then I return home and I have a new flatmate who is a cool guy and a good friend, tall, good looking, and an unrefined natural who has two regular fuck buddies and picks up the other occasional chick here and there too. Anyway, this guy set my jealousy alarms off and I knew I had to give myself a kick up the butt to do something about my situation. I knew I had to put the effort in because frankly that's the only way you can become good at this.

So I've been contacting a few people on the LSS and have been finding new wings (I do have some old wings but I think I need a breath of fresh air as it were, plus people who are better than me rather than the same or worse so I can improve).

So I met up with Leo and Gianni on Thursday and we had some fun getting back into the swing of things and practicing opening, though not with many results, just experience. I also saw Robert Popper on the street, and I'd be surprised if anyone knows who he is. He called me a stalker on Twitter. But it was good fun and good practice and I look forward to going out with those guys again.

Then on Saturday I met up with Andres and two of his friends to do a day game bootcamp. I was feeling a little spaced out and tired which is strange, as although I usually smoke a lot of weed I hadn't for a week, but anyway these things happen. I also wanted to do day game as I had tried it on my own before and found it really hard and depressing, and I knew I wanted to break through that mental barrier and hopefully improve.

Andres is a very straightforward kind of guy with some basic, sensible, practical information on how and what to do. He is German after all. We had a briefing session where he talked through the main points to focus on when opening in day game. I didn't find him patronising or insincere like I have with some other trainers that I have met in the past. I made sure I had a completely clear mind, mainly as it helps me ignore any anxiety I might have, but also I knew I had to put my trust in both his instruction and the learning process to learn, gain the experience and improve.

Once the briefing was over we went out and practiced stopping girls in the street. I wasn't very good at first and it took me a few goes to get the right timing and movement to successfully stop the girls. There were a few girls who I completely shocked which was a bit funny! I felt sorry for them as it can't be great being surprised like that. Luckily they didn't think I was a psycho or anything.

Anyway after a few goes I was getting the hang of stopping them and saying my opener. Oh yeah, I had never really given a direct opener before and I always had problems with it as often I thought it would come across as insincere (I know, it sounds strange to say that now). So without thinking about it on the day I forgot my anxiety and I was saying my direct openers and to be honest, totally against my expectations almost all the girls were really open to it. I then found myself running out of things to say a few times but worked on that a bit and more or less got the hang of that as well.

Then we were in Leicester Square of all places and ended up stopping this short cute chick who I didn't think was that hot from behind but when I spoke to her she had a really cute face. She was really open and friendly and we had a short chat about what she did - she was a translator. So as things were going well I thought I would ask her for her number so I told her we should go out for a drink sometime and got her to put her number in my phone. I then gave her a missed call and parted ways, I think I gave her a hug before she left, I can't remember.

Anyway a few approaches later we were in Trafalgar Square and I ended up stopping this Italian chick who was quite small and had a nice body but average face (I think, she had large shades on). Anyway we got talking and I thought I'd ask her out for a drink by asking her if she liked coffee (being Italian and all). Turns out she didn't but is a big fan of tea. So I teased her by asking if she was actually English in disguise and all that. Anyway I lied and said I knew an excellent tea shop which we should go and visit sometime (I didn't, but now thanks to Google I do! Thank you Google. Thoogle*) so we exchange numbers for that.

Soon afterwards I had to leave to get something to eat before meeting up with an old friend that evening. But it was a good session. I have been texting both girls since then and I'm meeting up with them this coming week. I still need some refinement in my technique but the basics are already there. I need to see if I can do it on my own which will be a challenge but I need to make that next step. I have to make the effort after all. One thing I want to do is practice opening girls in my lunch break. I find the idea really hard, but how hard can it be? Let's find out.

So in review then for Serdna I think he's a pretty good coach and pretty cheap so I would recommend anyone who wants to get good at day game to give him a try.

A few thoughts from the day:

- Put in the effort
- Be open-minded and trust in the process
- Challenge yourself

* It's an obscure reference.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Look_Around_You
http://www.robertpopper.com/2010/07/26/thanks-america/

LR: What She Asked of Me at the End of the Night, Caligula Would Have Blushed

2010-02-23T18:20:00.001Z

It was actually the day after carnaval ended and the Aussies wanted to see the Flamengo versus Botafoga game at the Maracenã stadium but I wasn’t that keen. We couldn’t find tickets anyway and as it happened, it was for the best. We found a sports bar near where we were staying and headed out there. The match was on and simultaneously there was a very good cover band playing 60s and 70s rock songs, highlights being Black Magic Woman and Black by Pearl Jam.

Aussie flatmate, being Aussie, eventually gets talking to two Brazilian chicks who are sitting near us. The other Aussie joins in, while I am distracted by the end of the match and the band. Eventually I remember to join in. At first I make no impression at all and feel like an awkward spare limb, and it’s at times like this in the past that I would have given up and felt shit while I saw others get the action that I wanted, only making things worse.

However now I know that when this happens, it’s not the end, there’s always more of a chance, and the reality is that no one has noticed anyway so it doesn’t matter. All it requires is persistence. So I bide my time and try joining in again and in a short time become part of the conversation.

There is a lot of general chit chat and amusement to be had. When the band plays Jumping Jack Flash I use that as an excuse to shamelessly nick one of Alan Davies improvisations of Mick Jagger dancing as though he was walking through lots of narrow doors. The girl I end up with loves it and tells me that I have a great imagination. Well I do, but she doesn’t need to know any different in this case.

Jagger!

Occasionally I pop out for a smoke and the other Aussie has started up talking to a very hot black-haired Irish bird who is completely wasted. As things progress he focuses on her which leaves me and flatmate Aussie with the two Brazilians.

Frankly I’m not escalating, just taking things easy, and having fun. The girls are into us and that’s cool. And then I notice that Aussie flatmate is holding hands with one of the chicks, and before long, they’re making out. Again it shakes me a little as I’m now the one doing normal conversation while my mate is getting his freak on. I mentally do a few things. Firstly I ignore the insecurity. Then I make sure to maintain the conversation with my girl. Who, frankly, is the hotter of the two. A kind of Greco-Roman looking face and slim, beautiful body. Then I work out how I can sexually escalate. I haven’t done much sexual escalation the whole night. Another insecurity I have and which pops up here is not to copy other people, which is bullshit as it’s restricting my options, so again I ignore this.

In the end I just keep on cracking jokes and making her feel good emotions, and finally I take my chance and go in for the kiss. She goes for it too and it’s all good. She’s a toothy kisser which isn’t my favourite – I like a girl to use her lips almost exclusively – but I go with it. We get hot and heavy and do a bit of light biting which I am becoming a big fan of, and caress her all over with my hands.

It’s all good and we have fun. But she doesn’t allow me to touch her breasts or get anywhere near her pussy, so things are a bit cool. But I caress her breasts with my chest anyway – another favourite trick and one that helps with getting passionate as it uses the whole body – and she loves it.

So the night is drawing to a close and frankly, after all the previous days’ carnaval excesses and illnesses, by the time it gets to 3 a.m. I’m just about ready to die. We all get into Aussie flatmate’s girl’s car and drop off my girl and then drop off me and other Aussie at our hotel. Aussie flatmate and his girl go to a sex hotel and do “pretty much everything” including anal and her rimming him. We have all exchanged emails as a group and I’m still in Rio the next few days so I can meet up with them again soon, and we make plans to. Oh yeah, they weren’t drinking the whole night – they were completely sober (unlike us).

So the next day I thought I had booked another hostel in Rio, and though technically it was in Rio city, it was about an hour’s drive out of the centre and not somewhere I could get to and from easily. So I spent a couple of nights there chilling out and recovering from the excesses from the previous week. Eventually I returned to Rio proper and arranged to meet up with this girl. For a while it didn’t happen – I called her one day and the phone line was so bad I couldn’t hear her at all and I didn’t manage to sort anything.

But via a process of email exchange we eventually met up on the morning of my last day in Rio. I went to her apartment which was a few blocks away from my hostel. Her place was really nice – three bedrooms in the heart of Copacabana, all to herself – and like a true carioca (someone from Rio) he had a small yapper-type dog that got massively overexcited when I arrived. So we met and we kissed – which pissed the dog off – and decided what to do. The beach it was, then.

So she drove me to the beach, not Copacabana but Leblon which is more or less the same but a bit less touristy. As we were driving I was thinking how awesome it was to be in Rio with some hot girl showing me around and experiencing life like a carioca. So we arrived at the beach and basically spent the whole day lounging under a parasol, jumping in the water from time to time, buying drinks and snacks from the vendors walking past, and kissing and caressing each other. The highlight was after we’d been in the sea once, we went to one of the beach showers and both showered under it while we made out big time in front of everyone. I love public displays of affection and luckily so did she. The whole day was an awesomely relaxing experience and at one point I even fell asleep. Rio is a beautiful city and none more so when on the beach. And the people are pretty hot too.

After that we went for a walk around the lake at sunset which was beautiful too, and then went back to the apartment and got naked – her dog had accepted me by now – but the same problem as ever surfaced. While kissing and undressing I’ll get hard, but as soon as the moment of truth arrives nothing happens. She was understanding and we decided to go to dinner instead.

After dinner I took a Cialis pill that the other Aussie had given me on his recommendation. Although I think that was a bit of bad timing as I’d just eaten a whole bunch of food and perhaps it wasn’t most effective taken in that way. Anyway after dinner we went for a walk along the beach and then back to her apartment for more fun and games.

SEX BIT

The pill seemed to have some effect as I was able to get hard straight away and we got down to fucking. Though like before I only lasted a short time. I really need to stop wanking and get myself regular sex so I can get used to this shit. She was really funny about it – she said, you’re 33 (she’s 37), this shouldn’t be a problem for you! She has a point, but hey, we all have different challenges in life.

Anyway shortly after that I was ready to go again and gave me a bit of a blow job which was pretty good, even though she was a bit toothy – though thankfully not in a painful way. I then asked her if she wanted me to fuck her and she said I shouldn’t ask, which is of course correct, I should just do it. In fact I had been acting like a fag all day – maybe because she was showing me around and knew what to do, maybe because I was feeling tired and lazy, maybe because I’m a fag – and as a latina girl aged 37 she was very forthright about how she wanted to be treated.

Other examples included her wanting me to tell her what to do while she was giving a blow job, how hard to spank her butt, how she liked to be bitten, how roughly she wanted to be treated while we were having sex – pretty rough though not sadistic levels. Just hard, fast and rough. I’ve never been in a situation where the girl is so dominant before. But, hey, still got laid and that.

But anyway we fucked again and this time I lasted a bit longer and treated her nice and rough. After that we slept. I had to get up at 4 that morning to catch my flight to Ecuador. If I had been able to stay in Rio I’m sure we would have spent the next day fucking – the Cialis made me hard as I was sleeping on the plane!

One other funny thing she said was that she could feel my heart beat through my dick, and when I was about to come she could tell as my heart rate increased. Never heard that one before!

END SEX BIT

So the good points:

Brazilian flag, baby!
It’s my third lay in South America, and fourth this year (or fifth if you count the English girl I couldn’t fuck because I couldn’t get hard. It was a technical lay, right? Right!)
Spending a day with a hot chick on the beach, and the night in her apartment, is awesome. That sounds like some kind of fantasy I would have never considered possible only a couple of years ago.
I’m getting laid regularly while travelling, another goal of mine
16th lay.
She was into me in a big way, saying I was a cool guy and so on. Nice ego massaging.
I asked her why she found me attractive. She said there’s three ways to a girl’s heart. Money (I thought to myself, check), looks (yep, score on that one too) and humour (I guess). It was because I made her laugh, and was generally a fun guy to be around, that she went with me.

The bad points:

Jesus I’m crap in bed. Not being able to get it up and lasting a short time. Thing is, when I last had a girlfriend I was like that at the start but simply through regular practice both those problems disappeared. I think a combination of too much wanking and not enough regular sex is hindering me in this area. I can’t think of much to do to fix it apart from – get more regular sex, wank less or at least don’t make myself come so quickly, use Viagra or Cialis to help out on the odd occasion. And take Cialis before the meal not after!

I dedicate this lay to Alan Davies.

Carnaval, bitches!

2010-02-23T17:45:00.001Z

Brazil. Home of the famous approach to topiary. Although they don’t call it that. I can’t remember what they do call it. Though I do know that the translation of “G-string” from Portuguese literally means “dental floss.”

But anyway, I digress. It’s carnaval time, baby, and what that means is spending so much money it hurts, drinking so much it hurts, and seeing so many Brazilians in various stages of undress and dancing to the incessant rhythms of the drums in a sexy way that it, uh, turns you on.

For this part of my journey I met up with two people, one a former Aussie flatmate of mine who has been back in Oz for a few years, the other his friend who I hadn’t met before. Flatmate Aussie is mixed race and therefore looks Brazilian, and is also a former Rugby League player so is built pretty big, although without any definition these days. But he still has an imposing physique. And as you would expect from someone from Australia, is a bit of a natural. He doesn’t always have the best quality – though sometimes he does – but he does have a consistent hit rate. But it’s not so much his physical attributes that serve him well, more his character, which is fun, sociable, occasionally self-depreciating, confident and sexual. I’ve basically nicked about 90% of my game from him.

The other Aussie is your typical rough-around-the-edges, tell-it-like-it-is, beer-drinking, sports-loving Aussie, randy as fuck and he has a good sense of humour. We all get along great and have a good laugh.

We started off in Salvador for carnaval. Salvador is the African heart of Brazil, and its carnaval is the most traditional. There’s different parts and we spent most of our time in the music-focussed part where you have one long route that many floats (called trios) go down. These are set up with massive sound systems, light displays, LED screens and the bands themselves, and they inch their way down the route and belting out the frenetic, intoxicating, drum-led axé music (pronounced a-SHAY). On the sides of the street there are things called camarotes (pronounced ka-ma-ROSH) that have balconies where you can look over the streets, as well as areas behind that contain bars and a nightclub.

Anyway in terms of game for the three nights I was in Salvador I was completely off. Why? Because of context-led behaviour. You see, when Aussie flatmate was actually my flatmate, he was out shagging his way through London town while I was fretting away, still insecure, trying to work out how to put this all together. And so when I was back in his presence, the old me returned and I found it hard to act in the way that I knew could. Having said that, early on the first night I we were all dancing in the nightclub bit and there were at least four hot chicks nearby that no one was doing anything about. I couldn’t let it go and had quick dance with them, though nothing came of it (not sure why).

Later on the Aussies hook up with some Aussie chicks and were very Aussie with them, and I felt myself out on a limb. I was pretty drunk by this stage – did I mention there was a free bar included in the ticket price? – and I was also distracted by how good looking the men were here. Jesus they like to work out a lot too. Plus the music is just great fun.

For the next two nights I was so wasted from the excesses of the first night, plus lack of sleep and food, plus a bit of stomach badness, that I was in no mood to do anything game-wise. I was more concerned about not getting stupidly wasted. Arriving in Rio we were all feeling the pain and for the first night we went to bed really early. The second night wasn’t much better and although we wondered around Copacabana beach for a bit we didn’t really find any happening places and quit pretty early again.

The third night we find out that Ipanema’s the place to be, but when we get there it’s full of gays – as Aussie flatmate said, he’d never seen so many black fags in one place before. It was enough to make your eyes water.

So we quickly ensconced ourselves in an Irish pub that’s showing the Champions League and watch a bit of football. At one point an obnoxious Irish guy joins our table but from him we find out about a big nightclub thing that is happening at a marina in the posh part of town. We sort our shit out and head down there.

Armin van Buuren, a top trance DJ, is playing and the music and the atmosphere is absolutely awesome. There are loads of people on it and despite a couple of attempts to source narcotics we don’t find any, so alcohol it is. Probably for the best, all things considered. For me anyway.

However the women here are HOT HOT HOT!!! This is clearly top class Brazilian society, and the girls reflect that. Like the best that Southern Europe has to offer, mostly dyed blonde. But despite chatting to a few of them, the vast majority simply don’t want to know. Most probably on my part as I was a bit of a mess, hair all over the place and drunk, but there was no shagging or snogging for any of us that night.

So that night was Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday, a.k.a. Shrove Tuesday) and it marked the end of carnaval. No one got laid. BUT, what happened on the next night was a different story.

I'm Going Back to the Start

2010-02-05T16:53:00.001Z

So I’m back in Buenos Aires. I’m staying at this hostel that has air conditioning, and as a result is a ton better than the last place I stayed, where I was covered in sweat the whole time. And the other good thing about it is that it is a social place, so as Radiohead once correctly said, Meeting People is Easy.

One thing I’ve learnt about travelling in that it pays to say Hi to everyone you meet. I don’t always do this, as there are going to be times when you’re tired, hungover, sick, or possibly all three and frankly can’t be arsed, but you get the idea. I noticed this first when I was in Thailand just over a year ago, and I said Hi to a couple of girls just in passing, thinking nothing of it, and then later on they came up and started talking to me in a bar that evening.

It’s simple, it’s obvious, but a man needs to be told.

So back to Buenos Aires and I can’t remember exactly when it was but sometime before yesterday I was in the lift and a girl got in with me. She was tall, slender, tanned, and fairly pretty although she had a nose like the characters in Avatar – i.e. a bit wide. But still, you would.

I was actually feeling tired at the time, but then I feel tired most of the time, but anyway that’s not the point. I was tired and not feeling great but I managed to get a quick, “Hey, how’s it going?” out. We had a very brief chat and found out we were both from London before she left the lift. I think I may have been able to crack a joke in that time.

One side note is that my humour skills are, like, so hot right now? As well as meeting people – on this trip I have been meeting people and getting on well with them like my life depended on it. The chickens are coming home to roost. I love it.

Anyway I met this girl briefly and that was it. In my unreliable memory I think there might have been a bit of attraction there but, as I found out later, there was massive attraction. It seems like I’m getting more of that too. There was this Swiss girl in Puerto Varas... but that’s another story, hopefully one I can come back to. I will let you know.

So fast forward to last night. I was once again tired as I had to get up at 6.30 to catch a ferry I’d booked so I could go to Uruguay (Homer Simpson: U R GAY) and back in the same day. Was it worth it for the stamp in the passport? Well, probably, yes. Anyway so I’d come back from Uruguay and tried to sleep but couldn’t. It was getting to around going out time and all my roommates were out so I had to find some new friends to molest. I went down to the communal area and stole a Pepsi from the fridge (you’re meant to pay, but no one was checking) and sat down and drank it.

From where I was sitting I listened to the conversations of the people around me and found one table with about 8 English speakers on it. I popped over and said, “Mind if I join you guys?” which is my trademarked, 100% field tested social circle opener (c) me 2010 and no returns. Of course this is travelling and they did. I got talking to some Australian guy who looked like exactly a tanned, older Frodo / Elijah Wood. He was the usual alpha Aussie guy but OK to talk to.

So I hung out with those guys for a bit and they invited me out to join them for dinner at a steak restaurant. So we went to the restaurant and it was only when I got there that I noticed that one of the girls was the Avatar girl from the lift. She was immediately looking at me with a big smile and a grin on her face and I was thinking to myself, why is this getting so fucking ridiculously easy for me right now? I knew it was on then and it was only a matter of logistics.

So we had the meal and then there was talk of going to a club, but we went back to the hostel first to drink rum. So we did that and when we sat down I found that she was next to me. So of course there was top class flirting and teasing and a bit of touching and it was just so on it was untrue.

Eventually we made our way to the club and it was OK but a hip hop night which isn’t my favourite music for clubbing but I can get by with anything really. We entered and went to the bar and the girls went to the loos as they were bursting. We were making jokes about having wee babies. So they left and I sorted out my drink and waited for them to return like we’d arranged. I waited for a while but by the time I’d finished my small can of beer they hadn’t returned, so I went for a wonder around the club.

Eventually Avatar chick tapped me on the shoulder as she noticed me walk past. I turned round and started talking to her and then within about two minutes we were making out. I love making out, I love ravaging the women as I make all their desires about a hot, passionate, sexually confident man some true. They want to be taken and I take them. Kissing, biting, scratching (though not painfully), licking, rubbing, grabbing, squeezing, I put it all in there and they fucking love it. She had a really long tongue as well which was kind of weird but I went with it.

And then we spent the next couple of hours basically making out hardcore and then “going to look for our friends” which we’d lost and moving to another part of the club and doing the same thing. She was quite feisty so loved being dominated. She was also taller than me which was cool as I haven’t kissed many girls that are taller than me. There was one funny bit when one of my favourite songs – Get Busy by Sean Paul – came on so I turned her round, bent her over and started grinding her like I was doing her doggy style, but with clothes on. I started slapping her arse and then some guy standing next to me also started slapping her arse too! Classic.

At another point we were looking for friends from a balcony overlooking the main dancefloor and she was behind me while we were still holding hands. From here I moved to lifting up her dress and rubbing her crotch through her panties while pretending to look. It was our little secret and no one else knew what was going on.

So anyway this went on for a while and then eventually we did find the others and we all kinda decided to go home. We took a cab back to the hostel and we were kinda stuck. There was nowhere to go. I kissed her against the wall and fingered her for a bit. We then found a fire escape but can you guess what happened? Yes I couldn’t get hard so we didn’t fuck. At that point we kinda called it a night. So if it hadn’t been for my performance issues it would have been another lay.

One funny thing she told me was that she kinda considered my “Hey, how’s it going?” opener to be like Joey from Friends’ “How YOU doin’?” line which just goes to show, anything can work. Plus I like totally have the skills and everything. Yeah.

But what’s interesting about this for me is that the attraction was there right from the start, and I didn’t really have to do anything. And apart from her nose – which wasn’t too bad really – she was definitely one of the hottest girls I’ve been with which is a good thing, as I need to get with hotter chicks.

EDIT: It was her last night in South America too. So three of the four girls I've kissed / fucked here have been on their final night, and the fourth was Argentinean.

LR: Get on the Bus

2010-01-24T22:44:00.002Z

So another night in Buenos Aires. Before going out I watch the end of Beta House which is so bad it’s good. The Greek Roulette scene is a classic in movie history. I head over to the hostel next door to see what’s happening. It’s a bit quiet but someone asks me for a lighter and I end up talking to a bunch of coked-up Aussies, who despite being a bit energetic, sweating and twitchy are more or less ok. It turns out they’re all going to some club night somewhere and they invite me along. I go to change into trousers and meet them at another hostel. It turns out we have to wait for a bus that will take us there and we hang out in the hostel bar until that happens.

The Aussie guys are cool and they’re all depressingly good looking and tanned as ever. There aren’t many women around at the moment and I just shoot the shit and take it easy. Eventually at 2 am the bus turns up and we all pile on. I’m the last but one to come on and the last person is an American girl who sits in the seat in front of me.

She really reminds me of my friend Claire, who, like this girl, is American, of Jewish extraction, and quite high energy, happy, fun kind of person. We immediately start talking as the bus drives through the streets of Buenos Aires to the club location. I’m not sure why but for some reason I find myself talking about the Falklands War and other points of history and politics which I usually avoid as it’s a kind of energy killer but somehow it’s OK in this situation.

Eventually we get to the club and it’s very large and a bit shit. The music is way too loud and it reminds me of the kind of club you get in places like Gran Canaria or something. But there’s a large outside area where you can sit down and hear yourself above the music, so we go and sit down there. We also lose the rest of the crowd in about 30 seconds. We continue talking and get on like a house on fire. Occasionally one of the group – an English guy also on coke – wonders aimlessly by looking for the others, and we talk to him from time to time as he looks a bit out of sorts.

Again I talk about subjects that I don’t usually – why the legal profession is a bunch of crap, and why what’s doing right for the planet is always going to be wrong for someone, somewhere – again I escape unscathed. However as we talk she tells me that it’s actually her last night in South America – same situation as with the first girl from last night – so logistics are playing into my hands again. And then she drops a great bombshell – as we talk about Argentine society she tells me that a friend of hers told her about the phenomenon of sex hotels. No shit, I say, and get out my camera. I show her the picture of the hotel where I fucked the Argentinean girl yesterday. She notices that the bed is messed up. Yeah I say, and tell her briefly about what happened. I also show her the picture of the girl and she says that she’s pretty.

Finally I see one of the rest of the group and we meet back up with them all. I chat with some of them some more and generally mingle. I end up back talking with this girl again and as sure as day follows night, so the sun also rises and we decided to go home. As we get ready to leave so all the others think it’s a good idea too and all 11 of us head outside for a taxi. I share one with the girl and two English guys

We pass River Plate stadium on the way, which looks massive and beautiful in the morning sun. Eventually we get back to the hostel and we point the coked up English guy in the right direction as he amusingly ambles off in the wrong way. She doesn’t have enough money to pay for her share so she tells me to some back with her to her hotel so she can pay me. So we get back into the cab and head over to hers. (She is staying in a 5 star hotel as she was due to go home the day before but got bumped off the plane, so the airline put her up in this swanky place for the night). She wants it.

So we go to her hotel and she pays for my services, lol. She tells me that she thought I was gay, and that I remind her of a Beastie Boys song “She’s Crafty” but obviously changing it to He’s Crafty in reference to me. I take the lead and start kissing her and undressing her and me. We start fooling around in bed. She’s quite dominant – she starts biting my nipple at one point – so I go dominant on her and hold her down and then tickle her to death. She screams and is loving it.

SEX BIT FOLLOWS

But we don’t have any condoms so we can’t have full sex. In fact we don’t do anything more than kiss and I tease her nipples and make them erect. She moans appreciatively. And that’s all before we fall asleep. When we wake up a bit later we chat and kiss a bit more, and then she goes down on me. She swallows, lol. She then asks me to play with her nipples again, so I do, and then guides my hand down where I find she’s soaking wet. I finger her and she comes. She had an almost completely shaven pussy, which was nice for a change as recently they’ve been a bit hairy.

SEX BIT ENDS

So that was it really. Things I noticed were that both tonight and the night before I really didn’t give a shit if I got laid or not, I didn’t want or push for it, though I did lead in the right places and times. You might call this being unattached to the outcome. I call it not giving a shit.

Also this girl, like the last American I fucked (on July 4 last year lol) kept some clothes on in bed. Which is unusual. It wasn’t cold! Not sure what that’s all about, but it doesn’t matter.

So that’s two lays in two days in Argentina, I’d like to think I could go for a third today but I have to go to bed early to get up for my bus to Bariloche tomorrow so it won’t happen. But TWO LAYS IN TWO DAYS!!! Fuck, I’ve never done anything like that before. I’ve now fucked three girls this month, the same amount that I fucked all last year. Total is now 15, and unfortunately this time I don’t get an extra flag as I already have America! For the record, my flags are:

England, Lithuania, Austria, Portugal, USA, Argentina, Colombia, Thailand, South Africa. I guess Cornwall doesn’t count? Still, a nice combination. I like to do my bit for international relations.

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice.

LR: Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina

2010-01-23T16:58:00.002Z

So I’ve been in Argentina for four nights. For various reasons, for three of those nights I haven’t really been able to go out. Yesterday I could.

One thing about travelling is that it’s like Forrest Gump’s box of chocolates. You’re never quite sure what you’re going to get. The only thing is, like with anything in life, the more you do it, the more likely you’re going to get some kind of result. For four days I’d been introducing myself to various people and though I was having some nice chats, nothing was sticking that well, in the sense of Yeah, let’s hang out together. But that’s just the way it goes sometimes.

So anyway after a day of sightseeing I decided to treat myself to a proper Argentinean meal of steak and wine although like most things in Buenos Aires it was more Italian than Argentinean but still, can’t argue with filet mignon. After that I head back to the hostel and bizarrely the Mighty Boosh is playing on the TV in Spanish. It was the Old Gregg episode and I now know what the Spanish for “mangina” is. God knows what the Argentineans made of it.

Anyway I head over to the sister hostel next door where the parties happen. I get a beer and a smoke and try to meet some people. I meet a couple of Irish guys but nothing sticks there. I met some German dude who’s OK but he wonders off to meet a friend, the bastard. I sit at a table and meet a bunch of guys and a girl who isn’t hot but is English and actually of Indian descent but fair skinned. I end up chatting to her for a while and things progress well. She ends up telling me about the Brazilian wax job she had earlier that day. Talk about handing things to me on a plate. Of course things get sexual after that. It was her last night in town after all which logistically makes it ideal for a one-off shag. And so I end up snogging her briefly, although she’s a bit shocked – she’s a bit of a prude – but she warms to the idea.

Anyway a band starts playing and we go and watch them. It’s at this point that I realise that I don’t actually fancy her, and I’ve kinda gone too far already. It’s a bit awkward as she starts to initiate contact but I don’t respond. Luckily I randomly end up talking to some other girl standing nearby. She tells me that she thinks the band are losers as all they’re doing is playing covers in a random hostel in Buenos Aires. I tell her why not just enjoy the music for what it is and not worry about stuff like that. I could tell that she was letting her thoughts get in the way of a good time.

“What if you’ve always been like that?” she replies. Telling me that she finds it hard to enjoy herself.
“Well you can always try to change,” I said. “A journey of a million miles starts with a single step.” Charlie the therapist gets into gear.

She then goes on about how a million miles has lots of steps and that they are all hard so why bother, to which I reply that you have a choice, to stay where you are and be grumpy or rather accept the situation, or to try and as with most things apart from flying unaided or becoming a billionaire overnight, you’ll get there eventually if you keep trying. Either way it’s best not to whinge.

Anyway after that things get a bit hazy as I get introduced to the group that she’s with, which from what I remember is two English girls, two Argentinean girls and a couple of Argentinean guys. The beers and the music is kicking in and we all dance and sing along to the tunes. It’s at this point that I basically end up dancing with one of the Argentinean girls.

Around this time I start to feel guilty about the English-Indian girl I was talking to originally, but that’s the way the dice roll sometimes. Anyway I’m dancing with this girl and we’re having a good time and I basically start cracking on to her, doing the sexy dance, singing along to the tunes, getting sensual, pulling her in and smelling her neck, and yeah, after a while we end up kissing.

I don’t think we say much to each other up to this point. One of the first things she asks me is “Are you Ingliss?” “Yes.” “You don’t seem Ingliss.” “Why?” “Ingliss are shy.” That made me feel great. I love confounding cultural stereotypes – apart from the one that says South American women are hot and easy of course.

So we spend a bunch of time dancing and snogging. From time to time we break off and chat to others in the group. One of the English girls is going out with one of the Argentinean guys and she’s like the mother hen, but we get on really well. She’s looking out for her girl friend and the fact that we get on means that she’s supportive of it all.

Eventually the band stop playing and I feel like she wants to talk and to get to know me better. So I take her outside and we sit down and chat and snog. She tells me that someone close to her mum has died recently and she’s in an uncertain place mentally. There’s not much I can say other than to sympathise. She shows me some drawings that the kids of this person drew for her, which was nice. We bonded over that somehow. Luckily she didn’t dwell on it and the conversation moved on. We continued to kiss and at one point I put her hand on my semi through my shorts which she seemed to like. We eventually head back into the main room and then she and the mother hen go away for some chick talk. I talk to the Argentinean guy who is with the mother hen. He is a cool guy. I explain to him about chick talk and how it works which I think he was impressed by. We had a good chat at any rate, and then the mother hen waved me over.

“Will you look after her?” she asked.
“No of course not. I’m going to take her up a dark alley and rape her ass until it bleeds, then smash her head against a brick wall,” I explained.
...
Oh I make myself laugh sometimes. I didn’t say that of course. “Of course I will,” I said. We were good to go.

I led her out of the hostel and asked if she had any protection. She didn’t, so I popped into my hostel and got some. “Do you know anywhere we can go?” I asked. Luckily she did – fucking in a dorm isn’t the best idea. We jumped in a taxi and she told the driver the address. It was a sex hotel. In fact it was called Hotel Horizontale which was quite amusing. I’d never been to one of those before and I was surprised how high quality it was (for 140 pesos, about 23 pounds). Yes there was a plastic covering under the bed, and yes two of the walls were covered in huge mirrors, there was a free condom by the bed and UV lights for some reason but everything else was really nice. A huge Jacuzzi at one end of the room, fresh towels and a nice TV and audio system.

PUT DOWN YOUR SANDWICHES GUYS BECAUSE HERE COMES THE SEXY BIT. Don’t read this if you don’t want to know how it happened.

So we got undressed and down to business. But as ever I was getting performance issues. The little chap – perhaps I’ll call him Karlito, lol – wasn’t coming out to play yet a-fucking-gain. We kissed and fooled around a bit and I went down on her, but nothing happened for me. And eventually we went to sleep. It was nice to be in an air conditioned room for the first time in a few days – the dorm only has fans and they don’t work very well.

So we had a snooze and then eventually we woke up again. I was a bit uselessly stressing as I didn’t know what time it was and I didn’t want to stay past check out. But anyway once we were both awake we started kissing and Karlito got excited and finally behaved himself. I strapped in and got down to business – and promptly lasted about 30 seconds! At least this time I didn’t have any trouble getting it in, mainly because she guided it in herself. She knew what she was doing, which was good. Also she had this great way of caressing my buttocks with the back of her heels which was great. Anyway we hugged and caressed and then a while later I was ready to go again so once more unto the breach my friend as I strapped on another and went for it. I saw she had a big smile on her face as I entered her for the second time which was nice. To be honest the sex was OK but not that great, but then it never is until you have done it a bunch of times with someone I find. I lasted a bit longer, probably about 4 minutes or something. I don’t think she came but I think she enjoyed it. As we were lying there afterwards all I could think about was writing this LR. Is that wrong? Probably, yes!

THE AFTERMATH

We got up and used the great shower, got dressed and left. I took a picture of the room as it was so funny. I nicked a towel as I needed a spare for my travels! I took a picture of her as well although she wasn’t too keen. We said our goodbyes and left – and I walked in completely the wrong direction!

A couple of things to mention: I completely forgot her name, which is a bit embarrassing! And she was 19 years old. Yep you read that right. A whole 14 years younger than me. I admit I did lie and said that I was 28 to make it sound a bit better! So she’s the youngest I’ve fucked by a long margin.

One other thing is that I managed to “upgrade” myself as it were, from one girl that was into me but not hot, to another that was hotter. I need to start fucking hotter girls in general and this was a step in the right direction thankfully.

And I have the Argentinean flag. That’s lay number 14. And that’s two in a month. And I’m two thirds of my way through my total from last year already. Things are looking good. I also like to think of this lay as payback for the 1986 Hand of God incident. But that's because I'm bitter and twisted.

Oh, good times my friends, good times. Welcome to South America.

LR: It’s only natural

2010-01-11T13:11:00.001Z

So here’s the scene. One of my flatmates arranges to take me, our current flatmates and one other mutual friend down to her dad’s house on the south coast for a weekend out of the city. Which was a nice idea, especially to see some of the countryside covered in snow. It turns out that her dad is there too with her partner and a few other people turn up. We all stay the night which is fine as the house is huge and has about 20 million bedrooms.

So here’s the full cast:
Me
My English female flatmate [Host girl]
My hot French female flatmate [Frenchie]
My English male flatmate [IT guy]
The hot Australian female friend of the flat [Aussie girl]
My English female flatmate’s dad [Dad],
And his female partner [Dad’s bird]
Half-Japanese female family friend who is some kind of doctor [Doctor girl]
Another female family friend, who is a PA [PA girl]

If you’re paying attention you’ll notice that girls outnumber the boys 2 to 1. Nice odds.

So we all sit down and have a meal which is really nice and chat and get to know each other in a civilised, social kinda way. We’re knocking back the wine and getting nicely drunk and having a good time. After dinner we play some games and have a laugh. In these situations I tend to get very competitive and try really hard to win, although not with bad humour. We all enjoy ourselves.

After dinner and games things get more excitable as people start dancing to the music, sliding across the wooden floor in our socks and other such silliness. It’s good fun though I do find myself feeling a bit self conscious and not being the life and soul of the party, probably as I’m a bit tired. But I do my best to get stuck in.

Despite IT guy being a bit of a geek, he always has a girlfriend on the go more or less, though usually average looks (not that I do loads better). And I have to say I am impressed with his one-on-one dancing skills, which is odd given that he doesn’t come across as being that coordinated generally. Perhaps I’ve misjudged him – after all he does a lot of rollerskating and is good at it, which does require a fair amount of physical coordination.

Anyway through all the dancing he gets it on with the Doctor girl and ends up snogging her in front of everyone. I’m impressed as she’s pretty hot and the only time I’ve seen him with someone that hot before is with Aussie girl, but then she’s quite easy. I’m also impressed with his confidence in snogging in front of everyone. And needless to say, I was a little jealous as she was hot. Turns out she was very drunk, but then I still could have been there.

However I didn’t beat myself up about it, and I didn’t get that sinking feeling in my stomach that I used to get in these situations. Anyway in the latter part of the evening Dad’s bird, PA girl and to a lesser extent Doctor girl quiz us flatmates on who is going out with who and which of us are single. Funnily they thought that IT guy was going out with Host girl and I was going out with Aussie girl (we are great friends and quite intimate with each other, lots of people make that mistake including her mum who’s convinced I’m her boyfriend!).

In hindsight I realise that this is a tactic by the others to work out who is available and who they can hook up with, though I wasn’t aware of this at the time. Anyway towards the end of the night IT guy has his face full of Doctor girl and everyone else is sitting around chatting. Me and PA girl have a bit of a dance and though I’m not great at one-on-one dancing I get by OK. She was OK looking, not hot and not ugly, slim.

We eventually sit down and PA girl starts quizzing me about my life and what I’m up to. I talk about the four month trip to South America I’m about to kick off next week and also what job I had been doing and other such general stuff. She starts to get very interested in me, particularly about the trip. She then goes on to ask me about my friends, past girlfriends and which girls I fancy. I mentioned that I snogged Aussie girl once and that I think Frenchie is hot and wouldn’t mind going there, but for some reason I haven’t, mainly as she’s my flatmate and that can get awkward. She tries to convince me to tell her how I feel even though I’m resistant to it and I do start to feel a little uncomfortable talking about it.

I start to ask her about what she does and it turns out that she’s a PA for a manager in Jamie Oliver’s company. That’s about all I find out about her actually although one thing I should mention beforehand is that elsewhere in conversation with other people it comes up that she has a boyfriend who is a policeman. Also I never find out her age, though I would guess given some things she told me about her life that she is early thirties though she could be late twenties.

It’s now about 3 a.m. and finally people start going to bed. IT guy and Doctor girl head off to one room. I was meant to go in the room next to them but that doesn’t sound too appealing now, so we work out that I can share a twin room with PA girl. Writing this report it seems quite obvious but at the time although I was aware that she was into me a bit I didn’t think sex was on the cards as there hadn’t been much sexual tension or tension of any kind really, no highs and lows of emotion.

As we got ready to sleep it was all matter of fact and she was fully clothed. I was in my boxers but the lights were dark by then so it’s not as though she was checking out my body or anything. In the dark we chat a bit more about relationships and she asks me how many girlfriends I’ve had. I tell her 12 (well, that’s my lay count at least) and she mentions that that’s a good number. I ask her how many girlfriends she has had and she says none, I tell her that she should try it sometime as it’s quite fun! I also happen to talk about how we as a flat speak quite openly about our sex lives and that this particularly comes from the girls (which is all true). In retrospect this probably helped her become more comfortable with her actions and what was about to happen. Classic ASD but nothing that was a deliberate line or routine.

There’s a break in the conversation and I think about falling asleep. After a while she asks me if I’m asleep yet and I tell her no. This is the first time that I think that sex is actually going to be on. I always was aware that something might happen but the whole time I had been talking to her it had always been matter of fact and I wasn’t really bothered whether we did or didn’t do anything. Maybe this laissez faire attitude came across as a very centred confidence, I don’t know.

She turned over and held out her hand. Then I knew it was over. I reached out and we held hands. A few seconds later I leant over and started kissing her. She immediately responded well and it got very passionate. I could tell that she wanted it and this was very exciting for her. A few seconds later I moved over to her side and lay on top of her. I removed her duvet which was in the way, and then set about her clothing – well, that was in the way too. Naked we writhed around with me on top, then when I got hard I started fucking her.

One thing I’ve noticed at this point is when I try to enter a girl for the first time, it’s like my dick keeps on catching on something. It can hurt a bit! Anyway somehow I sorted that out and we had a fuck. I didn’t last long as, frankly, I’m too used to jerking off and coming quickly at the moment.

When I’m in long term relationships I can build up how long I last to levels where it isn’t a problem, but when I have sporadic sex I tend to be too short lived. Well, that’s the way it goes it seems. Hopefully as I get better at pick up the sporadic sex will become more regular and this will become less of a problem.

Anyway I come over her stomach and we lie together. I’ve become totally comfortable with contact with my own bodily fluids, which I guess is just as well. We’re still horny and we writhe around, kissing, biting, caressing. I work on her nipples, getting them nice and hard. I work down and eat her out and finger her for a bit, and though it has some effect it doesn’t seem to work too well.

We caress some more and when I get hard we start fucking again. This time I work out a better way to enter her. When I get the sensation of being stuck I back out a bit and then go in a bit and repeat, making short thrusts. Eventually I realise I’m in and have avoided the painful part from previously. Maybe I’ve solved this problem.

We fuck again and still I don’t last very long. I come over her stomach once again and we collapse together. We both lie there, tired and spent, and I can sense her relaxing and falling asleep. Funnily she says “I only wanted to hold your hand.” Luckily with all my reading of seduction literature I know what this is – an attempt for her to deny responsibility for her actions so she doesn’t feel like a slut. So I respond with, “It’s OK, it’s all my fault,” which she seems to find acceptable or at least doesn’t require a response.

I hold her for a bit and then when I start to feel tired I move back over to my bed. She’s asleep in minutes.

The next morning she gets up before I do and leaves without saying anything. Turns out Dad’s bird received a text saying that she had an amazing night and would love to do it again sometime. Of course she was referring to the whole night but, well, you know what.

For me, the interesting thing about this apart from being another social circle lay is that this was pure natural game in that practically nothing I did was conscious or forced apart from holding her hand just before kissing her. It just came from who I am as a person and probably the logistics of the situation helped. Also, it’s the first time I’d fucked a girl who had a boyfriend. I had absolutely no qualms about this as I really had done nothing to generate the situation. She wanted it, I merely helped her out. I’m sure she’ll go back and continue her relationship with him. After all I’m going to be away for four months and we didn’t exchange any contact details anyway.

Also IT guy didn’t fuck Doctor girl as she was far too drunk and he quite rightly doesn’t take advantage of women like that.

That’ll be my unlucky lay number 13 then.

2009 in Review

2009-12-31T18:16:00.002Z

Yes it's the end of the year so what better than to review what has happened over the last twelve months. I've just read through all my posts this year and have noticed more improvement than I realised.

Let's start off by taking a look at last year's resolutions to see how the year matched up to them.

Last year's resolutions

Read these resolutions before going out

Well I did this for a bit and then I stopped, mainly because it wasn't a help. If anything it made me more anxious as I felt I had to live up to these expectations, and that put me in a bad state. However instead of reading these I've noticed that most of the time I was able to get myself into a good state before going out, and that seemed to be a big predictor of how good my night was going to be.

Get out of my comfort zone
Investment in loss
(a) learn to not let failure affect you adversely
(b) to learn how to do the thing you currently can't
Rise above being rejected
Get rejected from every girl in the club
Open every set no matter how hard
Stay in set forever

These are all statements to get me to push myself out of my comfort zone and learn from the experience. I think in retrospect the trouble with these statements is that they are too far out of my comfort zone. You need to stretch yourself, not break yourself. So it's small steps outside the comfort zone that really helped. Perhaps the most noticeable of these this year was getting sexual with a woman. I'd have lots of general chat conversations with women and then leave as there was nowhere else for it to go. Now I know that in most interactions at some point I can get sexual with a girl, mainly by talking about sexual subjects or using sexual innuendo with kino and eye contact (as well as being more interesting, emotional and humorous). I've also been more confident, fun, alpha (in a good way) so I've definitely developed that further.

Open lots of sets and try stuff out

I've been opening a few sets, about three on average every night out which seems to be enough, and I have been trying stuff as mentioned above.

Have a few routines to hand

Apart from Pirates versus Ninjas I haven't really used any. I find I can talk about lots of stuff just randomly, even talking stupid rubbish as long as it makes people laugh. Staying in set longer has been a major breakthrough this year.

Practice visualisations: I deserve hot women

I didn't do this so much as I use affirmations more effectively. More on this below.

Notice and act on IOIs

This was my big learning from India last year - that I actually get quite a lot of IOIs and hadn't noticed - and this year improved and solidified this. I now realise that I actually get a ton of IOIs, women think I'm hot and I'm now also more likely to act on them as well. A great improvement. I have also improved my skill at eye contact as a result of this.

Open one set before talking to anyone you know

The importance of warm up sets has been made real for me this year. It's another predictor of a good night out from the field reports. I didn't often open a set before talking to my wings but I did make a habit of opening warm up sets by the end of the year and it had a great effect.

The full lowdown on 2009

As mentioned above affirmations have really worked for me this year. It started last year when I practiced with the affirmation "I am good looking." This year I started off with "I'm good at talking to girls." This really started to happen as experience built up. At the start of the year staying in set for a long time and having a conversation that was more than just standard chit chat wasn't a regular thing for me. Now at the end of the year staying in set, cracking them up and getting sexual all happen regularly.

Towards the end of the year my affirmation was "I know what girls want. Girls like me." (like that bad rap song). Turns out to be true.

A new affirmation that I picked up yesterday which is more of a general life one than just for pick up (though it encompasses it) is "I am very motivated."

I'm looking forward to finding out what new affirmations I will come up with in 2010. That sounds cheesy as fuck but it's true.

Part of the reason why I improved at talking to girls was that I started to hang out more with my social circle. I noticed in one post near the start of the year I mentioned that I was going out sarging at every opportunity and had neglected my friends to the point where I hadn't been out with them for ages. Then in April I posted that sarging was becoming a chore which made me more or less stop sarging (except for one night out every few weeks or so) and simply have a bunch of fun with my friends.

This meant that I ended up sarging less, so the opportunity to pull was reduced. But counter-intuitively this meant that as my social skills improved, I had better nights out when I did go out. As I was more used to holding conversations, cracking jokes, getting people emotionally involved with what I was saying, and also getting sexual (yes, I practiced getting sexual on my friends - see below), when I needed to do this with strangers it happened much more easily. It was all becoming much more natural.

I also noticed that I was generating more fun myself, becoming more the life and soul of the party. I noticed that I could replicate the kind of improvisational comedy that I liked so much and watched on TV in my day to day conversations with everyone.

Getting sexual with girls was something that I first practiced with a friend's girlfriend. There was a lot of body contact and sexual subjects talked about. There was definitely a spark and significant attraction there. I didn't take it anywhere obviously as this was my friend's girl. Also the singer in the band was a petite goth chick and, being a goth, was very sexually open. Getting sexual and flirting mercilessly with her was a great experience for me. It even got a bit intense at one point and I basically knew she was about to say "I want to fuck you," right in front of all the band and I had to stop her. She even split up with her boyfriend for a few weeks at which point I toned it down. She got back together with him.

And then my friends. Two of my neighbours, both hot chicks and good friends, were two people I also practiced on. When the girls got dressed up to go out I would do things like singing "Ooh, sexy lady!" and shit. One memorable moment came when a group of us were talking about romance, and one of the girls asked me what was the most romantic thing I'd ever done. I knew the question was coming so I'd thought of my answer in advance. Anal. It brought the house down. Thing is, it was partly for effect for my mate who I knew would find it funny. But to be direct and that matter of fact about it had a good effect and people saw me as being more sexual.

There was also a good night when we were in Malta for the weekend and we were in a bar drinking cocktails. I directed the conversation to sex and soon I was hearing all about the female perspective on the issue. They described the different lovers they had, what worked, what didn't, who had the biggest and smallest dick (thankfully I was doing OK). The fact that they guy with the biggest dick wasn't the best lover as it actually hurt (might have helped if she was a goth and into that kind of thing - the goth singer said that the best kind of orgasm was a painful orgasm...). I also learnt valuable information and techniques on cunnilingus which I'd never heard before and put into very good use at the next opportunity. Worth the cost of the flights alone.

In May I noted that the "big changes – in self-confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude – are slowly coming to me." They were and they did. I can safely say that I am more confident now than I ever have been, and others have noticed it as well. My flatmate has told me that I used to be more closed and would take time to warm up and open up to people. Now I just jump in and start talking to whoever is around. My parents have noticed it as well, they have noticed that I am more confident than I used to be. And they've spent a long time looking at me not being confident.

All the good vibes I have felt this year have been seeping into my bones, replacing that empty, hollow, dirty feeling of anxiety that has been with me for so long. It's a warm and comfortable feeling and it makes me happy and life feels good. It's also been one of the contributory factors for me not going out so much - I don't need to fill that hole inside with attempts to get sex. It like a bit of an inner game breakthrough. Frankly my life is awesome right now and I love pretty much all of it.

Another change that has had a great, positive effect has been working out in the gym. Last year in India I met a rugby playing northerner who mentioned that when he started training seriously for rugby he put on a shitload of muscle in a really short time. I asked him how he did this and he said, "I did exactly what they told me to do." Such a simple phrase had a big effect on me. I realised I had been faffing around with putting on muscle and not really doing it properly, thinking to myself that I was doing something different that was more suitable for me. I knew enough to know what I should be doing and how to do it right but through some peverse bloody mindedness I had always not done it. There's a very important lesson to be learnt there.

So I cut the crap and started exercising properly. It worked. I've put on just under half a stone of muscle and look much more ripped. Most of my t-shirts are almost too small for me now, but they make me look tight. I also realised that this is what I always wanted and I had been peversely holding myself back. The increase in confidence and attractiveness that it has given me, as well as the knowledge that I can and have significantly changed an aspect of myself for the better, has been a massive improvement for me this year.

Inconsistent practice of meditation, as well as improved social skills, has increased my awareness of what is actually happening in many social situations. This has meant that I can pick up on people's intentions better, I can project my intention on the world more effectively, I know what women want and what they mean, what their body language is saying. One of the highlights of the year was when I walked into a pub and noticed a girl on her own that I could see was looking for some cock action. After a few minutes I went up to her, and in less than 30 seconds we were "kissing like porn stars" as my friend described it. It was partly under the auspices of a bet but she went for it like a trooper. It was all down to awareness, confidence and intelligence. A big result.

A few other things to note from the year:

The realisation that women are used to guys opening them - obvious but saw it with my own eyes for the first time. Warm up sets are important. Very important. I have a dancefloor moves sort-of-routine (there's no structure, just the subject matter) that is great fun and gets results, including at least one lay. Learning to play Guitar Hero is a lot like pick up - there's lots of small things you need to get right and you have to learn some new skills to do it. Drinking - after a dry January I now know that my ideal state is after a couple of bottles of beer, and I don't need much more than that. Lowering standards is a good thing sometimes. The invention of the word "swissed."

So what are the final scores? Three lays, more than any previous year and a quarter of my total (that's 12, maths fans). No idea how many I kissed or numbers but a fair few. This has been, without doubt, my best year ever in terms of sarging.

I am very excitedly looking forward to next year.

We’re going deep, baby

2009-11-27T12:50:00.003Z

So last night I had a minor revelation along the lines of this previous post. I was stoned once again, I had been to the chiropractors earlier in the evening (I mention this as it’s sorting out my posture problems, and if you believe that tensions in the body can reflect tensions in the mind, and that affecting one will affect the other, this has relevance), and late in the evening I started getting introspective.

The thing is, I’m a little bit gay. It’s not easy to admit though I have discussed it with a few close friends in the past, but I find men attractive. This is a bit of a problem for me, as I don’t want to be gay. But is that true, am I really gay? It’s a question that I have kind of avoided answering, probably because I was scared of what the answer might be. But last night I decided to see if I could answer that question once and for all.

I sat on my bed and thought, am I gay? Well like I said I find men attractive. What that means is that when I see a good looking man, it’s like a mild shock. But then I thought about it more, did I want to have sex with these people? Well, frankly, no. I certainly don’t want anyone fucking me up the ass, and I have no desire to fuck another guy up the ass. It does make me feel ill. I needn’t have been worried.

But there is an additional concern, one which I’ve written about before, which is that sometimes I have a problem with getting it up when having sexy times with women. I’ve often thought that that might be a reflection of my sexuality. And it is a concern for me. So I decided to analyse the thought “I have trouble getting aroused when sexually escalating with women,” by using The Work of Byron Katie (much recommended for inner game BTW). Is it true? Well fuck no!

Side FR

A few weeks ago my email account got hacked. Stupidly my password was a common word followed by one number and no special characters. Anyway the hacker / bot sent out an email to my entire address book with some spam. Obviously it looked like it came from me so I had to send out an email to everyone again letting them know the email hadn’t come from me and to say sorry.

Anyway the upshot of all of this is a handful of people I hadn’t been in contact with for a while got back in contact with me. Which is nice. Every cloud, eh? Now one of these people was a girl I picked up about five years ago. I met her in Mother bar in Shoreditch, she was Colombian, hot sexy body, light brown skin, unusual face – kind of Aztecy in a way, not classically beautiful though.

Anyway we went on a few dates and snogged but she had hang ups about sex due to an aggressive father. Despite that I managed to get her down to her bra and knickers in bed, frantically rubbing herself against my hard cock while she came from clitoral stimulation. I had to clean myself up with tissues. Not quite proper sex but still. It was pretty hot.

Anyway I didn’t want to fuck her then because of her issues and frankly I wanted her to deal with them on her own terms, it wasn’t my responsibility after all. So we stopped seeing each other. Fast forward five years or so and she gets back in contact after the hack, and after I finish being busy at work we decide to meet up.

That was the day before last night. We just had a couple of drinks and talked and caught up about what had happened in our lives since we last met. We talked about Colombia and where I should visit when I go there next year. She still had the same hot body, despite being 38 now(!). I was still attracted to her. We talked about relationships, which of course I led into talking about sex. We were lightly touching each other, she fiddled subconsciously with my wrist bands. After one drink I hinted at calling it a night, she went to buy a second. To cut a short story shorter, at the end of the night we kissed, and she didn’t want to stop. It made me hard and afterwards I went home and had a legendary wank.

One thing to notice about this is how common this sort of experience is for me now. Met with girl, kissed her. It happens, and I know how to make it happen. This is good.

So the point of all this is how short our memories can be – only the next night I was wondering if I really found women attractive. Well the evidence of the previous night was that of course I do! I’ve had girlfriends, I’ve had a bunch of lays, I’ve got hard and fucked them all. It’s just that sometimes I don’t, but that’s not every time and it’s not what defines my sexuality.

So let’s get back to The Work.

“I have trouble getting aroused when sexually escalating with women,”
Is it true? No
How do I feel when I think that thought? Anxious, annoyed, concerned about my sexuality. Insecure.
What would life be like if I didn’t think that thought? I’d have a roaring sex drive and go after every woman I liked, I wouldn’t be afraid of escalating, I’d be like a dog on heat, I’d be a stud, I’d be getting tons of pussy. I’d be a man, a player, a pimp. I’d be raw sexuality personified.
And the turn around. “I easily get aroused when sexually escalating with women.” Is that true? Yes, look at the example above. That’s all I needed to know.

But there is another reason why I have performance issues. I think it comes from when I was growing up, I was very anti the mainstream of social behaviour – I had rejected standard male behaviour as I wasn’t into football, girls, being alpha in the school context. I had rejected all of that. And as a result I had rejected the (as I saw it) crass, aggressive pursuit of women that everyone seemed to espouse (indeed that line of thought is reinforced regularly in some places, for example various articles in the Grauniad). Instead I focussed on how bad this was: it led to rape, violence, I only focussed on all the negative aspects of uncontrolled male (straight) sexuality.

I had created this belief that “male-led sexuality” (for want of a better term) was a bad thing. But it’s not! It simply isn’t! Of course there is a line of behaviour which no one should cross (and we can argue the dynamics of where that should be and how to measure it for ever) but at the end of the day, what the female sexuality requires is a man to lead and excite them, and everybody wins (frankly, with the clitoris and multiple orgasm, I think they get more out of the deal, but that’s another story).

So the conclusions I drew are to focus on these two thoughts, and reaffirm to myself how true they are, and the evidence from the world that supports them:

Girls make me horny.
Sex is a great thing for humanity.

As a foot note, the increased awareness that I experienced from having this clarity of thought meant that I didn’t want to smoke more weed – it’s as if I knew it was bad for me and I physically couldn’t bring myself to do it. This is a good sign, however you’ll be pleased to know that I did eventually. Still, it was an interesting moment.

I got Lust for Life... Woo!

2009-11-15T14:21:00.002Z

OK so I haven’t posted anything for ages, mainly because I haven’t been out much recently. And any interactions I’ve had with girls has been written here anyway. The mathematical inference of all this is that my skills must have been getting better as otherwise the hit rate wouldn’t have gone up so much.

I have had the offer of going out sarging, my wings still text me from time to time, despite my lack of response. Which I’d like to thank them for! I’ve been making excuses. Frankly, I’ve been out enjoying myself with my friends.

It’s good for the soul. Having fun with people, enjoying their energy, them enjoying yours, can’t help but put you in a fantastic place emotionally. So often now people say I loved coming out with you guys, I had so much fun, I must get out more. Obviously it’s not just me that they’re talking about, but I know I’m part of it. It makes the ego feel great.

So I’m happier as a person, the happiest I’ve ever been in my life I can say categorically. Also I’ve been meditating properly. I was inspired by the back story of Aaron Sleazy, who mentioned that one of the things that was the basis of his rapid success was the fact that he practiced mediation to the point where he could sit for an hour without a thought coming into his head.

Now I’ve practiced meditative arts and know and put into practice the concepts behind meditation, and it has served me well. And I recommend it to everyone. But to be honest I never really seriously practiced actual proper meditation on a regular basis. I have a CD that aims to generate meditative brain waves through audio stimuli which I’ve used and had some effect from. But actual, proper meditation – sitting relaxed in a room with no disturbances trying to become aware as possible of your own consciousness, everything you feel, experience and think – I’ve kinda skipped on.

Until now. I bought a couple of books by Barry Long, specifically the one where he teaches you to meditate. I’ve been doing it. It has made me more aware, more able to control my mood and my state, more comfortable, less stressed (though I still get stressed and that’s OK), more sociable, and simply happier.

I noticed when I went on my holiday to Malaysia how much more developed I was in these areas than my friend was. I’ve mentioned before that he’s an AFC and pretty negative and all that, thing is, I used to be like that too. Now I notice how big the gap is between us. And also I think subconsciously he realised that he could change too. Anyway he said it was the best holiday he had been on, he enjoyed his time with me. And of course, this could all be bullshit, I don’t know what’s going on inside his head.

This awareness also extends to comedy. I’ve always been a fan of the more intellectual brand of TV comedy, but also I am a big fan of bad taste comedy, mainly because it forces your outside of your own comfort zone. Anyway, these years of study and the increased awareness I’ve experienced recently has meant that I can now apply that comedy in an improvisational way, although I always could in the past, it just comes easier and more consistent now.

The TV shows I’m talking about are Have I Got Even More News for You, Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Friday Night with Jonathan Ross (the way he deals with guests is awesome, though not everyone’s cup of tea). Those are the main ones that are showing right now. And also I should mention my friends and people I meet in general that have a great and amusing sense of humour. It’s all good.

So down to specifics. I went out. It had been a busy week at work, in fact we had a campaign launch on Friday and the fact that I got to leave the office with enough time to get home, eat and come out again says how smoothly that went. One notable thing is that I slept a lot. I changed my morning routine so that I ate breakfast at work and woke up at 8, so I had a lot more time in bed. Energy levels were good. And I wasn’t stressed from the work. I remember when we had the last thing signed off, I was like, was that it? That wasn’t stressful. This shit is easy! I put it down to the meditation.

So I got changed into my standard sarging uniform. Cool shoes (Converse) a nice shirt that fits me well, necklaces, everything matching. I reckoned I looked hot, and who’s to say I’m wrong? Oh, and I’m still going to the gym so I look pretty buff, if I do say so myself. I was feeling good, my ego was firing on all cylinders.

Took the tube to meet up with Liam. While I’m travelling I completely go into meditation, relaxing myself, thinking about nothing, chilling out, feeling good. I get to the bar just before Liam arrives, his trains have been a nightmare. We go get some drinks and do the standard catching up on our lives before sarging proper.

Warm up sets are important and while Liam goes to the loo I chat briefly to the barmaid and to the girl standing next to me. It’s just a warm up, but it’s so effective.

We get seats and catch up about stuff and talk about the usual pick up related subjects. We talking about a couple of interesting things. Liam had been reading Anthony Robbins and was talking about how much pressure to act NOW he puts in his advice. I remember reading that in the past and I find that it made me more stressful than motivated. Having said that, I don’t think it’s bad, it’s just that you need to act now from a place of calm and relaxation. You can push yourself too hard sometimes.

Another thing was how beneficial it was to read old field reports. You see that you’re often better at things than you remember or think you are. Which is so true. Reading the edited highlights of the last six fields reports always makes me think that I’m a pimp, haha. But it’s true, focussing on the successes makes it feel much easier to achieve. And you also notice patterns. Liam mentioned that he noticed that he kept on failing to do warm up sets. Yes, they are important.

I’m two drinks down and in a party mood. We go to Big Chill. Liam notices two Asian girls and is thinking about opening them. I think it’s a warm up set (every set is a warm up set). Rather than thinking about how to open them I know that I just need to speak to them to make them realise how awesome I am. I like to break PUA doctrine as often as I can because it makes you more flexible. I thought I’d open by tapping them on the shoulder from behind. Totally weird.

So I tapped the girl on the shoulder and she turned round. The first thing that popped into my head was, “My friend wants to talk to you.”
“What does he want to say?” she asked. I waved Liam over and explained the situation.
“Is my friend harassing you?” was his response, which was absolutely hilarious. However Liam later told me that he was really pissed off that I did this as he thought it made him look bad. Luckily the girls didn’t think so and we got talking to them.

I was immediately coming out with the funnies and having a laugh but I noticed that Liam was still a bit low energy so I backed off a bit as he had noticed the set and he’s got rice fever bad so it felt right to do that. We kinda chatted and swapped around a bit. There was one cute one and one unattractive one, but a nice girl all the same.

We were having fun and the girls were enjoying themselves. The cute one at one point tells me that I must be very confident to just start talking to someone like that. I hadn’t thought about it and I realised and explained that it was my belief that everyone is the same really and that everyone is cool, it’s just that you haven’t met them yet. As I said it I realised that that was honestly how I felt, and yeah I will admit that there are that 1% or less of people who aren’t worth spending time with, but they’re much rarer that you might think. But it’s true, the evidence is there to support it in my life. I’ve made loads of friends over the years and I don’t keep in regular contact with most of them. But when I do meet up with them it’s like we only last met yesterday. And then new people arrive in my life and I get to know them too.

I notice a hot short girl in a hat walks past and gives me the eye big time. Hmm.

I can’t remember how it ends but I think either they or we go to the bar to get a drink. Liam harangues me about my opener and I apologise. Liam spots another set of two girls, again one hot and one ugly. Liam thinks about opening. There’s a shady looking guy standing right next to them thinking about talking to them too. It was a race between him and Liam. I encourage him to open and eventually he does. The other guy instantly walks away, it was funny to watch.

I give Liam a bit of time to settle into the set before coming to join him. Turns out the girls are Dutch and unfortunately only over here for the weekend. But we have a good chat anyway. The hot one is a very hot, young looking, tall, blonde, blue eyed, slim, nice breasts, pretty piece of Dutch glory. Thinking about it now I can’t remember why I didn’t try to close her in some form. The Netherlands aren’t that far away. This is actually my lesson for the night. More on that later.

The same routine as with the Chinese girls happens. We talk, have fun, swap, then Liam ejects by going to the bar. It’s my round.

As I’m finding my place some girl starts talking to Liam. I can’t hear what they’re talking about but he points her in my direction and there seems to be some plan to get to the bar quickly. Now I have good bar skills and can get served in no time usually. In fact if my pick up skills were as good as my bar skills I would get laid every night. But anyway before I had the chance to show her a thing or two, she was off on her mission and we were squeezing in a place at the bar.

We then talked absolute rubbish for about five minutes. She was very drunk and we were both having a good time. Eventually she orders and she even buys us a couple of shots. It’s a large Sambuka. I like to party. I then order my drinks and the barman gets confused and puts it on her bill. I offer to pay but she’s having none of it. “It’s only ‘cus I’m drunk,” she explains, which makes perfect sense. As we pick up our drinks to leave we say our goodbyes and as we get close I notice her looking at my lips. She wants a tonguedown. She’s OK looking but not that hot. I give her a polite kiss on the lips and send her on her way. I had to give her something, all that pent up sexual energy has to go somewhere. We kiss, she smiles, she turns round.

And she drops her drink.
She doesn’t bother going back to the bar.

I’m a bit tipsy now. We talk to the Dutch girls again. They eventually have to get the last tube to their hotel. We say goodbye. Liam’s with the Chinese girls again. I chat to them briefly too. Then I decide to leave to catch the last tube. I shouldn’t have bothered as I’d missed it. I get a taxi.

There are four lessons I learned tonight:

I am totally awesome
I could have closed four girls last night if I’d been more forceful about it: the cute Chinese girl, the hot Dutch girl, the short girl in the hat and the drunk girl at the bar. I need to focus on the close more.
I kind of subconsciously or purposefully leave space for my wings to hit on the hot girl, preventing me from trying. This is silly. And probably an excuse not to get out of my comfort zone.
Picking up chicks is easy.

Uno, dos, tres, quattro: I know you want me

2009-10-11T13:12:00.002+01:00

Beliefs, affirmations, social knowledge

OK something fun happened yesterday and to me it demonstrates a few interesting points.

Singapore

So I’ve been on holiday in South East Asia, I flew back yesterday, my plane landed at about 7.30 pm and I was home by 9.00.

Saturday night

I was hoping that there would be some people at home as I’d made no plans for the night and didn’t want to call people up and make arrangements, I just wanted to hang out with my friends. Luckily my two best friends were at home (or rather, next door): German chefs 1 and 2.

Two naturals, the german chefs

Both these guys are good with women and know nothing about “game”. German chef 1 is good looking and has a great personality though doesn’t really open much. He was recently jumped on in a bar by a hot Turkish girl who started kissing him … in front of her boyfriend. Probably just a jealousy ploy but the point is he gets attention. German chef 2 isn’t good looking but dresses well, and his game centres around being totally arrogant, cocky, taking the piss out of the girl and being very direct and sexual from the start. He gets a lot of women, mainly from social circle and rarely from bar pick up.

We meet up, have some cans and a spliff and start to have a party at the house. But we need to go out so we hop on the bus to Fulham to try to get into the Slut and Legless (The Slug and Lettuce). Needless to say by the time we get to the bus stop we’re pretty wasted.

Eye contact in street

As we’re walking down the street I lock eyes with a girl and she keeps it until we pass. She wants me.

Every girl wants me

Every girl wants me. It’s funny, on my trip round SE Asia I was travelling with my AFC mate and I would often point out girls and say “she fancies me” or something similar. Of course my AFC mate thought I was an idiot because it’s so far out of his (negative) reality. I take that as a compliment. It’s what I believe. I’ve no idea if it’s true, but the idea is that if you think it is, it either will be or you’ll find out a way to make it so. Any sign you get that she’s interested means it’s on, and anything can be a sign. You could says it’s “having the frame” or something, I just know it works.

Affirmations

This comes from affirmations. I’ve tried using affirmations in the past and I found they didn’t work. That’s mainly because (a) I had too many of them, so my mind couldn’t focus, and (b) they were too extreme, too outside my reality for me to take myself seriously, and therefore they didn’t get through to the subconscious.

So last year I started with one simple affirmation, that I was good looking. I kept on repeating this to myself, not religiously but every time I remembered. Slowly I started to dress better (or believe that I dressed better), I went to the gym and got in better shape, I noticed when girls were looking at me or when someone paid me a compliment. I found the affirmation worked.

So having solved that I started with a new affirmation – girls like me. I’m good with girls. “Every girl wants me” is a bit too strong actually and too unbelievable though I’ll say it from time to time, and sometimes as a joke, but “girls like me” or “I’m good talking to girls” really seems to work for me.

I have girls in my social circle and I found myself getting on with them even better. Twice this year I went on weekends away with two girl friends. I got to know how they worked even better, got more experience of their typical behaviours.

Eye contact in bar

So back to the story. As we walked into the bar (not the S&L, that was closing) I locked eyes with another girl. I didn’t do anything about it straight away as we were sorting out drinks and I needed the loo. Anyway when we came back I observed the girl from afar. She was on her own. In a bar (fairly quiet actually) late on a Saturday night. She’d already locked eyes with me. When German Chef 1 went to the bar to get the next round I motioned for him to chat her up. I think he may have said a few words though I can’t remember. What is important is that she definitely knew he was there. Like I said he’s good looking and so to grab his attention, she leant with her back against the bar, elbows on the bar, basically showing off her tits. But German Chef 1 not having much game didn’t do anything about it.

Body language

The girl wanted cock. It was easy to see. I told my friends and we all joked about it in a guy kinda way, oh yeah, she wants is bad. But although we were joking I knew it was true. Like I said, already locked eyes with me, flirted with my mate, and she was on her own in a bar

Dare to open

Given that I told my mates, being the cheeky chappies that they are they then placed a bet. Five pound to go up to her and say “I wanna be on you” a la Ron Burgundy, the greatest of all PUA gurus. The other guy bet ten pounds. “You’re on” I said and went up to the bar to do it.

Body positioning

As I approached she had her back to me, facing the bar. I knew she knew we were looking at her so I knew she was aware of me. As I approached the bar I made sure to slow right down almost so she would catch sight of me or sense me before I got there. Sounds a bit “woo-woo” but it’s an instinctive thing and hard to put into words.

I didn’t have the guts to open straight away and I ordered the round. I thought about the line and tried to think of a way to make it work when I burst out laughing at the actual thought of doing it. I turned round to my friends who were watching me and we all laughed. It was silly, fun.

Anyway I opened her instead with my killer line: “Hello” said with a sense of obviousness (as we both know why we’re talking to each other) and a cheeky smile (ditto, it’s going to be fun). We said a couple of lines and then she says “Did your mates put you up to this?” In retrospect this could be seen as a shit test but it was obvious to her what was going on, as indeed it was to me.

“There was a bet, yes” I replied. This got her in on the fun. I also go for honesty every time. No point in lying. Unless… (see below…)
“What was the bet?” she asked.
In a split second, my evil mind thought of the perfect answer. I go for lying every time.
“To kiss” I replied.

Kiss

And with that, she jumped me and, in the words of one of my mates who were still watching, we were “kissing like porn stars.” She even hooked her leg up on the side.

We did that for a bit and then stopped. I looked at my mates and their jaws were on the floor. I’ll be here, sitting in the corner, stroking my ego. Thanks.

Talking

Then I turned my attention back to the girl. I asked her about herself. She was from Sweden. Oh yeah I forgot to mention, she had an awesome body, looong legs, average face. Definitely doable. But she had an Australian accent from either living with Australians or in Australia, I can’t remember exactly. Which explains her obvious (to me) open sexual behaviour. There are few countries where the women are more comfortable with being openly sexual than Sweden and Australia. And when you put those both together, then… wow.

Anyway I asked her if she knew Anchorman, she did and she loved it (always a good sign). I quoted the line and won the bet.

Number close fail

So we had chatted for a bit but I was tired from the trip – I’d been up for close to 24 hours by now. She asked me for a drink which I bought her – after all I was now £15 up so it wasn’t a problem. Some people might call supplication but I wasn’t worried about that. Like I said she wanted cock and she was ready to be pulled then and there. But as I was tired I didn’t want to deal with that – which was a mistake but you make your own decisions. I tried for the number close. “what is the best way to keep in contact with you?” I asked her.

“You don’t,” she replied.

There are many great responses to that which I could have said to keep things going. “It’ll just have to be tonight then,” would be great, “stalking it is then,” would make me laugh at least, ignoring the response and keeping on flirting would have done just fine. The line a said at the time was “Well, a man’s gotta try.” Shortly after that I returned to the table. But it wasn’t over yet.

Return to mates, Other guy tries

So I rejoin my mates and we all have a good laugh and they high five me. While we’re chatting I see another guy goes up to her and chats to her. I can’t see their faces so I can’t see how it’s going, not that I’m bothered. But it can’t have been going well as after a few minutes she looks over to me and I signal for her to come and join our table.

Joins our table

She does so and says that she had to get away from the other guy by saying she was going to come and “join her friends” i.e. us. That other guy must have no game. Still, I hope it was a valuable lesson for him.

Wing fail

So when she joined us there was only me and German Chef 2. Like I said before his game is total arrogance and when she turned up she was all touchy feely on his tattoos, he on the other hand just acted like she was the most irritating thing in the world ever.

The trouble for me is that I haven’t yet worked out how to deal with this kind of situation. Girl is up for it with either of us, we’re maintaining some kind of social relationship, my mate’s attitude is total arrogance, I’m more normal conversation and having fun. The two don’t mix naturally. In retrospect I think I just don’t need to worry about it, be totally OK with everything, and keep teasing and having fun with the girl. Total arrogance does have a habit of really changing the energy of the interaction which is something I need to work with.

Anyway all that is an explanation of why I was thrown. I can’t remember how it ended exactly, but we all went home shortly after. I hope that girl found the guy she was looking for to give her the good hard fucking she wanted. I was using tiredness and social context as an excuse but it was an interesting lesson all the same.

Lessons

Beliefs: girls like me
Affirmations work if used properly
Eye contact is goodI can read body language well
Honest works every time, except when lying works better…
Social knowledge: a girl alone in a bar late on a Saturday evening wants cock, wants it now and wants it hard and fast.

This Means Nothing to Me... Oh, Vienna!

2009-10-08T06:29:00.002+01:00

So I'm on holiday with my ultra-AFC mate, who I previously did a brief bit of travelling with last year through Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. [link] On that trip we made a drunken promise while watching the inaugural Formula One Singapore Grand Prix, and that was to attend the event next year in person. And so it came to pass that just a little over a year later, we were in Singapore watching Lewis Hamilton claim a dominating victory through the streets of the city state.

I had also made a promise to myself never to go travelling with my AFC mate ever again, as he hates being out of his comfort zone and thus complains a lot about irrelevant shit, doesn't know how to have fun and generally has a habit of ruining the mood.

Well something had to give, I really wanted to go to the grand prix and didn't have anyone else to go with so the decision was made. One and a half weeks in and it's been fine. To be honest I've learnt to accept his foibles more and not react to them so badly. This had also meant that I'm more at ease when talking to other people as I know I can contextualise his behaviour and be OK with it and thus not come across as uncomfortable myself because of his presence. Also he's loosened up a bit – though not much – and is happy with me taking the lead on most things.

So anyway as we'd flown all the way out to south east Asia we thought we might as well do a bit of travelling and make it a full holiday and to cut a long story short we ended up in the tropical paradise of the Perhentian Islands off the north east coast of peninsular Malaysia.

We moved into our cabin in the hills overlooking the beach and a while later the girl in the hut next door was sitting on the balcony. I made sure to say Hi – after all this is travelling and everyone's out to meet new people, most of the time. We were in the middle of doing something so didn't have time to stop and talk but I made sure I'd registered with her as a sociable person.

The next time we met her I asked her the standard questions – her name, where she was from (Vienna), how long she had been travelling for etc. – and got to know her a bit. Basic stuff, just shooting the breeze. As she was on her own I invited her to join us for dinner as any opportunity to have someone else to talk to is a good thing (even though me and my friend were getting on fine).

The important thing to mention here is that when I have a conversation with a new person, my focus is to have fun and make it exciting for both of us. That doesn't necessarily mean that it will be a riotous laugh or appear anything more than general chit chat, but the attitude is there and people pick up on it.

So we went to find a restaurant, we didn't know where we were going, there was one place we hadn't tried out yet which was down a path back from the beach. My friend in hilariously negative fashion said, half way down the path, “there probably isn't anything there, it doesn't look good, let's go back.” Basically he was giving up without even trying, one of the many qualities that makes him the AFC that he is.

Anyway I essentially ignored him (I'd learnt not to react either internally or externally to his more negative comments) and kept going. Sure enough we found a great restaurant with good food and good value too. We found a table and had our meal. The conversation was fine but the energy was a bit low as we were tired from the day's activities. After the meal we went to a bar and sat on the sand and drank in the light of candles and the nearly full moon that made everything pale silver and indigo. I was struck by indigestion so found it hard to keep the conversation going, my AFC friend really didn't make that much of an effort (amusingly afterwards he said “that girl was a bit quiet, wasn't she?” not realising his responsibility in this regard) and she did what she could but as we all know, it's not her responsibility to take the lead. We called it a night, not before she gave me some schnapps for my indigestion, which surprisingly worked. I was thinking of asking her to rub aftersun into my sunburn but the moment wasn't right.

Incidentally this girl was fat but not in an obese way – voluptuous is the cliché but it's true. There were no rolls of fat thankfully, and she had a pretty face which is important for me.

The next day the script basically repeated itself with me inviting her out and us going to a bar afterwards, except this time there was more talking, more fun and less indigestion. If we were going to be old school we could say I was dropping loads of DHVs by talking about various events that had happened on previous times I had been travelling, but we were just having a conversation, having fun. I did shamelessly mention the time I rescued a trapped puppy on a beach in Goa – I mean, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. But anyway. We also watched two kittens comically stalk and attack each other while bats flew overhead and the moon inched its way even closer to being full.

We all had to get up early the next day so we called it a night at a sensible hour.

The next day my friend and I went snorkelling and I made friends with a hot Swiss chick, and we made arrangements to meet up in the same restaurant as before for dinner. So me and my friend, the Swiss girl and the Viennese neighbour all met up at the restaurant. The girl next door also bought along a friend of hers that she had met, a hot Australian girl with an English accent from travelling for two years. And then another female friend turned up. So there were us two guys on a table with four girls, two hot, one OK and one not so hot. Either way, I felt like a pimp.

I unconsciously made sure to make friends with everybody, just doing general chit chat. Halfway through the meal a massive thunderstorm erupted over the island and as the rain fell on the tin roof of the restaurant it made so much noise that we couldn't hear each other. Luckily there was a film showing on a projector with subtitles, so that occupied us for a while. It was Management with Jennifer Anniston, unsurprisingly it was a romcom. It was enjoyable enough though and at the end all the girls were loving it. My mate totally added to the mood by saying “Well that was shit.” His life really is full of fun.

Needless to say we all ignored him and carried on talking about something else. I can't remember much about what we talked about to be honest, but we kept it light and cracked jokes as and when we could. He Viennese girl every now and then touched me under the table with her foot. It was on. I just had not to fuck it up. I didn't return her touch incidentally, it somehow felt wrong.

There was more inadvertent DHVing when it became clear to both the Swiss and Austrian girls that I could speak both German and French, even though the only French I said was a de rien to a preceding merci. My French isn't as good as my German, but it was enough for the Swiss girl to mention how unusual it was for an English person to speak both French and German. Most can't speak either.

I don't know how but for some reason we got to talking about dance moves and so I ran through my repertoire of comedy dance moves – the infamous big fish, little fish, cardboard box which surprisingly they didn't know about. Then there were a couple of other ones that I use – stacking the shelves and feeding the chickens. One of the girls told me one move I didn't know – dealing the cards. I'm nicking that. We all had a good laugh and a good time.

Once the rain had eased off and we had worked our way through a small bottle of vodka we made our way to the next bar back down the path to the beach. It was playing pumping dance music and rap songs and it wasn't long before I persuaded the Viennese girl to dance. Having been snorkelling for most of the day I was nice and loose and the moves were coming very easily. We started off things with some hardcore grinding. We were having fun and we basically got the whole party started in there, soon the dancefloor was full and everyone was joining in though naturally I was the star of the dancefloor, even if I do say so myself. My friend even joined us, even though he doesn't like dancing. He was caught up in the mood and enjoying himself. He saw through his own limitations and realised it was more important to enjoy himself than be self-conscious about whether he could dance or not. A random Swedish guy made friends with us.

Anyway the Swiss girl went to bed just after we reached the dancefloor, and my friend did the same about half an hour later. After he left I got us a couple more drinks and then in a minute she jumped me and we tore into each other. Five minutes of that and she suggested we go swimming. I said yes but had no intention, simply because I had my camera in my pocket and it was still raining, chances are it would get wrecked if I left my shorts on the beach. On the beach I convinced her to go back to the huts.

We returned to the huts, went inside, ripped our clothes off and got to it. Once again my little chap, only too excited early in the evening, when it came to the bed wasn't interested. A bit of oral from the girl helped but waiting for the condom ruined that. Eventually we had to calm down and leave it. We had a quick shower and laid down to sleep. She said I could go home if I wanted. I declined – most nights I wake up with a raging boner anyway so I thought I could use that to my advantage.

After a while of lying there we started touching again and I got to work on her with my mouth. The relaxation that we had must have helped both of us. She came just from nipple stimulation, which was a first for me. By the time I worked down to her pussy she was bucking and moaning like a trooper. I was hard again but once again in the wait for the condom it lost interest. However this time was different, with a bit of dirty talk the interest was back and minutes later we were fucking like rabbits.

Spent, we both lay to go to sleep again. Unsurprisingly a short while later she wanted to go again and this time there was no losing interest in the wait for the condom. A good, hard fucking later, we finally went to sleep.

The important lesson here was learning how to deal with the problems in the bedroom. As she said afterwards, “I'm glad you didn't give up”

Don't give up. Very true.

A couple of other things to note:

While in bed she said to me: “I like the way you move,” quoting the cheesy techno song that was playing in the bar. I got the moves.

Also, it was her last night in the Perhentian Islands, so she was looking to get laid before she left.

Another important thing that I've mentioned before is that I took my chances. Last year in Goa I had three different girls showing interest in me, and I didn't fuck any of them, I just let it pass me by. I didn't make that mistake this time.

Got the Austrian flag.

Another textbook situation

2009-09-20T13:31:00.002+01:00

So I met this girl in a bar and I kissed her and got her number. FR is here: http://karlostm.blogspot.com/2009/08/step-up-sky-is-open-armed.html. So after that texted back and forth a bit as we tried to meet up.

My big failing in this area in the past has been not responding quickly enough. I would often leave it days which would make the interaction go cold, so I made sure I didn’t do that this time.

The other mistake I used to make was trying to get sexual over text and probably too quickly – that didn’t work either, it would scare them off.

So I just kept it to basic, normal, fun interaction which seemed to work and kept the conversation flowing. It wasn’t constant, it wasn’t every day, but enough to keep things warm.

We were trying to meet up but we were both busy – she works shifts as a nurse so isn’t often free in the evenings and weekends, I was busy with my social life, friends and various trips abroad which I had planned. Finally though we arranged to meet up last Tuesday evening.

We met in Covent Garden just before 9. It was raining like a bitch so we had our first drink in the pub nearest to the tube station which was a nice, traditional, warm pub, excellent for comfort, which is how the conversation went for the first drink. I just talked about my life point of view, what I enjoyed, things good or bad that had happened to me in the past (including a few stories from my travels). After one drink the rain had stopped so we made our way to another bar I had lined up as a day 2 venue. Small, quiet, intimate, classy. We get there and have another drink and continue the conversation. I should point out that she is hot, a little inexperienced in London life perhaps, but intelligent and down to earth and has a streak of kookiness in her.

We just chill and vibe for the next drink. We both know that she can’t stay late so there’s a low chance of sex tonight. After we finish our drinks we move on to cocktails. We have one each, continue to talk. I know we need to kiss and although we haven’t been having a sexual conversation I’ve been communicating sex with my eyes and I can sense that she likes me anyway – or rather I know that she likes me, it was clear from her texts and the fact that we kissed when we first met. So when I felt it was right I just leaned in, turned her face towards me gently and kissed.

We finished our drinks, kissed a bit more and left. We were taking the same tube to start with on our way home so we sat next to each other and talked and kissed a bit more. Because of this she missed her stop! She got off at the next one and went home. Maybe I could have turned it into a pull back to mine, but I only realised this afterwards and we had already arranged to meet on Saturday so that was a banker.

So we met up on Saturday. At the nearest tube to where I live. See what I did there? The logistics were in my favour. We kissed and hugged when we met, I needed lunch so we went to a café and had a bite to eat. She had a coffee. We chatted as normal again. After we had finished we walked to a pub by the river.

We sat down on the grass by the river with our drinks and continued talking. Now we had time, and I could escalate. We talked about stuff and I started to get the conversation sexual. At first she was a bit defensive. She said she was a pure girl, she was wearing a white dress with flowers on that she said meant that she was pure. This was only semi-serious and I thought of a good way to respond to it. I told her flowers were very sexual (as anyone who’s seen the animated version of Pink Floyd’s The Wall will be able to tell you) and they are literally the sexual organs of plants – allowing bees to do their fertilising for them. We started kissing and getting more and more tactile. We wrapped our legs together, stroked each other gently. I slowly took things further, finally running my hand up her legs and stroking her panties. In public. She said she was wearing stockings so she was “protected”. Her words were saying one thing but her actions – allowing me to do this – were saying another. It reminded me of that R Kelly song – “My mind’s telling me No, but my body, my body’s telling me Yes.” It was going well.

It was starting to get dark and it was time for dinner. I wanted to cook some pasta (which I do very well) so we went back past the supermarket and back to mine. Easy.

There was no one else at home which was handy, so I put on some music in the kitchen and did the cooking while we chatted. Once I’d sorted out the sauce it just had to simmer, so I stood her up, pushed her against the work surface and ravished her, kissing her with hands everywhere. I lifted up her dress and there was no resistance. So I took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom.

Once there I laid her on the bed, kissed and dry humped her, getting her hot and bothered, and piece by piece removed her clothing. No resistance at all although she didn't want to remove her bra. That was fine, I can fuck her with her bra on. I started fingering her and she said that she wanted me inside her. Only then of course the little chap wasn’t playing ball. Shucks.

We lay down together and caressed. Slowly things became hot again. I rubbed her clit and she had a small orgasm. I got hard again and got things going, but then the little chap got shy again. I’m out of practice and I guess I’m more used to my right hand than the real thing. Hmm. Not great.

Anyway after a bit more cuddling we went back down and finished off the cooking and ate the food. We made plans to meet on Wednesday evening and Thursday morning before I leave for the Singapore grand prix so I’m sure we’ll have a fuckfest then.

So any ideas on how to avoid the problems in the bedroom? I think having regular sex is the key. I know that this relationship is going to become fuck-buddy based (she pretty much said that’s what she wanted as well, which is great) so that will solve the problem I think. After all I've had similar situations in the past and through regular sex I've become the best fuck the girls have ever had. Also probably wanking less! Any other ideas would be helpful too. Zinc? Viagra?

After the meal I walked her back to the tube and kissed her goodbye. Looking forward to Wednesday.

The funny thing about this LR / pick up is that is was so easy. It helps that she’s into me I guess, but I knew exactly how it was going to go. Part of that comes from experience, but it also came from being relaxed, not worrying about anything, going with the flow. And that, in my opinion, comes from meditation. Read Barry Long’s Meditation, A Foundation Course if you're interested.

Lessons: texting problems solved, taking it easy but escalating. She told me that the reason she liked me is that she liked talking to me - I guess I have the comfort thing down. Plus she said that when I said she was naughty at our first meet, that made her curious. Big hint there.

To improve: my sexual performance lol. I know that will come in time.

Textbook.

Another Night, and I Thought, “Well, Well…”

2009-08-18T08:23:00.000+01:00

So this weekend has been unusual as for the first time in ages I haven’t had things to do with my flatmates and friends, so I have a second night out in a row to so gaming.

Before I head out I texted the girl from last night: “Hi naughty girl, hope you got back ok last night. I ended up talking to the crazy dancing guys, who turned out to be from Brazil. Who would’ve thought?! OK important question: would you rather be a pirate or a ninja?”

About an hour or two later she texts back with “Right at this moment and pirate because then I could wear stripy clothes and an eyepatch and drink lots of rum and sleep! I’m so tired! I’m at work at the mo. Are you out again this eve? xxx” So that sounds pretty good.

So I was in a positive state though tired as ever. I often wonder if I can ever solve this tiredness problem. But anyway, back to the details. I meet up with the guys in Pony and we all congratulate ourselves for last night. Soon Liam has opened a couple of girls and we gradually join them and have a chat. I’m not that attracted to them so I don’t get too involved. There’s a party going on behind us and I chat briefly to those girls. I could have made more of it but I don’t.

I go out to get some cash and come back. Then randomly Jon and I head upstairs. Jon is thinking about opening a couple of girls so I try and encourage him to do it. He stalls (again!) and so as I’m in a good state I go and do it instead. At first glimpse earlier I didn’t think they were too hot. But when I actually go and open them it turns out they are just my type, fun, pretty, intelligent, cool PR girls (although I have a problem with PR girls based on working experiences with them – they’re usually really inconsistent and flighty and cause lots of problems. But hey, I wasn’t launching a website with them on this occasion…)

One interesting thing about this set is for once I didn’t have an opener in mind as I walked up to them. I literally said the first thing that came into my mind as I approached them. One of them was looking at a text message and the first thing I said was “Hey, did you get the same text message as I did?” NO IDEA where that came from and I can’t remember her response but I didn’t have a follow up so I just paused for a second and laughed (but made it look like I was laughing for a particular reason and nothing to do with me having nothing to say).

I can’t remember what I said after that but somehow I managed to keep the conversation going and just chat to them a bit and throw the odd joke in here and there. The cool thing about it was that they were totally open to talking to me. I think they were reacting to my positive body language and balls for having opened them. And possibly the fact that I look damn hot (I like to tell myself!).

Anyway they were about to leave and I wasn’t sticking massively so I bid them adieu. After that I go to find Jon but he’s not where he was. Instead I catch the eye of a girl whose dancing and go up to her and say “Hello dancing girl!” It turns out she’s the girl with the clipboard so we have a quick chat but she’s got work to do so I let her do it. She leaves saying “See you on the dancefloor later!” Which is nice.

I meet up with the rest of the guys and while there’s now a good dancefloor going, Everyone’s standing around looking bored. I do a couple of circuits and briefly open one group of girls. Eventually I start dancing by myself as the music’s too good and I love dancing. Peter eventually joins me but Liam and Jon aren’t feeling it and eventually decide to leave to go to Bar Music Hall.

Peter and I remain and there’s three girls dancing near to us which I automatically take to mean that they’re interested in some way. They’re not really my type – wannabe Cheryl Cole / Victoria Beckham types that frankly deserve to be shot. By this I mean they’re all dressed up half posh half slutty, and are barely moving on the dancefloor looking pretty bored with bitch-faces on as though they’re wags. But one of them is hot enough for me to forgive her attitude. But I’m stuck on an opener. I discuss it with Pete and he suggests “Are you part of Ricky’s party?” It’s as good as anything that I can think of so I use it, they say no and that’s it.

However I notice that after that they suddenly start dancing and moving more, probably as the DJ puts Over and Over on and I start dancing like a fool, and that draws them into actually ENJOYING themselves more. I probably should have opened them again but by now I don’t care.

After a while we decide to meet with Jon and Liam to see what Bar Music Hall is like. Liam’s in set with some Asians which is fair play. The first set of the night are there and say Hi. But apart from that it’s completely dead, with most people either seated or male, and the girls aren’t that hot either.

Peter and I stand around for a bit but there’s nothing happening so we go home.

Back at home I have the misfortune to hear some stories about one of my flatmates who has been fucking a bunch of women at a hobby activity of his that makes me jealous, and the 16 year old brother of another flatmate who has been fucking all the hot girls in his group, as well as those he met on a recent trip to Barcelona. This horrible jealousy makes me feel bad and I certainly need to learn to deal with it.

On a parallel note, I have been practicing meditation with some more seriousness, partly inspired by this:

http://www.cliffslist.com/letter/sleazy-fast-seduction-same-night-lay-interview

Even though I’ve only been doing a little bit of it I’ve already noticed changes, mainly to do with helping to solve a posture problem I’ve had at the bottom of my back. But also some clarity of thought, perhaps best expressed in the first set that I opened this night. More to come on that in the future I’m sure.

Step up, the sky is open-armed

2009-08-15T13:13:00.002+01:00

Last Friday

So last Friday I meet up with Liam and Peter and we go to Cargo. I’m feeling a bit shitty for various reasons so I’m not in a good mood. Right from the start there’s a group of 2-3 girls who are all pretty hot and one is totally my type. But it’s the first set of the night, I haven’t really warmed up and I hesitate on opening.

To cut a long story short I never open them, they walk off and don’t really open anyone for ages. My state is still pretty bad. But I get an urge, a desperation that I try to turn into motivation. I end up opening about five different sets but none of them stick. Even the ones that I’ve caught checking me out before hand. I guess my body language (and indeed my frame) is off kilter so nothing happens.

A crappy night. The lesson? Open early, open often. Gain social momentum. Lesson learned.

This Friday

So I was feeling a bit tired but I got off work early and had a rest. Although I didn’t sleep it was better than nothing and I had the chance to make some good food and have a shower so I felt good. My hot French flatmate (easily a 9.5 – think Carla Bruni or French newsreaders) told me I looked hot, which is good for my ego!

Meet up with Liam, Peter and Jon who is back from holiday with a bit of a tan and looking even better than normal. We go to Big Chill. Right after we walk in we see group of three girls, one of whom is particularly hot and is looking to get opened. I think about it for a bit trying to build up the initiative when I notice her checking Jon out. It’s a massive signal so I tell him to open, but he doesn’t. Instead Liam opens and later Jon joins in. I’m on the far side of the group so it’s hard for me to join. But it doesn’t matter because…

Behind me there was a girl and a guy. I didn’t know what their situation was but when the guy was at the bar I open the girl with a simple “Hello, how are you doing?”

She’s very receptive to the opener and we continue talking. We talk about fairly normal stuff and in the process I find out that the guy is her work colleague, and later on that he’s actually gay. Right from the start she’s asking me questions like where I live, so that’s a good sign. From time to time the other guys jump in and out of set. At one point Peter asks if I’ve been working out and I tell him that I have (as it’s true), and he says that he can notice it. Not sure if this is a help or not with the set but at least I know my effort is making a difference!

At no point am I really consciously gaming, I’m just having a chat with both the girl and the guy. But everyone’s having a good time so it’s all gravy. At one point she goes to the bar and while there gets chatted up by some guy next to her. Me and the guy joke about it and eventually, as the guy is waiting for his drink he goes and pulls her back. Good work my son!

We talk about a bunch of stuff and we have things in common like both having Indian and Irish heritage, and things we don’t have in common like drugs. We both work out that we’re both single which is obvious but good to have clarified.

We continue to shoot the shit and it’s only now that I do a few things consciously. These days I tend to touch everyone I’m talking to anyway but I notice that I haven’t done much of that today, so I start brushing against her a bit and other things. I haven’t really turned the conversation sexual yet either. At one break in the conversation I ask her if she likes to dance and she says that she does, and she likes Fabric. Well looky here, so do I, so that’s a good enough reason to meet up again, no? So we make vague plans for that. Learning my lesson from a few weeks ago I ask her “What’s the best way to get in contact with you?” She responds with “Is that your way of asking for a number?” which some people may take as a shit test, but I just reply honestly, “That’s one of them, yes.” So we exchange numbers.

In fact there were a number of times that there were things that could have been interpreted as shit tests, but unless someone’s actually being a bit bitchy or stand offish, they’re not really tests in my book. Mostly there’s a straightforward honest answer to most of them.

So I already know that she has to leave early and we’ve already exchanged numbers so that’s cool. Then not really thinking about sexual tension but more just to make things a bit more fun I whisper into her ear “You’re naughty!” I don’t know why, there wasn’t any real reason for me to say it but I it felt right.

This gets her excited and she starts asking me some more serious shit-testing questions: “Why do you think I’m naughty? What are you trying to say?” etc. The trick here is not to answer directly, either give an opaque answer or don’t answer at all. Things like “maybe” and “I’ll tell you later” work well.

This gets her even more wound up and she’s looking me direct in the eye. This is when I start consciously using triangular gazing for the first time, looking direct in her eyes and switching between them and her lips. This goes on for a minute or two before suddenly she jumps on me and it’s tongue down time! We have a good go at it and she’s into it in a big way. The gay guy takes a swig of my drink while we’re at it, which is pretty funny! Luckily he didn’t cock block in any way, but then he was a pretty cool guy.

Eventually we break off and it’s time for her to leave, so with a peck and squeeze of her hand, she and her friend leave.

After that I meet up with the guys again and shoot the shit. I start talking to a German girl who lived in Brazil for a year and she tells me how great it is. I’m going there in the new year so that sounds good. I can’t game her though as there are two hyper Brazilian guys nearby who are getting all the attention. I end up talking to one of them who is pretty cool and tells me about Brazil as well. He tells me that in the nightclubs there you can fuck five or six girls in a night! I’m not sure if he’s right but I’ve heard similar things, particularly at carnival when you can get off with tens of girls in one day. So I’m sure something like that is possible.

Peter seems to have disappeared with some girl that he was talking to and Jon and Liam head off to another club with some girls that Jon has found, while I catch the last tube and head home for a well deserved sleep.

The main thing about this night is that the close was pretty much all normal conversation, no game, no high energy tactics, no conscious manipulation, no insecurity on my part. It just happened, it was just normal, it felt great. Jon said afterwards that she was DTF, it didn’t seem that way at the start to me, but then who knows? It doesn’t really matter at the end of the day, the results are the same. As I’ve said before, you’ve got to take your chances.

So it’s worth mentioning at this point that this is my first in-bar kiss close for a long time, and indeed if I look back at the last couple of months I’ve had three kiss closes (though one of them was a dare) and one social group lay, which is probably my best results in game ever. I’ve been saying for a while that I can feel it all coming together and starting to happen and it now seems that the results are starting to bear that out. Onwards and upwards!

“Step up, step up, step up
The sky is open-armed
And the light is mine
I feel gravity
Pull onto my eyelids (onto my eyes)
And holding my head straight (looking down)
This is the easiest task I’ve ever had to do”

- Feeling Gravitys Pull
R.E.M. Fables of the Reconstruction

Truth or Dare

2009-08-04T14:36:00.001+01:00

So in general in my life I’ve been concentrating less on game and more on hanging out with my friends as they’re fun and cool, I enjoy it and it’s good for the soul. So sue me! But also there’s a bit of so-called “social circle” game going on there, as my last post shows.

So two weeks ago it was Lovebox and me and my flatmates and neighbours are all over there, hanging out, having fun, getting wasted and being disappointed by Gary Numan’s lame set. In the group that I’m with most of the time is my flatmates IT guy and hot French girl and neighbour Aussie oriental chick. The Aussie chick is the local bike and has been with IT guy, German chef and my other male flatmate already. I’m slow on the uptake!

Anyway the festival is a lot of easygoing fun and I keep up a lot of kino and create fun times with everyone. A while ago I read a free PDF on the web of someone’s autobiography of how he became a sexual expert, having had his wife leave him because he was crap in bed (no it wasn’t David Shade, it was some English guy from the ‘70s). In that among many experiences he spends some time in Bali with a guru who gets him to see everything as sex or a sexual act – from the hills as breasts to having a pee as coming. Apparently that made pissing quite enjoyable for him!

Anyway I can’t say that I’ve done exactly the same but I have taken on the principles. We have these big concrete columns in our office and when I pass them I remember to stroke them with my hand and imagine some kind of caress. The upshot of this principle and from conscious practice in the field is that my kino is naturally increasing and I’m getting better at it, and enjoying doing it.

So at Lovebox I was making sure to kino Aussie chick as much as possible, as well as leading the group (not in an alpha “we’re doing this because I want to” kind of way, but more of a “I think this is a good idea, wanna come along?” kind of approach. Which, given that in these situations most people don’t know what to do, immediately gives you man-points) and generally being cool, easy going and fun. Needless to say as the night goes on, people get more wasted and Duran Duran start playing Ordinary World, we eventually make out for a good period of a time.

That was fun and unfortunately it didn’t go any further as by the time we got home and the whole group did a load more partying I was too wasted from the drugs and eventually had to retire to bed. But there’s more to come from that I’m sure.

The next weekend I went to Mallorca to visit German chef, German chef 2 and, indeed, German chef 3 (who was working out there and was our host). There wasn’t much sarging going on for various reasons. All that’s worth mentioning was the waitress in German chef 3’s restaurant at the start of the meal said that she was looking crap. I said she looked wonderful and then chefs 1 and 2 and me kept up the flirting for the rest of the night. She enjoyed herself and was very flirty with all of us in return (particularly as German chef 2 is a cocky natural and German chef is pretty good looking though can be a bit shy) even though she has a boyfriend. And I had a great time partying with the guys and driving around the island, taking in the beauty. One of the reasons why I like German chef 1 so much and why he’s my best friend is his unadulterated joy at all things, and this trip was no exception. Alter, das ist so krass, so schön!

So last weekend on the Friday I was out with my flatmates and neighbours in the local pub as the weather was good. Had some fun though nothing sarge-related.

On Saturday I went to Jewel in Piccadilly with Liam and Peter. I opened a quick set as I ordered the first round of drinks – I always like to get a warm up set out of the way quickly. Turns out the vibe was pretty good that night. There were a lot of women about, a lot of hen nights though not the crazy slapper kind you often get – most of these girls were pretty cool and some were hot. The music was pretty good too – they’ve started hiring vaguely good DJs and tonight it was Joey Negro – I had heard of him but didn’t know his genre, but he did a good job.

I can’t remember what happened exactly after that but Pete did his usual thing of calling people gay if they hadn’t opened. Although it is a bit lame as long as it’s not serious it can be a good incentive to just go and open people, which as Jon and Greig know only too well, can have good results.

Again I noticed getting good eye contact with random girls in the bar, which in my head meant they were totally into me in a big way. I was generally in a happy mood and enjoying myself too. I can’t remember who or what I opened but I was talking to people.

Soon there was a group of girls near where we were standing and one of them was looking at the unusual table near us. I started talking to her and her friends and everyone was joking and having fun. They were putting pegs on people as part of their hen party challenge, so I have a bit of fun with this keeping with the fun vibe.

A Chinese chick gets my attention and I have a chat with her. She’s cool and we have a laugh together.

A while later we join the whole group at their table where the hen is and about eight other girls. Just at that moment someone pulls out a bunch of cards with dares written on them. The first girl to take one has to tell someone they love them for 60 seconds. She picks me and I get her to sit on my lap and she tells me how much she loves me. I play along and am laid back and cool, laughing at it all.

A second card comes out and this girl has to kiss someone. She picks me of course and so being a gentleman I help her out. She’s about a 6/7 so she looks OK thankfully and it’s not a problem. I go for the lips and discover she’s eager and we tongue down. The table cheers and flashes go off as everyone gets into it. Afterwards she looks into my eyes, gives me a smile and stokes the back of my neck. She’s a nice girl but not quite hot enough so I don’t take it further.

I chat to Liam and we work out we’re both after the same girl. It’s only afterwards that I find out that he was gaming her properly beforehand and he thinks I’m swissing* on him but at the time I have no idea. I go back to her chat a bit and ask for her number. She says she doesn’t give out her number which throws me and I eject.

Liam goes in afterwards and gets her email. Apparently she also refuses the phone number but smartly he asks for an email and gets it. I should have done the same, fair play to him. After Liam gets the email I feel a bit crap so I decide to head home.

A good night over all, one sort-of kiss and some good practice. Just need to keep up the good work.

*It's a long story but in our group the term "swissing" means hitting on a girl that is already someone else's target.

LR: Big bottoms … how can I leave this behind?

2009-07-06T14:40:00.001+01:00

OK this is the LR that I posted on the LSS, contains some info that you might know about already but here it is in its entirety for your enjoyment...

OK this lay report is going to require a bit of background info which might not seem relevant at first, but it will all fall into place so bear with it. It’s also long but I like the details.

First background fact: I used to be a cocaine addict. At the height of my addiction I had chronic insomnia which properly fucked up my life. I kicked it quite easily in the end, but never took more than a dab of spangle dust after that. When one of my flatmates recently moved in, we bonded over a few beers which then became a shared gram of coke. I thought I’d give it a try as the evening was going so well. It was all fine until the next night – I couldn’t sleep at all. In fact I was so bored from not being able to sleep that I decided to do something mildly productive, so I learnt the state capitals of all the US states. I still remember them to this day. (After that night my sleep was fine again.)

Second background fact: I’ve been working out since the start of the year and building muscle so that I look pretty ripped now with my shirt off. People around me have noticed the difference, and I’ve noticed that I get a lot more attention from women than I ever used to (which is also partly due to me realising when chicks are giving me IOIs, whereas previously I’d be unaware of them). I always used to be a skinny runt, and now people think I’m a rugby player or something. Frankly, I love it. (If anyone wants some advice on this give me a shout.)

Anyway fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. It’s sunny, I’m out in the garden with some of my flatmates, shirt off obviously to catch some rays. We’re friends with our next door neighbours who are a houseshare like us, and some of them were out in the garden too. One of my neighbours is an Aussie guy who has an American girlfriend (Yank 1). One of her girl friends was over – Yank 2. I have a rep in both houses of being a pretty intelligent guy and knowing lots of random stuff (which is true dare I say it) and in particular Yank 1 knows that I know all the state capitals. So Yank 1 gets Yank 2 to test me on the state capitals.

Funnily enough she gets them all wrong. “What’s the capital of California ?” “ Sacramento ” “No it’s not, it’s Los Angeles .” “No, it’s Sacramento .” “Oh yeah, so it is. What’s the capital of Louisiana ?” “ Baton Rouge ” “No it’s not, it’s New Orleans .” “No, it’s Baton Rouge .” “Oh yeah, so it is. What’s the capital of Washington state?” “ Olympia ” “No it’s not, it’s Seattle .” “No, it’s Olympia .” “Oh yeah, so it is.”

Anyway, you get the idea.

So we joke and I tease her about being a dumb American and all that. Later on we’ve all been out doing different things and as is customary for our two houses we come back and hang out in one of the houses. We sit in my mate’s room (German chef) and smoke weed, I think we were playing guitar hero. If you look at it in that way I’m obviously massively socially proofed as I’m around all my mates both male and female. It probably helps that Yank 1 and I have a lot of flirty banter (though I have no desire to go there as it’s my mate, it’s just fun and practice). Later on in the night Yank 1 starts giving people massages. She gives one to Yank 2 but she’s all uptight and it’s not working.

From looking at her and I guess my knowledge of physiology from working out and also by comparing her to German chef who has one of the most relaxed postures of anyone I know, I can see where she’s tense. I give her a few suggestions and guide her so that the tension dissipates and the massage starts working. After this she’s clearly into me and I reckon I could go there if I want to. But I don’t bother that night for some reason I can’t remember, probably was too tired or something.

Incidentally this girl wasn’t particularly my type. She had a fairly pretty face and great tits, but she was a bit voluptuous. I normally go for normal size girls, like size 10s, not too skinny. But she was bigger than I usually go for. Big bottoms, big bottom, talk about mud flaps my girls got ‘em. Big bottoms drive me out of my mind. How can I leave this behind?

However one of my sticking points with game is that I don’t captialise on the chances that come my way. For example another of my neighbours is a hot oriental Aussie girl who fucks anything with a spine. She’s fucked both of my male flatmates and German chef but not me – only because I didn’t take advantage of the chances when they were offered. I notice that I make up some excuse not to, and then regret it later. So I need to take my chances more often.

Anyway fast forward to last night. I was out in town with my wings and we hit up a few sets. Halfway through the night I get a call from Aussie guy – turns out Yank 2 wants to speak to me. He hands over the phone and Yank 2 tells me that she’s leaving to go back to Yankland tomorrow and “wants to see me” before she leaves. If that’s not a massive booty call then I don’t know what is.

Funnily enough after that I don’t open any sets for the rest of the night. I think subconsciously I knew I was going to get laid so I didn’t try. I only realised this afterwards. Anyway I get back home and meet up with Aussie guy, Yank 1, Yank 2 and German chef joins a bit later. When I first meet her Yank 2 comes up and kisses me on the cheek and gives me a big hug. I make sure I hold her comfortably and firmly to set the right tone.

We then go and sit, chat and drink a beer for a bit. I think German chef was marginally annoyed as he was hoping for some action from Yank 2 – I’d heard Yank 1 saying something to that effect. But hopefully it’s all cool as basically she wanted me and all I really had to do was walk her to my room. German chef is probably my best friend in the world right now so I felt a bit bad for him. Incidentally he was also picked up by a modelling agency, which I guess says something.

So yeah I’m sitting next to Yank 2, arm around her stroking her and teasing her. At one point she says “I kept thinking about you lying next to me and telling me lots of facts.” which sounds pretty surreal. But it was a good opportunity to make one of my favourite jokes: “Yeah I’ll tell you facts all night. Fact after fact after fact. There’s no end of facts that I can tell you. I’ll tell you more facts than you can possibly take. I’ll tell you facts until your mind explodes. I’ll fact you ‘til it hurts.” Do you see what I did there?

At one point Yank 1 and Yank 2 go off and do the girl talk thing, even though it’s so on it’s untrue. A bit later it’s starting to get a bit cold outside so I finish my beer and say “Do you wanna come back to mine?” To be honest I could have just stood up and walked off without saying anything but as the answer wasn’t ever going to be No I thought I’d be polite. Walk out the house and kiss her passionately in the street. Walk next door and up to my room and it’s game over. Two very powerful orgasms later she’s asleep with exhaustion. At 5.30 she wakes up to catch her flight back to America .

I got my American flag. I fucked her on Independence Day. :D

I guess you could call this social circle game. Also you could call it peacocking my mind with facts and my body with my physique. Or DHVing. Or simply not fucking it up. But the main thing was that I took my chance when it was offered to me.

Dual Jewel

2009-06-18T10:48:00.000+01:00

Well work has calmed down a bit recently and I managed to leave at a reasonable hour on Friday, went home and ate with time to spare. I headed off and meet up with Peter and Jon at Jewel in Covent Garden.

It’s sunny and warm and the after work crowd is drinking outside. As a result there isn’t much going on in the bar and the crowd outside doesn’t really seem to offer much for us either.

We wonder round a bit looking for something to open in Covent Garden, but it’s not quite hitting the spot. We eventually head for the other Jewel in Piccadilly.

To be honest I can’t remember all the sets that I opened. I think early on there was an obvious group of three girls standing in the main area but they weren’t my type. Liam opens them instead and gets into a good conversation with them.

While Peter is at the bar there’s a group of three girls looking at the cocktails menu. I read an opener on Sasha’s blog only recently – based on making a joke that half the drinks are poisonous so choose carefully. So I used that and it seemed to work well. They asked for a recommendation so I suggested Mohito. It’s the only way to go really.

The girl I’m speaking to starts to gain rapport with me, asking me where I’m from and those sorts of questions. All of these girls are from Eastern Europe, albeit all from different countries. I talk for a bit but the one I’m talking to isn’t that great so I let it go. I could have stuck in a bit and spoken to the others.

A bit later we’re standing in the white part of the bar and there is a table of about four or five hot looking chicks. But they’re the type that look hot but dumb. I realise this is a quandary for me – some chicks look hot from the outside, but are a bore to speak to. Or are too chavvy or so on. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

It’s bad because I’m not speaking to them to find out if my assumptions are correct. Plus there are a lot of people like that out there, so maybe I should get used to it. Though the more arty, cool, fun loving chicks you get in Brick Lane are more my type. It’s good in a way because I know what I like. But I think that in the end I should have spoken to them as at the end of the day it’s practice and I’ll need all sorts of practice to get good.

Something else that I noticed that night is that there were loads of guys trying it on with all the girls in the place. I’d literally open someone, eject, and then five minutes later some other guy would be talking to them. Though retrospectively obvious this was a bit of a revelation to me as it made it clear how used women are to guys opening them, and how very few of them were rejected – most guys ejected themselves, just like me. It also goes to show how girls can have a cheap night out as I’d guess at least half of them would offer to buy them drinks. And it shows that they’re out to meet guys, it’s just that we have to make the effort.

At one point it’s me and Pete and there are a couple of girls standing nearby who look quite hot. Pete suggests I open them so I give it a go with Pirates versus Ninjas. It doesn’t work too well as they’re Lithuanian and they mishear the opener a bit. I do some explanation and some chatting about Lithuania (my last but one girlfriend was Lithuanian) but the set isn’t sticking much. I eject a little worse for wear.

Later on and I see a table of girls drinking some crazy blue drink. Just from the pure curiosity of wanting to know what it is I go and ask them about it. Turns out they rope me into taking a picture of them – though it’s on an iPhone and there’s no flash so it doesn’t work. But I chat with them a bit and talk to a South African girl, but none of them are particularly attractive so I leave them to it.

Pete’s in set and Liam’s sitting with one of the girls from the first set so I sit on my own waiting for an opportunity. Liam sees me on my own and calls me over to join him. I meet his girl and have a brief chat with them, but more importantly there’s a lone wolf on my left and now I’m sitting next to her it would be rude not to speak to her.

So I ask her what she’s up to and it turns out she’s waiting for a friend who’ll arrive in about half an hour. I have a random chat with her, using Pirates versus Ninjas when the conversation lulls. But ultimately her friend calls and she disappears.
So lots of sets opened but not many targets that I was interested in. I think I should open more sets that I’m not interested in or have negative thoughts towards, and also to plough a bit more and ask for numbers more often. And work on the teasing and joking and all that. I’m still feeling really positive about it all.

The Lark Ascending

2009-05-29T12:15:00.000+01:00

Once again Friday was a write off so I stayed in for that. But I was well up for it on Saturday despite properly caning it in the gym. I was a bit tired but I could hold myself together so I didn’t have a problem with going out.

Once again I felt myself going through the same standard thought processes. Basically as I’m on my way from the car I get little twinges of negative emotion and thoughts; “What if I don’t know what to say?” “What if I don’t have enough energy?” and comparing myself to others and so on.

All of this stuff is of no use at all, and I’m getting better at sweeping it out of my mind. The first thing I remember to do is have fun. The second thing to remember is that if you are having negative thoughts, it is totally possible to get out of them. Being able to relax and be happy is something that can come with practice over time. The third is an affirmation: “I am good with girls.” It’s simple but it seems to work. I did the same with “I am good looking” as I used to think I wasn’t that great in the looks department. But now I know I’m pretty hot. Lol.

So I mentally sort myself out. I meet Jon and Liam in Bar Music Hall, but it’s really loud and the guys are sitting on chairs away from the action. I have a beer to warm myself up, but we decide to move on to Queen of Hoxton. It would have been easy to get into negative thought patterns here as well, but I was patient and knew I would be opening shortly.

At the next venue we have to pay £6 to get in and from the door it looks like there are lots of girls. When we get in it isn’t as busy as I’d hoped but there were still a fair few girls there. We get a drink and I position us by a group of five girls. I’m trying to think of an opener but nothing jumps out.

I’ve noticed recently that I have to believe in my opener to make it work. It can be any opener – situational, a joke, the perennial Pirates versus Ninjas – but I’ve got to feel it in some way. It’s hard to describe exactly what I mean but I know when it’s right and I know when it’s working.

Anyway I verbalise my problem by mentioning it to Liam: “I’m trying to think of an opener but can’t think of one that would work.” Well a problem shared is a problem halved. Talking about it and thinking about it gets my subconscious working and then it pops into my head – “You guys look like you’re celebrating something, what’s the occasion?”

Well they weren’t celebrating anything, they were just a group of friends drinking cocktails. That was OK, we just fluffed a bit and continued talking, moving the conversation on. The girl nearest to me and the one I was talking to was Irish from Dublin and very friendly, as are most Irish girls I find.

I had a bit of a chat with her, and she even brought Liam and Jon into set, though they didn’t stick. This looked a bit incongruous to her actually, as she was like, “Who are your friends?” “Where have the wondered off too?” (when they left the set). I guess the social calibration of someone like that is mainly based around sticking with your friends etc.

Anyway the one I was talking to wasn’t that hot, quite pretty but a little chubby. There was one Cheryl Cole lookalike in the group but I never engineered the situation so I was talking to her.

The one I was talking to was only in town for the weekend so I didn’t bother to get her number. I found the others again downstairs where not much was happening. There were two girls seated nearby who were just asking to be opened. They were blonde, slim, relatively average looking but not ugly. Once again it took me a short while to think of an opener, but I quickly came up with “What time does it get busy in here?” as the downstairs bar was a bit empty.

They didn’t know but we started talking about the bar and the music. I wasn’t feeling this one too much as they weren’t that hot, plus the seating situation logistics weren’t that favourable. I ejected after a few minutes.

Back upstairs again we were hanging out, and I went to the bar. While I was there I bumped into the Irish girl again and we started chatting. She actually bought my drink for me which was kind, even if it was only a coke. I didn’t think about it until later but this was clearly a big signal – it’s not every day that a girl buys you a drink. At the time I put it down to Irish hospitality.

Back with the guys Liam opened a couple of girls that were standing nearby. He was doing pretty well and they were interested in us but Liam didn’t seem to be reading the situation too well and wasn’t matching the energy. We all had a bit of a chat and I teased them a bit. Liam gave them a sort of inadvertent back turn and after a bit they went off to the bar. They tapped him on the shoulder to say bye but he just ignored them!

After that Liam and Jon wanted to leave. It was nearly midnight and my tiredness was catching up with me. We all made a break for it.

The rest of the weekend was spent sleeping and at home with various relatives including my first cousin once removed.

A good frame that I’m using at the moment which I found on RSD Foundations is to see it as “learning to talk to girls.” This is a skill after all and the best way to develop a skill is through practice and experience. Seeing every interaction as a chance to successfully bank in more experience is great for keeping me in a positive frame of mind and not putting pressure on myself. After all, if you talk to one hundred, two hundred girls, you will have no choice but to pick up what works and what doesn’t, get better at flirting and pick up in general. That’s definitely where I’m at right now.

I used just to stick to “normal” conversations about day-to-day stuff. Now I’m getting in more teasing, more flirting, more sexual suggestions and more kino. Still loads more to do but I’m getting there. Plus I’m beginning to see patterns as to how girls react, what to do next and so on. It’s slowly unravelling.

The biggest thing about this for me is that it does involve wholesale personality changes. But these changes are possible and they will come over time. It’s often the case that while I’m in set I’ll have a negative belief or not know what to say, or feel like I’m stuck at some point in the interaction. At these times I often feel like there is a wall preventing me from moving forward.

More recently I’ve become aware of this imaginary wall and can consciously break through it. After all it’s totally within my control (though sometimes unconscious) and a self-imposed limitation at the end of the day. It works like this:

Learning to talk to girls > gaining experience and skills > breaking through self-imposed limitations > wholesale personality change.

The big changes – in self-confidence, self-esteem, positive attitude – are slowly coming to me.

Send in the Clowns!

2009-05-19T15:17:00.001+01:00

So I was thinking of going out on Friday but I was really tired from the week before, so I decided to sack it off and spend the evening with my flatmates and neighbours taking it easy. The local bike wanted me again but I rejected her advances. I may go there one day, probably when I’m desperate and it’s too late…

On Sunday I had a random party in some ultra-chav bar in Forest Gate – yes, Forest Gate! Can you believe it? I didn’t think anyone actually lived there.

Anyway, it was fancy dress and the theme was Circus and Cabaret. I didn’t have a costume but when one of my neighbours told me she had a set of scrubs and it’s always been a dream of mine to wear some. It didn’t fit in with the theme unless you thought laterally about it … most people did and I pretty much got away with it.

At the party there weren’t loads of people there but a fair amount. I was in a little bit of a quandary as I was driving but I still managed to have a few drinks and certainly enjoyed myself.

Having spent the day in a social environment always helps when warming up for going out, and today was no exception. All my housemates / neighbours were about and we all had a good time helping to construct the cannon part of a human cannonball for someone’s costume.

Arriving there my first thought was to find the girls I wanted to hit on. The selection wasn’t great but there was certainly enough for some practice. I also had some social proof since I arrived with two fairly hot chicks, and I found myself doing my first approach and talking to the girl nearest me as soon as I arrived, which was a good warm up.

I then spent the night doing my usual joking and teasing and bantering with the chicks that I could find. And once again when I felt myself flagging or realised that I didn’t have anyone to talk to, I didn’t let it get me down and I didn’t worry about it. I knew that in a few minutes the configuration of social groups would change and I would be talking to someone else again.

I was also getting a lot more sexual earlier on in my conversations. Just joking or playing on words usually, but enough to put the topic out there. Wearing a surgeon’s outfit helped with this and role playing as well. I would role play on the subject, dropping in stuff like, “Would you like me to operate on you?” “Any symptoms of hot flushes, getting wet, sensitive skin?” which was all pointing in one direction…

I was talking to this one Danish chick who despite being Scandinavian wasn’t that hot – just about average really. A bit later I was talking to one of her friends and dropping in some sexual innuendo / role play stuff when she mentioned that it was her friend that wanted operating on…

I went back to talk to her, but realised that I didn’t find her that attractive so I gave it a miss. I was also approached by some milk-maid type girl who came on to me strong. That wasn’t anything special though, as she’d already hit on two or three other guys already. She had nice boobs and a bright face but again she wasn’t doing anything for me and at 33 and desperate, wasn’t my kind of thing.

I remember the host caressing me at one point – initiating kino you might call it – but I kind of didn’t notice it until later and as she was the host and a friend of my natural housemate (read: intimidation) I didn’t take it further.

At the end of the night there wasn’t any close but a good lot of flirting practice and some confidence building experiences.

Step by Step...

2009-05-09T19:09:00.004+01:00

So before heading out I quickly reviewed the first DVD and a half of RSD Foundations as I found last time that it put me in the right frame of mind for learning, enjoying myself and improving. Essentially what it reminded me of the frame of mind that the world is your pick up lab, and that progress comes in small pieces. I've spent far too much of my life comparing myself to others and beating myself up for it. It doesn't help to share flats with naturals that pick off hot chicks like most people step on ants, but it makes that rich tapestry look nice.

But the main thing was that I was in a good mood. We met up in Legion but then headed off to Cargo. It was still a bit empty so we went to the Hoxton Pony, that I hadn't been to since it used to be called the Pool Bar. We were at the bar and there weren't many girls, except for two sitting at the bar next to us. I was thinking of something to open with when Peter jumped in first.

Without much to do the rest of us went downstairs.

The most obvious set was a large group of girls standing in one corner, I knew I needed a warm up set so I thought I'd ask them if they were here for a birthday or something. Turns out they were just a bunch of Aussie girls out for a drink, I didn't stay in long but at least I got it out the way.

When I returned to the group Liam and Jon were talking to a random girl that was on her own, but not that hot. I joined in and Liam opened another one of the Aussie group. I used the not-hot girl to warm up some more. Liam ended up closing which was great, and when he'd finished we went back to Cargo.

When we arrived we were standing next to a group of three pretty hot girls. I was trying to think of a situational opener but nothing was coming to me, so I decided to fall back on ninjas versus pirates. It opened very well and I stuck in set for a long time. There were moments when I felt like ejecting but I stayed in there and generally made it stick pretty well. They were art history and architecture students so I spoke to them about that for a bit. There was some joking and laughing, a bit of teasing, touching and sexual innuendo, but nothing major.

However I couldn't work out how to number close. Looking back on it now I should have locked in, isolated the target, done some qualification and somehow thought of a time bridge to set up a day two, but that's all in hindsight. So I left saying that I'd see them on the dance floor later on, and they seemed to think it was a good idea.

We milled around a bit, watched some of the bands, one of which sounded distinctly average (Violens). We were hunting for sets but there wasn't much jumping out at us. Later on we sat down next to some girls that I had my eye on earlier. Eventually I opened one of them by commenting on how distinctly average the band sounded. From there she went straight into a massive surrealist diatribe, which was great as that's my sense of humour as well, but she was so high energy she was kinda leading the conversation, though by no means the whole thing.

Anyway her face wasn't that hot and eventually her and her friend went for a smoke so I moved on. We milled around for a bit more. It was getting closer to midnight and I was feeling tired as ever. It was close to leaving time as I was feeling tired, so I thought I'd find the girls I was talking to first and try and number close them. Nothing to lose...

I bumped into them walking in the opposite direction. We chatted about how we were both thinking of going home. I suggested a number close and they agreed, though they weren't sure which one's number I wanted. I went for the hottest one obviously. So asked for it, and she gave it to me but she didn't look like she was giving me her proper number; first off it had too many numbers in it and then it kinda looked like she was making it up. Hmm. I'll try it on Sunday. If it doesn't work then no big loss – at least I asked. Also, I should probably point out at this stage that she was 21, a good 11 years younger than me. Though she was nearly 22, so that's OK. And she thought I was 24...!

Returning home there was yet another unplanned house party. There was lots of gossip – who was shagging who, that kind of thing – but I was tired. Luckily I managed to convince everyone to wrap it all up not too late. It was all good.

What I learnt:

Controlling state is getting easier. A lot of the time before opening I would be feeling uncertain, bits of doubt floating around, captured by inertia. But I managed to work my way out of it generally. And then in set too, I would be a bit stuck, not knowing what to say, but I kept with it then as well. It seems that I'm learning to overcome those negative thought patterns, most importantly by knowing that I can overcome them, on a regular basis. It's all getting a little bit easier.

I number closed. Good stuff.

Something I could do better – perhaps stay out longer. Tiredness seems to catch up with me too much, hard not to do when it's the end of the week. I'd like to stay out until one or two, after all I have my car with me. That would give me more opportunities.

A nice day for a white wedding

2009-05-04T15:28:00.003+01:00

Weddings, eh? The families, the romance, and from what everyone says a veritable fuck-fest in the making for the single people out there.

Theoretically, at least.

It's Monday, I'm in Bilbao, I've done the Guggenheim and now I've got about 24 hours to kill and there's very little to do. So what better that to eat up the hours with a couple of field reports.

Two weekends ago I was in Gloucestershire for a friend's wedding. He's the guy I went to Amsterdam with for the stag do a few weeks ago. There was about 100 people or so, and I knew all of the friends on the groom's side of the family already. To cut a long story short there was only one single girl there (and I think one single guy – me). She was my mate's younger sister and though she was tall and slim, she had exactly the same mannerisms as my mate and his twin brother, and that kinda put me off a bit. Either way, nothing happened but I had a great time and we all had some top fun.

Last Saturday was my cousin's wedding in a city called Tudela in Spain, about 200 km south of San Sebastian and about 50 km or so west of Zaragoza. We had the full Catholic wedding in the local church which was actually really good and, strangely enough, funny. And then we had the meal and reception back at the hotel we were staying at.

After the meal we moved on to the disco of sorts with about 50 Inglese and 100+ Español. Unfortunately the bride – who was pretty much your classic hot Spanish chick – didn't have any sisters. But there were quite a few other hot chicks there that deserved a go.

I spent most of the evening talking random shit to just about everybody, enjoying the night and having fun with my brother as well as everyone else. An opportunity presented itself early in the evening when someone got my cousin on stage and forced him to sing It's not unusual. Well, unfortunately he can't sing, but I know a man who can. So I went up on stage to help him out, and more or less got away with it.

This of course meant that just about everyone knew who I was, and that basically I was the shit when it came to Tom Jones karaoke. How do you spell DHV? So anyway I continued to chat to everyone and also find out who was single. The rest of the night went pretty much like this:

Meet girl, dance with her a bit, chat with her a bit, ask her if she's married, find out that she is. Repeat ad nauseam.

That went on all night. Yes, once again, I don't think there was actually any single girls there at all. Fate, why do you tempt me so?!?!?

However there was a (married) Dutch girl there who I was chatting to, and who I subsequently noticed was checking me out from across the dance floor. I spoke to her a couple times more and she kept on paying me attention. Incidentally, she was the classic hot Dutch girl – tall, slim, blond and blue-eyed and pretty, the type that I've always wanted to fuck really hard. Eventually when I saw here eying me up again I told her, “Why do you have to be married?” “I know,” she said. And I gave her a hug and a bit of a kiss on the neck, which she didn't mind at all. Ach, mensch!

The evening ended up with my brother scoring some coke from the Basque guy who was our waiter at the meal. The evening became more and more random, and it included Jaegerbombs, throwing up in the toilet, arm wrestling and having a conversation with some random guy that didn't speak any English, and I didn't speak any Spanish. That conversation lasted for about half an hour.

The next day was spent traveling with my parents from Tudela via Pamplona to San Sebastian, and ultimately to Bilbao. Tudela is hot and sunny, Bilbao is cloudy and cool. I've already seen the Guggenheim. There's not much else to do.

Last night, she said...

2009-04-19T19:15:00.000+01:00

OK yeah I’m bad at writing reports, I might actually stop doing it as my motivation to write them is really low and it usually takes me ages anyway.

But here it is. We arranged to meet up in Shoreditch and by the time I arrive the guys are in Ziegfrids. There aren’t many sets and it seems to be about 90% guys. But I’m in a good mood, I definitely feel there’s a good wind behind me at the moment for some reason. I’ve been working out still and I’ve noticed that I’m getting a lot more random interest from girls. Who would have thought? Guys with bigger muscles get more attention from girls? My female flatmates now wolf whistle me when I go to for a shower. Though, of course, you don’t need to be ripped to pull chicks. Some of the best naturals I know are as skinny as rakes. Others aren’t.

Of course this could be my beliefs affecting my perception – if I believe having an athletic physique will get me attention then it will probably become a self fulfilling prophesy. Maybe it’s some kind of self-justification for me. Maybe I ignored the attention before. But anyway, I’ve noticed that I’m getting more attention from girls.

I’ve also noticed that I’m getting better at staying in set and getting the kinds of responses I want from chicks – i.e. interest and emotional reactions like giggling and winding them up and so on. That’s a step in the right direction.

So in the bar there weren’t many sets, but there was a set of three average girls nearby. Jon had just opened them and then Pete challenged the rest of us to open the same set as well. As I was feeling in a good mood I thought I’d give it a go. I opened with Pirates versus Ninjas and it went like a dream. It engaged them in a fun and interesting conversation. I tried out a few things like making statements not questions, trying to guess what job they did (and getting it right – they were shoe designers) and that sort of thing. It went very well and I was getting good attention, but as none of them were that hot, I ejected eventually. But only after I’d been in set for a good period of time.

After that we explored downstairs but there wasn’t much happening there. When we went back upstairs I noticed a couple of girls sitting at a table, and they both seemed pretty cute, one in particular was my type.

I went up and opened with “Sorry I’m late…” and once again couldn’t get it to work well – my delivery is all wrong. I need to find a way to make it work for me, but haven’t yet. But I stuck in there, and one of the girls initiated rapport with me, so that was a good sign.

I was just getting into the swing of things when a guy turned up and took his place at the table, completely by random. I realised that I had joined the table of two girls while the guys were away – and I didn’t know the relationships between them. I immediately started talking to the guy to try and get him on my side, and it was easy enough, he was a cool guy, pretty much your standard boring accountant type person.

So I chatted with him for a bit but due to all the uncertainty – was I hitting on a couple of girls with boyfriends who were just about to appear? – and dealing with the new guy, I was stressed so I ejected myself.

But that wasn’t the end. A short while later I’d noticed that three guys had joined the table. Then one of the girls – the one that initiated rapport and was the cuter of the two – stood up and started dancing right next to where we were standing. This was a sign and an opportunity. I gave her a spin and started talking to her. I found out she was a primary school teacher, and that the group were all friends and not going out with each other.

So we were having a chat, she was a bit drunk and I thought it was going well and for some reason my mind started to wonder. And then she said, “Cool, nice to meet you, have a good evening,” and left. That’s my line! But wait – what were we talking about? Because my mind wondered I lost the set. That was strange. Must stop smoking so much weed. Never mind.

So that was a good night, again I can really feel things developing with staying in set and generating the right sort of reactions. I’m liking it.

The next day it turned out that we were having a sort of house party. That was good as I was feeling lazy and it seemed an easier option than going into town.

So there were a few random people over and unusually for our flat, all the housemates at the same party at the same time. There was the odd friend here and there and my hot French flatmate had brought round a hot French friend. Think Natalie Portman, but a bit more French and with blonde hair. Hot to trot.

She was eyeing me. Big time. Initially we were at other ends of the table and so every now and then I caught her staring at me from the corner of my eye. I’d of course match it and I should have given her a cheeky smile but that’s something for next time. But I was definitely getting looks from her. I took me a long time to socially engineer the situation but after a while I ended up sitting next to her and having a chat. I was doing a bit of qualification but I think that was a bit too far as she wasn’t responding to the questions in the right way and it came across as a bit boring. I think I should have run a bit of attraction first off to set the right tone.

She said she was shy – if I was her type then maybe that’s why. We chatted for a bit but there wasn’t a spark. Others who spoke to her said she wasn’t shy – so maybe my approach was wrong as it didn’t open her up in the right way. Anyway, at least I spoke to her, and she may be back one day.

I like to party. Everybody does.

2009-04-09T12:26:00.001+01:00

So my neighbour called me up and said he was going to a friend’s birthday drinks in Portobello Road. I had a house party later but I needed to kill time before then. So I went along.

We got there and I was not feeling that sociable. Plus I didn’t know many people – I knew my neighbour and two of his friends that I had met once before. They were chatting and I couldn’t hear them, so I stood around for a bit. I could feel myself feeling uncool and losing state, but I’d been here before. There was no rush.

I just did the usual thing of observing my state, and it quickly evaporated. I sat down and started to chat with everyone around. I was talking to probably the cutest girl there who was about a 7, but didn’t have much personality to go with it. In fact she was a IT support girl with a typically black, cynical attitude that is a prerequisite for that kind of job it seems. But we had a joke about that and had a good chat.

I talked to a few other people and because I was dressed well and have been working out recently some of the girls were checking me out. In fact, one of them kept coming up to me and taking pictures of me, half pretending to be taking pictures of the whole group.

It’s funny when that happens because it’s totally at odds with my self-esteem. Chicks think I’m hot. It’s still an idea that I’m getting used to.

Anyway the chick that was most into me wasn’t that hot, so I kinda left it be. She lives down the road from me so I might think about fucking her at some point as I haven’t had sex in a while. But as she’s not hot there’s no great demand.

Anyway so when the bar closes surprisingly early, I head off to the party, picking up Greig on the way as he lives nearby. We get to the party and it’s massive – there’s a band playing live, the room is the size of a warehouse, there was a man on fire, a guy on a horse and I killed a guy with a trident. It was that kind of party.

Unfortunately it was dark and noisy by the time we arrived and everyone seemed to be in groups more or less. Me and Greig chatted for a while but it wasn’t the best situation to open in, which was a bit disappointing. We should have been there a bit earlier before it got too noisy to make friends and that.

Anyway before we left Grieg forced me into a set. I opened them but stalled out fairly early – still the same problem. Still, it was a good night over all.

Just a case of blow out

2009-04-04T12:46:00.000+01:00

So I haven’t written in ages, my life seems so busy now that I’m working again, and, given that each of these takes about an hour to write, it seems like I just don’t have the time! Crazy really, but that’s the way it is.

So what’s been happening in the last month? Well I decided to take a break from sarging for a little while. It seemed to be becoming too much of a chore, which is never a good thing. Plus my social life with other, non-sarging friends was kinda non-existent. So I needed to sort that.

I had a weekend off that included a gig and general going out. Then I had a weekend in Amsterdam on a stag do that consisted of drinking and smoking in various bars, but no sarging (and, before you ask, no prostitutes – not my thing at all).

Then last weekend on the Friday I went to a friend’s friend’s gig, which was pretty cool. On the Saturday I met up with the guys again but I was feeling pretty knackered – I hadn’t had much sleep, so I didn’t bother sarging. Of course when I returned home there was an impromptu house party going on at not just my own house but also a house three doors down, so us, my neighbours and the other house having a party all bounced around joining in and having fun.

It was cool and I tried a few things with various people – memorably singing along to First We Take Manhattan with some random chick which you couldn’t make up if you tried – but nothing stuck. The main reason for that was that I was with my friend and neighbour (the German chef) who is a really cool, genuine guy with a bit but not too much game, but who is pretty good looking and only the previous week had been spotted by a talent scout for a modelling agency and was having his first paid shoot the next week. So as soon as the girls saw him they were kinda more interested in him than me. Though he didn’t close anything either. From now on, he’s known as Zoolander.

I ended up watching the grand prix live and going to bed at 9 – so much for feeling tired. But the context and the drugs helped.

Aside from that I also met up with a couple of commercial guys on the LSS. I did an NLP session with one of them to see if that might help. Unfortunately I think I’ve come to realise that I’m not that hypnotically susceptible, mainly because I researched it at university so I’m aware of what they’re trying to do, which undermines it. So I don’t think it helped much.

I also met up with Kingy for an evening’s one on one bootcamp during the week. For some reason I was really nervous, and I do tend to get nervous around guys with good game, which is strange and irritating as there’s no reason to. Anyway after a while that went away and we did all the usual opening, getting pushed into sets and so on. There were lots of blow outs but I wasn’t too affected by them. I can’t say it taught me much that I didn’t already know, except that natural game is just internalised routine game, which any fool knows. Kind of an argument for routine game in a way. But also that natural game is based on the improvisation skill set, which is an important point.

Anyway back to yesterday. I was fairly keen to get back into it despite a tiring week. At home before going out most of my flatmates were there which is always a good thing to get me in a sociable mood. And I arrived in Brick Lane to meet Liam in a good state, and thankfully so was he.

We went to Big Chill which was pretty packed, but just about manageable. Also, the music was not the usual soul / funky type stuff, but much more uplifting and energetic dance music. People really seemed to be having a good time. I think I must have talked to about three sets, two I can definitely remember. For the most part I was chatting simple rubbish but having fun and a good time. There was one set of about three girls that I got into a conversation about travelling, which is always good. I stayed in there for a while and eventually the group moved on to get a curry. I tried to number close one of them but she didn’t comply – which was fair enough, it was just a stab in the dark. I didn’t feel bad about it at all and was happy that I at least asked.

We moved on to Industry which for the first time in living memory was actually quite busy. Plus there was Ou est le swimming pool playing live, which I had seen once before in Cargo. They were OK, watching them (as with most bands) makes me want to get on stage and play guitar. Live music is great.

Liam and I were talking to some random drunk Irish girls for a bit but they weren’t making sense. Later on we were back upstairs and I tried opening a group of three pretty hot chicks with the “Sorry I’m late” opener. It bombed pretty badly, which was funny.

Shortly after that we were kinda sitting on the side and there were a couple of average girls dancing in their own area. It seemed a waste not to open them, so I joined them in the dance. Liam came in for a bit too. I had a bit of a chat with them but wasn’t that interested really, so left it.

All in all it was a good night as my mood was pretty good and I opened a fair few sets and stayed in set for a while with most of them. A pretty satisfactory restart to sarging.

It's ups and downs, ups and downs...

2009-03-09T20:09:00.001Z

So I haven’t written in a long time. I was pretty much ill for all of last week as well as having a couple of band practices and all in all, I was feeling pretty lazy. This working life is taking some getting used to. But I’m slowly getting the hang of it.

Also recently I’ve been contemplating the simple life. Stripping everything down to its bare basics. I don’t know why, nor if this is a good idea, but it’s something that sits well with my temperament, probably because I’m a man, but also because it’s my natural state.

Anyway I’m just putting that out there for no reason in particular. Anyway, what’s been happening.

Well last weekend but one, I went out both nights. Friday was Shoreditch. We all met and went to Dream Bags as a change in venue. No one was opening and then Greig said exactly the right thing to me: “I don’t wanna read in your report that you couldn’t open because I was here.” And of course I was thinking of exactly the same thing. There was a group of five girls standing nearby, so I opened the nearest with the first thing to mind: the golf opener. I chatted with the girl for quite a while, she was from Bulgaria. But she wasn’t that hot and I left after a bit.

We moved on to the Hoxton B&G. While we were waiting for others to get in from the queue Jon and I decided to do some sarging. I opened two hot English chicks (just my type, intelligent, posh, friendly, hot) with the bag opener as one of them had a massive bag with her. They were both loving it and were into the conversation. But then I said hi to the guys as the rest of them came in and somehow ejected myself out of set.

The energy in the group was really low again. I couldn’t help myself but I didn’t want to be part of that. I noticed a group of girls nearby and toyed with opening them for a good while. I walked past them once as I chickened out. But a few minutes later I tried again. As I approached one girl was making a rhythmical motion with her hands. “That looks dodgy!” I said. They laughed and looked cheeky. Hmm. “Were you talking about sex?” I asked.

“Yes,” they said and fell about laughing.
“Haha you’re dirty girls!” I said, and gave them all a good dose of eye contact. They were matching it, looking at me and laughing, their eyes all sparkling with fun and interest. “I like that!”

I then got into a pretty normal conversation and kinda killed it off a bit. I chatted for a short while, then ejected. When I came back to the group Jon told me that they were “checking out my ass,” which is understandable, as my ass is pretty fekkin awesome*.

*May be written for effect.

Anyway after that there was some wondering round, a couple of good chats with Jon and Greig, and a general lack of obvious sets. At the end it was only Pete and I, and we hung out on the dancefloor a bit but there wasn’t much to open. There was one hot girl dancing on stage very sexily, that got me excited, but she looked completely off her face. I decided not to open.

There was no specific realisation from this night, I still need to open more, stay in set longer, do more kino. And though there weren’t many sets I took the main opportunities out there. But the main thing was that it felt like a good night, I’d opened two sets of hot girls – any of whom could have been girlfriend material – and they went well, and the girls were checking me out again. A nice ego boost.

Saturday we went to Jewel. There were loads of sets and hot girls. I was feeling more than a little knackered to be honest. The whole working week thing again. Anyway, I opened a bunch of people here and there. Nothing much lasted for some reason.

Something I noticed tonight was Jake playing the role that Greig used to last summer – i.e. he would open and I would wing. Which means that I wouldn’t open. So I ran a few sets like that.

I think the reason why Jake was opening instead of me was that I was low energy, Jake had more motivation, and I am too quick to rule out sets because they’re not hot enough. That was quite interesting to notice.

Anyway the best set of the night came from a set that Pete had already opened, and I went in to wing. I started with some line that I forget, and then when that ran out, I asked her to tell me something interesting about herself. I don’t think she was that interested at that stage as she didn’t put that much into it so I prompted her with “So most people like to travel, have you been anywhere interesting?” and she opened up telling me something about her trip somewhere. I forget. I’ve smoked a lot of weed between then and now. Seriously, a few days ago I couldn’t remember anything about the night other than it was at Jewel.

But I digress. We then chatted about travelling for a while, and I maybe some other topics that I can’t remember, and after a while I noticed that she was mirroring my somewhat unusual wall leaning pose. And she was into me, smiling and with that sparkle in her eyes. I like sparkly eyes. They’re always the most interesting. And as sure as hell a good sign that a chick is into you.

Anyway, it was going well, but she wasn’t that hot, so I quit after a while to get a drink or something. By the time I came back I think the set was over.

So an OK night. Jake was opening well and staying in set for about five minutes at a time. I suggest he should try number closing more. He’s pretty much there I reckon, he just needs to get more closes.

So fast forward a week. A week of illness as I mentioned. Come Friday I went for one drink with work and by the time I’d had that and returned home, I didn’t want to leave. So I chilled out there. It was a bit boring but I needed the rest.

So come Saturday I was kinda bouncing off the walls. Though that was only my inner state. I was actually still really tired. But I needed to go out. Unfortunately no one seemed to be available or up for going out. It ended up with Pete and I, and for want of a better suggestion, we went back to Jewel.

For some reason it wasn’t half as good as the last time. There were loads more people, but not as many sets. Also, I was a week into growing a beard. For me it’s not a particularly pleasurable experience. It’s itchy, greasy, food gets stuck in it, you have a bunch of fluff stuck to the front of your face, and you’re not sure if it suits you.

Sometimes these things work for some people, sometimes they don’t. I grew my hair long once. It made me look like a girl. The lead singer in my band (female, OK-hot, and whom I flirt with mercilessly) said that my beard will make me look hot. Someone else said I looked “rugged” which is pretty much a good thing, though it may have only been the polite term for “sketchy” or “tramp-esque”.

Anyway it struck me that it provided me with an awesome take on my traditional hair opener – the beard opener. And when Pete pointed out a set to me shortly afterwards I had to try it out. So I did, and the answer was a resounding no. It was a bit hard to recover from that, as she was essentially telling me that she didn’t find me attractive!

After that we basically spent a couple of hours not finding any sets. I know it sounds crazy but all the girls were either in large, seated sets with no spaces or in other similarly inaccessible groups. Or not that hot or whatever. There were a couple of girls who looked quite hot and also quite high energy. I was thinking about opening them and looking at them. Then I noticed one rub her nose in a fairly conspicuous way. Then the other did too. Now I knew why they were high energy. Then I saw their eyes – wide and wasted. They were both on coke.

My fatigue and a broken resolution – going sarging stoned – managed to kill the night for me pretty much. Towards the end Pete and I were just standing there like lemons not opening, nothing to open. I sat down. There were two girls next to me, but they weren’t that hot. One sat down next to me. After about an year and a half I decided to open her with “You having a good evening?”

From a pretty inauspicious start we struck up a pleasant conversation, she turned out to be from North Holland and I impressed her with passable pronunciation of Groningen (it’s not how you think), where she lived. We chatted for a fair while, then her friend forced her to dance with her – it was a kind of cockblock. It was hilarious to watch.

Anyway I was easy, and then after a while Pete and I decided to leave. I said goodbye as I walked past the Dutch girl and lo and behold the other girl (a blonde kiwi) was all smiles and waving, as though we were best friends. Hmm. She wasn’t cockblocking me. She was cockblocking her mate. Interesting.

Lessons? Don’t go out stoned, silly. Try not to be knackered.

Hope you enjoyed the latest tales.

Meditation

2009-03-02T14:50:00.001Z

I wrote this article for my mates a few days ago, thought I'd post it here to share. I'm no expert, just writing what I've learnt from my own experiences. Take what you want from it and enjoy.

Why should I bother with meditation?

Meditation has a number of benefits on a number of levels. First there’s health. It helps with things like lowering blood pressure, reducing muscle tension, reducing stress hormones and increasing positive endorphins and the immune response. It generally relaxes the body.

Then there’s mental. It helps with clarity of thought and peace of mind. It helps with concentration. It reduces mental stress and increases contentment and confidence. It helps distance yourself from negative emotional responses, and allows you to choose how you react in given situations.

Empirically, studies have shown that meditation reduces the frequency of the electromagnetic activity in the brain. Our brain continuously gives off electromagnetic pulses. In day to day life this is usually at about 10-100 Hertz. As we meditate, this reduces to below 10 Hz, and in long term meditators it can reduce as low as 2-4 Hz. There are ways to also reduce it even further, down to 0.5Hz and lower, which I may talk about at some point (do a search for binaural beats on google)…

And finally there’s spiritual, although I don’t like the word “spiritual” – for me, it’s what I call “wider perception.” You become aware of existence at a higher level, that of the universal infinite and your part in it, and you distance yourself from your own consciousness. Some people call this god, “the spark of the divine within every human being.” It’s been described in many ways. It is what it is.

With regards to pick up, it’s the clarity of thought and the ability to choose your response in a given situation that is the most important. For those with AA specifically, if you’re in a mental rut and your state has crashed, being able to distance yourself (or already be distanced from) that state, and then to choose how to act, would be of some benefit.

How do I meditate?

First of all, you need to be in a quiet, relaxing place with no chance of being disturbed. Turn off your phone.

Then prepare yourself by being physically relaxed. This may take a minute or two, don’t worry if it takes time, and don’t worry if you can’t fully relax. Just do what you can and you’ll notice that it will get easier over time.

Sit on a flat surface is a cross legged position. That’s the idea at least. If that’s not easy for you, sit where you can with a straight back. If you become uncomfortable while you meditate, shift slightly as required to improve the situation, trying to make only as much movement as necessary.

When I start meditating and sitting in the position I often find that it takes a few minutes for my posture to settle, usually straightening and relaxing my back a few times, shifting my legs a bit. You may not need to, but don’t worry if you do.

Then start to concentrate on your breathing. You should breathe through the nose, not the mouth. You want to aim to slowly lengthen and deepen your breaths. Use your entire abdomen. Don’t pressure yourself, just relax into it. If you find yourself suddenly taking short breaths at first, despite having just taken long, deep breaths, don’t worry. Just settle back into it. Let the breath settle into a regular rhythm.

Once your breath is under control, become aware of your thoughts. At first they will be jumping around all over the place. That’s OK. Just be aware of them and watch them as they start to calm down. Let them be like clouds that pass in the sky. You can watch them with peace and let them pass, disappearing into space. Become detached from them. You can help reduce your thoughts by focussing on a single thing, sometimes a mantra (“om”) or on the mechanics of your breath. I favour the latter.

After a while you will notice that there are spaces within the thoughts, and that these spaces start to increase. It is these gaps – the absence of thought – that you are aiming for. That is meditation. Pure consciousness without the distraction of thought. Thought comes from the ego and pure consciousness is separate from thought and ego. It is also called presence. Maintain that state.

As you meditate your ego may react against it and try to demand attention. That's OK, that means you are doing it right. If you find yourself running away with your thoughts, just bring yourself back gently to your breath, and start to relax again. You may find this happens many times at first, and that is OK. It takes practice and perseverence, much like pick up, and it will become easier over time.

Good luck, and enjoy.

Some Days Are Better Than Others

2009-02-22T13:34:00.001Z

So Jake, Pete and I decide to go to Buttoned Down Disco as it’s on tonight. However I get my timings completely wrong and when I arrive, there is a massive queue that would take ages. So we decide on Plan B: go to Hoxton.

Pretty much the only place we can get in to is Mother bar, and though it’s not too full at 10.20 I know that it’s gonna fill up later. There are a couple of bands playing there which is new, but once they’re finished it’s standard fare.

For whatever reason we’re all feeling apprehensive and spend a good while not approaching. Eventually I see two girls that look alright and are by themselves and I eventually summon up the will to approach. I go in and have a brief chat with them. I run out of things to say and leave.

And basically that is the story of the night. I approach a bunch of girls but almost always run out of things to say. So it goes.

All in all a distinctly average night. It was a shame that we didn’t get into BDD. What was really the problem was my internal state, and perhaps not lucking on some more friendly girls who were open to chatting a bit more easily. I could have played the dancefloor a bit as well but I didn’t.

Again, I wasn’t in the sweet spot that I hit a week or two ago, and that’s to be expected. It’s ups and downs. The main thing is that I was out and opening, and getting out of my comfort zone. The main thing I needed to change was my state – being in a more talkative state of mind.

So despite the relatively poor results, at least I was out and about and gaining the experience. Next…

The Thirty-Nine Steps

2009-02-21T14:40:00.002Z

So we go to Brick Lane, and the first venue as always is Big Chill. Conscious of what happened on Wednesday, I’m eager to open as soon as I can. There’s a group of three girls standing nearby, none of whom are too hot, but would make a good warm up set. I toy with opening them for a while but due to the mingling crowd there logistics aren’t good. Eventually I end up walking round to the back and open them from there.

One of them is drinking what looks like a Bucks Fizz, which has cultural relevance for me (think Eurovision…) so I ask her if it is. Turns out it’s a Bellini, which is close enough. I end up talking to one other girl in the group, who turns out to be Russian. I have a bit of a chat with her and then eject as she’s not all that.

It felt good, and was exactly what I needed to do – have a warm up set. We hang around for a bit and then I spot a couple of girls who look quite cute. I think about going direct with them. But chicken out again. I think about running standard game, but I’ve ruined my own momentum. I don’t open them in the end. Mode One paralysis again.

We move on – going to Commercial Tavern. Despite it being relatively empty for once, i.e. not completely rammed, there weren’t any obvious sets to open. We go to Hoxton. I’m feeling tired. Now that I’m working, I’m finding it hard to keep the energy levels up by the time it gets to a Friday evening. I decide to work through it anyway.

We end up at Ziegfried’s. Straight after we arrive I start talking to two girls who are dancing nearby with my “You look like you’re having fun,” opener. I get a brush off initially but I ignore it and keep going, and they start to come round. I then go to the bar thinking I’ll reopen them when I get back, but by the time I do the hot one has disappeared.

Over the next few minutes we hang around but there aren’t any obvious sets. I just say “Hi” to girls who catch my eye, just to have fun and be sociable. We go downstairs. Jon gets raped by a ladyboy* (*may not be true). There’s nothing happening there either.

We think about going to Mother but by the time we get there there’s a massive queue. But there isn’t outside Electricity Showrooms so we go there instead. We look at the dancefloor downstairs which seems fun although part of it has the worst sticky carpet you’ve ever experienced. Everyone seems drunk.

Back upstairs we hang by the bar. There’s a fair few hot chicks here. No one feels like opening. I reset my thought processes – how do I open? The first thing that comes to mind is the golf opener. I use it on the nearest girl I find, who isn’t that hot but at least it’s practice. Turns out she’s a pretty hardcore golfer, known throughout the links of Kent. She’s got a nice personality but she’s not hot. She’s like an acceptable Jade Goody. She ejects herself, which is fair enough.

After a bit we leave and Liam goes home. Jon and I go to Big Chill again on the way home. It’s noisy, packed, and there’s lots of drunk people. There aren’t any obvious sets at first. We make a move to leave and on my way out I see two cute girls on their own, perfect. They're wearing matching hairbands, so I open them mentioning that. Turns out they’re cute Swedish girls and look pretty young. Not a problem for me, haha! I chat with them a bit but though we chat it’s not sticking particularly well. They’re looking for a late club, but apart from Fabric I don’t know of anywhere. My tiredness isn’t helping me. We do a synchronised eject as they go into the main bar and we leave.

On my way out a flyer girl is giving out details of a place open until seven… fate, why do you tempt me so?!?

Thoughts

Well it was an improvement on Wednesday. Opening anything and everything, that’s the way forward. Opening girls who I’m not attracted to, that helps with the social warm up. I feel this is a step back in the direction of where I was a couple of weeks ago, I can feel it in my bones again.

Opening the Rift

2009-02-21T01:48:00.001Z

So I’d read Mode One, the definitive book about going direct, or, to be more precise, being honest with your intentions with women. It helped reinforce a number of things about going direct, mainly that it takes balls, that in itself is attractive to women, you’ll get rejected more but you shouldn’t let that stop you or affect you, and it build attraction much more quickly. Great stuff.

So I was thinking about using it, but there was a bit of a catch. You have to be honest. So you have to find women that you find attractive. Also, your inner game has to be 100%* and your calibration has to be good.

(*Even if it’s not, you’ll have to break through your own confidence level to attain that 100%, you can only grow by doing. It’s Catch 22.)

Anyway so I met Liam and Jon at Porterhouse for a bit of midweek game. There was nothing going on there so we went straight to Jewel, and there wasn’t much there either. So we go to Roadhouse.

There were a fair few people there, but as it was still relatively early in the evening there wasn’t much mingling and people were seated or in their own groups. But that wasn’t the real problem for me. The real problem was that they were showing the Brits on every screen in the place, and on a special giant projector screen as well.

Now for most people I guess this wouldn’t be of much relevance, but I love awards ceremonies and I love the Brits. It’s about music after all and that’s totally my bag. I simply couldn’t concentrate on game and I immediately regretted coming out in the first place – I’d’ve much rather been at home watching it on TV. And the Pet Shop Boys were going to receive the Lifetime Achievement award. It was clear the evening was a write off.

But we hung around a bit and Liam and Jon opened a set each. I winged Liam for a bit so at least I talked to someone. But apart from that I wasn’t adding much really as I was more interested in watching Kings of Leon, and the Ting Tings doing a good mash up with Estelle. Décor update: the new toilets are like a spaceship, which is great. We decide to leave.

We go to Tiger Tiger. It seems strange that in the whole of London there’s hardly a bar that has anything going for it mid-week. Where are these places? Anyway we arrive in TT. Immediately there are two pairs of girls that are checking us out. Only problem is, they’re not that hot.

And this is where the rift between the ideal of Mode One and the reality of how hot girls are in real life starts to separate. I’ve known for a while that my standards are probably too high for my own good, and that it results in me not opening enough. Mode One has only reinforced that situation. Not opening means not talking and not talking means not practicing, and not practicing means that I wouldn’t have approached a hot girl even if she had been there.

So for all Mode One’s good points, in terms of application for me I need to apply it only in certain situations. And when those situations aren’t present – i.e. when there are only average girls around – I need to open with “standard” game, or small talk, to get the social juices working. Well I guess I learnt something at least.

We have a chat and talk about game and I encourage Liam and Job just to focus on one thing. From my experience since the start of the year it’s helped my game a lot and I’d like them to experience the same thing. I give them tasks to do to work on this, and they give me a task too.

I then have to split as I need to go to bed. In retrospect we should have opened the two pairs of average girls, and there was a table of four girls by the front door that we could have opened as well. We could have brought the party something rotten, and had an awesome night of flirting, but Mode One was holding me back. Next time.

My Bloody Valentine

2009-02-15T13:09:00.000Z

So I had been texting the girl I met in Jewel the previous weekend. We arranged to meet up on Saturday – Valentine’s Day! But that meant nothing, it was just a date and it happened to be on that day.

So we met up at Hammersmith and we walked to the Dove – but the whole place was packed out. So we go to the Old Ship. But it’s closed. WTF? That better reopen in time for the Boat Race, that’s all I’m saying. So we go to the Black Lion and grab some armchairs by the fire.

As is so often the case, she’s not as hot as I remember her, though she isn’t bad by any means. But she is noticeably older than I remember. Turns out she’s 36, which is a bit much for me. Plus, she’s a Christian. Not a too dogmatic one thankfully, though still, it’s not something I want to deal with.

We talk about everything under the sun. I try to explain my view of metaphysics, but I don’t do a particularly good job of it. I describe my newly-formed view why India is so over-adorned, pluralist and chaotic based on the fertility of the land, though I don’t do a good job of that either. There is lots of comfort building. I try to move the conversation sexual a few times, but it doesn’t go anywhere. I need to work on that.

We go through a couple of drinks and a couple of hours. I’m talking a lot and my sore throat is suffering. At one point I go to the loo and hang there for a short while just to give my throat a rest.

I give her my drugs history and a few other bits and pieces, though not the ladyboy story! I talk about my depression and lack of confidence in the past. She tells me that I come across as very confident. Which is nice, and I guess I do.

After ages she has to go to meet friends, so we walk back to the station. On the way back she tells me she wants to ask me a question… where is this going I wonder… does she want a quickie? She tells me that she’d like to invite me to church tomorrow. Humph. I let her down gently. That’s not my thing. I’m not going to turn into a bible basher, and though I believe in something that some people might call god, it’s not god as she knows it, and it’s about as far away from dogma as it can possibly be.

We hug goodbye and kiss on the cheek. Unfortunately I don’t think this one’s worth pursuing.

I’ll come flying like a spark to inflame you

2009-02-15T12:00:00.001Z

So I’ve been a bit ill for most of the week. It started on Tuesday with aches in my bones and a sore throat, which slowly developed into a cough, a sort throat and occasional sneezing.

I’d also had a pretty hectic week, working until 10 one day, though Friday afternoon was enjoyably relaxed. I’d been debating with myself the whole day whether I would go out as the previous night’s sleep was constantly interrupted by random bouts of energetic coughing, but I had been more or less OK during the day.

As ever my rule is “If in doubt, always go out,” so I did. We were off to Hoxton and although the traffic was pretty bad (it took me the best part of an hour to get there) by the time I arrived I had got myself into a good state and I felt pretty energetic.

We met at light bar briefly then headed to Cargo. It was the full gang: me, Jon, Liam, Pete, Greig (who had resurfaced after a few weeks of doing his own thang) and Jake. I’m really glad Jake’s joined us as he approaches very naturally and easily, and it’s good to have that vibe around to encourage us all. Plus he looks more French than he used to, which is pretty cool.

However my initial energy isn’t sustained and soon I’m feeling a bit blocked in my approaching. I manage to talk to a few girls but only a line or two each. My heart’s not in it.

One really awkward thing I’ve noticed is that when I’m sarging with Grieg is that my game suffers. It’s for two reasons: it’s more fun to chat shit with him than to talk to girls, and if we’re both considering opening girls, he’s more likely to do it before I get the chance, therefore preventing me. I need to sarge away from him. Or perhaps open before he does!

Anyway once again I get distracted by the music. There’s a band playing who are OK, but the drummer is excellent (and the sound engineering is first class too). They’re called Principles of Geometry and are, or course, by law as this is Cargo, electro. Doing my research on the interwebs thingy I find out that (a) they are French and despite that, (b) they are really good recorded as well.

I think the difference tonight from when I’ve been approaching well recently, is that there’s not that underlying energy and fun, carelessness (not giving a shit) and happy go lucky spirit that’s served me so well. The illness has brought this on a bit. But it’s good that I can now see this. I need to have this feeling, or know how to get to that feeling, when I’m out of state.

The best interaction of the night comes when Greig goes to the bar to get a drink for both of us. I’m on my own, so what else is there to do but open? I turn around a see a girl sitting on her own. I haven’t thought of an opener so I go with “Hey, how’s it going?” She’s nice and friendly and we have a good chat. Halfway through Greig comes up and gives me my drink and leaves me to it. After a while I find out that she has a boyfriend, so there’s not much point in pursuing it much further. I thank her and tell her I’m off to find my friends.

I meet up with the others and we have a chat. Greig’s feeling incongruous as he really likes his girl in New York, so he has less incentive to actually sarge other girls. Well, frankly he needs to man up! It’s fairly late and I need my rest so I decide to head back.

The next day it turns out Greig ended up snogging a girl, which just goes to show, er, something or other. Apparently he opened with the Sarkozy opener, which is gold. Sounds like a chess move. Although he snogged her when no one else was around, so it’s probably all LIES!!!

Thoughts

It probably wasn’t worth going out when I was feeling ill.

Jigsaw Falling into Place

2009-02-08T12:30:00.001Z

So I was planning on meeting up with an old friend and going to a gig by a friend of his, but that fell through when we found out that it was actually in Birmingham. I don’t like to venture out to the provinces, it’s another world out there… *shudders*. So instead I meet Pete, John and Liam at Porterhouse. I decide to tube it as the night bus services are pretty good from the centre of town. Probably a mistake as delays on the tube meant I was half an hour late!

I’ve been rocking the shirt while I’ve been out recently and it seems to be working, but I felt like a change so I wore a nice bright t-shirt that I hadn’t worn since before I went travelling. There was a bit of a risk that it might look a bit camp as the workouts I’ve been doing have made me a bit bigger, but I thought fuck it, I’ll do it anyway.

We go straight to Jewel for one as it’s on the way to Zebranos. We’re standing around chatting when Liam challenges me to open. I use the Detroit opener (which is actually the bar opener: “Do you know where Detroit bar is? Apparently it’s near here,”) as we’d just been talking about it. I start talking to a couple of girls, one not hot at all, and another kinda nice looking – not hot-hot but not unpleasant either. Definitely gets a tick.

Turns out the not-hot one actually knows the (fictional) place, and proceeds to tell me that it’s actually somewhere within the bar we’re actually in. Now this is an usual response. I think she may have misheard me. I make a joke about there being a portal in time and space and then transition to something random. We continue to talk.

A few minutes in and I suddenly realise to myself, hmm, by now I would have normally ejected, but I’m still talking to them. It feels good. It feels like I thought it would feel: normal – the kind of thing that I was talking about at the end of the last post. So I keep talking. The not-hot one wanders off and I talk to the other one some more. I move her around a bit as the people in the room shift around us (leading…). We talk about her job – a teacher – and what kids are like when they’re five, which is some quality comfort talk.

At just the right time Pete taps me on the shoulder and tells me that we’re moving on – I ask him to give me a couple of minutes. I basically wrap up the conversation and finish my beer, and then ask for her phone number. She complies. A number close! Huzzah! It feels good, and at the same time it feels like it was always going to happen.

OK pause. I want to talk about faith. Faith isn’t something that we talk about much in today’s society, from my perspective that’s probably because it’s tied up in religion, but maybe also because it sounds like something wishy-washy and indistinct. But faith has always served me well. As Idlewild said, Hope (which is faith in the future) is important. If you want to do anything that you can’t do now you need to have faith.

You need to have faith that you have the physical capacities to do it. And short of flying or becoming a world champion in a sport that you’ve never competed in all your life, the chances are that you can.

There have been a few times in my life that stand out as times when I’ve used faith in myself to encourage myself to attain certain skills or achieve certain things that I’ve wanted to do, but haven’t ever done before. I learned to play guitar when I had no natural ability for it. It was extremely frustrating, but I got there.

Even more faith-related was when I was first in a band and writing songs (which I also had to learn) and then teaching the songs to the band so they could play it the way that I wanted them to. Of course, you heard something fantastic in your head, and then the bassist comes out with a completely different bass line, and the drum pattern isn’t how you want it to be, and it all sounds completely different. It’s frustrating as now you need to tell you friends what you want them to do, and they may not want to.

Well I had to have faith. Faith in more than one thing. I had to have faith that the other band members could do the song justice. They had to have faith that my vision would work (it might not after all). But above all I had to have faith in the process – that is, I had to know that over time as we practiced playing and arranging the song, that it would become something good. And it usually did.

As a side note we soon discovered as a band something called “second practice syndrome”. This refers to songwriting, where as a band we’d either just written through jamming, or had been taught a song. At the end of the first practice we’d all be playing it and thinking, fucking hell this sounds great! We’re totally awesome.

And then you’d come back to the next practice a week later, and you’d all be eager to play the song. And you’d play it, and it would sound shit. Like a piece of crud. And you’d think, “I thought this song was good, but now it’s shit. Maybe we were wrong. Let’s ditch this and write another.” But they were, all of them, deceived.

Because we’d lost the tightness, lost the subtleties of phrasing, lost the energy or whatever from the last practice. We had to have faith that we could make the song sound as good as it did the first time. And, of course, eventually we would get there.

So, then, faith. I’ve spent some frustrating nights out in the field. In fact, most of last year was shit when it came to sarging. What I now know, is that I had to make some quite simple lifestyle changes to make sure that my mind and body were in an acceptable condition to go out sarging. I was inadvertently fucking myself up in various ways. But thankfully travelling solved that, almost without trying.

Another thing I realised is that I had success, but it was inconsistent. I knew I could get lays and kisses and phone numbers, but it wasn’t something I could turn on at will. I had to go back to basics. I was using my random successes to protect me from my fear of failure and therefore not trying. I realised I wasn’t opening enough – I was allowing others to open for me, then I would join in the set.

So the start of this year was focussed on that. I got that handled. Then I always knew I ejected too early. That was and probably still is my main sticking point. I also knew that I was having boring conversations, so I needed to tease and joke around more, which I’ve always wanted to do anyway. So I did that. Touching (kino) is something that I sometimes still forget to do, which was the case here – when I said goodbye I should have kissed her on the cheek, but as I hadn’t been touching her it didn’t feel right. So I still need to do that more.

But I stuck in, I talked, we had fun and I took her phone number. All the pieces fell into place. And it didn’t feel like a big surprise. It felt normal. And I was happy.

And this is kind of where the night turned, and I know why. I rested on my laurels. I knew I had a phone number, so my work was sort of done, so my motivation dropped. What I now realise is the old part of me that didn’t like to open and was low energy and feared failure was allowed free reign once more as I’d given myself slack. I need to keep thinking about the next set if that happens again.

That’s not to say I didn’t open. I was hanging out with Jake (who had joined us) and he went to the bar to get a drink. I was standing there like a lemon in the middle of the room with no one to talk to. I turned round a there were a couple of girls right behind me. Proximity alert perhaps? Maybe. One was hot, the other wasn’t but a really nice person. “Hello,” I said. “You’re drinking rosé wine,” I astutely observed. And then we started talking about random shit as ever.

Shortly after Jake joined in and we all introduced ourselves. We kind of talked for a long while which was great as it meant that I wasn’t ejecting again. But then I kinda got bored and eventually after a good time, the girls left to go to another bar. Looking back now what I know we did wrong is that neither Jake nor I took the lead. I wasn’t really thinking about closing or escalating as I’d already got my number (I know, why wasn’t I getting more?) As Jake said afterwards, it was my set as I’d opened it, so I should have number closed the hot one – he didn’t as he believed (correctly) that it was my set. But I didn’t care. A missed opportunity as there was no reason not to get her number – I just wasn’t paying attention. Plus we need to improve our winging skills.

I don’t think I had any memorable interactions after that, and just before midnight I decided to take the tube home as I was feeling tired. Plus after my dry January whenever I drink beer I notice my clarity of thought diminishing. I prefer to sarge without alcohol.

Thoughts

Well this is the night that it all came together. I know one telephone number isn’t all that, and this all seems like a lot of hyperbole in that respect. And I always find it funny when people say “that was a SOLID NUMBER CLOSE!!!” when the only definition of a solid number close is if the girl responds to your text after the event – you can never tell at the time. But at least I took the number, and that’s a step forward. And it happened so easily, in a way. It was a learnt or a structured close, not a random, lucky one. I was reaping what I had sown. I had faith in the process.

First number close since New Year’s. Back of the net.

There Goes the Fear

2009-02-07T14:36:00.002Z

So Liam arranges a Brick Lane session again. I drive out there again even though I’m drinking. I think I now prefer sarging more or less sober as I’m more in control and can really experience what’s going on, calibrate and learn from it. I meet Liam and Jon in Exit and they are a bit low energy again. I try to enjoy myself, we’re here to have fun and I like to have fun. I guess this is self amusement. OK let’s pause.

Growing up in my twenties in London, I was more or less concerned with experiencing the hedonistic pleasures available for those that choose them. As you can probably guess alcohol and drugs played a large part in that. Also going out. I wanted to go out a lot. I had a saying, “If in doubt, always go out.” That’s because for a shy, insecure person like me, it was an effort. I remember the first time I went to a nightclub, and the sheer overwhelming fear and disorientation I experienced. But I stuck with it.

So I went out a lot. But I didn’t enjoy it. It seemed a bit of an effort. I tried to get my fun from other people. And I wasn’t getting that other bit of hedonism that I was mainly missing out on – sex. Insecurity about my seduction abilities also meant that I wasn’t enjoying myself when going out.

Things got really bad and I ended up addicted to drugs and clinically depressed. Luckily I managed to quite easily get myself out of that situation and back on track. I was in a flat share and every few months one flatmate would move out and another would join. An Aussie guy moved in, who also liked to go out, but, noticeably, had a lot of fun, and usually it only involved alcohol.

Anyway our senses of humour matched and we went out a lot. And then one day I noticed it. I was having fun. I was out in a bar (it was Elk Bar in Fulham, funnily enough), and I was actually having a good time. I was with good friends, some of whom were my flatmates. I didn’t care about seeking out drugs. I was drunk but not totally wasted. I didn’t really care about sex, but I was having fun. The epitome of “Don’t give a fuck.” And as any social artist will tell you everyone wants to be where the party’s at.

I got a couple of lays out of that period. The Aussie guy pulled a whole bunch of girls, though he frequently veered into “average quality” it was still better than nothing. And good practice, huh?

OK fast forward back to the main story. Going out sarging, like the night in Richmond, can be, for some people, a chore. It’s absolutely key, for me at least, to have fun. Now in the past I would have relied on other people to provide that. But these days I seem to be generating it more and more myself. Again it is the very essence of self-amusement. Frankly if I’m out on a weekend I want to fucking well enjoy myself. So I’ll find fun in anything and everything. Good music and a lively venue helps.

So despite the others walking their own path and being more chilled out, I made sure I was having fun. We went to Big Chill but it was filled mainly with guys. We stopped off briefly at Commercial Tavern but despite it having the best décor of any pub in the world, it’s not an easy place to meet random people, mainly as it’s so packed.

So we headed off to Cargo, a place that I’ve always loved and for me is probably the definitive original Shoreditch / Hoxton venue. It’s large, it plays cool music, there’s a lot of chicks and plenty of them are pretty hot.

Just after a while Jake arrives which is cool as we’ve not met in about six months and I had a lot of fun sarging with him last year. He reminded me of the random word opener game that we used to play, and the solid gold opener that came out of it: “Do you play Golf?” Awesome. We chat and catch up, I tell him how I rely on instant inspiration now for openers, though of course there’s a few that I end up using regularly – nationalities, situational are the main two. After all, that game was invented to learn the skill of inventing openers from seemingly useless situations.

To demonstrate I open the nearest girl I can find, easily a 7 Indian chick, who is texting. I use the dumping by text opener and I don’t get it quite right and it isn’t that smooth, but I have a chat anyway. I eject when her boyfriend returns…

Later I open a chubby chick on her own with a keyboard on her top – I ask her where the rest of the band is. We end up talking rubbish and by the time her friends arrive we’re doing David Attenborough impressions, which is actually quite hard in a noisy club…!

Later on we’re all standing next to a group of five pretty hot young looking chicks, who are all in party mode and enjoying themselves. Pretty much a hard set to open, but I go and do it anyway. It goes pretty badly but I stick in there just chatting lines to see if there’s a reaction. I think I start to turn the situation around a bit but then I eject.

Afterwards I find out that Jon had just opened them. Plus it looked like a lot of guys were sheepishly hanging around nearby. A tough set, but at least I did it. I should have stuck in there to see if they were up to my standard …

Jake then suggests we open two dyed blond girls that were fairly cute and whom Jake had spoken to earlier in the coat queue. As we approach them I actually get distracted by a girl sitting next to them and open her instead. She was wearing smooth black leggings so I ask her if she sprayed them on. We joke about how to wear them and I get to touch her legs and get things a bit sexual by talking about smearing her legs with oil… Anyway I jump out of that after a bit and rejoin Jake.

I chat shit about them being sisters given their hair and some random rubbish related to that. Anyway after a bit we eject and end up watching the band (the amusing Ou est le Swimming Pool?) for a bit. When we go to leave there I notice that the blond girls are standing behind us. Proximity factor set to full? Aye-aye, cap’n!

Jake has to go and we find the others in the coat queue. We leave, Jake goes home, the rest of us head off to Light Bar but it’s pretty empty. I open a girl in a large group that look like they’re having a lot of fun by asking them what they’re celebrating. Turns out that two of them are returning to Australia. I talk to one of them about the weather and sun. For some reason we start talking about Prince Charles. “You’re hotter than he is,” she says with a gleam in her eye. Wow. That makes me feel good. Unfortunately she’s not that hot. But still. Ego boost!

After that Liam leaves and Jon and I go to Big Chill for one last set. We have to jump over a table to get in as the bouncers are taking ages to throw some big guys out. Jon opens a large group of young girls, but they’re a bit closed off. They look barely 18. Fresh meat.

Jon challenges me to open two seated girls near us, one of which was pretty but plain, if that makes sense. Can’t remember what opener I use but my deliver isn’t that smooth and it goes OK but it’s not getting better. I eject.

Afterwards I notice a girl eyeing me up and I look directly back. She keeps looking at me. Another ego boost – though again she’s not that hot so I don’t approach. And that’s pretty much our night.

Thoughts

To quote Paul McCartney, “It’s getting better all the time.” Opening even more sets and staying in for slightly longer each day. Opening feels like fun. I’m having fun with the girls. They’re loving it. I can feel it, I can taste the future. I honestly can. I told Jon how happy I was feeling as we left last night, and I mean it.

I’m starting to see consistent progress and results. And again yes, objectively I’m not closing or getting laid, but it really is a case of one step at a time for me.

I’m now starting to see where I eject from sets and why I’m doing it, which basically boils down to if I stay in set I’ll fuck it up. Which is of course completely self-sabotaging. I can now feel myself pushing against that barrier. I’ve seen myself stay in sets that aren’t doing well, and manage to start turning them around. After all shit tests and the like are there to see how much of a man you are. They’re there to judge where your inner game is at. If you’re going to take this on, you’re going to have to be the kind of man who can take this on. It’s a koan, deal with it. And that’s also great. Because these challenges change you. Improve you. Make you better. I’m probably feeling more confident now than I have at any other time in my life, and it feels awesome.

Yes

2009-02-07T14:34:00.001Z

So after the not-that-successful experiment of Richmond we decide to return to the familiar territory of Brick Lane. I’m feeling tired from the late night before, and not really in state. We start off at Big Chill.

I need to change my state. There’s a below average girl standing near me who looks like she wants to be opened. That looks like a good warm up. I chat to her and she’s into it, as I suspected. However she’s getting full on and seriously not hot so I have to eject and walk to another part of the bar!

That’ll do for a start. Then there’s another below average drunk chick that’s eyeing me up as well. I’ve started to notice this more and more lately – I’m getting eyed up by girls more often. Albeit not always the hottest girls…

A bit later and I spot a hot chick and think about opening her. She’s in a mixed group and they’re high energy, having a highly animated conversation. I start to experience negative thoughts: “I’ll be disrupting their good time.” “They’re not going to want me to talk to them.” I decide to go and do it anyway.

I go in with a high energy, and a commanding presence that I’ve been developing and seems to be working well, ever since Goa. I open with nationality and chat to them about random stuff, about India. Girls love India, they all want to go there, mmm, spirituality. It goes well. I eject and think about opening them later (I don’t get the chance).

Later on Liam challenges me to a set. I see that one of them is texting and I catch the word “wee” in the message. I open on nationality, “Are any of you Scottish? I saw you and thought one of you were,” with the commanding presence again. Turns out the one texting isn’t Scottish, but one of the others was. I chat with them high energy and get them laughing. It works well again and though they’re nice girls from Scotland / Northern Ireland they’re only average looking so I eject.

We move to Light Bar, but there aren’t many sets. Pete starts another challenge in a hilarious way, running off to be first to open a set. I decide I may as well join in, for the practice. I open a set with the bar opener. Even though one of the girls is German, for some reason my Aufhebene Fähigkeiten (leet skillz) weren’t working today.

We call it a night after that and head home for my first beer since new years. I have a good night’s sleep.

Thoughts

Lots of sets opened. Check. Get them laughing and tease them. Yep, more or less. High energy. Check. Feeling confident. Check. Touching. More or less. Staying in set longer. Well a little bit, yes, but though I’m not sticking in for long periods of time (only a few minutes currently) I can feel the way forward now, and I can see that I’ll be staying in set longer and longer. And closing. And fucking. It feels good.

A Dearth of Targets and an Impromptu House Party

2009-01-31T15:31:00.000Z

So I meet up with Liam and Pete in Richmond as it seems right to try out something new. Padraig and later Arran turn up and join us too.

I have broken one of my Resolutions by getting stoned before going out but then hey, it’s my first week back in work and it seemed a good enough reason to celebrate, seeming as I still haven’t had a drink all year and I then had two weekend nights left before I could drink again, damn fate toying with my emotions.

Anyway despite that I was more or less clearheaded in terms of game at least, thinking and feeling as good as I did sober which never used to be the case.

So we head out to the bars and pretty much everywhere in Richmond was either empty or full of blokes and ugly chicks. After bar hopping the whole place we decide to move to Fulham to see what’s happening there.

Turns out that it’s mainly the same, with the exception of the evergreen Elk (and I guess the Slug, though there’s no point in going there – for me at least). We hang in the Elk a bit and the energy of the group is completely dead. I’m dancing a bit to try and keep my energy up as much as I can but it’s not rubbing off on the others at all.

While everyone’s choding out in the corner, I spot a hot chick sitting on her own at the corner of the table. She was pretty much you’re textbook hot blonde Aussie chick, good body, pretty face, comfortably a 7 if not more. She was the hottest girl in the place from where I was standing. I had to open her.

I went up and started with “You look like you’ve lost your friends.”
She said, “Nah, they’re just at the bar getting served.”
“OK cool. Well you can hire me to be your friend for a few minutes.”

We then talked random stuff for a few minutes. It was so random that I didn’t know what the conversation was about. Mainly because I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. Funnily enough despite that she was laughing a bit and seemed to be cool with the situation. However I finally stalled out as I had no idea what was going on and she got a bit distant.

I think she was actually with a guy though I was unsure whether they were friends or sordid lovers. Could have asked.

So it was back to hanging with the guys. Someone sipped their drink. Someone let out a sigh. Another had a thousand yard stare. Yeah baby, we were on fire.

The dancefloor was encroaching towards us and soon enough there was a group of girls gyrating sensually a couple of feet away. There was a group of four with one fat, one average, one hot and another I can’t remember in it. I can’t remember what I opened with but got chatting to the average one.

She was Portuguese and couldn’t speak English so well. At first I was unsure whether she was just putting it on, and she had the kind of comedy foreigner accent that an English speaker would use. But she actually was foreign scum. I chatted to her for a bit and then the hot girl started dancing with her to kinda drag her away (a cockblock shit test perhaps?) and so I ejected.

After that we moved position and took our circle of fun to another part of the bar. There, we all stood around looking at stuff. I tried dancing for my energy levels, but it looked even more incongruous than normal now that we weren’t at the edge of the dancefloor.

We moved on from there though I think that was a mistake. It was the only full place around that had girls in it. Yes most of them were on the dancefloor but we have to make those kind of situations work for us. We can’t keep on making excuses about having the “right situation.” You’ve got to take the situation as it comes and make it work for you as best you can. Plus, I like to dance!

After splitting the group and bouncing around another range of bars, we ended up in Suburban which is kind of a hidden rough diamond. It’s not big and it’s not stylish but you tend to get a group of people in there having fun, and a fair proportion of girls.

We walked to an area where there were some people dancing. I tried my high energy opening-a-set-on-the-dancefloor opener that I first invented and used on the fly in Bangkok when I was slowly getting myself in state. “Hey, you guys look like you’re the ones having the most fun in the club!” I said with an arm round the shoulder of one or two of them and joining in the dance. There was more chat about how awesome everyone was and I high fived one of the girls.

Strangely I felt self-conscious about my dancing so didn’t hang with them on the dancefloor. After that we pretty much happily choded away by the side of the dancefloor. Liam went and did a set, which I think was his third for the night. Pete I hadn’t seen open, nor the other two guys.

Thoughts Part I

I think tonight was abetted by a few factors. (1) there weren’t that many women or hot women in the venues we went to, except maybe one. (2) It was a group of five we should have split to smaller groups. (3) Of the five, almost all of us were low energy. That’s chodesville by default.

For my part, I’d opened three sets. I seem to be opening more high energy at the moment, which I think is good for me and gets me into state too. I’m very conscious that I’m plateauing at the moment, opening and ejecting soon after. I think I stuck in set a bit longer this time than before, but only by a tiny amount. Also, I’m not worried that I’m plateauing. I mean in one way when you think, hey, I’ve had one night stands before and I’ve had girlfriends, so I know how to do this so I should be doing it all the time. But thinking like that only leads you to ask why you aren’t doing that, which focuses too much on your weaknesses.

I prefer to think that yeah I’ve done it before, but the lack of consistency means that the methods aren’t subconsciously written into my system yet. Plus in this game every set has it’s own unique set of circumstances, and once it a while it all aligns successfully with your skills and assets. You need experience to deal with the variety of situations, and consciously codify it in some way so that you know what works.

Secondly, this is often more about delivery not content, i.e. it doesn’t matter about the content of the method, that’s a crutch to hang your belief that this can be solved. But really you don’t need to method, you just need the belief. Easier said than done. But it’s worth bearing in mind, and also means that you don’t have to worry about whether the method is correct. That’s a glib comment and not universally true, but has some truth in it.

Thirdly, most of your learning is done on the plateau. If I look back to my last plateau, I was going out sarging a lot, but I got into a pattern of essentially not really opening at all. Maybe one set a night. Looking back now I can see that I would often rely on my wings to open a set and then I would join in. So I was talking but I wasn’t opening. Also I was fucking up my game in other ways, like getting stoned or too tired from exercise like a hardcore swimming session, which both killed my game.

When I went travelling I subconsciously reflected on this and realised the few changes that I needed to make. I had to change parts of my lifestyle slightly so that I had the best chance I could of being up for sarging. I needed to force myself out of my comfort zone and open, something I’d always known but hadn’t pushed myself to do. And other things but these are the most relevant factors.

Now I’m on a new plateau, opening and starting a conversation, but not staying in set and ejecting too soon afterwards. I need, once again, to go outside my comfort zone and stay in set as long as I can.

I guess with this the belief that’s holding me back is that if I stay in set I’ll end up just standing there looking bored, boring the girl and choding out. So I need to focus on forcing myself to stay in set and forcing myself to talk. And then focus on talking in a way that will achieve my goal: creating attraction, creating comfort and seducing her or closing her. I’m so focussed on how I’m coming across it’s taking up all my mental energy, which I could otherwise direct at seduction.

Back to the Report

So I drove home and dropped Pete off, only to find there was an impromptu mini-house party going on at home. To set the scene: There were three of my flat mates, about four of their various friends, and my German Chef neighbour. They were all drunk and half were doing coke. I was hanging in one room with Chef and a few others.

In the kitchen there was my female flatmate and one of her friends was this cute English chick who had a very pretty face and a sexy petite body as well. She was all cute and giggly and like a little ball of fun.

Anyway she was in the kitchen and then at one point she comes into the living room saying that her mate had told her to come in here (plausible deniability anyone?) . Now there’s me and Chef on one sofa, and my other flatmate on another. Where does she sit? Right in between me and Chef. Automatic touching (kino) from her as she’s right next to me (and Chef).

She then proceeds to talk about random drunk chick stuff and I chime in as best I can. But I don’t currently deal with these situations well. A girl is very subtly coming on to me and I need to escalate, but I’m in a room of people and there’s a lot of self-generated social pressure.

Somehow it gets worse as my flatmate and I start talking about loads of stats to do with space and supersonic travel (I mean, crick crack at it’s finest, huh?). It was never going to help. After a while her friend came and took her away.

Thoughts Part II

I should have cut the threads and gone into comfort and teasing. Or shown her my “sausage collection” in my room.

This has been a long report.

I Think it Would Be Funny to Take Your Girl…

2009-01-26T12:37:00.002Z

So I didn’t even go sarging last night. But I had a couple of experiences that are relevant for game. I basically went out for a meal with my neighbours. To set the scene, I was hanging out with my mate Chef, who is my neighbour, and his flatmate Aussie Guy who is also a friend invited me to join them for a meal in Fulham. So it was me, Chef, Aussie Guy, his girlfriend Yank, and three more of his friends – a couple and another guy.

We’re out having the meal and doing usual chat. The last time we were all out we were watching the American Football play-offs (the semi-final for the SuperBowl). Yank’s team were playing and though she’s normally a cool, easy going, fun chick, when she watches her team play football she amusingly turns into foul-mouthed white trash, swearing like a trouper at the screen and getting really wound up. It’s hilarious. “You don’t get paid $20 million a year to drop the fucking ball!” was one memorable quote. Her team lost.

So that was last week and it transpires that Aussie Guy said that he thought that me and another of his flatmates (French Guy) were offended by her behaviour. Well I can’t speak for French Guy but I thought it was funny and certainly no problem. In fact I think it was really Aussie Guy who was offended. So Aussie Guy asked her not to do that again.

So as me and Aussie Guy always have a bit of banter I thought I’d take him to task on this, or rather, let him know that I wasn’t offended (thereby undermining his argument) and said that I hoped we could watch American Football together again one day because it was fun.

Looking back on it, it all looks a bit underhand from my part! But I did honestly want to watch American Football with them again, so that was authentic. Anyway so at one point when I wasn’t speaking to anyone I decided to cut a thread that Aussie Guy was having and let him know the situation. Can’t remember where it went but the basic idea was that he understood my message.

Anyway this is all just a set up for later.

Later on in the meal we were trying to work out where the waitress was from as she had an unusual accent. “I though you were going to ask her,” said Aussie Guy. Sounds a bit like a challenge to open a set, doesn’t it? So when the waitress was next at our table I asked her straight up, “So where are you from?”

Turns out she was from Brazil, but had been in London for eight years. She was about a 6.5-7 by the way. So after I asked her where she was from I then kept her in conversation for a minute or two. But near in mind that the whole table had stopped speaking to listen to the conversation that only me and her were having. So that’s two strangers having a normal conversation, being watched by six other people. And all of them are thinking “Are they flirting with each other?” Well that last bit’s a guess on my part, but it felt like that. But the main point is that there was a lot of social pressure, and I was handling it.

After she walked away someone actually made a comment about me chatting her up (can’t remember the exact words). So I said “Yeah, it’s gotta be done.” There was a lot of secret admiration from the guys (again a guess on my part but you know…)

Anyway fast forward to the end of the meal and we’re in hell. Or should I say The Slug in Fulham. On Australia Day. You can imagine the scene – a bar crammed full of drunk Australians behaving like idiots. It’s not as bad as I feared actually but thankfully we only stay for one drink (though I don’t drink of course as it’s January).

Anyway while we’re there and Aussie Guy’s at the bar, Yank comes up to me and says that girl who just walked past goosed her. “What did she do?” I asked.

“She goosed me,” she said
“What, so she copped a feel?” I wanted to direct the conversation more sexual. One of my current aims.
“Well, she grabbed my ass”
“How?” and Yank reached round and grabbed a handful of my ass.
“Oh, so it was like this,” and I reached round and pretended to grab her ass (I didn’t actually touch her, but we were both thinking about it). “Well at least she didn’t grab your boobs,” I said, and then mimed doing that as well.

I can’t remember what she said after that but she leaned in and said something into my ear. As she did this she put her hand inside my jacket and hoodie, and touched me on the side of my torso. She liked touching me.

I left it there. A few minutes later we were all talking about something else, and again she leaned in to say something to me. This time we were standing right next to each other, she drew me in with a hand on my shoulder, and I just stood there as our chests had the slightest of touches. Then I drew in my hips and we touched there as well. There was a lot of sexual tension. And we were standing right in front of Aussie Guy. It had to stop. I was kind of pushing it to see how far it would go. All of us were thinking “Is this being friendly, or flirting? When’s Aussie Guy going to get pissed off?”

Anyway that was all that happened there. I think they did have words after Chef and I left. I’m not going to go back there as I don’t want to piss my friends and neighbours off, but it was an interesting experience and lesson.

Then when I was back at Chef’s flat (next door to mine) I was hanging out in their living room and their other flatmate Fresh-off-the-Boat Oriental Aussie Chick, or FOB for short, was in the living room. A bit of history:

Shortly after FOB moved in, she basically initiated sex with Chef when they were both drunk and watching a movie in his room. Since then they’ve kinda been fucking on and off, but Chef’s just using it for occasional sex, and she kinda fancies Chef and I think basically wants to bang his brains out all the time as well as being affectionate towards him. She’s always doing favours for him and is currently trying to arrange a weekend away to Hamburg with him, even paying for his (£10) flights. Needy? He doesn’t want to have a relationship with her.

So anyway people come in and out and eventually it’s just me and her in the living room. I’m watching Skins on TV and we’re not talking when she starts a conversation with me. At first it’s just normal stuff, but then I realise I can practice my teasing with her, as that’s something that I’m working on at the moment as well. So I start to tease her.

Again I can’t really remember what it’s about or what I say, but I basically just play around with her. She’s loving it and laughing her head off. I think I do a good job of it.

Later on, Chef and I are in his room getting stoned and playing Guitar Hero. I’m celebrating my new job with weed as I can’t get drunk. And Yank and FOB come and join us. FOB partly because she wants to flirt with Chef, who doesn’t give a shit and it totally unreactive. Which of course makes FOB work harder for it.

Anyway I’m focussing on playing Guitar Hero so don’t make much of the situation. And that’s all there is to relate.

Thoughts

Well there were a lot of unexpected game-related experiences on this evening, and the interesting thing is that I didn’t go out explicitly to try these things out, they all happened in the moment. Which is great, as it means that it’s becoming a more natural part of my behaviour.

And they all went off successfully. There was a bit of alphaness and standing up for what I believe in, and being a fun guy (American Football). There was coping with social pressure (Waitress). There was kino and sexual escalation (in The Slug). And there was teasing (FOB).

A productive night.

I Take Two Steps Forward, You Take Two Steps Back

2009-01-25T11:16:00.000Z

So arrangements are made to meet Liam and Peter in Hoxton. My flatmate is meeting a friend in a bar nearby so I bring her along with me. We’re a bit late but I eventually meet them in Ziegfried. While my flatmate’s there it’s a bit hard to open as (a) I have to look after her a bit – I can’t cut conversation and open as that will just look weird and (b) my flatmates know nothing about this and I don’t want them too in case they think it’s a bit lame (one of my flatmates is a super-natural).

Funnily at one point my flatmate asks me how I know Peter and Liam. “Oh, I met them on an internet forum about how you learn to pick up chicks. Yes, I’m 32 and still lame at that!” No, I didn’t say that – I used my normal line of how I met them through another friend, which always seems to work.

Anyway after a while her friend turns up and she happens to be a hot Indian chick. Interesting! I’ll have to ask her to invite her around sometime! Shortly afterwards they both leave and we’re left to our own devices. The venue’s pretty crowded but there’s not many chicks, and they generally aren’t that hot. Oh yeah, an old work colleague was there. Liam points to the set that she’s in, but no, probably not a good idea to open them I think!

So upstairs is pretty crap so Liam and I head downstairs while Pete’s in set. I spot a group of four girls looking at me – I’m wearing a mildly interesting shirt so I guess they’re looking at that (well. either that, or how amazingly hot I am…!). It’s enough of a MASSIVE IOI for me to go and approach them. “Hi” I say, as I haven’t really thought of an opener, and don’t really need to since I know they’ve been looking at me.

I approach with a smile on my face and good confidence and that’s all I need to se the tone of the interaction, and they respond positively.

Again I don’t really remember what I say after that but we have a chat, we talk about my shirt (they confirm that they were looking at it) and I get to know them. Liam joins and as I introduce him to them it kind of blows the set apart and I’m left talking to Liam! Oh well.

I then spend the next few minutes trying to get Liam to open. It doesn’t work. Shortly afterwards Pete rejoins us and we decide to move on.

We go to Light and although there’s a fair few people there, there aren’t many obvious sets. Pete opens some drunk girls and seems to have a good interaction with them. But nothing’s taking my fancy. Then Grieg calls and he ends up joining us.

Once he’s here we of course get into our ridiculous banter and that’s good fun but there’s no sarging. Liam decides to go home, and given that there aren’t many options in the venue we go to the Big Chill again.

When we arrive there, Grieg immediately goes into a set of guys (…!) and Pete ends up talking to SuperLanks and his girlfriend (as well as another girl who he games I think) and I’m left on my own.

For some reason my state has completely crashed. Everyone seems to be chatting except me, and I start to feel like shit. I look around for a set to open but I can’t see anything and can’t seem to find the motivation. I’m totally in my head and it’s an unwelcome reminder of how I was before, and how I imagine Liam is at the moment. Damn, it’s annoying.

Anyway I need to do something and Grieg’s flatmates plus some friends are here as well, so I start talking to one of them, who turns out to be a friend of Grieg’s Aussie flatmate.

Grieg’s flatmates are pretty cool and I’ve always sort of felt intimidated by them, which is totally my belief and not reality. I always deal with these situations by trying to make friends with them so as to disprove my belief. So that’s exactly what I do. I have a chat with Sam, Greig’s ex-flatmate who is a fairly hot chick. I have a good convo with her though she’s high energy and I’m not as much. I briefly talk to his Argentian flatmate and then finally to the Aussie guy, who it turns out works in the same industry as me.

I’ve heard Greig talk about him before as he’s pretty “alpha,” and he is: tall, good looking and peacocked with fashionable dress and a crazy Shoreditch haircut. Nevertheless I have a chat with him and it’s all good.

By then it’s time to go home so I say goodbye to the people I’ve just made friends with and make a move. A partial recovery from my unexpected state crash.

Thoughts

I think we were a bit unlucky tonight as there weren’t that many sets to open.

However more importantly I started off the evening fairly well but then (strangely after bantering with Grieg for a while) my state completely evaporated and I couldn’t open. I felt intimidated by the people around me, I felt low value and afraid of getting blown out.

I couldn’t snap straight out of it so I did the next best thing – talked to people to oil the wheels of sociability. It was better than nothing.

Looking back on it I find it hard to understand why I was like that, I haven’t been like that for a while. I guess it’s like investing money, your net worth may increase over time but sometimes you’ll have days where it goes down. The next time it won’t be like that.

Many a Hand Has Scaled the Grand Old Face of the Plateau

2009-01-24T11:34:00.001Z

So I was hired for a new job today which is cool. It obviously put me in a good mood, and I had a huge desire to celebrate by going on the piss big time, but I’d sworn not to drink in January, so the first of Feb’s going to be a big night…

Anyway I meet up with Grieg, Jon and Liam in Brick Lane. Grieg gays out big time as he needs to find a job or something. Priorities, priorities…! Anyway, it’s me, Jon and Liam.

So we go to Big Chill to start with. One thing I’ve noticed about myself recently is that when I go into a venue nowadays, I do it with my head held high, with a smile on my face and with a relaxed air about me. It’s projecting a calm confidence from within. I can remember years ago when I first went out to clubs and the whole experience would be a stimulus overload and not really very enjoyable. I’d just be wallowing around in my own insecurities and limiting beliefs.

It’s like even recently I didn’t like going to bars where the music was really loud. But so what? There’s not much I could do about it so I have to accept it. There’s a phrase I find I’m using a lot which is “I’ve got to make it work for me.” Every time there’s a problem or something I don’t like that I can’t change, I ask myself how can I make this work for me? (i.e. Acceptance)

In loud clubs it’s simple, you’ve got to talk louder and I have to lean in more as I can’t hear what people are saying. Some people see leaning in as a bad thing, but I don’t have a choice so I’m not going to worry about that. I’ll just have to use other areas of game to make up for it (if it is a problem, which I’m not convinced it is anyway).

Another thing is that if you look at people’s faces in clubs, a lot of them (though not all) are looking annoyed, angry, frustrated, aggressive, generally negative. And before, when I saw them, I would for some reason take it personally. Similarly if someone was having fun or a guy was really good looking, I’d feel insecure that I was having as much fun or wasn’t as good looking and take it personally again. It seems ridiculous in retrospect but there you are. Now if I see someone looking angry or hot (or both), I feel the force of their emotion directed towards me, or the response that almost automatically appears, and then feel how it has absolutely no effect on my core inner self. This isn’t a confidence thing (though that is a by-product). In a way, however much you destroy the ego there’s always “you” underneath, and that can never be affected.

So I walk in happy, at peace, excited, feeling good, and with some energy. I’m sure the coke (a-cola) helps too. Just after we walk in Liam suggests pushing me into set. Without really thinking about it I go for a wander to look for someone to open through my own volition. A few paces away there’s a group of girls dancing in an unusual way to the dub music that’s playing – it looks like they’re dancing in slow motion.

“Is this the slow motion dancing area?” I ask. I can’t really remember what they say in response but we start talking. The girl is very warm and friendly, and she’s actually “initiated kino” or rather, is standing so close to me that our arms are touching. I maintain the contact as I find out that she and her friends are from Colombia and that she’s a fashion student. We chat for a bit and then I eject. Oh yeah, she was really hot, a comfortable 8 and would be a 9 if she lost a few pounds. One of her friends was a 9…

I meet up again with Liam and Jon and we chat for a bit. As I leave the set I notice one other hot girl in a different group blatantly check me out – social proof. We move around and where we end up there’s a group of girls standing nearby us and I’m sort of waiting for either of the other guys to open them. This is a bit silly as once again I’m kind of more concerned about other people that myself. Too much of a nice guy I guess.

Anyway they don’t open so I decide to. I see that one of the girls has something written on her hand so I go up to her and say “Hey, I wanted to know what’s written on your hand.” It’s probably one of the lamest openers ever but as anyone who knows anything about this game will tell you, it’s not the content but the delivery that matters.

Anyway it says “I pay for sex” on her hand, which is interesting. I respond with “That’s cool, as I’m quite strapped for cash myself.” She laughs a bit and we start to have a chat. I stay in there for a bit and then eject again (I know…).

I rejoin the others and walk through the bar again. As I walk past the Colombians I high five the one I was talking to. We go outside and Jon opens someone briefly. I chat to Liam and Jon about my current thoughts on approaching and limiting beliefs, hopefully to encourage them. Main point: it doesn’t matter if you get blown out, and in fact that’s a good thing (Investment in Loss etc.).

We head to the Commercial Tavern which is a nice cool venue with great décor and crockery on the wall, as you do. As I walk past two girls one comments on the other’s dress. “Not bad” I say as I walk past. We exchange a few words but I don’t stay there for long. We go up stairs and again I try to encourage the others to open but nothing happens.

We go to Home and Industry but they’re both pretty empty. We go to Light which is quite busy. Liam opens someone with the fancy dress opener. I do the same though the girls are Essex slappers and a bit stupid so it doesn’t go anywhere.

I open someone at the bar while ordering drinks with “Are you drinking Sambuca?” This is the amount of thought that goes into my openers these days. After a while there aren’t really any more sets to open so we decide to return to Big Chill.

We grab some seats and Jon gets me to open a girl next to me about another girl in the bar who is bravely wearing some bright leopard skin print leggings. They have been looking at the same girl and we have a joke about that. Somehow we get into a chat about India and I tell her about where I’ve been, and even show her a video of the Thar Desert that I have on my phone. The girl is from South Africa and has a very pretty face. I could have number closed her but I didn’t. She was with her aunt, though that’s just a detail and has no impact on the game situation.

That was pretty much it for the night.

Thoughts

I felt great and confident and I felt that I had opened more sets than I actually did. I’m opening like a breeze and I’m still quite surprised with how easy I’m finding it. I open with the simplest things, usually the first thing that comes into my head, and the rest is taken care of by the delivery and body language.

The bad points are that I’m still ejecting far too early and usually still sticking to normal conversational topics. I need to get blown out after the opener as it were.

I need to not care about whether the other guys are opening, they are old enough to look after themselves. They did open eventually after all. They also need to be a bit more high energy and enjoying themselves. Hey, everyone’s a critic.

I really wanted to fuck the Colombian girl in white, and probably the one in blue as well. I could have tried.

Glass Onion

2009-01-22T13:43:00.000Z

So I had lunch yesterday with a girl I met in Goa. She’s really fun and hot, but I’m already in the friends zone with her I think. Still, it will be good to have a hot chick as a friend that I can invite out to various functions and use as social proof and a pivot. Cynical, eh? She’s good fun to be around as well. And I guess she likes my company.

So after the lame weekend I know I need to go sarging again. Wednesday is probably my best chance for mid-week game this week. I toyed with the idea of inviting Jake out to Salsa as I haven’t met with him for ages. Then Liam texts me to ask if I’m up for going out tonight, so I take the path of least resistance, suggest Salsa to him and we go for it.

I arrive later than planned due to parking problems, but it’s OK. We’ve missed the start of the 8 o’clock class so we hang by the bar. Nearby there’s a girl standing on her own with her back to us. It’s a prime opening opportunity. I think about it for a bit, have a few twangs of nervousness and then go for it. I ask her why she’s not dancing. She missed the start of the class too.

We start having a pretty normal conversation and I introduce her to Liam. She’s pretty average looking, not ugly at all but not hot either. Conversation, conversation, conversation. Nothing sexual.

At one point an old work colleague called Antonio comes up and speaks to me. I have a good catch up with him, which was cool.

After a while it’s time for our dancing lesson. It all comes back to me pretty easily. I try talking to the girls as we partner up. It’s not easy, as you’re trying to learn the steps, sensing the girl’s movements and reactions, and then holding a conversation too. I exchange a few words with most of them. There are two hot girls. One I find out later has a boyfriend with her, the other is the instructor. Boy, her ass can move.

The instructor compliments me on my dancing. I like. At one point I squeeze her hand and she squeezes back. Hmm. I never see her again after the lesson. Would have been interesting to have tried to game her!

After that we wander about a bit looking for sets. There are a lot of guys here and most of the girls are with partners. There’s one table of about twelve girls in the restaurant. There’s a box with an inflated condom in it. Situational opener, yah? “What’s all this about?” I ask. Turns out it’s a hen party, obvious in retrospect. The girls ask me to bite a sweet off her bracelet, so I oblige and they take photos while I do it.

The set isn’t hooking so much, so I eject. I could have forced myself to stay in though, indeed I could have locked in by just grabbing a chair, sitting down and talking to them. Comfort zones … failure …

We scout about a bit more looking for girls. We think about leaving. As we’re walking up the stairs I spot two girls standing by the side. They’re hot. One of them looks at me and I detect a slight (i.e. MASSIVE) IOI. We walk up the stairs and I think about going back to open them. I look to see where they are and one of them clocks me directly checking them out. A second later and that girl is dancing with some other guy, leaving the second girl on her own. I have to open her. I head down.

I ask her if she doesn’t have anyone to dance with. She mishears it as though I’m asking her to dance. That’ll work too. We start to salsa but I’m more interested in talking to her. Plus we’re not gelling in the dancing area and eventually stop.

Turns out she’s German and, with the brief few phrases I squeeze out, she thinks I’m German too. But it’s normal conversation time once again. I think I’ve found my next sticking point after opening. Anyway eventually the conversations stalls and I leave. She was a good 7.5 incidentally.

Thoughts

I was opening well when the opportunity presented itself. Opening is less of a problem now. Also I was opening when I was in the middle of talking to Liam, which was a problem I had before. I do feel a bit guilty ditching a friend to open girls, but hey, that’s why we’re here. And I’m sure we’re all old enough not to be offended. I hope.

So the next problem is the attraction / comfort / seduction sequence. I kind of presume attraction anyway (perhaps falsely). Comfort is kind of OK, though it’s perhaps not as good as it could be. I need to focus on the connection more. Then seduction is kind of non-existent.

Talk to Liam about this afterwards he mentions that a video we recently saw suggests talking about normal stuff while having a sexual subcommunication. I should try to work on this. I guess I fear coming across as creepy. I need to discard that limiting belief. I also fear getting it wrong and getting blown out. Comfort zones again. Get used to failure. The same thing in a different area.

Lame-Ass Weekend

2009-01-18T17:29:00.001Z

Well I’m a bit disappointed in myself. The two most important days for sarging – Friday and Saturday – have gone to waste? How?

Well on Friday I didn’t get much sleep the previous night. In fact I was so tired I even had a snooze in the afternoon, such is the luxury of my current lifestyle. However it didn’t solve the problem and I still felt like crap.

Despite that though I arranged to meet up with Pete at Jewel as I fancied a change from a Hoxton weekend. By the time I arrived they had started charging at the door – a mere £10. Well I didn’t fancy that frankly, and luckily Pete agreed to go somewhere else.

We met up with another guy called James I think, who at 20 was a fair bit younger than both of us. We went to a couple of places – Waxy O’Connor’s , Cocoon (which looks good for a day 2) – but nothing was grabbing us.

Although I should mention something that happened for the brief time we were in Waxy’s. James had done off to check the price for On Anon, I went to the loo while Pete waited in the bar. When I returned Pete was talking to two girls. Not having thought of anything to say and not being in a gaming mood I just stood there and said “Hello,” with a slightly ironic Michael Stipe-type grin (watch Tourfilm to get an idea what I mean). A couple of seconds later I though, “Well, I better talk to these people or I’ll look odd,” so I started talking to the girl nearest me.

She had black hair and bright blue eyes, with a pretty beautiful face. Though later Pete told me that he didn’t rate her at all, I thought she was strikingly beautiful. Although a bit flat chested, but you can’t have everything.

So I had a brief conversation with her. Turns out she was an au pair from Macedonia (also know as FYROM) which must be the first Macedonian chick I have met. Anyway we spoke briefly before the girls, who were on their way out anyway, said goodbye. As my girl walked away she held eye contact with me for longer than was necessary. She seemed to be saying to me “I want to meet you again,” or, “Take my number.” Or perhaps “Fuck me now.” It was a split second thing though and I didn’t manage to capitalise on the situation, so it passed.

So anyway Pete, James and I ended up in the queue for Digress. I’m not a massive fan of that place, it’s a bit average. I was toying with the idea of ducking out, going home and leaving Pete and James to get on with it when James said he was going to meet up with a mate and go to On Anon, leaving me with Pete. Well now if I went home I’d leave Pete on his own, and I asked him directly and he didn’t want to sarge on his own, so I felt compelled to stay with him.

So we went in a bought a drink (a Coke of course). There were a fair few girls in there, though the majority were in mixed sets and it seemed hard to open. Though almost all of them were distinctly average, with not much that made me excited. So Pete and I drank and chatted about everything, and didn’t open.

I had convinced myself by this stage that I wasn’t going to open anything that night as I wasn’t in the mood for it. But looking back I really could have. After drinking the Coke I wasn’t feeling that bad, and I could and should have opened. What was that about comfort zones…?

So we went home after that, and it was particularly lame. From not having been in the mood to open, and then probably being able to but convincing myself not, it was a distinctly poor night.

So then, Saturday.

Well I didn’t receive any calls from anyone, and I didn’t bother to send any texts either, so I didn’t arrange anything. It looks like everyone was doing their own thing anyway, and it probably would have been hard to find a wing.

So when my neighbour called and suggested we have an evening of getting stoned and playing Guitar Hero the decision was easy. It was good though as he’s a chef and I convinced him to cook me a pasta dish (he doesn’t usually like to cook on his days off), which was good for him as otherwise he would have spent £10 on take out and the total cost for both of us was £5 exactly. And he’s got no cash. So it was win-win.

Other than that, when I play Guitar Hero I always think how similar it is to pick up – learning a new skill and all that. I might write a post on that some day.

What Immortal Hand or Eye…

2009-01-16T12:52:00.001Z

So I’m all set for a night playing Guitar Hero and getting stoned with my neighbour when I get a text from Nav, suggesting we go out again tonight. Well, I’ve gotta say yes, so I do. It’s too easy to stay in. Needless to say, I manage to get in a bit of rocking and smoking before I have to make my dinner.

That isn’t necessarily a good thing, as if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from my escapades last year, it’s that getting stoned and then going out to chat to girls is like tar and feathers – they shouldn’t be mixed. However I stopped smoking a while before I went out so I wasn’t too stoned anyway. And in case you’re wondering, I fucking rock at Guitar Hero.

Anyway so I drive into town and eventually find a parking space in St. James’s Square. I meet Nav in Tiger Tiger, and today it’s a lot busier than it was on Tuesday. We gotta open and Nav sees two girls sitting at a high table. He goes in and starts talking to the hotter of the two. I’m now standing on my own a few feet away, looking a bit like a lemon. I toy with waiting for a few minutes before joining him, but it’s just delaying the inevitable and so I decide to head in sooner rather than later.

It’s a bit awkward as there’s not much space for me to join, but I stick with it and start up a conversation with the other girl. I like to call this winging. So I have a chat with this girl, we have a good conversation with high energy and I talk with enthusiasm about travelling and stuff. She’s into it but I’m not feeling any sexual vibes and even though this girl is Italian, she’s a bit average looking. But I probably should have tried to make it more sexual in some way.

After a bit we check out of that set and go and stand in the middle of the empty dancefloor. I explain some of my comedy dance moves to Nav, which is great for social pressure and gets some attention from the girls. A few of them eventually join us on the dancefloor. Now although this place is busier that on Tuesday, there aren’t really that many girls there (there’s loads of guys) and none of them are particularly hot.

Nav chats to a couple of people. He goes off to meet a friend and I chat briefly to the hottest girl on the dancefloor (from Brazil) but nothing happens. Nav’s friend Mike joins us, then Nav goes for a smoke, telling me to get Mike to open. I point out a girl to him and suggests he approaches her. He heads off … and ends up talking to a guy! Whatever floats your boat I guess!

So with Nav smoking and Mike camping it up I’m once again left on my own at the bar, looking all citrus. I have Mike’s drink with me so I decide to go over to him and give him his drink back, and then open the girl I originally pointed out as he’s standing next to her.

She opens really well (can’t remember what I used) and we have a bit of a chat. I remember for the first time in ages to touch her, brushing my hand against her arm and tapping her on the shoulder. I move on to doing a spin and pretend waltzing. I’ve forgotten how to salsa so I need to go back to that place, might call Jake up for it next week. The chick is only here on holiday goes back on Sunday. Plus she’s not the hottest so I decide not to close and meet up with Nav again.

I open a girl nearby on a table who’s looking bored. “Where’s the party?” I ask her. It’s not delivered well and the positioning is awkward, so the set pretty much bombs. Oh well, at least I tried. Next.

We head upstairs and there are a few girls on the dancefloor. Nav quickly gets engrossed in a conversation with one girl. Mike starts going high energy on the dancefloor, and ends up talking to a couple of Korean chicks. Nothing’s really grabbing my fancy though and I start to chill out a bit.

After this has been going on for a while, we meet again by the bar. Mike challenges me to talk to a girl at the bar. I can’t think of anything to say but go up to her anyway. She’s wearing a monochrome leopard skin print top, so I say “Is that made out of real snow leopard?” She looks totally shocked that she might be wearing real fur, even though it’s plain for all to see that it’s not real. It’s not even furry! Some people have no sense of irony.

I can’t remember what I say after that but I actually turn it around and get a good reaction. But then I’m stuck for things to say and the conversation kinda dies.

After that we’ve pretty much talked to all the hot girls in the club, and it’s even emptying out a bit. I can’t see much more happening tonight, so I decide to head home.

Thoughts

Well it wasn’t a spectacular night by any standards, but at least I went out and at least I opened and tried things out. I was doing kino at one point which is something I often forget to do, so that was great. It’s all grist to the mill and I’m glad I put in the effort.

Danish Pastry

2009-01-14T01:24:00.000Z

So Jordan messages me for a bit of day game and in the same way that I like being forced into set, I like being forced to game. So I do my best Danny Wallace / Jim Carrey impression and say “Yes, man.”

So I meet up with Jordan and he gives me the run down on his technique, pretty straightforward: direct opener, interview questions, create commonalities, something about your last girlfriend (cheeky but genius), then insta-date and close in any way possible. All good.

So we go walking around and to be honest I’m actually feeling crap. I didn’t sleep too well last night and I’m knackered as fuck. All I can think about is drinking something stimulating. Like tea. But I try to push through. With his third set in two minutes Jordan hooks and ends up insta-dating her and that’s as much of an excuse as I need to go home. Which is OK as I’ve already made plans with Nav to go out tonight.

So I head home, drink some tea, watch a bit of Skins (I’ve started watching it after seeing Dev Patel in Slumdog Millionaire, and it’s pretty good). I meditate for about 15 minutes, make my supper, eat it and head out.

I meet Nav at Tiger Tiger and right from the start it’s clear we’re on a similar wavelength which is pretty much essential with wings. We chat for a bit and then Nav opens a girl at the bar. While he’s there I’m on my own, sitting there like a lemon, but in a totally awesome, completely alpha way of course.

Anyway there’s a group of four girls nearby who switch from a high table to a low one which makes them much easier to approach. I look at them and they’re not too bad, sixes or sevens all of them. They look Scandinavian, but not blonde or blue eyed enough to be Swedish or Norwegian, and not ugly enough to be Finnish. They must be Danish.

Intermission: when I was doing day game with Steve last Thursday I found I was opening by guessing people’s nationality, something I like to do anyway, as I like to revel in the variety afforded to us Londoners. But I think I’m pretty good at it, and can usually get it right. Though don’t ask me to spot the difference between a Slovenian and a Slovakian. Resume.

Anyway as they sit down at the new table one of them looks at me and there’s a slight acknowledgement from her. That’s all the invitation I need. I was pretty sure these girls were Danish, so I approach them, saying “Are you guys from Denmark?” Well a ton of kudos for me as it turns out they are. And they’re really friendly.

So I sit down and have a chat with them, and shortly afterwards Nav comes and joins us too after he’s finished with his set. Then we talk for HOURS about everything. Man we were there for ages. There was a good energy to it though and they were into us. There were a few times when I ran out of things to say, and although I was silent for a short period of time, they would either open me or I would eventually think of something and it would pick up again. It was a good test for me, as I’m someone who is usually only too eager to quit early.

At one point me and Nav go out for a “cigarette” and a bit of guy-coding. It’s hard to escalate given the logistics – four of them, two of us, we’re outnumbered! We reckon we can get their details and then get them out another time and use them as social proof if nothing else. While outside Nav spots a hot Ukranian chick and opens her direct. While he’s there I return to the table. He manages to take her number which is pretty good.

So a few years later we exchange a some of our details and we make arrangements to show them a few cool bars and nightclubs, as they have just freshly arrived in London and given that they’re at Tiger Tiger (as, indeed, are we…) they obviously don’t know the cool venues. Shortly after that they decide to leave which for me is a blessed relief as I can’t be arsed talking for so long usually.

Nav noticed that we’re getting interest from another table of girls as the social proof is pretty high. Hmm, replicating a past success here. The patterns are emerging… Anyway we leave that for a bit and head upstairs. Nav notices three girls sitting in a booth and we try to think of an opener. I’m not feeling “hair” or “ninjas versus pirates” so I try to think of another.

The one that pops into my head is “dumping by text message” but I can’t remember all of the details. We decide to go for it anyway. Plus the girls have been looking at us so that’s all the excuse we need, again.

We go in and although I deliver it pretty atrociously they totally buy into it from the first word and are totally engrossed as to what the protagonists should do. It’s chick crack in its purest form. Anyway we chat with them for a bit and it turns out they’re 19, which we guess completely incorrectly. They’re not that hot though, so when they go to dance we leave them behind.

We head back downstairs and Nav’s keen to talk to the group we saw earlier. They’re not doing much for me and I want to catch the last tube, so I decide to head out. Nav’s umming and ahhing a bit and it’s clear that he wants to approach them but isn’t comfortable without a wing. I give him the tiniest of pushes and he decides to stay behind. I hope it went well…

Thoughts

Opening sets early at Tiger Tiger (on weekdays) gives you good social proof and works wonders for that and your confidence.
I’m getting more attention from chicks even before I approach them. I put this down to confident body language. And looking amazingly hot.
Opening is getting easier and easier.
Meditation rocks my game
Getting higher energy into the openers and chats, which also works wonders.
I’m finally seeing some progress.
Oh yeah, I CLOSED!!!

I am the Revelation and I am the Light

2009-01-11T19:05:00.000Z

So we decide to go to Buttoned Down Disco at Koko, as it was awesome when I went there last time, which was a good few years ago now (and not at Koko). However I have also been to Koko twice for Club NME, on New Year and with some old friends also ages ago.

It’s only as I’m in the queue for the cloakroom that I realise that I’ve forgotten to change out of my shitty t-shirt that I had been wearing during the day, and put on a proper dress-up shirt and that. Doh! Luckily it’s not too bad – it’s actually a t-shirt from the Waitangi Day Circle Line Pub Crawl from 2007, a day when I consumed more drugs in one day than I have ever done in my life, and paid for it severely for all of the following week – at worst it makes me look like a Kiwi, most people wouldn’t even register it I reckon.

Anyway, one of the main reasons for going to BBD other than because it was cheap, was that it is full of hot chicks. In fact I would go so far as to say it is the venue with the largest proportion of hot chicks that I have ever seen. Don’t tell anyone else!

The only bad factor is that the music is pretty loud, though that doesn’t make it any different from 75% of the venues in London. And the way I see it I need to be able to deal with that kind of situation anyway.

So where was I at mentally? From the previous night my main focus was to open any and every set of vaguely good looking girls (6 and above). I needed to force myself to open, and not worry about rejection or any subsequent part of the game, just open, open, open, so that it becomes a habit, I’m unconcerned about the results, I’m not making excuses not to approach, I get the experience and I start to see the patterns.

As a secondary goal, it was probably to have a higher energy. Both Jon and I were far too laid back on Friday night, partly due to circumstance but partly due to not getting outside our comfort zones.

So we head in. To be honest I don’t remember the precise sequence of events, but the rough idea is as follows. The first memorable event of the night is when I see a hot chick standing on her own, waiting for someone. She was hot, and pretty close to my ideal for what I look for in a (British) woman: very pretty face, hot body, well dressed (fashionable but not slutty), and (when I spoke to her) intelligent. Immediately I was thinking about what to open her with, and simultaneously why I shouldn’t approach her:

“It’s my first set of the night and she’s hot, I need to warm up on other chicks.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s early, there’ll be plenty of other chicks to open during the night.”
“She’s waiting for her boyfriend.”
“Her friend is going to come back to her while I’m talking to her and interrupt.” (Ironically this actually happened, but of course it was no reason not to approach anyway…)

And so on. I was umming and ahhing for a minute or two when thankfully Pete lays down the gauntlet for me: “Go and open her or I’ll open her instead.” That was the kind of motivation I needed (in fact he only needed to say the first half to get me going, but it all helped!) and I was off.

I went up to her and made a joke about her dress (not really a neg). The noise and my delivery meant that she didn’t really get it. I hung in there anyway and talked about a few other things, who she was there with, where her friends were, etc. She was with the DJ (i.e. high value in the venue) and we talked but I couldn’t really hear what she was saying. Then her friends arrived and it was over.

So it went pretty badly in terms of closure, but in terms of opening and forcing myself out of my comfort zone it went very well. We go around and open a few people here and there, and none of them go amazingly well, but at least I’m opening and learning to get used to my fear and discomfort, and ignoring my reasons for not opening.

It’s funny, all these reasons for not opening that I’ve had in the past were obviously stopping me from actually opening, and thus learning. So easy to understand in a logical sense, so different to experience when you’re actually in field. And of course why was I avoiding opening? To protect my ego. More on this at the end.

I open a group of girls dancing around their handbags by asking them if I can join their group if I have a handbag myself. Again there are comprehension issues, but we work it out in the end. One of the hot girls in the group seems interested in me, but the confusion had thrown me a bit, and I don’t do anything with it.

After a while we chill out for and enjoy the club for what it is. Man, I love the music in this place, just the right mixture of indie and dance. While we’re relaxing in one part of the club, The Rapture’s House of Jealous Lovers comes on and I can’t resist my natural dancing urges any longer – I’ve got to dance!

I hit the floor and it’s pretty crowded, there’s not much space to move but I do what I can. The song is awesome and it ends, We Are Your Friends by Justice v. Simian comes on and angels descend from the heavens and the deserts bloom. I jump around like a loon and generally enjoy myself. For some reason about 12 girls in two groups end up in front of me. Subconscious placing on their part? Maybe. It’s good for my confidence to think so.

Ironically for a song about friends, I’m there on my own and it isn’t lost on me. Two chicks actually come up to me and start dancing with me, telling me that they’re my friends in time to the lyrics(!), which is nice. They’re not too hot though so I don’t take it anywhere.

Later on we’re in the bar at the top and Jon forces me into set with a bunch of girls waiting at the bar. I go up and talk to them about how long it takes to get served here. They’re into it and we chat, it turns out they’re studying at UCL like I did so we chat about that. They start asking me questions which I guess in some methods is a “hook point” or for some people a MASSIVE IOI. They go to leave just before I decide to ask for their number.

Everyone was opening. Grieg was a social machine as ever. Pete did his thing once again. I’d like to call his method stealth game, there’s no reason for it, it just sounds good. I opened my fair share, and, Behold! Jon was opening regularly. And he had a fair bit of energy. It was awesome to see.

There was a point where Grieg had opened this girl he’d spoken to earlier, and while he was talking to someone else in the group Jon talked to her then dragged her away to another part of the venue. He’s accidentally amogged Grieg. It was hilarious. We decided to name the situation where someone has been accidentally amogged as being “Swissed.” Lolzorama.

It was around 1, we’d all put in a fair amount of work, so we decided to leave. A productive night.

Thoughts

One thing that I had spoken to Jon about the previous night, was how to simplify what we’re doing in the field. Essentially there’s only three things you need to do: open, talk (communicate / connect) and close. And the talking’s optional! Everything else is calibration or footnotes. Yes there are tricks that you can employ like SS, tension loops, storytelling and so on that can swing the odds in your favour, but these are details and not the essentials.

So while I was reading a whole bunch of stuff on the internet about decoding blueprints and the like, I was still making myself excuses not to approach. I hadn’t even got the first step down. Sure, I’d had the odd night of glory: the RSD bootcamp that I took was an orgy of opening and I acquired many phone numbers, and there was another night shortly afterwards where I had taken coke for one of the first times, when I number closed three times without saying much more than “Hi, I’m Charlie, how’s it going?” albeit with tons of energy (the drugs) and good body language (ditto).

So I thought I had that down but really I was kidding myself by living off past glories. I know I’m a cool, social person but getting that across in field isn’t second nature to me. I can do it with travellers in Thivum train station in India, work colleagues in Amsterdam, Irish guys in Bali and the clientele of Roof Bar in Bangkok, but that’s expected frankly. In field is a different matter. But it will come, and is coming.

So, ignoring the reasons not to approach, and approaching anyway and getting blown out, is fine. Essentially, it’s opening sets without protecting my ego. It’s a big chunk of the puzzle solved for me (although only a small step in terms of actions and results). I’ve always known it but not felt it, not experienced it. A few things slotted into place. An article on the highs experienced at bootcamps due to being forced to approach loads of times, followed by the lows caused when you can’t force approaches on your own. Jeffy’s question of “what do you need to take away to make yourself better at pick up?” rather than learning new tricks (i.e. the simplification talk with Jon). Brad P’s ebook on chucking down to your level and focussing on the current sticking point and not the whole shebang.

Once again having a clear head from not drinking meant that I could judge the situations and my reactions to them reasonably, and I didn’t dismiss the night too early. If I started thinking negatively I could check my thoughts and turn them round, whereas before I would have taken that as an excuse to buy another drink and not care what I did for the rest of the night.

Later I thought about it and realised a few things about myself. Protecting my ego has been a huge factor in this. It’s been holding me back. Giving up the night to drink protects my ego, from preventing me approaching to the drunkenness hiding my emotions. You could say that the whole of my drug use throughout my life has been used to destroy my thoughts so I don’t have to think about the damage my ego is receiving from not getting what I (it) want(s).

When really I should face up to reality and not care about my emotional reactions, and let the ego get used to the changes. It’s funny how you can have low self-esteem and self-worth, and yet at the same time have a massive ego that needs protecting, which perpetuates the low self-esteem. Crikey, we were built strange.

I did meditate in the afternoon before I went out sarging on this day. I don’t do it enough and maybe these revelations that I’ve had are partly due to that. I don’t know.

With the reasons not to approach now reduced, I can now concentrate on the acuity of what to do in the approach. I.e. on the modalities of my communication, being confident and having high energy, thinking about what to say, judging the situation and so on. This is the next chuck: the communication / connection bit. I need to work on this now. As well as maintaining the approach mentality.

This is the Waitzkin Investment in Loss idea bearing fruit in practice, and seeing it for the game and the skill set that it is.

This post is way too long, isn’t it?

Quoted for Truth

2009-01-10T15:12:00.001Z

I just saw this post on a forum and it struck a chord with respect to what happened last night, so I thought I'd post it here to remind myself:

Alright dude here it is. Pickup is a persona, it's not about lines, routines, etc. It's a mindset. When I go out, I open everybody with high energy the moment I walk into the door. I bring positive energy into everyone I talk to. Sure, my looks have changed a small bit since learning about this shit, like hairstyle, clothing, accessories, but I look essentially the same. But the way you look and the way others perceive you are two totally different things.

Like I said, it's a mindset. When you walk into a random bar/club and initiate positive interaction with the first 20 people you see, that venue suddenly changes. It becomes a house party and you are the host. Girls will open you because they want to join the "party". They want to be cool, they want to be socially validated. People WILL take your state, that's a fact.

If you are a boring chode, then whomever you talk to is going to be a boring chode. If you are a high energy, positive, happy person, whoever you talk to is going to accept that frame and take it on. Otherwise they would look plain fucking retarded. You know the feeling of being in state? Feels amazing right? Well, when you're in state, those people you talk to become "in state". You make them feel amazing and people are drawn to you. It's all about having the balls to do whatever you want, in a positive, fun, leading, ballsy way.

Excruciatingly Average

2009-01-10T12:54:00.000Z

So it was just Jon and myself as other people had life problems to sort out. The weather was fucking freezing despite suggestions that it was getting warmer during the day.

I read my resolutions before I left, and thankfully as I was waiting for Jon to come out of his flat I spoke to a girl who was lost and helped her with her directions.

After that we hit up Exit for a drink and a chat. There were two girls sitting near us who weren’t that hot, but I knew I had to open them. Jon went to the loo at one point and so I gave it a shot while he was away. I opened with something lame about a bow that one of them had a bow in her hair. They were a little shy so I just had a brief conversation with them and then split.

We moved on to Big Chill but it was rammed and really hard to approach girls as there was usually a solid wall of guys in between us and them. We moved on from there after a while and went to a new place (for Jon – in the past I had been there a couple of times during my coke phase; I remember vomiting into the sink from coke abuse on one occasion … good times …) called Home, but it was dead empty in stark contrast to Big Chill. There was one set there though which I offered to Jon but he didn’t want to take it, so I had a quick go.

I asked them what time the place got busy, and we had a brief chat about that. They were actually hot but the conversation was very factual and in my mind I was already set to leave so it didn’t really go anywhere.

After that we went to Industry which is a place I’ve been wanting to do to for a long time, as it looks quite cool. Unfortunately crunchy credit, freezing temperatures and a lack of post-Christmas pay cheques meant that it was pretty empty too.

There were two or three girls who were sitting near us that I could have opened, but I didn’t drag myself away from the conversation with Jon to do it. I failed to break out of my comfort zone.

We decided to move on and while I was putting my jacket on Jon opened a random girl in a group of people. We had a brief chat with her but she wasn’t that hot at all, but good practice all the same.

We moved on to Mother, and as it was hitting 11.30 – 12.00 the place was starting to fill up. There weren’t lots of hot chicks around though, but some. Again I was finding it hard to open. All the sets were mixed. There was one set of three not-that-fit girls that Jon was thinking of opening but in the two minutes it took to think about it, they were opened by some other guys in the place. Fair play to them. Three second rule and all that…

After that we decided to call it a night and it was distinctly average. So what went wrong?

Well there weren’t that many people out tonight except at the Big Chill which was packed and hard to move around in anyway. We were to a certain extent a victim of circumstance but this isn’t about the world handing girls to us on a plate, we need to go out and force the issue, particularly in situations like this.

I wasn’t taking responsibility for finding myself comfortable talking to Jon, and not pushing myself to open when there was a slight opportunity there. In a way I was enjoying the conversation too much, or not wanting to cut it cold to go and approach, which is silly really as that’s exactly what I need to be doing.

I would also keep offering the sets to Jon to see if he wanted to open, partly because he doesn’t open enough and I want him to improve, but partly because I’m sickeningly self-sacrificial and probably subconsciously protecting my ego. I need to be clear about what I want and go out there and take it.

Low energy was a problem too. It partly comes from resting in the conversation too much. However after three cokes I had a bit of energy and could have happily made a fool of myself on the dancefloor. I didn’t, and I should have.

We need to go out earlier and stay out later. Nine ‘til twelve isn’t actually that long especially when there aren’t that many people out. Seven ‘til two could be a lot more productive I think.

In summary:

Open despite having a conversation with someone else
Talk to guys if there are no girls to talk to. Or talk to mixed sets.
Arrive earlier and stay out longer
Open with something fun and interesting, rather than talking about factual, "directions" type stuff.

You Say You Want a Resolution, Oh Well, Y'know, We'd All Love to See Your Plans

2009-01-08T16:20:00.002Z

So here's a condensed version of my gaming resolutions from my previous post, to be read before every time I go out on the pull:

Read these resolutions before going out
Get out of my comfort zone
Investment in loss
(a) learn to not let failure affect you adversely
(b) to learn how to do the thing you currently can't
Open lots of sets and try stuff out
Open every set no matter how hard
Rise above being rejected
Get rejected from every girl in the club
Stay in set forever
Have a few routines to hand
Practice visualisations: I deserve hot women
Notice and act on IOIs
Open one set before talking to anyone you know

The Tourist

2009-01-08T16:20:00.001Z

So a few days ago Steve texts me saying he wants to do some day game. Having returned from travelling I know I need to get back into this. For the Christmas / New Year period I’ve deliberately not been pushing myself, and getting used to being back in London. I’m currently living in my “ultimate slacker” routine of getting stoned, exercising, surfing the net and watching DVDs. But it couldn’t last.

I’d run out of DVDs and was starting to get a bit restless. I needed to venture out again. So Steve’s text came at just the right time. Also Jordan’s progress has inspired me, and I know I need to put the effort in. Also I’m now armed with my resolutions and newfound awareness about what my weak spots are and what I need to focus on, so this was a good thing.

As I learnt from the previous time I was out, I read my resolutions before I left the house. I reminded myself: get out of your comfort zone. Investment in loss. Learn to get used to rejection, and work out what you can do for the next time. It’s that simple and something I’ve always known, but it’s now something I feel as well.

I’ve set myself a new sub-resolution as well, which is to open a set before I even start having a conversation with anyone I’m out with. I tell this to myself and although I fail to do it, I am gearing myself up for it in a good way.

So I meet with Steve and we have a brief chat as we wonder around looking for prey. After a few minutes I suddenly spy a couple of cute chicks and I open them with a comment about the weather. They don’t really stop but we exchange a few lines of conversation. They turn out to be from Spain. Man, I have a big thing for Spanish girls, the cute ones are so hot!

But that’s put me in a good mood. I broke out of my comfort zone and did it. We then proceed to wonder around the centre of town looking for chicks. I find that since I was last out doing day game, I have a much better sense of awareness of who is around me, and where the hot chicks are so I can approach them in time. Partly this is from having better posture so my head is held higher, partly it’s about being relaxed and in control of my emotions so that I don’t get frustrated by people getting in the way (which is my standard street emotion, when I am walking to work for example).

There aren’t loads of people around, the streets are a bit empty, but every now and then we spot a hot chick. Of course I don’t open every opportunity, but I do what I can. Steve pushes me into set a couple of times, which is awesome of him. Steve gets into a bit of a lull, so I push him into set too.

Then to help both of us he sets a challenge to open five sets in ten minutes. That’s pretty much impossible but it’s enough of an incentive to pretend to try. I immediately open a couple of Turkish girls walking next to us by guessing that they’re from Turkey, and it turns out I’m right! I chat briefly to them, like most people around here they’re tourists, and when that happens for some reason I turn into my tour guide persona and ask them if they’re having a good time in London and so on. I need to amend that reaction in some way.

I open another older chick on her own, she’s a tourist from Denmark. Again, I become Mr. Tour Guide. Anyway shortly after that one I open another set by guessing that they were from Eastern Europe (not exactly hard). Turns out they were from Slovakia, and the one I was talking to was hot – proper ice queen beauty with a hot face, tallish and slim, and pale, pale blue eyes of Slavic wonder matching the winter sunlight beautifully.

We have a brief conversation – she starts asking me questions right from the start, which I guess in some people’s experience is a MASSIVE, MASSIVE IOI!!! For some reason I don’t progress this much further, but it’s a nice ego boost to have the interest sent my way.

After a while there’s not many people around and I start to get hungry, so we call it a day.

Well, compared to the last time I went out day gaming, it went a lot better. I wasn’t walking around in a haze of stoned inaction. I could clearly pick out the hot chicks as they approached, which was a big problem for me before. I even forced myself to stop and talk to people on my own volition (as well as having Steve push me into set). I didn’t really get any bad reactions although that’s not necessarily a good thing. I opened about six or seven sets which is as many as I’ve ever done in the day. I also dropped my standards for opening, which was a great benefit as it kept me in the talkative, opening mood.

The bad points were that I was ejecting too early as ever, and that I wasn’t taking every opportunity to open that I had. Certainly didn’t have any full conversations with people, or escalate to a close of some sort.

But overall It went better than expected, and better than most of the previous times I had done day game before I went travelling. Onwards and upwards…

I’ve Been Driving in My Car

2009-01-04T02:54:00.000Z

Something interesting has come from combining two things that have happened since I’ve returned from travelling. The two things are receiving a sat nav for my car, deciding not to drink for the whole of January. The upshot of this is that I can drive to a night out, and not have to worry about getting the last tube or an expensive cab home.

So the plan was to go out to Hoxton. I entered my car and set up my sat nav. Of course I do actually know the way to Hoxton very well, but as it’s so new it’s still a thrill to be told where to go by a tidy English girl’s voice.

So I meet with Pete, Liam and Gre---, sorry, Fargo, and have a quick chat with them before heading out to Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen. There seems to be a lot of guys around but the place is filling up. I need to open some sets. I think someone points one out to me and I go and open it. I use the hair opener and it hooks but I don’t take it further as I’m not feeling anything from the girls. They tell me to keep my hair short. I think I need a haircut anyway.

We wonder around a bit more and I can tell the intentions that I had when I wrote my resolutions are now somehow lost in a vague cloud of memory, as a familiar feeling of approach anxiety and general inaction seems to hover over me like a bad smell.

Luckily however I’m not drinking so my thoughts in the moment at least remain clear and I deal with the situation as best I can. There doesn’t seem to be much happening in HSB&K so we decide to try Ziegfried von Underbelly. It’s closed for a private party.

I show Mother to the guys as they’ve never been there before. The place is empty but still looks cool, and there are a few hot women in there, it’s just that the place is pretty dead. I walk them past Hoxton Pony, which is surprisingly closed. Has it folded? The public needs to know!

Grargo takes us to the Blue Last which I’ve never been to before despite walking past it many a time. As we arrive there a random girl starts talking to me with a pretend hand-microphone. We fluff for a bit but as the place is pretty static and Pete and Feig don’t have anyone to talk to they decide to head for Light.

For some reason I eject from the group that I’m talking to, another sticking point. I was opened, I should have stayed in there. Practice… We meet the other guys near Light as that place is closed as well. We decide to cut our losses and head for Big Chill.

It’s as crowded and as noisy as ever. A few people are in sets, a few of us wonder around. Eventually I persuade Liam to force me into set. He picks two cute girls, one is wearing a furry jacket. I open her about that and though she’s playing on being annoyed that everyone is talking to her about it, I jump in on the joke and it breaks the ice well. I end up chatting to them for a while until they blow me out to go for a fag. I was about to number close one of them before they left but the moment passed too quick. Funnily Pete pointed them out earlier and I didn't rate them then. Having seen them close and spoken to them they were actually pretty cute.

I thought about opening two hot chicks sitting on a table near us but one of them was on the phone for ages so I didn’t. Should have waited until they had finished and then done it anyway. Need to break through that comfort zone…

So here are the learning points I picked up from tonight:

Re-read my resolutions just before going out. This will help me remember clearly why I am doing what I’m doing, and what I want to get out of it.
Force myself to open. Luckily the guys are pretty cool when it comes to forcing me to open when I ask them to. But really, ultimately, I need to generate this for myself. But it doesn’t hurt to ask for help for the time being.
Stay in set for as long as possible. The old “blow me or blow out” gambit. The ego loss from having girls become bored of me or whatever should be insignificant by now.
Close! A simple “What’s your number?” should suffice.

All in all, tonight was a good night for me to get back into the “traditional game” in bars and so on. It was good to have one set at least go fairly well, and of course the mysterious case of being opened in the night-time (instead of actively opening) occurred once again. Man, I must look hot. But it was also good to go out with a clear head and be able to catch myself if I veered into negative thinking. This non-drinking thing may have something going for it...

Epilogue

So here’s the follow up on the numbers I took on NYE. I texted them both today (Sat) for the first time. The girl I met on the tube I texted with a straightforward text reminding her who I was, making a comment about NYE and then suggesting we meet for a drink. The girl I met in the club I did the same but in a more sexual way. I mentioned that she danced sexy and ended it with an “x”. Reasoning that as she opened me on NYE she was pretty up for it already.

I haven’t received a reply from the last one yet, so that looks like it’s not happening. The tube girl did reply and after some texting back and forth about when to meet, we’ve kind of left it open as nothing was matching. I’ll come back to her next week. Only thing is that she has stated that she wants to meet “as neighbours” (she lives on the next street to me) which kind of says LJBF to me. I’ll still meet her anyway and see what happens. It won’t hurt to have a hot female friend that lives nearby if it comes to that.

Nothing Changes on New Year’s Day

2009-01-01T16:39:00.000Z

…except my results…

So as an amend to the previous post, one of the other resolutions that I’ve made this year is to open girls when I am going about my daily business. E.g. going to the shops, to work or whatever. This will be a big one for me as usually when I walk down the street I’m totally focussed on where I’m going and mostly concerned about people getting out of my way. I need to change this by adjusting my awareness to the whole scene and picking out the hot girls.

I’ve been practicing this for a few days now and although I haven’t opened any girls I am getting a good idea of how to do it and rehearsing things in my head.

Anyway, on to last night. So I’m out with my old friend Jimbo and his missus. I hadn’t arranged anything for New Year’s so there was a few texts sent in desperation on the day before, and luckily Jimbo was generous enough to invite me along, and there were still tickets left for the venue.

We were going to Club NME at Koko in Camden. I’d been there once before about two or three years ago and found the girls really easy to open and pretty hot, and the music wasn’t horrendously loud. So I was happy to be going back, though I hoped it could maintain its reputation.

So we arrived there and slowly worked ourselves into the night. We were on the dancefloor early which no doubt made people notice if nothing else. There were some hot girls around and I noticed a few people looking at me.

I don’t know if something significant had changed – maybe it’s the tan, maybe my new exercise regime is paying off, or maybe it’s the new patterned shirt that I was wearing – but these days I seem to be getting a lot more looks from women without having to do anything. This makes life a lot easier when it comes to sarging.

Anyway we watch Pete and the Pirates and then Reverend and the Makers (they played Heavyweight Champion of the World just after midnight, it was class). I’d been drinking a bit and dropped two halves of a slightly speedy pill. I wasn’t fucked but happy and enjoying myself, and doing something that I love – dancing to indie music with good mates.

So we were at the side of the venue, dancing, and there were a few people sitting nearby, round the edge. Completely at random this girl who I had noticed look at me once before (though I wasn’t paying much attention) suddenly comes up to me and asks if she can dance with me. Result! She’s young, probably 20-22, pretty face and dresses like an indie chick. This is New Year. It’s the most DTF time of the year for single girls (and guys hey) and this girl wanted it, and had chosen me.

I was running my pretty standard dancefloor game, with a bit of extra touching thrown in thanks to Jordan’s advice. Pretty sexy. She wanted it.

But there was a catch. Her friend. Grumpy cockblock supreme. In retrospect I could have tried to farm her off to some random AFC standing nearby but I didn’t think of that at the time (and it might not have been possible). At one point I thought my girl was trying to set up a threesome with her, but as she was communicating only through the medium of finger pointing I can’t be sure. But this other girl wasn’t happy and I pretty much knew the score.

I said to my girl, “Look, I don’t think you’re friend’s going to let anything happen. Let me take your number and we can meet up another time.” And I number closed her. After that I was getting lots of looks from all the girls sitting nearby – social proof rides again - though none of them were that hot. But they wanted it too.

So that was pretty cool. Anyway at some point we leave and head back to the tube. I leave my friends when I change at Leicester Square to the Piccadilly Line. On the next train, after a couple of stops, I notice a hot Desi (Indian) girl sitting diagonally opposite and looking at me. She’s looking hot, with a very classy dress sense (and not bling thankfully) and seems friendly. There’s a drunk camp dude who’s causing a commotion a few feet away and we exchange looks and laugh about it.

After that dies down she’s still looking at me so I know I have to do something. So I wish her a Happy New Year (it’s my patented “New Year Opener” © Karlos the Marmoset MMIX) and she responds in kind. I strike up a conversation and we chat about India and work and stuff. She’s a freelance management consultant, and so well placed to be my sugar mummy…! There’s a pause in the conversation and she asks me if I have a pen.

“Why?” I enquire.
“Because I might want to get your email,” she replies. Coy to the last.
“Ah, I don’t have one, but I have a phone.”
“Cool, you can call me and I’ll save the number.”
“OK, but there’s no reception down here…!”

Anyway it turns out that we’re getting off at the same stop, so once we’re out we exchange numbers. We then walk down the road and it turns out she lives slap bang on the next road down from me. It’s mildly embarrassing as we’re following each other down the road but it’s cool. I say goodbye and kiss her on both cheeks.

I then spend the next four hours trying to come down off the pill at home, which is a lot of fun.

Anyway two number closes in one night is the best result that I’ve had for a long time. Well, since Bangkok in October in fact, and before then I don’t know when. And it’s actually my first night out and first proper night on the pull since returning from travelling. 2009 has got off to a good start. As Chris Martin says, start as you mean to go on.

E-Bow the Letter

2008-12-30T15:33:00.000Z

I've been doing some thinking. I received an email from a friend, and...

OK I knew when I saw the message title I was gonna type a long response... you have been warned! But this is my breakdown of where I'm at with game and what I need to do to take the next step.

It's funny, having had a lot of time away and really taking myself somewhere else mentally I've come back with a lot of realisations and resolutions that were washing around in my brain and that I ended up typing into my laptop first thing Christmas morning. A bit weird? Maybe, but whatever...!

Anyway so the first thing that I realised is that I need to spend less time on the computer. I've made surfing the web looking at interesting but pointless stuff an art form. I realised this as I came back from SE Asia and it's something I need to improve. Despite knowing this, since coming back from India I've been hitting the keyboard with a vengance. I need to rationalise what I do online and use my time doing other more productive things.

The other thing that is clear from the trip and also what everyone can see from Jordan's progress is to get out of my comfort zone. I know I'm guilty of not doing this enough and I think we can all gain from this (maybe it's the only way?). There's a couple of important sub-points to this.

In the book The Art of Learning Josh Waitzkin describes the idea of "investment in loss" as pushing yourself to do things that you fail at to (a) learn to not let failure affect you adversely, and (b) to learn how to do the thing you currently can't.

The situation he describes is when he practised fighting a guy who was bigger and stronger than him, who also fought dirty. At first whenever he fought this guy he would get slammed against the floor. After a while he became used to the pain so he wasn't affected by that. Then after a while he began to see the patterns in how this guy fought. Once he'd seen the patterns, he could come up with strategies to counteract them. Eventually he implemented them and could beat the guy.

In game, knowing how to react well in different situations is key. The only way to learn how to do this is by opening lots of sets and trying stuff out, perceiving the reactions and adjusting as necessary. (We all know this but it's worth reminding myself)

The other point is is the rule of thumb from the above theory: open every set no matter how hard. If nothing else the ego will rise above being rejected and more comfortable in itself. Once that happens new patterns can be perceived and game can start to roll full tilt.

I met this guy called Evan while travelling, who though a distinctly average looking guy, was a massive player thanks to his character. Interestinly one thing that he said he used to do was aim to get rejected from every girl in the club (not a new idea but one he came up with himself). It worked very well for him.

Another problem I have is ejecting from set too early. Dammit, I'm going to learn a few routines. Yeah we all know the routines v. natural arguements, and that the truth is somewhere in between. Jordan uses learnt and home made routines. Most of my natural friends do too. I gotta get my head into Magic Bullets or something. Soul wrote a good article on going direct in day game (http://www.tsbmag.com/2008/12/16/how-to-make-a-direct-opener-work/), and at Jordan's talk he broke down kino escalation pretty well. I might type up those notes at some point.

I also want to practice visualisations more to help with my inner game, and I am aware that I have deservedness issues with women (yes I know, poor me!) which hopefully this will help with.

A third point is noticing and acting on IOIs. When this happens currently I freeze and have no idea what to do. Well investment in loss and all of that. I need to just do something and find out what works. This is the lamest part of my game currently. I had three missed opportunities with hot girls while I was in Goa. What the fuck was I thinking? Lessons learned, lessons learned...

I also need to lower my standards, partly to give me more action, but also because frankly I'm using that as an excuse not to act.

And I need to smoke less weed.

I've already given up wanking and I'm going to give up alcohol for January, partly as a self control test, but also as a health experiment.

I've also made some discoveries in my fitness regime but as it's not proper game I won't describe it here. Ask me if you're interested.

So there you go, make of it what you will. Feel free to share your feedback or resolutions if you want, and also to push me into set when I'm making lame excuses...! I hope I can motivate you and do the same in reverse.

The Bitch is Back

2008-12-30T15:31:00.001Z

OK so I'm back, BACK! BACK!!! From travelling.

Benn getting used to life back in London, i.e. I've been a lazy bastard and done fuck all about game. But what are New Years if they're not times to reflect and plan changes...?

The Benefits of Travel

2008-11-06T11:27:00.000Z

So when we last spoke I told you about the night I got laid in Bangkok, which was the first night I had on that trip that I wasn't with my lame (when it comes to da laydeez) friend.

If only that could always be the case...! In fact, had I stayed in Bangkok it probably would have been. But there's travel and overnight trains to Surat Thani, beach resorts with only a handful of people and lots of effort to find places where you can just meet people in the less populous locales that means that it won't happen. Which is cool, cus it's not all just about getting laid now, is it?

Anyway, first things first. A couple of field reports.

It was the night of the Half Moon Party on Ko Pha Ngan, which is basically a club in the middle of the jungle. It's quite cool and I enjoyed it more than the Full Moon Party, which is just cheezy music and drinking.

I went there with a bunch of people from the resort, most of whom I'd met before, two girls I'd just briefly met that day. At the party there wasn't much to write home about. I pretty much got very smashed, more than I perhaps should have, and before I knew it, it was time to go home. A short taxi ride and a large spring roll later and we were back at the resort.

Things don't end there however as everone kind of continues to hang out on the beach. The water isn't deep, and tonight it's actually ankle high. (On this beach once you're in the water it stays the same depth for at least 20 metres out to sea.) There is some fun and some fooling around. Two people have lost their key, and as everyone at the resort has gone home they have to break in to their own room, which causes a bit of a fracas.

Anyway while all this is happening, I suddenly notice a very obvious IOI from a girl - she looks at me sideways and smiles. She's a 6-7 and I'm pretty drunk, so that's all the encouragement I need. I can't remember if I say anything but I just go up to her and pretty soon we're snogging. She's one of the girls that I met for the first time earlier in the day. I made a good impression.

I get hard (as I usually always do when I kiss) and this reminds me that a lot of people get embarrassed about this. I don't, I just "make myself comfortable" and if they feel it then fine. I mean, we're kissing, she's turning me on, it's just the natural way of things. In a way it's a compliment to the girl, though that's less of a reason. Anyway, back to the details. So we kiss on the beach and fool around a bit.

But she's not ready yet, and playing hard to get. In my drunken state this kind of annoys me, so I get less interested. I try to do a move to project a bit of dominance, but all that happens is that I sort of fall on top of her and probably hurt her a bit, which kind of ruins the mood. That's about it really.

I could have perhaps teased her and kept on pursuing her, but I didn't feel like jumping through her hoops really.

Second field report: I'm back in Bangkok and someone on the LSS recommends a bar to go to on Kao San Road. I end up there by mistake and sit and watch the acoustic guitar player as I drink my first beer to get me into the mood.

Shortly afterwards an aircon unit outside sets on fire briefly, and everyone looks over the balcony to see whats going on. Seeing the commotion, from where I was sitting I had no idea, so I went up to the nearest people and asked them what was happening. They told me, and it turned out that they were two hot Swiss girls (both easily 8s).

The funny thing is they were the second pair of Swiss girls that I had met on this trip (the other was in Hoi An) and they were hot too. Are all Swiss girls hot? Swiss Jonathan is pretty hot too, so maybe there's a pattern there.

Anyway, I was talking to them for a while, and it was going pretty well with one of them - the Swiss German one. The Swiss French one was being a bit stand-offish in a typically French kind of way. I probably could have done something here but there were going to change venue and I wanted to stay where I was so it ended at that.

A few minutes later and I started talking to a random Aussie girl who was now the next nearest person to me. She was a 6-7 and we got on very well. We talked about the trips we had been on (we'd done roughly the same route) and she told me about Laos where I hadn't been. Again I could have definitely done something here but by this time I was very tired after a long day, plus I had stuff to do before catching my flight the next day, so I had to go home.

Both of these situations have a pattern where I fail to pull the trigger, which is I think a repetitive theme for me in general.

Anyway these field reports aren't really the main reason for this post. I wanted to metion something else, something that also starts with a field report.

Back in London, I was invited to a flatmate's friend's Halloween party at a house in Battersea. We've all been there, I've been to enough house parties in my time, don't you know. What I noticed was different this time though was that I found it much easier to start talking to ("opening") people. I literally went into a new room, looked at the people nearest to me and said "Hello." That was it. I always like the simplest openers. And everything worked.

Once again there was a weird 6-rated girl, South African in this case, that started chatting me up. Dammit, I want the 10s to do that! It wasn't the coolest of parties though and after a few drinks we headed off back home for an evening of caning.

But the fact that you are forced to talk to people all the time when you're travelling (unless you want to be on your own) makes it much easier back in the "real world."

I'm off to India tomorrow. Should be interesting. Probably less chance of boffing the locals, so a sleazy player friend of mine has told me, but hopefully there should be some open minded travellers around for me to play around with.

LR: One Night in Bangkok Makes a Hard Man Humble

2008-10-13T10:08:00.000+01:00

Hey guys, how's it going? Did you miss me? I know you did!

Anyway so I'm on this tour round South East Asia. What could possibly go wrong, you ask. Well it's not as straight forward as you think.

You see I went on this trip with an old friend of mine. You see, the thing is, he's a HARDCORE AFC. He has, I think, been laid, but I'm pretty sure he was a virgin until well into his 20s. Plus, as I've come to notice more and more as I've known him, he's pretty fucking negative. An example: we are lost in a tube station in Bangkok that a local has taken us through before and we get out at a wrong exit that is a total of about 25 meters away from where we want to be. His response? Not "OK, so NOW we know what the correct exit is," it's "We're fucking cretins."

A little bit harsh, I think you'll agree.

Anyway in addition to hanging out with this bundle of fun he also has a few other proclivities, such as he hates clubbing, is paranoid about getting his camera stolen (which does cost a lot but he's ultra anal about it), hates anything to do with bartering, hates stuff that isn't up to his 'creature comforts' (often happens in these parts), if something goes bad then he gets paranoid about it constantly afterwards (e.g. getting ripped off by Thai taxis) ... it kind of makes you wonder why he went on holiday. Needless to say, he thinks I'm crazy and will probably die in a ditch with a needle in my arm, or something.

Anyway, he was with me for three weeks. Then he left. So I decide to go clubbing.

I'm staying in Bangkok with one of my mate's friends - I've met him briefly before but don't know him that well. This friend-of-my-friend is Thai and knows Bangkok well, but also doesn't go clubbing. This isn't that surprising, he was always a bit of a ladies' man and pulled without needing to go to clubs, so fair play to him. Plus he's now married to an English girl (another friend of my friend). Anyway that means I'm clubbing on my own, which I actually find easier to do in foreign cities compared to London - I guess there's more of a reason for the excuse (i.e. "I'm travelling"). But when I mention that I'm about to do this, he says "Hmm, a single western man in a club in Bangkok - that's going to attract a lot of attention."

"How do you mean?" I ask.

"Well all the girls will be like that," and he gestures with his hands a crowd of people all congregating on one point. I like, though I've heard people say this before and it's not happened, but it's not a bad thing.

"But not hookers?" I check, as there are a lot of places around here like that.

"Not in the club you're going to."

And that's the thing, I'm going to a place called Bed Supperclub, which is both a restaurant and a night club that as the name suggests, has beds all around the outside. It's also the coolest place in Bangkok right now, and my main target.

So I head out. But the omens aren't good. But that also isn't a problem. There are many times before when I've been out on a night of sarging when things haven't been right for me - maybe I'm tired or early sets go badly etc. - but the real skill in this game is turning things around. And I've noticed my fellow beaver patrollers and I have been getting better and better at doing this.

So, the omens: I was tired from walking round one particular section of Bangkok, I was sweaty (though luckily I was wearing a t-shirt that hid it), I hadn't spoken to anyone in ages, I was going to a place I hadn't been before and I wasn't feeling up for it. I arrived in the club and ignoring the three second rule I bought a drink and settled in to get a feel for the place. Immediately my stomach took a turn for the worst and I had to spend a few minutes in the loo! Things weren't looking good.

So I sorted my self out and sipped my drink and let the evening run its course. I started to relax into the evening and felt better. The alcohol started working its way into my bloodstream. I bought a second drink and spoke to a girl at the bar, just general warm up chit-chat. Then I could feel the lure of the dancefloor.

I like to dance and from the reactions that I get it seems that I'm quite a good dancer. Not in the Jordan mould (star of the dancefloor) but in the "I dance like I fuck" mould - sexy. Even if I do say so myself! So hit the dancefloor and warm up. I never dance hardcore straight off, it always takes a bit of time - at my age (!) it's just a fact of life. So I dance, and often when I start dancing I notice that those around me either copy me, or up their game to match my skill, and I could see this happening. I spot a crowd of three people dancing like loons but in a good way, and tell them that they look like they're having the most fun in this club - which they are. We have a brief chat and another warm up is completed.

It's at that point that another room in the club opens so I go through and find another spot to dance. I immediately get some attention off two Thai girls dancing nearby (one of them is hot), and using my super-secret dance moves and body language (!), I reel them in. Then I notice two more, again one of which is hot, and I work my magic on them too. So now I have four girls dancing with me, and at various levels of interest, most of them vying for my attention, and I feel like a god! In fact, I get hard! Indeed, I'm so excited that I decide to text Fargo, only realising two seconds into texting that I've just ejected myself from the set - Doh! Anyway, rewind, start again.

I do some more dancing, drinking and talking, and eventually find one of the hot girls I was dancing with. I punch her lightly on the shoulder and start talking to her. I take my picture with her and have a medium-length chat. She has to go to the loo so it ends. I don't wait for her to come back but I don't see her again. Seconds later one of the less hot girls that I was dancing with repoens me and it's knd of game over. She wants me and all I have to do is escalate for her, which I duly do. My confidence was high so there was no problem really. I dance with her, touch her in a sensitive but sexual way, be dominant but gentle with her, kiss her, briefly at first then more and more. We lie down on the beds.

She's a 6 incidentally, a 7 with the drinks inside me but he has a pretty face, just a little bit plump but nothing too bad (girls that are actually fat I have a problem with, this girl just wasn't thin, if you get what I mean).

Then the club ends, she wants to come back to mine but I can't take her to mine for various reasons (not least that it's not my place, or my friend's, but a friend of a friend's). So after a bit of convincing we go back to hers.

It's just as well I've already been travelling for three weeks as I'm now used to the poverty you see here on a daily basis. This part of the world is very poor and most people live with their extended family, 6-8 people to a dwelling, 2-3 to a room, usually the kitchen/living room combined. We get back to hers and in the two rooms on the ground floor, there's five people sleeping, including both her parents! Her half sister has to let us in but there's no problem, luckily everyone else is fast asleep.

The good news is that this girl has her own room. The bad news is that she doesn't have a mattress, or indeed any "mood" lighting. Well, the floor and fluorescent strips it is, then. Nice!

In the taxi back she was jerking me off - literally, it hurt so I had to tell her to stop! I don't know the Thai word for "gentle," or any Thai words at all for that matter - and my fingers found my way to her pussy. I spoke some hardore David Shade shit into her ear and she was desperate by the time we were back.

I fucked her on the floor. It wasn't very comfortable and as I do when I haven't had sex for a long time, I came pretty quickly. I pulled out and needed to pee, but was desperate for cock and tried to push my limp dick back in, saying it didn't matter! I calmed her down and went to the loo. She had a shower and it was round two. I fucked her pretty hard and she came quick, hard and loud. I had my arms wrapped round her back pulling her in, at one point pushing her head down from the top so I could ram her harder (I disovered this move with my last girlfriend). She loved it. I came hard and she was still coming for a while afterwards. I had bruises on my knees.

She told me she loved me, which was understandable but a little premature I think, and then, exhausted from the fucking and drink, she fell fast asleep. I tried to wake her up as she had to let me out and lock the door behind me, but she wouldn't move. I let myself out and hoped that no one would rob the place (she texted me later and didn't mention anything about this, so i guess it was all OK in the end!), and took a taxi home.

Another flag to add to Columbia, South Africa, Lithuania and of course the UK: Thailand.

The Great Asian Ladyboy Hunt Begins!

2008-09-19T19:27:00.000+01:00

So in the few weeks since coming back from Europe I haven't really been doing much sarging for a variety of reasons, mainly as I've had my normal social life rearing it's rather cute and attractive head at me.

So not many posts here. And not many more to come either, as tomorrow morning at 6 I have to wake up and leave to go travelling through Thailand, Vietnam and Cambodia for five weeks. Such is life.

So there probably won't be many posts here, unless there are some particularly awesome nights of pick up, and I happen to be near a computer shortly afterwards. Which seems unlikely. I may try and post some comments on here using free wifi and my phone, but it might be more hassle than it's worth.

However I will also be creating a separate blog for my trip (and my subsequent one through India shortly afterwards) so I'll add a link to that one from here, once I've created it.

Keep up the good work while I'm away!

EDIT: OK here it is: http://charliereaytrip08.blogspot.com/

The Return of SuperKiril

2008-09-13T16:55:00.000+01:00

So SuperKiril has made it over to London and it’s the least that Fargo and I can do to return the favour of showing us the cool spots in Amsterdam, by doing the same thing for him in London.

Before I head out a bunch of bad things happen and I’m in a pretty bad mood. I’m annoyed as I’m out of state and worry that the night’s going to be a let down.

But then I think about all the times that I’ve felt similar before (be it tiredness or negative state) and I realise that on all those occasions, how I felt at the start of the night bears no relation on actually how good the night is. So this sole realisation allows me to significantly get over myself and split the odd infinitive.

I talk to Fargo about this later and he says that most nights of going out he feels negative, doubting himself and so on. I think it must happen to all of us, certainly the junior members of the community. The important learning is that it doesn’t matter.

I fuel myself with Lucozade and meet up with Fargo up east. Kiril and one of his colleagues who is also over are already installed in Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen, so we go and meet them there. We ease into the venue and start to get into the mood. But it’s a bit difficult.

The dancefloor is way too loud and full of blokes. We go back to the main bar but sit ourselves in a place where we can’t talk to anyone else. We all have a chat together though and catch up with what’s been happening since the three weeks that we last met. But there’s no action and the guests are bored so we need to mix things up a bit.

Because Kiril is Kiril (i.e. an alternative Bulgarian impish rock star) I know he’ll suit Dream Bags and Jaguar Shoes very well, so we decide to head over there. It’s a bit packed but we find ourselves a little space and join in the fun. Where we’re standing is actually quite good as we’re not getting pushed around in the main thoroughfare but there is still a bit of passing traffic and thus girls to talk to.

Of course the catch is that I’m with guests, and guests that don’t know anything about game, its processes or theories. Despite the fact that Kiril gets laid, literally, like a rock star, and the other guy, Jan-Martin, is keen to try to pick up girls (even though we later find out he has a girlfriend!).

So it’s a slightly unusual situation but we work with it as best we can. Fargo is off somewhere talking to some random people, working on his networking game that he instigated at a Stevie Wonder gig the night before. I open up a couple of girls – literally the girls that walk past – with my natural / direct opener “Hey, how’s it going?” It works two times out of three I think. We also set up a little game where we pretend Kiril is a famous Bulgarian rock star, although he doesn’t really buy into it himself! I was role-playing with one girl about how we were going to go to Mars, with EasyRocket, which provides a regular budget service. There were jokes about the atmosphere being a bit thin, the weather not that great, and the Martians always planning to invade and so on. Lots of fun was had.

It came to closing time so we went hunting for other bars. We completely failed to get into Tea by pretending to be smokers and ended up going to 54 on Commercial Street. I did some more direct / natural game on one girl there. I can’t remember what I opened with but I had a bit of a chat with her and spun and salsa’d with her. She was friends with the DJ I think but wasn’t with anyone else. Fargo then came in and completely shat all over the set by telling me to lock in and physically moving me about – which in my mind was completely irrelevant and totally unnecessary – and I lost her. I hope he never, ever does that again. However she came back again later and we continued from where we left off.

I think there was another natural break in the conversation and Fargo then told me that she wasn’t that hot. I then started to doubt whether she was and I couldn’t actually remember what she looked like (in fact after the first break I couldn’t even remember what dress she was wearing) – which to be honest probably didn’t bode well. Although I was a bit drunk by this stage.

Anyway after a while I kind of lost the momentum and didn’t take it any further. The guests were tired and wanted to go home so we quit. It was about 3.30 after all.

What went well

Opened with ease, and felt in control of the early parts of the interaction. The little chunks of what to do are slowly falling into place.

What could have gone better

Escalation, maybe opened more sets

What did I do well that I haven’t done before

Did pick up in an unusual situation, i.e. with guys who don’t know about the “community”

Flexing the old muscles again

2008-09-11T12:10:00.000+01:00

So I’ve been away on holiday and then came back and was promptly ill for about a week and a half. So basically I hadn’t done any proper sarging for about two and a half weeks. Plus with my illness I had basically been confined to my flat and hadn’t spoken to anyone except my flatmates. So I was feeling a little rusty and in terms of sarging I felt as though I was back to square one.

I was also feeling a little anxious and wary of going out; that I might suck and that it would be too much like hard work (a self-fulfilling prophesy if I ever heard one). But I chose to ignore these thoughts for now and give it a go anyway. I remembered the lessons, my latest theories and where I was at before the holiday: Basically to use the two standard openers as warm ups (hair and pirates versus ninjas), to use social proof game early on in the night, to keep talking to sets for as long as possible rather than going for five a night, and to know that I usually have more interest from girls than I realise, and thus to escalate sooner.

Well that was all well and good but logistics threw a spanner in the works. We were going to go to Cheapskates, but by the time we arrived there was already a queue and they were only letting in people with NUS cards. We were never going to get in. So we went to a series of other venues to try to find somewhere with the sweet, sweet ladies. We go to Roadhouse but arrive after 10 and we have to pay, so we chose not to go in. We go to Porterhouse and it’s full of guys. We fear that the England game is going to be like Euro 2008 all over again. Jewel in Covent Garden is empty. O’Neill’s is slightly less empty but still mainly blokes. Jewel in Piccadilly is slightly better but Matt (a new guy who is an approach machine) opens the only good set and a bit of creepy touching gets him blown out, so the venue is spent for us.

I’m this close to calling it a night but the guys convince me to give Tiger Tiger one last try. We go in and at least it’s busy. It’s too late to use our standard social proof game, so we improvise and do what we can. Matt approaches a few people and his looks and his height get him somewhere, but for whatever reason nothing sticks. I can see him doing well quite quickly though. However I fear that they way that he touches people may be hindering him – I saw that in Jewel and when he said goodbye to me he was stroking my arm like I was a cat or something – it was a bit strange! I’m sure he’ll learn soon though.

So there are a group of people on the dancefloor and there’s one black girl that is causing a scene by grinding on loads of guys and being the centre of attention. Matt and Jordan join in the general mêlée. There’s a girl standing next to me watching the show as well. I ask her if they’re friends of hers and she tells me they’re over from South Africa for a trip. I have a bit of a chat with her about it all, and have a brief dance, giving her a spin and so on. She’s friendly and into me but not hot at all so I don’t take it anywhere. By now we pretty much have control of the dancefloor and are having a bit of fun. I can feel the old skills coming back to me.

I like to dance and while on holiday my dancefloor game reached a peak, where I could have kiss closed the Dutch girl with a boyfriend, but chickened out (dammit!). But after the time off I was feeling a bit stiff again. I stood and watched for a bit, tried to dance but knew I was looking lame, but then slowly I could feel myself relax and get back into the swing of things a bit more.

There was an Asian girl with a cute petite body that was doing some impressive breakdancing (inspired by Jordan no doubt!). I danced with her for a bit, she was giving me some mixed signals. She was dancing with me one minute then looking away the next. I asked her if the group where she was looking was friends of hers but she said they weren’t. As I went to leave she told me she works there and would be there at the weekend if I came back. I should have stuck in there and escalated.

I called it a night but for a first night back when I thought I’d be rusty (and was confounded by logistics) it went particularly well.

What went well

Turned around bad state and thoughts into a good night.

What could have gone better

Forced myself to stay out and escalate further

What did I do well that I haven’t done before

Instigated dancefloor game and social proof in a different manner than usual.

Thoughts from the Sick Bed

2008-09-08T11:14:00.000+01:00

OK so I’m slowly getting better but not quick enough to be able to go out on the weekend (including my birthday!) which sucked. At least now I’m on to eating solids like chips, donuts, garlic bread and chocolate biscuits. Yum! But I thought I write a post about a few things that have been running around my head.

The worst thing about being ill is that it puts your life on hold. When you hear of other guys going out and having fun it frustrates you and makes you jealous. Which is like a bad thing and stuff. There are two things to take from that.

One is that it provides motivation to go out once everything is back to normal, and get to work on playing catch up. The other thing is the old concept of internal versus external validation.

When I was on holiday with Fargo it was funny because he is strongly focussed on external validation (or rather, competition), and I’m more internally validated (though not 100% of course). So we joked about that and teased each other about it. But there is an important point there. The external validation and competition is largely determined by factors that are out of your control. After all we all know that the difference between a good and bad night can depend a lot on external factors, such as how many girls are around, whether they’ve had a bad day or not, logistics and so on. There are also factors that you are responsible for but for whatever reason you can’t get them working for you on the day, like your state or your body language.

And then when you really think about it, there are always people that you can compare yourself to that are better than you in some way or another. Like X may be better at opening, Y is better at kiss closing and Z is better at day 2s or whatever. At the end of the day, if all this comparison is only making you frustrated, exasperated or insecure, it serves no purpose. And there are hundreds of reasons why other people may be better than you at something, learning from it is good but focussing on it won’t necessarily help with your own progress.

Also if you’re competing for the sake of your own ego, i.e. to prove to yourself that you’re justified in thinking that you’re better than everyone else, then you’re going to deliberately want to ignore any lessons you can learn from other people who are better than you, because you don’t believe that they actually are. If you get over your ego and see things as they are rather than as you think they should be, you find more information that can help you.

So the key here is balance. If you’re only focussed on external validation and competition you’re constantly fighting with events outside of yourself, though it can provide some motivation. But the key is to focus on yourself and your progress, irrespective of whether other people are developing or not.

The second point that has had me thinking is that “shit happens.” By this I mean that you have good days and you have bad days, and the key thing to remember is that bad days still happen to even the very best guys. If you go out on a bootcamp and see your instructor approach girls, they won’t have a 100% hit rate from every girl they talk to. No one does, it’s almost impossible, no matter how good their game.

The mistake I think some people make is to think that progress in this field is linear. Over a long period of time and from a good few feet back, it may look that way, but in reality it is not a gradual, smooth line upwards.

George Leonard’s book Mastery talks about the process of learning a new skill and how periods of progress are interspersed with plateaus. In terms of pick up and bottom line results each session that you go out, you’re going to see a graph like a stock market – ups and downs all over the place but with a gradual trend upwards.

What does this tell us? Don’t freak out over bad days. They happen. Such is life. Get over it, and get over your emotional reactions to it. Tomorrow is another day.

The last thing I wanted to mention is something that reinforces a point I made in my previous post from watching the Pick Up Artist. I’ve been watching some clips from Keys to the VIP on Youtube, in particular this clip, which I think is awesome. Look at the eye contact, and the body language, the touching and the frame that he has. Now to be fair the guy’s clearly good looking (and she’s clearly looking to get laid) but even so, a lot to learn here. I especially love the speech he does at about 1:38 “Somebody for once can make something happen and make something happen big!”

Anyway once again what this shows, is that pick up can happen very quickly. Five minute kiss closes are the norm amongst good players. This is my long term aim and goal.

Happy hunting.

Down with the Sickness

2008-09-05T16:54:00.000+01:00

So a couple of days after coming back from holiday and I get struck down with food poisoning. A couple of days in bed, eating nothing but bread and chicken stock and constantly having “poo-wee” has kind of taken it’s toll.

But it has allowed me to watch the whole of The Flight of the Conchords which is awesome (my favourites are the West End Girls spoof “Inner City Pressure” and the French song) and also the whole of The Pick Up Artist.

What did I learn from the latter? That I can go into a kiss close much earlier than I had previously thought. Having said that, the show is of course edited so timings are necessarily contracted but even allowing for that I need to push myself to escalate more. Also ramping up the tease / push-pull material and piling it on to create attraction.

The show itself is standard US reality TV and Mystery doesn’t come across as such a self-obsessed arsehole as I kind of heard he did. Although the stuff with the medallion signs and meanings was a little bit over the top.

Also the other thing was that it was clear from the start who would win, unfortunately that was the guy with the best looks and personality. God knows why that guy thought he was bad with women. He also looked a lot like a Colombian guy I used to work with, who was also a hit with the chicks. Respect for the guy who came third though as he was a fat bastard but made it work for him!

August in Review

2008-09-01T12:16:00.001+01:00

So here’s an assessment of how I’ve done over August, and my goals for September.

August Goals

Number close 15 times

I number closed once, and gave my number to three girls, one of whom called me back. Now although this is less than July, in July two of those numbers were ugly chicks that I number closed for the practice, so shouldn’t really count. But however you cut the cake I haven’t improved on this so it still needs attention. However I also probably need to look to number close the cute-but-not-hot girls that I have some connection with, as I need to ease out of my comfort zone a bit more.

Kiss close five times

I haven’t kiss closed once, so I need to work on this as well.

Go on three “Day Twos”

I haven’t been on any Day Twos. Given the success rate of the previous goals I think I need to focus a bit more on the number and kiss closing before focussing on this.

Get laid once

Nope – see above!

Go out six times a week at least (day or night game)

Well at this rate I should have gone out about 27 times in August, and by my calculations I went out 24 times, which is just under 10% away from the total, so not too bad.

Research and implement how to turn my conversation seductive, and use it five times.

Still not really done this, but have picked up pointers from Fargo – use routines to tease them and amp up attraction, a bit of cocky funny too, and sexually escalate whenever you can. I can do a bit of this through dancefloor game too. Kino is pretty much the key here.

Go sarging solo five times

I think I made four, which isn’t too bad. Though worryingly I went from opening five sets with difficulty, to opening no sets at all. There are some logistical considerations to take into account, but I need to keep trying at this.

Open at least five people each session and stay in set for at least five minutes once successfully opened.

I hit that a couple of times, but in the last week or two I’m starting to see the lack of value in this goal as it goes against my goal of staying in set and escalating. I think the latter goal is more important to me now, so I’m going to focus on that. I think opening a couple of good sets each session and getting number closes from them will be of a lot more help for me.

Get some routines down to keep in conversation in set

I still need to do this. I did start writing a cheat sheet but I’ve now got to use it and implement it regularly in set.

Continue to use the Psychocybernetics visualisation techniques

I used this once to great effect, and a couple of other times not so well. I need to keep using this as it can be very effective with helping to change my beliefs.

Continue to attend LSS talks and bootcamps as costs allow (i.e. mainly the cheapest ones!)

Went on one bootcamp which wasn’t so great but at least confirmed my thoughts about what I need to do. I’d still like to go on others, but will pick and choose a bit more.

Other stuff (qualitative learning)

Went to a bunch of new venues for the first time: Sports Café, Punk (even though I felt intimidated), a bunch of venues in Hoxton, Fulham.
Instructor frame gives me confidence
Still don’t care about getting blown out.
Solid alpha body language
Staying in set is the new goal
Can sometimes force myself to approach through crippling solo day game AA
I read an “Approach anxiety is bullshit” post which helped my thinking – my thoughts are that yes it does exist but you can overcome it through systematic desensitisation. The attitude is to really don’t care about the outcome; I still care about this a bit, but excuse it with social calibration. It is all in your head, but you need to change your head and this happens over time.
Opened a high pressure set
Need to open more mixed sets
Generally more teasing and better conversations.
Realised that I am pretty good at social calibration. Feeling a lot more comfortable and confident in sets.
I forget a lot of stuff (despite knowing all the state capitals in the US…!) Need to work on how to organise my life better.
I’m always low energy (sometimes from exercise) and Lucozade really helps with this
I have developed a new approach to help me learn natural game. I have found it hard to go in with direct sexual openers or direct game. But I now have a sequence to help get me in state: use the hair opener on the first set, then ninjas vs pirates on the second, then go natural / direct after that.
I have natural curiosity comfort game down.
I have dancefloor game and escalation down pretty good! (though not in Punk)
As a group we have social proof game down pretty well!
I am starting to get self-motivated to open, and forcing myself to open when I don’t want to. Now when anyone asks if I should open a set, I always say yes. I have not regretted this once which is the important thing and a massive learning.
I don’t notice IOIs, so should learn to, and I should escalate earlier than I think as I probably have interest but don’t know it.
Received my first call back!
Did some international sarging and one night of textbook routine game in Amsterdam.
I don’t seem to be biting my nails as much.

New Goals for September

So these are the goals for September which I’ve adapted from the goals for August. Some of them are revised down a bit as I’m clearly expecting too much from myself too soon. Plus I’ll be going travelling before the end of the month, so that might throw a logistical spanner into the works, but we’ll see what happens.

Number close 10 times
Kiss close three times
Day 2 or get laid once
Continue to go out six times a week at least (day or night game)
Keep on trying to turn my conversation seductive.
Go sarging solo seven times
Open at least three people each session, and stay in set for at least ten minutes once successfully opened with two of them.
Get some routines down to keep in conversation in set
Continue to use the Psychocybernetics visualisation techniques
Continue to attend LSS talks and bootcamps as costs allow (i.e. mainly the cheapest ones!)

Probably one of my problems here (and something that Paul reminded me of) is that there's too much to think about here. I need to focus. So here is my focus for September:

Open at least three people each session, and stay in set for at least ten minutes once successfully opened with two of them.
Number close everyone

Let’s Make Like Croatia’s Second Largest City, and Split!

2008-08-31T13:03:00.000+01:00

So we caught the flight from Amsterdam to Split, via Zagreb. As soon as we arrived in Croatia we were hit by the stink of smoke. The smoking ban hasn’t reached Croatia yet, and everyone smokes indoors.

However as soon as we arrived in Split, there was no reason to stay in. The climate was amazing – hot but not too hot, Mediterranean, a slight breeze and no clouds. The sea was a rich blue and the sun reflected off it constantly. And the town itself was crazy. It’s built within the remains of Diocletian’s Palace, out of a smooth creamy-white stone. The city is a maze of pathways, darting around buildings and other additions to what was once a palace 1700 years ago. It’s truly beautiful.

But what about the chicks, right? Well it’s true, the women in southern Croatia are amazing. They have that Slavic tall, skinny thing with extra long legs that reach all the way to the ground, and the dark brown Mediterranean skin. They also have the pale grey-blue eyes of the Slavs, and the combination together is absolutely stunning. But how do you meet them?

Well like in Amsterdam the bars are all set tables with little or no mixing. But here there’re no clubs. Well there are one or two theoretically, but everyone was still seated within them, and strangely most of the people in them seemed to be under 18. Long as it’s legal, right? ;o) Over the first two nights we opened maybe five sets in total, and I don’t think any of them went much further than the opener as the language barrier chipped away at the communication.

We couldn’t exactly use dancefloor game as there was no dancing. But we chilled out and enjoyed the city – I think there might be worse places to spend time opening sets that don’t go anywhere.

Then we went to Hvar. Again it was beautiful in much the same way as Split but much smaller and a larger proportion of tourists, notably Aussies, to locals. Also it was much more of a party town than Split. There were bars all along the seafront and later we found a club in and old castle in the hills. But I kicked off in the daytime with a warm up set with some Australians. I just asked them places to go and they mentioned a couple. Fargo and I were joking about asking all the Aussies we met how they fared in the Olympics medal table, as we weren’t sure whether they finished fourth or fifth. We were sure they’d beat us as well, as they take their sport so seriously. They wouldn’t want to be beaten by the Poms now, would they?

But we chickened out of that one! The set opened and we had a quick chat, and they later reopened us as we were walking back from having drunk the best Mohitos of the holiday. Nice minute piece of social proof.

So anyway we ended up at this club in a castle and it was pretty dead. There was one large group of rowdy Aussies who were dancing like idiots on the dancefloor. There were handfuls of chic looking Europeans lounging around the sides of the club. But it was mainly empty.

Fargo opened a group of three Russians sitting down a step from us with his now-successfully-field-tested “Is it alright to dump a girl by text?” opener, which usually gets a good hook. It was a bit strange as we were sitting behind them, but we hung in there.

Eventually we moved to more general conversation and I ended up talking to a blonde Russian. Incidentally these Russians were actually living in Germany. But I do have to reassess my opinion of them all being rude and dodgy, bad stereotyping on my part!

So I was using my standard natural curiosity game on her and was chatting to her for a while about Hamburg, where she was from – one of the furthest east Russian states, one of the ones on the Risk board that you never heard of before playing the game – and about her personality. I think it’s clear to me know that I can get quite regularly into comfort game with girls. So I need to move on from there to more humour, attraction, escalation and seduction communication. So I was chatting to this girl and Fargo was telling me that I should escalate and should kiss close. I think this girl would have been a strong number close, but of course I wasn’t going to see her again.

So I tried to escalate. I tried moving the conversation out of comfort into more attraction based game to get her to open up a bit. See this girl was a bit closed. Not just in a Russian way, in fact she was open to conversation. But in a “I can’t let go and have fun” kind of way. She actually said that line to me. So to have sex with this girl would be hard, and a kiss close for me would be difficult too. I tried a bit more to get her to open up but I just wasn’t getting the vibe from her. Eventually I bailed, but I must have talked to her for about 40 minutes.

Fargo was feeling off that day so we called it a night. The next day was back in Split but once again it was hard to open sets in seated bars and the clubs were once again not up to much. We took an early flight to Zagreb the next day.

Zagreb at first sight is a pretty boring typically Central European style city, like the unexciting bits of Budapest all in one place. But there are little bits and pieces of cool within it. We found a free guide and we checked out a few bars and streets. One street was full of seated bars again, but a nice place to chill out.

We also went to one bar / nightclub that was in the guide, and though it looked quite cool it was mainly rock music with a bunch of guys and not many girls, and groups of friends all to themselves. The dancefloor was guys headbanging. But to start with we opened up the nearest two girls.

We decided on the “Do you guys speak English?” opener out of praticality, and Fargo went for it. It turned out that one of the girls Au Paired in England for a year and spoke pretty good English, and the other one spoke some English but was a lot quieter.

So once again I ended up doing natural curiosity game on the talkative chick, chatting about Leamington Spa, the Croatian language, football, some other stuff I can’t remember. This time it was a lot higher energy, which was helped by the fact that she was high energy herself. I was also able to be a bit more humorous, it can be harder with foreigners but it seemed to be working here.

So there was more attraction there, but she wasn’t that hot, maybe a generous 6. When I went to the loo Fargo told me that the talkative girl was asking if I was single, so it looked like the attraction worked. We had to go back to the hotel as Fargo’s phone was spazzing out and had thrown him a bit (not least because it has all our photos on it!) and we went back to the bar but it was impossible to open large groups of mainly male Croatians.

So if you’re going to Croatia, then head for Hvar. And Amsterdam is great if you can find some friendly girls. You can meet people in hostels too though we didn’t this time. But the weather and scenery isn’t as nice as Croatia.

What went well

Fargo was kind enough to give me the option of opening sets. He kept saying “My set or yours?” Of course the easy option for me was to leave it to Fargo to open the sets and I could then watch. But I would force myself to say “Yes” against my initial reaction, and then follow through. This is again an example of me relying on other people to push me into sets, but with the added factor of requiring some proactive choice and effort on my part. This helped me immensely.

What could have gone better

We were faced with very difficult (for us) opening circumstances in a lot of places. At least we did open up in Split despite the results. But we could have opened more in difficult circumstances, Like the large group of Aussies, or other people in the seated bars.

What did I do well that I haven’t done before

Semi-forcing myself to open. And I would say a lot smoother and more socially calibrated comfort game.

Amsterdam Part 2

2008-08-25T18:09:00.000+01:00

(continued from previous post)

So it was a good night to start off our holiday, lots of talking and lots of fun. The next day by some miracle we managed to avoid a hangover, mainly as we were still drunk...! We ate, Fargo got stoned for the first time ever and we chilled out for a bit in the aptly named Vondelpark.

We arranged to meet up with Kiril's flatmate in a bar in De Pijp. We walked around Jordaan and bar hopped our way there. We were at our last pitstop in Heinekeplein and sat next to two girls that Fargo opened with "Is it OK to dump a girlfriend by text?" He started chatting a bit while I played it cool wifi-ing on his iPhone.

I then joined in and we spat a few routines at them. Few minutes in and they actually moved their seats in to be closer to us. They were into us and as Jordan would say, there were MASSIVE IOIs. We had them and there was a sense in the air that they were dancing to our tune.

We took a leaf out of the PUA textbook and showed "leadership" as we "bounced" them to Kiril's flatmate's venue, where we had a modicum of "social proof." Fargo sorted out his target and I winged the other one. Fargo was soon snogging his girl while I salsa danced with mine and ramped up the sexual tension. She had a boyfriend but I think I made her doubt herself at some point!

They kindly invited us back to their flat for a smoke so we rode pillion on their bikes back to theirs. By then it was only a matter of time really as we smoked, chatted and played our way to the end. I was caught up by sleep and passed out on the sofa. This was a cue for everyone else to go to bed, and Fargo pulled (i.e. fuck closed) for the second time in a week. Fargo wants me to mention that the 17 year old sister of the other girls was also into him, and that he only generates value externally. That's how I know that he's gay.

So it was a promising start to the holiday! Seriously though the second night was textbook game and the first time we felt that we both felt we were in control and knew exactly what we were doing. Funny how this shit actually works. I love it when a plan comes together!